Dreaming of You

by Jennifer McNare

  However, the thought of children, of having more children, was a compelling notion as well. Admittedly, he too liked the idea of one day having a large family. “I suppose William and Emma would enjoy having additional siblings,” he said finally, in lieu of outright agreement. “And as I’m sure you can imagine, my mother would assuredly be overjoyed to be provided with more grandchildren to dote upon.”

  Nodding in accord, Melody then turned her head to the window once again, doing her best to disguise her inner gratification. Despite the internal warning that sounded in her head, telling her that she was the worst kind of fool, she stubbornly refused to take heed. She was going to hold on to her tiny glimmer of hope with every bit of strength she had.

  As the horses continued to pull the carriage along the darkened streets en route to Cavendish House, both Gavin and Melody contemplated their futures, but with markedly different expectations.

  One week later, no one seemed terribly surprised when the announcement of the engagement of the Duke of Rutherford to the Countess of Edgington was announced in the London papers, however the haste at which the couple intended to wed did manage to raise a few eyebrows. Although they were to have an uncommonly short engagement period, it wasn’t so shocking as to be considered scandalous, and mercifully the behind the hands tittle-tattle was relatively minimal.

  Chapter 24

  The day of their wedding dawned bright and clear, and as their three-hundred guests, a relatively small gathering by ton standards, moved from outside of the church to take their seats within the hallowed walls of St Paul’s Cathedral, the overall atmosphere of the crowd was celebratory and good-humored.

  Standing in a small antechamber next to her parents, Melody tried desperately to calm her sudden nerves as she smoothed the full skirt of her beautiful, elaborately embroidered and heavily beaded, ivory silk and lace gown. In distinct contrast to her first marriage to the aged Earl of Edgington, this day was far more similar to the fairytale wedding she’d oft-times imagined as a young girl, with one glaring exception. Although the setting was right, for she certainly had the elegant church, the lavish gown and the groom who most-definitely resembled a fairytale prince, unlike the man in her youthful fantasies, she was painfully aware that Gavin wouldn’t be standing at the altar with undying love shining from his eyes as her father walked her down the aisle.

  “I’m so happy for you, Melody,” Elizabeth Settrington proclaimed in a quiet voice, tears glistening in her warm blue eyes as she reached for her daughter’s hand. “Although the earl was a good man, I always prayed that someday you would be given a second chance and that you would find a lasting love with the man of your dreams.”

  “Thank you, Mama,” Melody replied, squeezing her mother’s hand. “He truly is the man of my dreams.” And indeed he was, but regrettably, and unbeknownst to her parents, Gavin’s lasting love was something she feared she might never attain.

  “You deserve nothing less, my darling.”

  She didn’t of course, not after what she’d done. But alas, her dear parents knew nothing of the treachery she’d had a part in. “It means so much to me that you and Papa could be here today,” she said aloud, her own eyes suddenly tearing.

  Arriving late yesterday afternoon, they had left Adam’s care to a trusted neighbor and friend so that they could attend the wedding. She knew how difficult it was for her parents to leave her brother, whose health was still so fragile, but Melody was immensely grateful for their comforting presence.

  Elizabeth dabbed at the corners of her eyes with her lace-trimmed handkerchief. “Good heavens, first a countess, and now my little girl is about to become a duchess.” She smiled then, shaking her head in wonderment.

  “It does seem rather difficult to believe, doesn’t it?”

  “Not to me, it doesn’t,” her father asserted, his own eyes moist, his expression full of pride. “I knew you were special from the first moment I laid eyes upon you. And you, my precious daughter, deserve every happiness life has to offer.”

  “Thank you, Papa.” Standing up onto her tiptoes, she placed a soft kiss upon his cheek. “I love you both so very much,” she said then, glancing from her father’s beloved face to her mother’s.

  Standing in his designated spot at the front of the church, Gavin’s carefully composed expression revealed no visible sign of his conflicting emotions as he watched Melody and her father walk slowly down the aisle. She looked beautiful, he noted somewhat grudgingly. Stunning actually, though her skin color was perhaps a bit paler than usual. How odd it seemed, that in a matter of minutes the angelic-looking creature coming toward him, the woman whose selfish actions had caused him such tremendous pain and heartache, would become his wife. Even now, with the ceremony but moments away, the bitter irony continued to astonish him.

  However, turning his gaze to where William and Emma sat in the front pew, between Melody’s mother and Lady Settrington’s twin sister, Mrs. Esther Whitlock, he knew that he had made the right decision. Catching his eye, both William and Emma smiled brightly, their delightfully animated faces reflecting their obvious pleasure and excitement. In fact, just yesterday Emma had nearly melted his heart when she’d hesitantly asked him if once he and her mother were married, she could call him Papa. For them, for his children, he would do anything, even this.

  For Melody, the majority of the ceremony was little more than a blur as she struggled valiantly to maintain her outward composure. As much as she loved Gavin, she had never wanted this, never wanted him to marry her because he felt he had no other choice. Fighting back her tears, she managed to say her vows without faltering when the time came, and then listened with a heavy heart as Gavin repeated his, knowing that even as he said them aloud, the words were insincere, lamentably hollow and meaningless. Oh how desperately she wished they were true. It was only when he lifted her veil to place the briefest of kisses upon her lips, that she finally lost her hold on her control, and a lone tear rolled slowly down her cheek.

  Pulling back, Gavin noticed the telltale drop of moisture glistening upon her cheek and it gave him pause. Looking intently into her sorrowful eyes, he was reminded of their first afternoon together. He recalled how she’d turned to him for comfort, how he’d held her in his arms as she’d cried at the loss of her innocence, weeping as if her heart was being broken in two. She’d seemed so ingenuous and fragile, a helpless victim just as he had been. But she hadn’t been, not at all. Looking upon her now, he wondered how it was possible that it had all been just a pretense. Was her emotion genuine, or was this too just another act? Even as the bishop grasped their arms and turned them to face the crowd, he struggled to reconcile it in his mind.

  Forcing a smile to her lips, Melody could only hope that anyone who noticed her solitary tear would assume it was a result of the happiness she felt at being pronounced Gavin’s wife, as she and her new husband left the altar and made their way down the aisle past their cheering guests.

  Exiting the church, Gavin immediately escorted Melody to the coach that sat waiting to take them the relatively short distance to his London residence where the reception was being held. Once they were settled inside, he regarded her from across the short distance that separated them, studying Melody’s features. Her expression was composed now, her blue eyes clear. She was so breathtakingly lovely. Had he imagined the momentary anguish he’d seen in her eyes? “You look beautiful,” he admitted, seemingly unable to help himself.

  Startled by the unexpected compliment, Melody’s eyes widened. Aside from his vows, it was the first thing he’d said to her today, for she hadn’t seen him prior to the ceremony. “Thank you,” she breathed, her voice scarcely more than a whisper.

  They traveled the remaining distance in silence as Gavin, suddenly uncomfortable, promptly turned his gaze to the window, focusing his attention on the passing scenery.

  As toast after toast was made in honor of the newly married couple and morning slowly faded into afternoon, Melody was beginning to the feel
the strain of maintaining her deceptively cheerful mood, especially in front of her parents. Thus, even though she would miss them dreadfully, she couldn’t help feeling a twinge of relief when the last of the luncheon plates had been cleared, the cake had been cut and served, the final toast had been given, the last of the remaining guests had taken their leave and her mother and father finally readied themselves for their return home.

  “Please tell Adam how much I miss him, and that I shall bring the children to visit just as soon as we are able,” Melody said to her mother as they stood in the grand foyer of the Montrose residence saying their goodbyes.

  “Of course, of course,” Elizabeth said as she enfolded her daughter in one last loving embrace. Then, turning once again to William and Emma, she bent down and gave each of them an affectionate squeeze and yet another kiss on the cheek, causing Emma to smile and William to grimace slightly at what he apparently deemed to be a rather excessive display of affection.

  “Come along now, Elizabeth,” Baron Settrington said with a teasing grin as he gently pulled his wife in the direction of the front entrance. “If we are to have any hope of arriving home before nightfall, we must be getting on our way.”

  “Hmm?” Reluctantly, she looked up from the children. “Oh yes, I suppose we must indeed,” Elizabeth uttered, her disappointment evident as her husband continued to urge her toward the open front door. “Thank you again for your generous hospitality,” she called to Gavin and his mother, waving goodbye to them both as she was ushered outside.

  Standing at the open door until her parents had entered the waiting coach, Melody waved one last time before stepping back into the foyer.

  “Your parents were simply delightful dear,” Jane said as she stepped forward, placing her hand lightly upon Melody’s shoulder. “It is unfortunate that they are unable to spend more time in London, for I do believe your mother and I would get along quite nicely,” she continued. “Perhaps when your brother’s health is less precarious.”

  “I’m certain she would enjoy that,” Melody replied, immensely grateful for the kindness and consideration that had been shown to both her mother and father. After alerting Gavin, Jane and Natalie to the fact that her parents knew nothing of the circumstances surrounding William and Emma’s true parentage, she was also tremendously thankful for their discretion.

  Listening to his mother’s comments, Gavin couldn’t help but agree. Much to his surprise, the Settrington’s were nothing at all like he had imagined them to be. Initially skeptical when Melody had informed him that her parents were completely ignorant of the duplicity surrounding William and Emma’s conception, after having met them, his opinion had changed. They were lovely people and difficult not to like. In a sense, it made it somewhat easier to understand why Melody had gone to such lengths to secure their wellbeing. But even so, it did little to excuse the extraordinary pain that she in turn had caused him and his own family.

  “Gavin dear,” his mother said, breaking into his thoughts. “You and Melody should be getting on your way before long as well, if you intend to reach Rutherford Park before dusk.”

  As they had decided to forgo a honeymoon trip for the time being, at Jane’s insistence he and Melody would be spending the upcoming week at Rutherford Park while she remained in London to look after William and Emma. “Yes, I suppose we should,” he agreed, turning to Melody. “I assume you would like to change first?”

  “Yes,” Melody nodded. “And I should see that William and Emma are comfortably settled into the nursery before we depart.”

  “Of course.”

  “Come along children,” Melody called to William and Emma. “Say goodbye to His Gr…er…your father,” she corrected, forcing an overly bright smile to her lips as she swallowed the sudden lump in her throat, realizing that it was the first time she had referred to Gavin as their father aloud. “And then we shall go upstairs and see if Miss Tibbs has gotten your new rooms in order.”

  “Goodbye Papa,” they chorused, both of them smiling brightly as they hurried to Gavin’s side.

  As the coach rolled away from Rutherford House a short while later, Gavin realized that it was the first time that he and Melody had actually been alone together, aside from the brief ride from the church, since the night of the Duke and Duchess of Camden’s dinner party. Unwittingly, the sudden realization also brought to mind the intimate topic of their previous conversation. Not that he hadn’t given it a great deal of consideration since then, but now, with their wedding night mere hours away, the notion of Melody warming his bed was suddenly forefront in his thoughts.

  From across the aisle, Melody could almost feel the pressing weight of Gavin’s steady regard. Glancing up, she caught his unguarded gaze, a look that was almost piercing in its intensity. For a moment their eyes met and held, and in that instant she would have given virtually anything to know what he was thinking, but then he abruptly turned away, directing his attention to the newspaper that rested on the seat beside him.

  Needing a distraction, Gavin forced his gaze from Melody and his thoughts from his upcoming wedding night and reached for the paper.

  Watching him, Melody felt a twinge of melancholy. Cleary he intended to busy himself with reading the paper so that they wouldn’t have to converse. It was incredibly disheartening, for when they had been together at the cottage their conversations had always flowed so easily. In fact, during some of their hours together it had seemed as though they had spent almost as much time talking, as they had making love. Now however, and much to her disappointment, they hardly spoke more than two words to each other unless necessity required they do so. She longed desperately for that to change. “Your mother seems content to remain in London for the time being,” she said suddenly, hoping to engage him, if only for a short while.

  Lifting the paper from the seat, Gavin’s intent was momentarily arrested by Melody’s comment. Setting the Morning Chronicle onto his lap, he returned his gaze to his new bride. “Yes,” he agreed. “She appears to be enjoying her time in the city.”

  Melody nodded. “Natalie seems convinced that she will remain for the duration of the Season.”

  “For my part, I shall certainly encourage her to do so. She has spent far too much time closeted away in the country since the passing of my father and brother.”

  “Although I did not know her before of course, from what I have observed, she seems to be in good spirits nowadays.”

  “A great deal of that can be attributed to the presence of her grandchildren, I’m sure,” Gavin said with a slight smile. “In a sense, William and Emma have given my mother a new purpose in life.”

  “I’m glad,” Melody said with a little smile of her own. “And clearly they adore her.”

  “She spoils them outrageously,” Gavin said, his smile growing a bit wider.

  “Indeed,” Melody agreed with a light chuckle. “I fear that Miss Tibbs will soon have to let out all of the waistbands in William’s trousers, with all the sweets your mother sneaks to him.”

  “Yet when I was a lad, she was forever chastising me for my own unremitting sweet tooth,” Gavin lamented with a wry expression.

  “It is a mother’s duty to be stringent and a grandmother’s privilege to be indulgent, I suppose.”

  “Yes, I suppose it is.”

  “It was the same with my mother, when the children and I resided at Edgington. No matter what the circumstance, in her eyes it seemed that William and Emma could do no wrong.”

  “I imagine it will be somewhat difficult for them, not being able to spend as much time with their grandchildren.”

  “Yes, I fear that it will be, but I shall take the children to visit them as often as possible,” she began. “If it meets with your approval, of course,” she added, realizing that Gavin, as her husband, now had the authority to dictate her and the children’s actions.

  Gavin nodded. “I do not foresee it being a problem.”

  “Thank you.” The relief she felt was acute. “
And I would also like to thank you for being so gracious and kind to my parents during their visit. It meant a great deal to them, and to me.”

  Her sincerity was evident. “It was my pleasure,” he said honestly. “And I whole-heartedly agree with what my mother said earlier, your parents are delightful people.”

  Smiling, Melody simply nodded.

  Once again, Gavin was confronted with the seemingly conflicting aspects of Melody’s personality. Despite the undeniable selfishness and treachery of her past behavior, it was becoming more and more apparent that there was a vastly different side to her as well. A side that reminded him time and again of the young woman from the cottage, the woman he’d presumed her to be. She was an amazing mother, and it was obvious that she loved her parents and brother as much as she loved her children. Now, after meeting the Settrington’s, he couldn’t help but wonder if her actions hadn’t been entirely motivated by self-interest and greed as he’d previously assumed, but perhaps motivated instead by an imprudent and misguided attempt to secure the welfare of the people she cared about most. It didn’t excuse what she’d done, but it did allow him to view her actions from a slightly more tolerant perspective.

  Although Gavin did occupy himself with the newspaper for much of the time, the remainder of their journey to Rutherford Park wasn’t spent in total silence as Melody had feared. Seeming to have gotten past their initial awkwardness, they managed to chat amicably from time to time during the ninety minute drive, much to Melody’s inner delight.