Honest Love

by Cm Hutton

  “Matt called me. He was worried about you.” I leaned back to look at Jake’s face. He was concerned, but something else was there, too. I looked at Matt.

  “Sorry, Mom, I had to tell Dad. I knew he would want to know.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me you’d found someone else?” What?

  “Why would I?”

  “Because I would want to know…and not just because of our kids.”

  “Jake, it never crossed my mind to inform you of my dating habits.” As soon as the words came out, I heard a ‘what the fuck’ come from behind me.

  I turned to see Jason. “Claire, why is he here?”

  “Jason, this is Jake. My kids called their dad.” I motioned to Matt, signaling Jason to be calm about it.

  He walked up to me and Jake, who still had his arm around my shoulder and stuck out his hand. “Jason, Derek’s brother.” Jake shook hands with him.

  “Nice to meet you.” Jake’s voice was tight…strained. He was trying to be nice in light of the situation. “I’m sorry to hear your brother was in an accident. I came because my kids were really worried and what affects them…and Claire…affects me.” He squeezed my shoulder.

  I stepped out of Jake’s grip and looked straight at him. “Jake, thank you for coming. Would you mind taking the kids with you to the cafeteria and getting me some coffee?”

  “Yeah, okay. We’ll be back in a minute.” They walked off, leaving me with Jason.

  As soon as the elevator door shut, Jason said, “Why is he here, Claire?”

  “My son called him. Listen, all I can care about is Derek right now. Jake…well, Jake is Jake. He fucked up. But he still cares about me. I can’t help that. He’s happily married, Jason. He just thinks he still has some sort of stake in my life…my happiness. He doesn’t. Derek is my happiness and Jake has no place in our relationship…EVER.” By the time I finished, I was sobbing and had laid my head on Jason’s shoulder, letting him hold on to me. “Please tell me Derek is going to be okay…please.”

  “I hope so, but I just don’t know. I’m sorry if I upset you more. It’s just that, you’re Derek’s girl. And I know all about what that asshole did to you. This family doesn’t keep secrets. My brother told us everything, Claire. We won’t let him toy with your emotions. He doesn’t belong here…in this hospital with us.”

  “I agree. I told Matt to come up here. I didn’t know Jake was at my house.”

  “What? Why would he be at your house?”

  “Because his kids live there.” I was done with his interrogation. “Jason, stop, please. Forget about Jake. Derek and I understand all the ex’s crap, okay?”

  “Okay. Fine. But promise me that if you need me to tell him to back off, just say so. I want to help you…protect you like Derek would expect, that’s all.”

  I smiled. “Wouldn’t have anything to do with you being a cop would it?”

  He laughed. “Maybe.”

  “Jason!” We heard Melissa yell from the waiting room and we both froze.

  “Come on.” He took my hand and practically had to drag me back inside with his family. I didn’t want to be in there. I didn’t want to hear what I feared we were about to be told.

  Stepping through the doorway, I tried to read everyone’s faces, but couldn’t. We all looked about the same…a mixture of terror and sadness.

  Kyle walked in shortly after us. He was exhausted and unreadable. “Hey everyone, well, he made it through the surgery.” Everyone screamed with relief, hugged and cried. “But he’s not quite out of the woods. The shunt that was put in during the first surgery collapsed, so instead of it draining off the fluid, the pressure built up and caused a pretty significant bleed called an Intraventricular hemorrhage. Had we not placed him in the coma, we probably would have caught it sooner because he would’ve been complaining of severe headaches, along vomiting, but the coma masked it. We’re just lucky that something triggered his machines or we would have lost him for sure. He would have slipped away, losing all brain function.”

  Everyone gasped. “Now what?” I asked.

  “Well, he’s in recovery. We aren’t putting him back in the medical coma. We need to see him wake up and then evaluate if any damage occurred. Based on how the bleed looked…the speed of its flow, it was a slow one, so we think the bleed had been going on for the last 12 hours or so.”

  “When do you expect him to wake up?” Claudia asked.

  “Mom, I’m not sure. It’s up to Derek now. It needs to be sooner rather than later, though.” He paused and looked at me. “I need to go. I have another patient to see. Dr. Allen will be by in a little bit. I asked him to let me tell you about the surgery and what was going on.”

  I hugged Kyle. “Thank you.”

  “We all want him to be okay…especially for you, Claire.”

  I sat in a chair and let all the information sink in. ‘We would have definitely lost him’…I would have lost him. I still might. I felt sick. I covered my mouth and ran to the bathroom, barely making it into the stall. I heard someone come in behind me.

  “Claire, are you okay?” Melissa had followed me.

  “No. I think the shock of nearly losing him was just too much for me.”

  I heard the sink running right before she brought me a wet paper towel. “I know.”

  “I’m okay. I need to eat something, though.” I stood and felt lightheaded.

  “Come on. I’ll go with you to the cafeteria.”

  “Shit!”

  “What?”

  “I almost forgot. My kids are down there with Jake.”

  “What the hell?”

  “Don’t ask. Jason has already given me the whole protective lecture about him being here. Matt called him, not me.”

  “I never figured it was you. I’m just surprised he’s here…at the hospital.”

  “I know, but truthfully, I was glad to see him. We have a history, but he was always my friend. Hell, I would have welcomed Kaye just to make me feel something other than pain.”

  “Damn…you must be losing it, girl. We need to feed you and let you get some rest. Cause you’re talking all kinds of crazy and Derek will for sure kick someone’s ass if he wakes up and Jake is still in town.” Melissa laughed and I did too. It felt good.

  *****

  A few days after the surgery, Jake flew back to Houston, my kids went back to school and I sat by Derek’s bedside, waiting.

  Five days went by in a haze. That’s how long it took for us to see some positive signs of getting our Derek back once the surgery was over. He had come out of recovery after several hours, but was still not fully awake and was basically in a mild coma. He would moan and make sounds, seemingly to communicate…even tried to open his eyes several times, but wasn’t waking up. I was worried, but everyone around me said to give him time. One nurse said, “He’s fighting to get back to you, hun. That’s what that is…believe that he can. Tell him he can.”

  So I did…constantly. I talked to my sweet, loving man and urged him to come back to me. He would squeeze my hand and I would rub across his with my own or I would write into his palm with my finger. I wanted him to wake up and just hold me. I missed his arms around me. His family had gone back to their lives, only checking in a few times a day. I would give him sponge baths and shave his face. He looked funny without his beard, but I didn’t know how to trim it or take care of his beard while he was in a hospital bed. It was easiest just to shave it off.

  His mom would come up to the hospital in the evenings so I could go home and spend a little time with my kids. I felt guilty about being gone so much, but they were incredibly understanding and would even bring yummy treats to me at the hospital. Just to tease Derek, I would talk about what I was eating and moan as I enjoyed each bite, hoping he would wake up and fuss at me. I wondered the whole time what he could hear, even when he was first injured. I was told to keep talking to him as if he were awake, so I did. Each day, I’d come up with something I wanted to share, just between the t
wo of us and I’d whisper it into his ear.

  Three weeks to the day of his accident, right after I shared one of my special whispers, a hand came up to my side and gripped my waist. I gasped, realizing it was his. “Derek?” He slowly opened his eyes and gave me a little grin. Tears welled in my eyes. “Tell me you’re back, baby.”

  “Hi.” His voice was rough…barely a whisper, but it was him. I kissed his lips as I cupped his face and cried. He could only grin as I smothered his face with my wet kisses.

  “Oh, my God! I love you so much! Don’t ever do this to me again. I can’t lose you. I love you! I love you!”

  He held me to him, his hand around my back, not letting go. He whispered, “Love you so much.”

  “Let me get everyone. I think your mom is here somewhere.”

  “No. Just you.” Oh, how I loved him.

  “Okay, baby. I want to enjoy seeing your beautiful eyes wide open and looking at me. But I have to tell them you’re awake in a minute. They’ve been so good to me. I don’t want to upset them.”

  “Okay. Not yet. Thirsty.”

  “Here, let me get you some water. The nurses have been bringing it in during shift changes while we waited for you to wake up. They said you’d be thirsty.” I poured him a cup of water and put the straw near his mouth. He drank most of the glass then closed his eyes. It freaked me out for a second, but then I felt his hand gently, slowly rubbing along my back. He was still with me.

  “You okay?” He asked, his eyes still shut.

  “No,” I answered quietly.

  His eyes opened and I saw a tear roll down the side of his face toward his ear and I quickly wiped it. “I’m sorry I scared you.”

  I leaned close and kissed his lips. “Just don’t do it again. You are my life, Derek. I won’t survive without you.”

  “Same here.” He swallowed and I could tell his throat was dry and hurting.

  “Here, drink a little more.”

  He did, then continued. “I heard you…every time you cried. I wanted to tell you I was okay, but I couldn’t.”

  “You did?” I was shocked.

  “Yes, and I heard your secrets. But I’m not sure if they were all real or some a dream.”

  I smiled. I’d told him everything from what my favorite smells were to what I cooked for dinner or where I kept a secret box full of my toys. I felt my face get red just thinking about that little tidbit. I really did it to be a shit. I was mad and frustrated one day and wanted him to wake up and yell at me. So, I told him about my toys and waited to see if he’d get hard. He didn’t. “Tell me one.” Please let it be something besides that one, God.

  “Is it true?”

  “What? Is what true?”

  “What you told me today?” Oh God. He’d heard me. “I’m afraid it was a dream, Claire and I don’t want to hope. I want it to be real.” His poor voice was having a tough time and he looked like he was in pain, so I stopped him by putting my finger over his lips.

  I smiled and nodded my head. “It’s true.”

  He tried to laugh, but it was strained. His grip on me became tighter as his other hand came up and he pulled me onto the bed with him, forcing me to be right in his face. “We’re having a baby?”

  “Yes, I just found out a few days ago. Apparently, we brought back a little souvenir from our trip. Don’t know how or why, but it’s real…a little someone for just us.”

  “I can’t believe it. I’m so happy.” His eyes were full of every emotion I’d hoped they would be when I got the chance to tell him. I was so afraid I wouldn’t ever get to tell Derek about our baby. I’d decided after I’d gone to the doctor the day before that that was going to be my secret for him.

  “I can’t believe you actually heard it. Is that what woke you up?”

  He smiled. “I guess so. But I do remember something about toys. Care to explain that one.”

  I laughed. “No, not right now. I just want to hold you.” I scooted next to him in the bed and let his big arms hold me close. “I love you, Derek.”

  “I love you, too, baby. We’re getting married tomorrow. Find someone to do it and bring them here. I’m not waiting.” I actual agreed.

  “Good. I like that. I don’t want to wait another day either.”

  “Wow, I like it when you are so compliant. Hmm…”

  “Don’t get too used to it.”

  Derek let out a strained laugh. “Okay.”

  I laid there for a long time before I forced myself to go get the nurse to come check him out before calling his family. Within thirty minutes, his hospital room was filled with people, and not just his family. The fire chief, who had been checking in the whole time, according to Jason, was there with several other firefighters. Derek was sitting up and mostly listening to everyone talk. He was pretty exhausted by the time people started to trickle out, leaving me and his family there with him.

  “Mom, Dad…Claire and I are getting married tomorrow.”

  “What?”

  “Here…I’m not wasting another minute.”

  “Well, okay. What can I do?” To my surprise, Claudia jumped right in.

  “You’re okay with that?” I questioned.

  She took my hands in hers. “Honey, you two are grown-ups and after all you’ve been through these last several weeks and seeing how much you love my son, of course I’m okay with it. I want you to officially be a part of this family. We love you, Claire. Now, what can I do?”

  I burst into tears as I looked at Derek who had a huge grin on his face. Jason and Kyle shook his hand and leaned in for a man hug. Derek’s dad just smiled.

  Chapter 32

  Derek

  I was going to be a dad. Wow. I had so many weird memories or dreams floating around in my head. I was sure most of them were real, but couldn’t know without asking Claire. The baby one…that was question number one and finding out it was true, was the most incredible surprise. She was about to be my wife. I was just waiting for everyone to show up. I’d asked the nurse to help me shower and shave and she even helped me find someone to give me a haircut. My beard was basically a five o’clock shadow, so she just helped me clean up the edges. They were so good to me. I think everyone was relieved I’d lived.

  I felt better, but I was still a bit light headed which, I was told, would be the case for a while as my brain continued to heal. My mom even brought me some clothes and sat with me. “Are you nervous at all?”

  “Hell no! I just want out of this hospital. Dr. Allen said after I have one more CT scan tomorrow, he might let me go within the week.”

  “Good. I want to tell you something. I’m not sure anyone else has told you and I don’t want to upset you, but you need to know.” She was scaring me.

  “Okay.”

  “Your friends, the others? They didn’t survive the explosion, honey.”

  “I know.”

  “You do?”

  “Mom, I was there. I was several feet away from them, alone. I shouldn’t have been, but my knee buckled and they ran ahead of me. Damn knee saved my life, but I saw them…well, I just saw, that’s all.” I paused, trying to push the memory out of my head. “Seconds later, I felt an excruciating pain in my head and then nothing. It was a beam that hit me wasn’t it?”

  “I think so. You are a miracle, hun. Dr. Allen even said, had you not been in such good shape, you wouldn’t have made it. And that damn coma…well, it nearly killed you.”

  “Speaking of that…I remember being in severe pain and hearing loud voices that seemed to make it worse. I swear I heard Abbi, but there’s no way it could’ve been her.”

  My mom gasped. “It was. Oh my God Derek, your machines went crazy when she was in here acting foolish with Claire and your brothers. Jason told me he was on the verge of picking her up and tossing her out. Do you know how bad that would’ve been with him being a cop? Those machines going off saved your life.”

  “Holy shit, Mom. I’d always heard of people hearing things in a coma, now I can tell
you it’s true. I didn’t hear everything, but just certain little things keep coming back to me, but I’m not sure what’s real.”

  “Well, we will fill in any gaps you have, hun. Just ask. No secrets.”

  “I might have one.” I winced as I looked at my mom’s face. Her eyebrows raised high on her forehead. “I need to wait for Claire before we share.”

  Too late. My mother’s eyes welled up and the grin on her face told me I’d said enough. “Okay.”

  “Ugh! Don’t tell her you know. Apparently, it happened on our vacation and she just found out a few days ago. Mom, the best thing is she whispered it in my ear…just seconds before I woke up. I heard her.”

  “Oh, honey!” She threw her arms around me and squeezed. “I’m just thrilled. Okay, I won’t say anything.” She pushed away. “Now, I need to go freshen up my face. I love you. See you in a minute.” My beautiful mom walked out, shoulders high, proud to be getting another grandbaby. It made me pretty damn proud too.

  *****

  Claire walked into my hospital room an hour after my mom left, looking gorgeous in a short, lacy, off-white, strapless dress. She shut the door behind her as she entered.

  “Well, hi! I believe you’re just the man I was looking for. Now, how did you get so cleaned up and smelling good?” She had an eyebrow raised and was suspicious.

  “This really hot nurse helped me.”

  She laughed. She’d seen all my nurses and most were old enough to be my mother. “Well, you look very handsome.”

  “Thank you.” Claire moved to my bedside, leaned down to kiss me and said, “I can’t wait to get you out of here.”

  “Ditto.” I held the back of her neck as she kissed me.

  Claire smiled against my mouth and stared at me for several long seconds. “I have something to show you.”

  “Oh yeah?”

  “Don’t get too excited. Look.” She turned her left hand over and showed me the writing still visible on the underside of her ring finger.

  “How in the hell did that stay there?” I looked closer, then eyed Claire who scrunched up her noses and grinned.