Reborn as a Vending Machine, I Now Wander the Dungeon, Vol. 1

by Hirukuma,

  “Thanks, that’s a big help!”

  I can’t see the person, since they’re wearing a hood, but this ranger-like hunter must be a girl. Wait, I only just realized how many female hunters there are in our escort. They were all calling Kerioyl their captain, which means they all work for him.

  Of the six, three are female. Is their team a harem, or…? I’m going to call Kerioyl “Stubble” from now on.

  Meanwhile, as I think about dumb stuff, the situation is getting worse. They don’t call Stubble their captain for nothing. He handles his two short swords with amazing skill, quickly building a pile of frog corpses.

  Filmina is skillfully using her water to prevent enemies from approaching. The others, too, all seem fairly adept, forcing the frog people back.

  The issue is the archer Lammis is covering. She’s pretty proficient in her own right, but it doesn’t seem like she’s skilled at loosing arrows rapidly. She takes her time between shots, and several of the enemies have gotten through.

  Lammis steps in to cover her, and she’s managing to deal with the frog people now. She seems to have figured out their movements from before, and one-on-one, she should easily crush them. But taking on two at once seems difficult for her.

  Another one comes around behind her, sticks out its long tongue, and licks its own eyeballs. Is it provoking her? Now in her blind spot, it raises an ax, then tries to hit me with it.

  I can withstand the damage without doing anything, so I purposely take the strike without putting up my Force Field.

  [4 damage. Durability decreased by 4.]

  With the body-rattling impact, letters appear. It’s the damage display I haven’t seen in a while.

  Axes seem to have high power, but I have plenty of points left. I’ll take another dozen, please.

  “Wait, one got behind me?! S-sorry, Boxxo! Are you okay?!”

  I hear a flustered voice. You don’t have to panic like that, you know. No need to worry. I’m actually happy I took the hit in your place.

  “Welcome.”

  “I’m really, really sorry!”

  “Stop worrying and focus on what’s in front of you” is what I want to say. Annoyingly, I can’t. My efforts will have been for nothing if she gets distracted by me and loses focus on the battle.

  I can’t see what’s happening over there, but I feel through the shaking that she’s upset. She’s so impatient I can feel it. This isn’t going in a good direction.

  “Eek!”

  The archer seems to have failed to dodge an attack; I see her fall, out of the corner of my vision. A frog holding a spear jumps above her, aiming to impale her.

  “Noooooo!”

  When Lammis sees this, she jumps in without thinking. She gets on top of her to protect her, and…well, I’m perfectly in between them now.

  Ack, that spear with the frog’s weight behind it is closing in. Time to activate my Force Field!

  A pale-blue light spreads out around me, repelling the spear’s tip a hair away from my body, and sends the frog person flying as well.

  “Wait, what was that light…? Was that you?”

  “N-no!”

  The archer shakes her head, confirming her response. I can just barely see it out of the corner of my vision. Ah, this is a pain in the butt. Why can’t I see farther? Shouldn’t there be a function that’ll let me do that?

  It’s so inconvenient that despite the situation, I skim the list of functions. There it is—Omnidirectional Vision. A thousand points isn’t cheap, but beggars can’t be choosers. I acquire it without hesitation.

  Ohhh, my vision is suddenly expanding… I feel sick. I’m happy that I can see in every direction, but it’s going to be tough-going until I get used to this.

  “Then who made this wall of light?”

  “Get one free with a winner.”

  I try to imply that it was me. I don’t want to brag, but they’ll have trouble moving if they don’t know who did it.

  “Wait, Boxxo, you’re doing this?!”

  “Welcome.”

  “Wow. Okay. Thanks, Boxxo!”

  Believing me so readily is one of Lammis’s good traits. A metal box that can have an ability like this, and communicate its intent, is an absurd idea. Normally, no one would believe me.

  “Then will you do that for us if we’re in danger?”

  “Welcome.”

  I turn up the volume and give a clear answer. Now she knows I have the ability to protect her.

  This is where the hard part starts. Let’s work together to wipe out the frogs.

  The Machine and the Girl

  “Boxxo, if they come from behind, let me know.”

  “Welcome. Get one free with a winner.”

  “So if you say ‘Get one free with a winner,’ that means an enemy is here, right?”

  “Welcome.”

  I feel like our communication is smoothing out. A big part of it is how sharp Lammis is, but I’m starting to feel like we’re understanding each other even without talking.

  I still can’t believe she’s really a dropout. I’ve been watching each of her punches and kicks in detail now that I can see her move, and despite not being able to pull her elbow back very far since I’m in the way on her back, she hasn’t bumped my vending machine body with it once.

  Her foot movements are slow and shuffling, but when she evades enemy attacks, she does so with the least movement possible while getting in as close as she can.

  Despite her cramped motions, I haven’t been hit a single time. I don’t know much about martial arts, but she’s got a warrior’s edge to her techniques and foot movements.

  “Ah, this is it. Yeah, this is how I’m supposed to move! All those days Master made me train with a rock on my back! I’ve been through hell, but it’s finally paying off!”

  Master? Did Lammis get pretty strong after harsh combat training but she just couldn’t bring out her full potential? Is carrying me jogging her memory of similar training experiences, which helped her move with the extra weight? That interpretation seems too convenient to be true.

  In any case, seeing her like this puts my mind at ease. But I don’t get how this is set up so that she’s stronger while carrying a vending machine. The usual way of things is to wear weights all the time, then take them off to give yourself a boost in abilities.

  “Whoa, that’s some nice stuff. That brute force and the way you slip past attacks—both amazing.”

  “Oh, come on, you’re making me blush!”

  Please leave getting embarrassed over Captain Stubble’s praise for later. I know you’re happy because you’re not used to compliments, but we’re in the middle of a battlefield. You can feel pleased with yourself later! Later! Please just focus on the battle—I’m getting worried just watching!

  And there—an enemy’s coming.

  “Get one free with a winner.”

  “Not you, too, Boxxo. You’re all too much.”

  What was that communication before even for? You forgot all about the conversation we just had. Ah, whatever. Force Field!

  I stop two frog people coming up behind me right before they touch me. That was close… Got away by the skin of my metaphorical teeth.

  “What’s with this blue light? It’s blocking their attack and not letting them through? I’ve never heard of or seen anything like it… Is this your Blessing?”

  Is Force Field a rarity? Captain Stubble is mumbling to himself, poking the field with his fingers and weapons. You too—you’re in combat, but you’re so relaxed. Oh, a frog person jumped up behind him, and he cut it down without even turning around. He’s no weakling.

  “Nope. This is Boxxo’s power.”

  Ack, Lammis. I’d have rather you kept it a secret from him, but whatever. Her innocence and never doubting anyone are part of her charm.

  A grin appears on Stubble’s lips. Now there’s a scheming face. He might actually steal me. He just reached the top of my “suspicious persons” list.

 
; “I’d love to get to know Boxxo better.”

  “Yup, you two get along now!”

  If not for the wretched frog corpses lying about, this would seem like a panel out of a slice-of-life comic. Also, I’ll pass on making friends with Stubble, thanks.

  And let’s leave the pleasantries for later, shall we? This isn’t the time nor the place to be entertaining ourselves with conversation—or so I thought, but we’re surprisingly not having a tough time. Our escort team seems fairly accomplished at their job, and they’re taking care of the frogs without any issues.

  “Looks like we got most of them. I want the rest of you cutting off their tongues, yeah? We’ll turn them in to the association later.”

  “Captain, can’t you help us out? These are very slimy and disgusting.”

  “Heh. I’m the captain here—and it’s because I don’t want to do any of that annoying stuff.”

  “You’re a tyrant!”

  “He’s into little girls!”

  “I don’t get paid enough for this!”

  “You’ve all got a lot of balls, you know that?”

  Strangely enough, they seem at home on the battlefield. With the abuse they’re lobbing at one another, all I can see it as is horseplay. I’m starting to think this Captain Stubble might simply be sharp-sighted, and not necessarily a bad guy.

  However, even if someone’s own group makes an idol of him, he could still be a brute to others. I can’t let my guard down.

  “Anyway, what now? Our earnings ain’t bad, but if we want to be greedy, we can head to the front lines.”

  “You are aware that our mission is to protect the food transport and the metal box, plus the girl carrying it.”

  “Yeah, yeah, I got it. But listen, Vice Captain Filmina—we earn some more here, and it’ll be quite a bit easier to keep this group of ours running. I might’ve even given you all a nice bonus, but I guess that’s too bad. Really just unfortunate.”

  Captain Stubble theatrically puts a hand to his forehead and shakes his head. Filmina is the vice captain? She must have her hands full being bossed around by this free spirit.

  “Fine. I understand. We have been wanting to get new equipment, too, so let’s head to the front lines to help. But only if you convince Lady Lammis. Our mission is still to guard her and Boxxo.”

  “Yeah, I know, I know! Keep worrying about little things like that and you’re going to get crow’s-feet. Take it a little easier, yeah?”

  Wow. Captain Stubble over here is giving a thumbs-up and a wink, and Vice Captain Filmina is mad. I give you permission to punch him.

  “In any case, what would you like to do, Lady Lammis? We’ll wait here if you wish, of course.”

  “Let’s go! Let’s fight! I know you want to fight more!”

  Ugh, shut up. You’re a grown adult whining like a little kid. His wiggling motions seem to strike a nerve with Filmina, and she rams a jet of water into him.

  “Um, I’d want to help them if they’re having a hard time, so let’s go! Boxxo, what about you?”

  I figured Lammis would say that. No argument here, of course.

  “Welcome.”

  If the enemy made its way to us, then the front line could be having a lot of problems. I’m not about to moan and groan about going to reinforce them, but…well, I can’t do that even if I wanted to. It’s likely we’ll end up in a chaotic fight. I’d better pay close attention so I can activate Force Field right away if the need arises.

  After advancing with the boar cart, we came across scattered skirmishes in the mud.

  Stubble’s team gives a rallying cry and attacks the frog people. It seems like the other hunters were on the back foot, so they’re clearly happy for the intervention.

  Still, the difference in numbers is severe. Our earlier estimates put their numbers around fifty at most, but looking at it now, there’s no fewer than a hundred frog people. And if you add the corpses on the ground, the total comes close to two hundred!

  A significant number of our hunters have been injured as well. A person in a white robe is releasing white light from his hands and healing the wounded. It’s as though he’s turning back time—their serious wounds close up fast enough for me to see it happen.

  Even I know that one. The Blessing of Healing Light, was it? A fair number of people possess this Blessing, but the ability to heal wounds is incredibly valuable, and those who have it are in high demand. As a side note, the woman in the older couple who comes to me all the time can use it.

  Almost thirty hunters are around here, and it looks like about half of them are in no condition to fight. Healing their wounds won’t return their stamina or the blood they lost, so the more severely wounded hunters won’t be rejoining the battle anytime soon.

  “We have to carry the wounded to the cart!”

  Instead of taking part in the fighting, Lammis wants to secure the wounded, huh? The injured open their eyes wide in confusion at her running to them with me on her back, but they don’t complain as she carries them to the cart.

  And she lifts full-grown adults with ease—despite my considerable weight already on her back. But if her physical strength is that high anyway, it wouldn’t make sense if she wasn’t strong enough for this.

  Times like these trouble me, since I can’t help with anything. Isn’t there something I can do? Maybe I’ll give the wounded sports drinks as gifts. Right after she brings another person to the cart, I drop a sports drink into my compartment and say, “Get one free with a winner.” She seems to figure it out from that.

  “I can give this to the wounded, right?”

  “Welcome.”

  I drop one drink after another as Lammis picks them up and lines them up on the cart. Twenty should be enough.

  “It’s on Boxxo, so drink as much as you like.”

  “Right…Thanks…”

  When the mud-caked hunters see her worrying about them from the bottom of her heart, weak smiles appear on their stern faces. Being cared for by the pure and innocent Lammis would stir the heart of any man.

  When she finishes placing the injured into the cart, only 20 percent of all those frog people are left. The ones who are making it through this chaotic fight with light wounds—or with no wounds at all—seem like the veterans, easily sending the frog people to their graves.

  Doesn’t the overwhelming difference in ability seem a little unfair?

  “Thank you, Kerioyl. You’ve done the Menagerie of Fools proud today.”

  Director Bear lumbers over to us. The blood staining his claws really enhances his menacing features. Does he fight empty-handed, too? Or maybe I should call it bare-handed fighting…though his sharp claws alone look like they can rival blades.

  Anyway, that’s a weird name for a group.

  “We had time, sir. I wasn’t sure if it was necessary, though.”

  “No, I’m grateful for your assistance. There were more than we expected, but thanks to you, we slayed them. Still, was there more than one settlement’s worth of frog fiends? They were easily double our estimate for what one settlement can produce.”

  “They were very willing to fight, too, sir—almost strangely so. Normally, they don’t attack with the intent of wiping us all out.”

  That was Vice Captain Filmina interrupting the conversation between Captain Stubble and Director Bear.

  She’s right. When the frog people attacked me, they withdrew once they realized it wasn’t working, and they didn’t come after me again. I can agree that they’re not the kind of creature to recklessly assault you over and over.

  “Hmm. There’s only one thing that could have caused this…”

  “Yes, I can think of nothing else…”

  “That’s what it would mean.”

  All three of them are grimacing. Judging by the way they’re speaking, maybe the situation is giving them a bad premonition. I wish they’d come out and say it instead of leaving it up to the rest of us to read between the lines. I can’t exactly ask them a
bout it myself.

  “Huh? What do you mean?”

  Nice one, Lammis! That’s what I wanted to ask.

  “Ah, sorry. This is strictly speculation, but there’s a good chance we’re dealing with a king frog fiend.”

  A…king frog fiend? What’s that? Seems strong from the name alone. I have a bad feeling about this.

  Altercation

  Leaving the out-of-commission wounded to rest in the cart and assigning them an escort, only the strongest move ahead to defeat the king of the frogs—the king frog fiend.

  In a normal story, this is where the protagonist would be chosen as one of those members, but Lammis and I, the vending machine, are staying behind.

  Of course, providing things to eat and drink is the whole point I’m here, so that’s only natural.

  The six people assigned as our escorts are the so-called Menagerie of Fools, led by Kerioyl. If I had eyebrows I would be furrowing them right now over their naming sense, but all six of them had gone to slay the king.

  The frog base—their settlement—should hold only the king and its henchmen, so we can wait here at ease. Which means it’s time to do business! I’ve been placed near the cart, so let’s rack up a few more points.

  “Welcome. Welcome.”

  “We have an assortment of warm food and beverages! Drinks are one silver coin apiece!”

  Lammis helps me out in response to my calls.

  It looks like perfect timing, as the hunters are just catching their breath. The cup ramen, tea, and sports drink sales begin to shoot through the roof.

  At first, not many in the settlement liked the sports drinks, since they’d never experienced the flavors before. But when the hunters downed them after a workday had tired them out, it alleviated their exhaustion. Word got out, and now they’re hugely popular with hunters.

  I’ve heard that this famous sports drink, with its blue-and-white logo, was developed in the first place for medicinal purposes. It’s excellent at rehydrating you, and I recall a few times when I had a cold or diarrhea and it helped immensely.

  It’s the perfect beverage for the situation.