Falling Stars (The B–Side)

by J. L. Brooks

  My brow scrunched in confusion. Shaking my head it didn’t make sense. “They are your friends. I would think it would matter. I don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable.”

  Grant leaned forward and bit my shoulder through the sweater gently, yet with enough pressure to sting. “After this week I may never see you again. I don’t give a flying fuck what they think. If they have a problem, they will get over it. So stop worrying; they actually adore you, and they are not an easy crowd to win over.”

  “Okay,” I replied.

  To reinforce his point, he tipped my chin again towards him and kissed me deeply. Embarrassment kept me from reciprocating as much as I wanted to. These men were going to leave sharing stories about how big of a whore I was. If he hadn’t already scoured the Internet about me, I would be surprised. I didn’t want to be a trophy fuck, and there was no way of knowing what he truly thought.

  “Do you really think you will never see me again?”

  For the first time, melancholy washed across his face and dulled the sparkle in his eyes. “Lila, I don’t think you are an easy person to care about. You give off this very fun-loving vibe, but I bet you don’t let anyone get too close. You might give your body to me, but I won’t ever have your heart. I know better than to hold out hope on you. So no, I don’t think after this week I will see you again.”

  My head snapped back at his assessment. He was breaking me apart in his mind and was painfully accurate. My eyes burned hot as the tears pooled in the corners. Reaching to the side, I pretended to fumble in my bag longer than necessary so as to wipe my face with my sleeve and not allow the wetness to show. The bottle of tequila was never so welcomed as in this moment. Popping off the metal cage and twisting out the cork, I took a large swallow of the bitter liquid. Handing the bottle to Grant, I gave a brave smile.

  “Then let’s not waste anymore time.”

  Taking a gulp of his own, he passed it to Brian to share with the others. They looked at the bottle in the firelight and grinned. We each managed to get a good shot out of it before the bottle was empty. Combined with the beers, it was enough to warm my insides and dull the ache in my chest.

  I crawled off of Grant’s lap and walked closer to the fire. Sitting alone on a log with my back to the group, I warmed my hands and face. Letting the flames hypnotize me, I soaked in his words. Was I that easy to read? Is that why most men didn’t even bother pursuing me, because I wore my resistance like a banner of pride? The truths about my life were going to decimate me. In less than twenty-four hours, I had experienced a gamut of emotions, just to arrive back at square one. After some time, Grant joined me on the log. He handed me another beer and I took it before staring back at the fire.

  “Thanks,” I said quietly.

  Clenching my jaw, I just wanted to go back to my room, but knew if I ran again I would just prove how nuts I was.

  “I’m sorry,” he replied, the apology sounding genuinely remorseful.

  I shook my head as I continued to avoid his gaze. “Don’t be, you have nothing to be sorry about. You have observed something about me that I refuse to see in myself. I should be thanking you.”

  Using his hand to gently guide my chin towards him, he held it in place until my eyes met his. “There’s a lot in you I don’t think you see. It’s a shame really, because it’s spectacular.”

  “You don’t know me.”

  He looked at me determinedly. “You don’t have to know someone to read their body language. People give everything away without saying a word. It’s why I love working with children. They are too young to hide who they really are.”

  I agreed with him. As a writer I had to convey emotions through body language to paint a complete picture. Words spoken from the characters were not enough. A subtle touch, a raised brow or a swift punch—these were actions vivid enough to convey what the character was feeling.

  Afraid of the answer, I was burning with curiosity. “So if that is what you see, why want me around at all?”

  He chuckled deeply before answering. Looking back at the guys, he appeared wistful. “Most people live their entire lives content with their place in life, never striving for more, whether it is out of fear, guilt or laziness. More doesn’t mean financially, but a cultivation of spirit. Sometimes they are so beat down by circumstances they cannot change, they forget there are things they can. You can be at peace while walking through hell.”

  My eyes grew wide. “Are we about to have a come to Jesus moment, because I am pretty sure that I will probably lose my shit right now if that is what is happening.”

  He laughed conspiratorially, which made me more nervous. “Not quite, but something like that.”

  I held up my hands and scooted away, causing him to laugh even harder. Leaning in, through clenched teeth I snickered out, “I saw your dick today. I am pretty sure that is against the rules where God is concerned.”

  His eyes crinkled in mirth as he chuckled louder. “Yes, but notice I didn’t let you have it.”

  “I fucking knew it!” I shrilled. My shouting drew the attention of everyone around me. He tried to pull my arm to sit down, hushing me through the hysterical coughs. “No, it all makes sense. You’re obviously not gay. I knew there was a catch. We are in Utah. Are you Mormon? I mean that’s cool, but I am Catholic, and I am positive that it’s all going downhill from here.”

  I tried to keep my voice as low as possible without sounding panicked. He was cracking up, which made the situation worse.

  “If you don’t sit down I am going to tackle and tickle you. You have been warned.” He was laughing, but I could tell he was serious. I dared him to test if he could really read me as well as he claimed. Instantly his arm reached out for my leg, but I had jumped back before he could grab it. Twisting his body, he was up like lightning, chasing after me. Screaming into the night, I circled the fire and hid behind his friends. As I weaved around the logs, my stomach hurt from giggling so hard it was stealing my breath. As I bent over to regain my bearings, he swept me up with one arm and flung me over his shoulder, spanking my ass as we headed back to the log.

  “I’m going to vomit. I swear to God I am if you don’t put me down. I will barf all over you and it will be gross.”

  With another firm slap against my upper thigh he refused to put me down. “Are you going to listen?”

  Laying limply down his back, I gave up easily. “Yes, please, just put me down.”

  Grant slid me down his front side gently, placing my feet on the ground and giving me a hug. “You’ll survive. I promise,” he assured.

  Sitting slowly, I held my stomach and eyed him warily, yet with a grin. “I’m all ears.”

  He took a deep breath and suddenly looked nervous. Blowing out, his face had a now or never expression.

  “I might be wrong, but I know you are on a journey. You are not just writing a book, but you are figuring out some serious shit. When I look at you, I see the wheels spinning so fast, I am shocked steam isn’t shooting from your ears. All joking aside, I believe that you meet everyone for a reason. I think I am supposed to help you.”

  He had my attention, although I was highly suspicious.

  “What kind of help?”

  His tranquil energy began to pour out of him and surround me in comfort. I had never experienced something so tangible in my life. The world seemed to disappear as I became hyper focused on his words.

  “Help you find your way, wherever that may be. I know it sounds crazy, but the moment I saw you I was drawn to you, and that is what the voice in the back of my head keeps telling me.”

  Deciding to play a little with him, I scooted back as if unsure. “I think I prefer the come to Jesus talk. You are right; that does sound crazy.”

  His face dropped. It must take an extraordinary amount of courage to look a fool and tell someone what you so strongly believe. Cracking a quick smile, I leapt up and knocked him on his back, straddling him to hold him down, although I knew he could easily flip me over.


  “Then what are we supposed to do, Yoda?” I mocked in my weak attempt to restrain him. Escaping my grasp, his hands grabbed my hips and pulled down. My eyes immediately closed while I bit down hard on my bottom lip and let out a small whimper.

  “You come with me.”

  “Come with you where?”

  “On the road. You said you don’t know where you are going right? Come with me. I know you have a rental; you can just drop it off at the nearest location. I will get you to an airport so you can go to Phoenix or Vegas, whichever you need to go to first. But until then, stay with me.”

  I snorted at his response, seriously disbelieving he’d just said what he did. “Um, and where are you going?”

  Once again he looked to the guys and beamed brightly. They were cautiously watching us interact, making sure to not appear as if they were gawking.

  “The Black Rock Desert for a massive festival. I bet you would love it.”

  I had heard of the festival he was referring to, and it seemed really interesting. An entire city was built in the desert and operated non-stop for a week and then disappeared without a trace. Music and art dominated, along with a culture of self-reliance and freedom. Giant, intricate structures were erected, and mutated vehicles traversed the dry landscape. Friends of mine had gone before and returned with wild stories and lots of dust on their cars.

  “Are you sure you want to ask me to do something like that? Don’t you want to spend a few more days with me before making such a huge decision?”

  He shook his head, confident in his request.

  “And what do you get out of helping me? Did the voice tell you that?”

  Thinking I was mocking him, he started to withdraw. To let him know I was sincere, I ran my fingers along his cheeks and across the scruff of his jaw.

  “I’m serious. If you didn’t help me or if I refuse you, what would happen?”

  His bottom lip trembled slightly, catching me off guard. “I don’t know. Nothing I guess. I would get over it. I would just feel this void for a little while. That’s what usually happens, especially with some of my students. But I can’t and won’t force anyone. It goes against everything I believe. I just have to trust I did my best.”

  I could swear upon everything holy that he was the most beautiful person I had ever met. It was hard to fathom I could be so lucky.

  “Who are you?” I asked softly.

  Rather than answer me, his palms held the sides of my cheeks and brought me in for a kiss. He didn’t care who was watching or what they thought, therefore neither did I. Watching the flames flicker across his honey hued eyes, I felt the world fall away and knew all was well in that moment. Lifting me off of him to stand, he tugged my hand back in the direction of the cabins and murmured back, “Give me a chance and find out.”

  Feeling the butterflies dance erratically, I followed his lead until we reached my door. I didn’t want him to leave. I wanted him to lie against me and hold me as I fell asleep. Sensing my hesitancy, he kissed my cheek and lingered near my ear.

  “I will see you in the morning, beautiful,” he whispered. Turning before I did, he smiled brightly while heading back to his cabin.

  Slipping between the cold sheets of the king-sized bed, I patted the empty area next to me and sighed. I couldn’t decide if meeting Grant was a blessing or a curse. Pondering the reality of traveling with him to Nevada, my mind raced thinking about what would happen. It was a chance of a lifetime. No matter what happened, I couldn’t imagine myself considering the opportunity again. I was thankful that a good portion of the book had been finished. If I were not driving, I could hammer out the rest a lot quicker. Was I seriously entertaining the idea of taking a road trip with a stranger? Considering I would have let him fuck me in a river just a few hours earlier, the idea of a journey did not seem so outlandish.

  Doing the timetable in my head, I knew I could do it. I would end up having to skip Phoenix and head directly to Vegas. Jay and Lori would be disappointed I wasn’t able to see them, but there was a possibility I could work it out. My close friends had moved to an artist community, and I had always wanted to visit them. I thought it would be a perfect place to write, but if I was finished with the book, I could actually enjoy their company.

  Grant’s comment about my mind constantly spinning was more on target than I think he realized. Even with all of the alcohol, my mind was still running wild. Practicing some relaxation exercises, I tried to ease the tension in my body. When that failed, I reached between my legs and found relief in the one thing I knew would work. Imagining Grant doing deliciously naughty things, I knew without a doubt he was the perfect distraction for my broken heart.

  That night I dreamed of Hunter and awoke in a cold sweat. The nightmare was always the same. Different details that would fool me just long enough before the horror came and never failed to rip through me.

  He was sitting in a roped off area of an elegant nightclub, and I was standing at the edge, unable to reach him. From across the space he stared venomously in my direction, angry with me for daring to intrude on his territory. Grasping for the pass around my neck, I remembered that I gave it to his girlfriend, the one who was down on her knees, sucking his cock for everyone to see. When she turned around, she smiled and thick black liquid seeped from the corners of her mouth and down her chin. Hunter’s hand stroked the top of her head as if she were a beloved dog. Then again, to men like him, that is how women were supposed to act, like good little bitches.

  Backing away from the scene, I tumbled into the arms of a stranger. I could not see his face as he caught me to keep me from hitting the ground. Threading his fingers through my hair, his other hand pressed against my shoulders bending me over at small table. My eyes never left Hunter’s, knowing he was about to watch this stranger take me from behind and he was helpless to stop it. I moaned loudly as the pleasure built up deep within. This time I would not be left unsatisfied. Feeling my climax grow, the stranger yanked back on my hair while driving into me like a piston.

  I screamed so loudly I tore myself from the dream. A few moments later, all of the guys were at my patio door, banging loudly for me to answer. Moving slowly out of the warm bed, I padded to the door so I could apologize. Grant burst into the small space, sweeping me up immediately. Wild-eyed and on high alert, his hands touched every part of my body, looking for injury.

  “I’m okay. I’m sorry. I just had a nightmare. I didn’t realize I screamed.”

  Convinced I was not in any danger, the group left with the exception of Grant. His hands vibrated with adrenaline on my shoulders. Pulling away as if his palms suddenly burned, he ran his fingers through his hair and tapped a fist against the wall. Something inside was tearing him apart, but I wasn’t sure why. I moved closer to him yet hesitated to touch him.

  “It was just a dream,” I whispered.

  Grant reached his hand out and ran his fingers along my cheek and into the hollow of my throat. A shiver coursed through my body from his gentle touch.

  “What on earth could possibly make you cry out like that?”

  I dropped my head to look at the ground. I wasn’t ready to share with him the reason I was so shattered. “It’s a long story. I can’t change it, so I am trying to erase it from my memory.”

  Knowing that only a man could be responsible for my anguish, he set out to assist me in my mission to abolish Hunter from my consciousness. Backing me into the counter, he perched me on the surface. Guiding me onto my back, his fingers slid along the edge of my yoga pants and tugged the waist down, along with my panties. Resting on my elbows, I watched in silence as he dragged his lips across my navel and hipbones. Looking up at me, his honey-colored eyes flashed with fire.

  “I am going to make you scream again, understand?”

  My heart skipped a beat in response to his sudden dominance. I licked my lips and nodded in agreement. Wrapping an arm around my thigh, his hand skillfully spread me open to expose more of my tender flesh. I hissed the se
cond his hot tongue hit the most sensitive part of my body. It felt as though he was painting a masterpiece between my legs with broad strokes. Frenzied licks were tempered with gentle bites. Slowly, two fingers dragged along the folds, collecting wetness before sliding into me. As he twisted his wrist, back and forth, the sensations quickly became mind blowing. Dropping my head back, I raised it briefly to find his gaze had remained fixed on mine. He wanted to watch me fall apart.

  Stopping to adjust my hips, he looked down with approval. His fingers continued to maneuver exquisitely in and out, driving me closer to the edge. Removing them to suck off the juices, he growled before returning to the divine torture. Without sympathy, he refused to stop until my thighs were squeezing the sides of his head as I thrashed wildly on the tiled surface, calling out his name.

  I lay there panting heavily as he stood over me with a smug grin.

  “Feel better?”

  Nodding appreciatively, I reached out my hand to stroke his arm. “You’re crazy, you know that?” I said tauntingly.

  He pulled me into a sitting position, and I wrapped my legs around his waist as I ran my fingers through the unruly waves framing his face. His eyes closed as I dragged my nails over his scalp and massaged his neck. Leaning into my shoulder, he was content to stand there as long as I would let him. Mumbling against my skin, he placed gentle kisses along my throat.

  “You are driving me crazy, Lila.”

  Snickering as I rubbed my nose softly along the scruff on his neck, I inhaled deeply and savored his scent. “Maybe you were already there and I am just helping you to come to terms with it. Acceptance is the first step.”

  Grant bit my shoulder gently before letting his lips rest against the skin. I shivered at the playful gesture. I never knew why some guys were biters, but it surely was one of my weaknesses.

  “It’s going to be hell giving you up. I can tell already,” he growled.

  “No it won’t. The novelty always wears off. I guarantee you will be sick of my ass after traveling with me for a week.”