Shampoo

by Karina Almeroth

  11.05pm

  I’m home, in bed, already. Praise Jebus.

  I’d just washed all my bed sheets at Dawn’s Crack too. It’s heavenly. Nothing better than collapsing into a bed with freshly washed sheets.

  And Evvy’s not here. Thank God. But that means I drove Matt home for no reason.

  And I’m SO DYING to be in bed with Matt, too. Sucks I’m double-guessing everything, and worrying about Ever, who has never been a real boyfriend, and worrying about Matt…

  I just want to BE. DO.

  The party was good. I fell for Matt even harder. He was just so attentive, and doting. Bringing me drinks of water all night, and the second Beth handed me an alcoholic drink, Matt was all, “I’ll drive. Have a drink, Karina.”

  (God, I love how he says my name. Evvy who??)

  Ever seems like a million miles away right now. And Matt is right here. Waiting.

  So Beth looked great at her twenty-first, as an 80’s Madonna. It was a ‘M’ party, you had to come dressed as something beginning with M.

  Beth was Madonna, her sister was Medusa

  (her costume was COOL. All these snakes coming out her hair),

  I went as Miss Piggy

  (in my pink sparkly glitter dress, and my bunny ears I pretended were pig ears, and the HUGE effort I went to, cutting out a pink egg carton and turning it into a pig’s nose)

  and Matt went as Matt.

  Adorable.

  Beth and her sister were laughing when Matt told them who he was.

  He looked so fucking hot

  (as himself),

  I could barely deal. The way he looked after me tonight…that turns me on so much.

  Ever has never looked after me. In fact, if I collapsed to the floor in front of Ever and died, I think he’d step right over me and keep going, calling out to Dan as he went.

  But Matt…if I fell to the floor and dropped dead in front of him, he’d grasp me and sob and do a Romeo and Juliet on me.

  That tells me all I need to know, really.

  Sunday 17 December 2000

  5.35pm

  Just got home. Haven’t even showered. Just fallen into bed.

  Dan’s trying to get me to drink with him

  (“Kerry!! I’ve got a bottle of Astin Martini!”)

  before his Christmas party. But I can’t move.

  (so now he’s jumped in bed with me, and brought me a glass. He’s in his hyper, chatty mood. Better go pay him some attention. Like a dog)

  Now Nat and I have been chatting. I love my sister. She made me a sandwich, since I’m lying around, near death.

  (and I’m incapable of making a sandwich)

  Dan’s left for his Christmas party.

  Matt rang just before, saying Lach and Melin were keen to do something with ‘us.’

  (heart flutter)

  But I feel like total shit warmed up. Julia and I went to the movies this arvo, and the cinema was seriously spinning for me.

  I feel bad, not going out with them, but we’ve got two weeks to do stuff together.

  I have to listen to my body right now. Before it shits itself further, like a Ford.

  So Julia rang last night before I left to get Matt, in absolute TEARS. Her and Mike broke up!!!!

  I have no idea where that came from, and Julia really didn’t say. She was too busy sobbing.

  It’s just so strange. Her and Mike are such a unit. I’ve never seen two people more suited to one another.

  To cheer her up, I told her to come sailing with me, Dad and Cruz today. We had so much fun. Just what I needed

  (I don’t know about Julia),

  a day on the water. Heaven.

  I just want to spend my life on a boat. A little house boat will do. Twenty thousand dollars. Not much really!!

  Jules was so miserable she just laid about, sunbaking. Dad was so funny. Back at the marina, Julia went to use the toilets, and Dad came up with his name for Jules, as he does to remember everybody by. “What are you and Tits McGee going to do now?” he asked, loading his boot.

  I fell about laughing.

  (Julia does have great tits)

  Cruz was put out the whole boat trip. She was so jealous this hot young thing with these GIGANTIC BOOBS out in front of Dad.

  Priceless.

  Then Jules and I hopped in my car

  (yes, I got my car FUCKING BACK!!! Everything is right with the world again)

  and saw ‘Bring It On’ at Balmoral. We laughed so hard together in that movie. We were in tears.

  I’m so happy I’m on holidays!! I don’t have to worry about anything.

  Except my love life.

  Monday 18 December 2000

  10.58am

  Matt’s rung this morning. He’s so SWEET. He’s making me fall, cause he’s just so darn perfect. He says and does all the right things.

  First up, he asks me how I’m feeling. It’s always about me, he’s always caring about me.

  (oh God, that reminds me how he was looking at me all night Saturday night. Like he cares! I’m not familiar with that look)

  I’m not stupid. I know Matt’s a catch.

  It’s just that stupid Everard in the back of my head.

  And other things.

  (love never lasts, me destroyed and devastated, abusive men)

  (oh God, my 21st, all that blood, blood everywhere, blood all over me, all over him, all over my car)

  Then Matt told me his mates have asked him to go away for a few days.

  “Cool,” I replied. “Where to?”

  “Down to Warwick. I’ve wanted to go for ages, but…” He trailed off.

  “But what?”

  “I don’t want to leave you! Especially when you’re

  sick – ”

  Could I fall any harder than I did just then?? That is the sweetest

  (ie. hottest)

  damn thing I’ve ever heard.

  “Matt, go! Please don’t worry about me. I need the rest, anyway.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Without a doubt. Go have fun! The way I’m feeling, all I want to do is sleep anyway.”

  “I could be there, sleeping with you.”

  Oh God. He could. “I’ll still be here when you get back.”

  Matt laughed. “You better be.”

  “Go. Have fun.”

  I make a SUPER girlfriend. I don’t know what Everard is talking about.

  How sweet was that?? Matt not wanting to leave me.

  Swoon.

  Ever would NEVER do that. He’d just go with his mates, and he wouldn’t call to tell me goodbye.

  I’m falling for Matt.

  I need to see Ever, and have him botch it up royally. I need it slapped in my face that he IS NOT THE ONE.

  I’m glad Matt’s going away. I feel the pressure off, and I can just relax. Do nothing. Not be thinking about seeing him, making plans, juggling Evvy, blah blah blah.

  6.21pm

  I’ve had a good day. So tired. Not feeling well. Nat and I went to Richard’s today, picked him up and we went shopping at Carindale. Then we saw the 2pm session of ‘Charlie’s Angels.’

  (Rich is Drew Barrymore’s biggest fan. He thinks it’s some kind of sign that Drew Barrymore, his greatest love, is born on the same day as me)

  I’ve missed Rich. Haven’t seen him in AGES.

  (as he liked to remind me today)

  Was nice to be with him again.

  Nice to have my sister with us, too.

  8.44pm

  Tee brought me round dinner. I love her!

  Ever rang at 5.30pm.

  (this is SO his new OCD time)

  He talked for ages to me, just about stuff.

  He asked me over tonight, but I had Tee coming over

  (and Matt Matt Matt)

  and I thought that would be it, typical Evvy, he wouldn’t make plans for another night.

  But he said, “Come over tomorrow night then.”

  THEN, get this, he added, “You ca
n stay over every night this week, since you’re on holidays.”

  What. THE FUCK.

  I had a coronary.

  What is that about, anyway?? If I’m at his place every night, I can’t be at Matt’s then?? Or is he really trying??

  I don’t know but I agreed to go there, AND STAY, tomorrow night.

  Then Matt rang from Warwick.

  I can’t see them both. What do I do??

  Tuesday 19 December 2000

  9.00pm

  I cancelled on Ever. I just couldn’t do it.

  (to Matt)

  Plus I’m sick.

  I’m lying in bed, making mixed tapes, enjoying the summer night air coming in the windows.

  Nat and I left early this morning for the coast. We had so much fun! It’s SOOOOO not like Nat to go to the beach with me.

  (she must be bored!)

  Was really quite funny, her on the beach. She’d only put her feet in, and there I was, being a dick, jumping through waves and falling over and drowning and yelling “Help!” while she laughed.

  I washed up to shore at one point. For like a kilometre. On my belly.

  Nat was pissing herself laughing. God I had fun, frolicking in the water with my sister.

  The surf was fantastic. I couldn’t wait to ring Lachie at work and rub it in.

  I rang Melinda last night, and something was up. She sounded SO UPSET, but just kept saying ‘I’m fine, I’m fine’ whenever I asked her if she was okay. So I had it in my mind to ring Lach today and ask if Melin was okay.

  ANYWAY, MEANWHILE

  (I’m working up to something here, Diary, something BIG),

  Julia rings while we’re on the beach

  (on Nat’s mobile, cause everybody knows I never carry mine anywhere where it’s needed),

  really upset and wanting to speak to me.

  She didn’t really say much though, she was just in tears and said she wanted to hear my voice.

  (AWWWWWWWWW)

  When Nat and I got home from the beach, I rang Lach on his office number in the warehouse, and he told me him and Melinda have broken up!

  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  It gets worse though.

  “That’s not all though,” he went on, trailing off.

  “There’s more?” I squeaked. I really was (am) so upset for them. I love Lach and Melinda. They’re my pals. My buds. I just want to scoop them up and eat them, I love them so much.

  “Julia and I…”

  JULIA AND I???? My heart stopped. Julia’s misery and tears but not telling me anything was beginning to make sense.

  “Julia and I fooled around on Friday night.”

  “What? What!!”

  Lach did a nervous laugh. “Yeah. I’m not proud of myself.”

  “Oh, Lachster.”

  “I told Mel last night, and we broke up.”

  “Ugh. I feel for you, dude.”

  “Thanks, dudette.” Lach laughed. “I really need my freedom, you know? A break.”

  “I know. You and Melin have been together a long time…” I was trying to be supportive. Relationships are hard fucking work. I sure can’t do them well.

  Or at all.

  “Mel is devastated. Funnily enough, she was more devastated over you, than me cheating on her.”

  “Me?”

  (what’d I do? I thought, along with a sick notion of he cheated. My perfect guy friend who I adore acted like a typical male and cheated. He tore love apart with his bare hands)

  “She’s worried she’ll lose you, Pinky, and your friendship. That you’ll pick Julia.”

  “Aw, she’s so silly. No way! I love Melin. I’ll tell her that, I’ll call her.”

  Meanwhile, Julia is my soul sister.

  This is gonna affect us all.

  “You’re a good friend, Karina. There’s not many, if ANY, I could talk to about this.”

  “What? You have HEAPS of friends, Lach.”

  “Yeah, but none like you. You’re not judgemental in any way. I fuck up, and you don’t even blink. You just support.”

  (awwww!!!)

  “Hey, we all fuck up. Me more than most.”

  “Don’t sell yourself short, Pink Stuff. You’re practically an angel.”

  (if only they all knew just how badly I like to fuck things up)

  “I don’t know about THAT,” I replied. “But I’ll take it!”

  I hung up from Lachie and rang Melinda. She burst into tears. She was a mess.

  I tried to reassure her and give her comfort, but when you’re that heartbroken, what can you do??

  Then Julia turned up here, straight after that! And cried all over me.

  God, I’m heartbroken for them all.

  Julia walked in, grabbed me, cried in my arms, and told me about Lach.

  “Why didn’t you tell me the past few days?”

  “I didn’t want you to hate me, K! You’re my best friend. I love you! I can’t lose you.”

  Awwww!!

  Why is everyone so worried they’re gonna lose me?? Am I giving off some strange vibe?? Am I about to be lost?? Am I going somewhere but don’t know it??

  I’m dying for details, like where did they fool around? At Lach’s? Out somewhere? Hot car sex??

  And where was Melinda?

  But I’m too polite to ask.

  After talking, Nat, Jules and I went to Garden City, chatted and laughed and shopped.

  I rang Matt tonight but got his answering machine.

  Look at me. Look at what I’ve become (already). I don’t hear from him for ONE DAY, and I’m desperate to talk to him.

  I’ve got it bad.

  It’s like all the bad news of the day

  (one after another, pew pew pew)

  had got to me, and I just wanted to hear his voice.

  He’s so stable and caring.

  Then that scared THE CRAP out of me, and I got all shaky and started breaking out in hives.

  I DO NOT want to NEED Matt.

  I don’t need Ever…he leaves me independent and on my own still.

  But Matt…Matt leaves me weak and vulnerable.

  I don’t like being weak or vulnerable, or needing him.

  My eye has like closed over, all swollen, from some reaction. I went out into the lounge room, and Dan started screaming, “Put it away!! Put it away!!”

  Put what away?? My hives?? My emotional issues?? What??

  8.22pm

  Matt just rung me. He said he walked a kilometre through the bush to get to a phone box to call me, cause his phone went dead.

  Oh my God. I was hit anew that he really cares. Already.

  (cue hives again. There you go)

  He was asking how I am (of course!), and telling me what he’s been up to (sounds fun). Then he goes, in this ADORABLE husky voice, “I miss you heaps, hey.”

  I found myself easily saying, “I miss you, too,” then wondering where the fuck that came from and scratching my neck madly.

  So I told him what I’ve been up to –

  “A lot!” Matt laughed. “As usual. Hey how is Julia after breaking up with Michael?”

  (I FUCKING LOVE how Matt is involved in all the gossip of my life, and interested. We share friends and are sort of in the same ‘group.’ I love that)

  “Er, yeah, she’s okay…” I trailed off.

  Damn the All-Seeing Matt. He knew instantly something was up. “What, what is it??”

  “Nothing, nothing – ”

  “Karina, WHAT IS IT? What happened??”

  Sigh by me. I really didn’t want to tell him over the phone. It’s not really my story to tell, either. “Lachie and Melin have broken up – ”

  “WHAT!!”

  “Yeah. And…um…”

  “There’s MORE??”

  “Yeah. Ah, Lachie cheated on Melinda – ”

  “Fucking WHAT – ”

  “With Julia.”

  Matt was speechless. “That’s like the LAST THING I expected yo
u to say.”

  “I know, right? Didn’t see that one coming.”

  “No WAY. Wait, I’m gonna ring Lachie. I’ll ring you back.”

  He was gone and back again in moments. “I can’t get him. I’m leaving tomorrow, I’ll come straight home – ”

  “No, don’t do that, Matt – ”

  (please do that, Matt. I miss you. In a way I don’t even understand)

  “I’m coming home anyway. I’ll get to yours about five o’clock.”

  And that is when I was hateful. On purpose? Cause I can’t help it? Cause I’m just determined to sabotage every relationship I will ever have??

  I don’t know. But I said, “Ah, well, I didn’t expect you home tomorrow, and I kinda made plans. I’m going to a friend’s place.”

  Not to mention that that ‘friend’ is Everard and it’s for sex.

  (I’m not proud of myself either, Lachie)

  Matt was disappointed.

  I’m even more stressed out now.

  I have to CHOOSE one of them. I can’t have both. Matt is an all or nothing kind of guy.