Reawakened Secrets

by Denae, Mari

  “Damn it, why did you have to say all of this to me now. You don’t know . . . if you did, you’d hate me.”

  The walls were closing in and it was getting harder to breathe. I had to tell him the truth, right now, but how could I do that? All I could think about was escaping this nightmare. I looked around frantically searching for a way out.

  “Hey, Claire, look at me,” Jackson demanded. “I could never hate you. This is all my fault and I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, baby. I would give anything to take it back—not going after Alice like you wanted—leaving you. I’ve suffered every day missing you, wanting you, Claire.”

  He pulled me into the circle of his arms and I couldn’t control the shivers his closeness created. His lips brushed mine in a soft caress; once, twice, and I was completely lost in sensation. It was as if his touch broke the dam I had painstakingly erected to contain my desperation for him. The sweet and gentle slide of his tongue against mine became the reason for my next breath. My fingers dove into his hair, pulling him closer. To get a better angle, I straddled his thighs, but the stairs were a barrier between us.

  Closer.

  “I know, baby.”

  I jerked in his arms, realizing I’d said it out loud, but I was too far gone to stop. Without breaking the kiss, Jackson cradled my ass in his hands and stood up. I tightened my legs around his waist. He walked up two steps to the landing and pressed me firmly against the wall.

  Still not close enough.

  Jackson began to slowly rock into me. We groaned in unison.

  “Jackson, I’m going to explode,” I confessed against his lips.

  He trailed moist kisses down my neck before gently grazing my earlobe with his teeth. “It’s okay. I’ve got you, baby,” he whispered.

  Jackson’s hand moved down my body to the waistband of my scrubs. He quickly moved past the lace edge of my panties until his fingers fluttered across my clit to stroke inside me.

  “Fuck, Claire. You’re so wet. Do you know how much I want to take you right here in this stairwell?”

  “No, Jack, we can’t,” I groaned. But I continued to grind shamelessly against his fingers. His thumb pressed against my clit, and I bit down on his shoulder to stifle a whimper. Jackson moaned and started to work his fingers faster.

  “I want to hear you come.” Jackson moved back so that we were nose to nose. “Tell me you want this, Claire.”

  Wedged against the wall, riding his fingers, I couldn’t look away, and I couldn’t lie. “Please . . . please,” I panted.

  Jackson squeezed his eyes closed, and his face contorted as if my consent caused him pain. His groaned; incoherent words against my neck pushed me over the edge. Wave after wave of pleasure contracted against his fingers, squeezing tighter and tighter until Jackson’s mouth crashed into mine, muffling my cries.

  “Sweetest fucking sound I’ve ever heard,” he murmured against my lips.

  The mind-numbing orgasm started to fade, and I drifted back to reality. Still trapped against the wall, his arousal left no doubt about the restraint he exercised by stopping when he did. Lord knows I wouldn’t have been able to resist. What the hell had I done?

  “I’m sorry, Claire. I promised myself I would take it slow, but I just don’t know if that’s possible with you. Please don’t be mad, baby.”

  Was he serious? Don’t be mad even though I had just let him finger-fuck me in public where anyone, including my colleagues, could have enjoyed the show?

  “I’m not mad—at you,” I sighed. “Nothing happened that I didn’t let happen. Just let me go,” I begged, pushing at his arms.

  “I can’t. I know you’d be better off without me, but I’m yours and you were meant to be mine.” He slid his right hand down until it rested above my breast. “Your body knows it. I won’t stop until your heart does, too.”

  I bit back a moan, as agony ripped through me. He owned me, completely. He always had. Everything I ever wanted was within the circle of my arms, but he would still never be mine. Even if I could make things right with Alice, and that was a big if, there was something else I couldn’t make right. Something that made me doubt whether Jackson Montgomery could ever be my sure thing.

  “This can’t happen again. We can’t happen. I’m sorry. I—please let me go.”

  Jackson’s hands dropped to his side, and his shoulders slumped forward. He took a step back and focused on the steps below us. “Claire, don’t run away from me, from us. Not this time,” he whispered. Then, he looked up, piercing me with desolate turquoise eyes. “Give me a chance, please.”

  The hint of desperation in his voice, the utter stillness of his body, the way he looked at me; it all caused my already broken heart to ache. It was torture; unadulterated misery.

  “I’m sorry. I have to . . . I’ve gotta . . . work,” I stammered as I ran out the door, swiping at the tears sliding down my cheeks.

  I wavered on the other side, desperate to run back and throw myself into his arms. I needed to tell him how much I loved him and always would. But the reality of the situation held me back. I was grasping for a fairytale my reality would rip to shreds piece by painful piece. No, Jackson, I’m not a Cinderella type of girl, I agreed before I rushed to the elevator.

  THERE WAS NO way to mistake Jackson’s sincerity, but how could I have been so wrong about everything? Was I too wrapped up in what Alice wanted to see the truth? More likely, I was afraid to look deeper because of how much I wanted him. I was so fucking stupid, and now it was too late.

  There were years and years of memories, both good and bad. They all seemed different when looking through the filter of what Jackson had said. He cared about me. Maybe he even more than cared, but I had been too busy denying my feelings to notice. Every time I started to feel too much, I pushed it down, and whenever he got close, I would run away. I couldn’t do it much longer. I had to face him with the truth, and then I’d have to let him go.

  10½ Years Ago

  At the halfway point, I would have said, my senior year was turning out better than I could have hoped. The students of New Haven Academy did not miraculously find Jesus over the summer, nor did they benefit from a personality transplant because of an alien invasion. They were all still unbearable little shits that couldn’t possibly think anything worse about me than I did about them. The change was a result of my expanding circle, which now included Jackson, Alice and . . . Duncan.

  Duncan transferred from a private school in New York. He was an athlete, but still surprisingly intelligent. He was good looking and annoyingly cocky. Of course, his family was also rich. Not Montgomery or Sinclair rich, but close enough to have all of the New Haven sheep bowing down to his greatness. And for some reason, he was determined to be my friend.

  “Hey, Claire, wait up.”

  A frustrated breath hissed between my teeth as I slammed my locker shut. “What, Duncan? What do you want now?”

  “Just my daily dose of you, sunshine.”

  I looked up, annoyed at the smile on his face and the ease with which he ignored my attempts to turn him away. I took my time to catalog the guy standing before me. Even I could appreciate the navy blue eyes fringed by lush dark lashes and the ebony locks that curled over the right side of his face. The show-stopper was the swoon worthy dimples that dipped on each cheek as he smiled down at me. They were even more appealing than the compact muscles barely contained beneath the school polo shirt. Although the blazer was required to be worn as well, who in their right mind would ask him to put it on? He looked like a young Superman, only better. Groups of girls threw themselves at him daily, practically dry humping him at his locker, in the hallway, in the cafeteria, and so on. Why was he wasting his time on me, especially when he had to know how unpopular that would be?

  “What’s your deal, Duncan? Are you slow or are you just looking for a challenge? How many times do I have to tell you, I’m not interested?”

  “I like you, Claire. I just want to get to know you better. Am I not good enough
to be your friend? I never would’ve thought you were a snob.”

  Looking back, I could pin point this as the moment it happened. I prided myself on my intelligence. I had a 4.25 GPA at one of the top prep schools in the country. I was points away from a perfect score on my college placement tests, even though I took them two years earlier than normal. I was arguably a genius, but Duncan, had out-smarted me.

  No way in hell would I let anyone think I was a snob. I was nothing like the kids I went to school with. So I gave him a chance. Duncan made it surprisingly easy. He matched my sarcasm and made me laugh. He showed his interest in being my “friend” by walking me to class, carrying my books, and eating lunch with me every day. He spent months breaking through my defenses. What girl wouldn’t appreciate the devoted attention of a hot guy? Sadly, he wasn’t the guy who made my heart pound, but he was a much needed buffer and eventually he wore me down. I agreed to go out with him.

  My first date was everything most girls dream of. Duncan came to my door on Saturday afternoon with flowers in his outstretched hands and his dimples flashing down at me. He made me wait for him to open doors, and he held my hand every chance he got. We went for a picnic at the park and spent the entire day eating, laughing, and playing around like a couple of kids before ending the night at the movies.

  When Duncan opened the car door and took my hand to lead me up my walkway, our easy banter slipped away. The date had been a surprising success. I liked spending time with him, but as he leaned in to kiss me goodbye, I panicked. Pulling my hand free, I stepped out of his reach.

  “Thank you for an amazing day. It was fun, but I always have fun with you.”

  “This is just the beginning of all the fun I have planned for us, Claire.”

  I looked up into his handsome face and wondered what was wrong with me. He’s perfect for me, for anyone, and he’s actually interested in me—only me. But, his smile didn’t make me melt. And his eyes, as gorgeous as they were, didn’t twist me into knots every time I looked into them. Maybe that wouldn’t have been such a big deal if there wasn’t someone else that made me feel all that and more.

  “I’m sorry, Duncan, but I don’t think that’s going to happen.”

  His confident smile drifted away. “But you just said . . . I don’t understand.”

  “I think you’re great. You make me laugh and I can be myself around you. You have no idea how much your friendship means to me. But, I know for sure now, that’s all it is—friendship. Tonight was perfect, but I don’t want to lead you on and let you think it’s more than it is.”

  “Six months later and you don’t want to lead me on. Are you fucking kidding me?”

  “I’m sorry, I-”

  “Was this all just a game, some kind of sick joke to you?”

  I could see the pain behind his anger and it made me feel like shit. “Of course not, Duncan.” I reached out for his hand, but he was the one to pull away this time.

  “I can’t believe they were right about you,” he whispered. I watched helplessly as he slammed his car door and sped away.

  Monday couldn’t come fast enough. I had screwed things up with Duncan horribly. It had taken me months to believe his interest was genuine. Then I knew he wanted more than friendship. Just as I knew I didn’t feel the same way. But I had continued to use him, hoping maybe I could start to feel more. That should have worked. He was straight out of a romance novel and everything would have been so much easier that way. Now I could see how selfish that was. I never stopped to think about Duncan or his feelings.

  I needed to apologize. I just prayed he would be able to forgive me. Duncan had become someone I cared about. He was one of very few people I considered a friend. Not on a Jackson and Alice level, but the difference was one of the best things about us. I couldn’t afford to lose him.

  I hadn’t expected him to be waiting for me by my locker like he normally was, but I hoped our paths would cross sooner or later. However, Duncan was nowhere to be found. Giving up on a random sighting, I wasted my entire lunch hour looking for him.

  During the last few months, with Duncan constantly by my side, I had gotten used to being ignored. Soon after lunch, I started to notice a change. The stares and laughter from my classmates were back. It felt like everyone’s eyes were on me as they whispered behind their hands. I hoped I was being paranoid, but something told me they were talking shit about me.

  By the last period, there was no doubt I was the center of gossip and they were reveling in it. Their voices got louder, bolder and in my face. Words like “slut” and “whore” were repeated often. Whatever, I’d heard it all before. But, it took all of my strength not to haul off and punch someone. It wouldn’t have been the first time. Finally the last bell rang, and I couldn’t get to my locker fast enough.

  I rounded the corner, a few feet from my destination, but my steps faltered. Duncan stood at the end of the hall surrounded by guys. They all burst into laughter the second they saw me. His locker was nowhere near mine, so he must have been waiting for me. Waiting to laugh it up with his friends—to gloat. My stomach dropped and tears filled my eyes. Quickly, I turned to drop off my books. Maybe I was wrong. Please God let me be wrong. But no matter what, don’t let them see me cry.

  A hand grazed across my ass and I nearly jumped into the lockers. I looked up to see two leering brown eyes attached to a big body crowding me against the wall. I didn’t even remember this asshole’s name.

  “Duncan’s been telling us all about the things you like to do. He said you couldn’t get enough. Since he’s done with you, I’d be happy to take his place.”

  And there it was, confirmation: betrayal, pain.

  “Sorry, I’m not a lesbian.”

  “Huh?” he replied. What an idiot. Time to dumb it down for him and everyone else listening.

  “Fuck off, before I snap off your dick and shove it up your ass. That’s what I like to do and Duncan loved it. Still want to take his place?” I almost laughed as he stumbled trying to get away.

  I was used to people talking about me and making shit up. It got old, and sometimes it made me mad. But the opinions of people I have no respect for meant nothing to me. Nothing they did could hurt me, not really. Not if I didn’t let it. But Duncan . . . my eyes cut to the end of the hallway. He was still standing there with his friends. They were laughing again, but he wasn’t. I could see the pain and even regret all over his face. Well boo-hoo, asshole. I didn’t care, or at least he’d never know I did. I turned back to grab my homework as Jackson raced by me heading straight for Duncan. Breathlessly, Alice trailed behind him calling his name. But, Jackson didn’t stop until he was right in Duncan’s face.

  “I warned you, you stupid son of a bitch.”

  “Relax, Jackson. It’s over. There’s nothing to be jealous of anymore,” Duncan replied, and all the idiots surrounding him brayed like the jackass they were.

  Even more enraged than before, Jackson shoved Duncan into the lockers. The thud echoed down the hallway.

  “I told you what would happen if you did anything to hurt her.”

  Duncan now appeared to be just as angry as Jackson. I didn’t want or need anyone fighting my battles. But I would be lying if I said I hadn’t wanted to hurt Duncan myself right then. I should have realized Jackson, the protector, would lose it. Should I try to stop this? Jackson was a little taller and Duncan was more muscular, but they still appeared to be evenly matched.

  “Fuck you,” Duncan said. “You can’t hurt someone who doesn’t care.”

  “We’ll see about that. You’re definitely going to hurt when I’m done with you. I’m going to fucking destroy you, but I’ll let you have the first hit.”

  “Come on, man. I don’t want to fight you.”

  “If you’re too much of a pussy to fight back, it doesn’t matter to me. I’ll count to three.”

  “Jackson-” Duncan started to say.

  “1—2–”

  Duncan swung and hit Jackson on his
cheek. His head twisted to the side from the impact. Then Jackson hit Duncan back in the same place. His entire body twisted to the side and slammed into the lockers. A dazed Duncan swung again, but he missed. Jackson did not. He hit Duncan again and again, until the only thing holding Duncan up was Jackson’s left hand fisted in his polo so he could get in another blow.

  No one moved. I think we were all in shock. Oh God, he’s going to really hurt him.

  “Jackson, stop, please,” I screamed. Then I ran, pushing the circle of onlookers out of my way to get to him.

  His fist stopped the second he heard my voice. He lifted Duncan up, smashing him back against the lockers until they were eye to eye.

  “If you even look at her again, there will be no where you can hide from me.”

  I grabbed Jackson’s arm and he let Duncan go. I watched Duncan’s bloody, broken face as slid down the lockers, and I almost felt sorry for him—almost. Jackson turned, crushing me to him. I wrapped my arms around his waist and clung to him like he was a lifeline. It felt so good. I could have held onto him forever. But then I slowly began to realize what I was doing. In a school hallway. In front of other people. In front of Alice. I was glued to him like he was the long lost love of my life.

  It took a moment to pry myself loose. What the hell was I thinking? I practically spun in a circle to avoid looking at him only to look right into Alice’s stunned blue eyes. That was even worse. Suddenly, it was all too much. I couldn’t breathe. I had to get away.

  “Mr. Montgomery.”

  I turned around to see Principal Barnaby behind us. He and all the other teachers had conveniently missed the main event. I knew none of them would want to be the one responsible for disciplining Mr. Montgomery. But his appearance was the distraction I needed. I sprinted for the door and pretended not to hear Jackson calling my name.

  It seems like I was almost as good at pretending as I was running back then.