Love Renewed (Entwined Hearts #3)

by Maria Macdonald

“When I got back and crept in, everything felt off. I can’t explain how. It just didn’t feel right. I got to my room and felt instantly relieved sinking to the floor with my back against the door. The relief was short lived when I got up and turned to lock my door, realising the inside lock you fitted had been removed.” I can feel Dane’s hand getting tighter and tighter so I pull mine from his. He looks down but says nothing. “It occurred to me that Leo, the younger boy who was living there with us, had a night away with his aunt. That Shelly was out whoring and that I was alone with Kurtis.” Dane slips his hands into his hair gripping and pulling it, torment in his eyes. “Do you want me to stop?” I ask, more worried about him than me. Strangely, I’m feeling somewhat okay about reliving my story, like I’m telling someone else’s story. It’s like Dane is my shield and nothing can hurt me anymore.

  “No baby,” he croaks.

  “Okay. I tried to ignore the worry. I knew there was nothing I could do…nobody to save me,” I whisper the last part because it's true and it hurts. I know he’ll feel like it was his fault even though it isn’t—not really. Still it’s part of my story and although hurting him isn’t my intention, I need to say what I felt. He needs to know exactly how it was, then I can finally start to let it all go. So I can’t think of his feelings while I relive my nightmare. “I continued to go about my usual nightly business. I brushed my teeth and put on one of your shirts. I remember so clearly. It was a blue button-through shirt, it was too big, the sleeves would hang over my hands, but it still smelled like you and I loved it. I burnt it after that night.” I can see his corded neck as he tries to contain the emotion, turning his head away from me slightly, I allow him the space he needs while I finally get out the rest of my story. “He came in, I heard him. When he sat on the side of my bed, I asked what he was doing and tried to move away. Kurtis laughed resting his hand on the side of my face, pinching my cheek. ‘I’ve always wondered what it would be like to have you, someone tight and fresh and new. Pity, I didn’t get to break you in. I know that the dipshit Dane had it from you first. Still, he’s gone, so now I get my turn.’ He didn’t try to gag me or quiet my screams, there was nobody to hear them, no one to stop him. He raped me.” Dane shifts then stands, he knew this, I threw it out there when we had our argument in New York. Still, I can see as the muscle in his cheek jumps that he’s keeping a very loose reign on control at the moment. “I’m not going to talk about the small details as I’ve blanked them out myself, even before I lost my memory, and honestly, it’s not something I want to relive. I switched off, went somewhere else, it was like he was using someone else’s body. The only thing I clung on to was that he used a condom. I know why, he couldn’t risk getting me pregnant. Still, I went to the clinic, got myself checked out. Ryan took me. I didn’t press charges. Though, to be honest, back then I was completely fucked up and I didn’t know what to do. After he had left my room that night, I ran to Ryan’s. Told him what had happened and he tried to get me to go to the police but I couldn’t face it. Ryan went back to the house to grab some of my things, my passport and important bits. Then I stayed with him. I was waiting until you came back, I wanted to tell you, ask you what to do. But you never came. I asked Ryan a few times and he said he’d heard you were a big shot model now and had no intention of coming back…” I falter as my emotion surfaces. It’s strange, I don’t get overly emotional about being raped, but I do about Dane abandoning me, which is how it felt. When I needed him the most, he let me down. I know now that it didn’t happen like that, still it doesn’t erase the hurt I felt then and still do now. It’s like a fresh wound. Seeing Dane again tore that wound open and I’m struggling to move past it.

  “Lying little fucker. I can’t tell you how much I want to kill him. And just so you know. I will,” he informs me like he’s just told me we’ve run out of toothpaste.

  “Oh okay. Actually, on that subject, I want to know about you. What are you, Dane?” I ask, my curiosity spiked.

  “One thing at a time Nova. First, I want you to finish your story. Do you know how you lost your memory?” I gulp at his words. I do. I remembered everything. But I’m scared to tell him.

  “Nova,” he pushes.

  “I stayed with Ryan. After about six months of living with him and no sign of you, he propositioned me again. Not trying to kiss me, just asking for a date. I said no. Then a month later he asked again. This was how it continued. Eventually I gave in, said yes. And you know what? I had fun. He took me to the beach. You know how I’ve always loved it by the sea. Things continued in that way. Then a little over a year after you left we finally kissed and became a couple. Three months later the beatings started.”

  “Fuck!” Dane bellows smashing his nearly healed fist into the mirror above the fireplace.

  “For goodness sake! You seriously have to stop punching things big guy,” I chastise him then run to the kitchen, grabbing a towel and some ice. I come back and make him sit back next to me on the sofa as I tend to his now bleeding hand. I can tell his anger is far from under control as his eyes glisten and his jaw works. I reach up and hold his face in my hands. “You want me to tell you everything, I have no problem doing that. You know why?” I don’t stop to wait for his reply. “Because I can relive it all now, much easier than I thought I’d be able to. The reason is because I’m with you now. I know you’ll protect me. He can’t hurt me anymore. None of them can.”

  His eyes drop from mine to his hand then back to me. “Maybe. Still, you got caught up in the last lot of shit and could have died. If they had just put a bullet in your head when they had you I don’t—”

  I cut him off. “They didn’t. Anyway, you can’t blame yourself for that—”

  “The fuck I can’t!” he hisses.

  “Stop!” I shout and then lower my voice. “Just stop. Okay? I get what you’re saying. But if you knew I was in this country would I have been in danger then? If I hadn’t have just turned up to your house unannounced would I have been in danger?” I argue.

  “That’s not the point. Just being with me puts you in danger, and baby you should be able to come anywhere I am unannounced.”

  “Are you getting out of whatever it is you’re in?” I ask the question that scares me the most.

  “Already am. Just need to finish Ryan then I’m done for good. But I’m already out. Ryan is personal,” he explains.

  “Why are you out?” I counter.

  “Because I love you.”

  “There. That’s all I need to know.”

  He says nothing but closes his eyes and when they open I see a different Dane. A softer, emotional Dane, as his eyes shimmer. “The accident. I ran, got away from Ryan. Eventually. I’d been doing the ironing for the neighbour whenever he was out. It didn’t pay a lot and it took me nearly a year to save the money. I went to a shelter, it was about a month before Christmas. I used a fake name. Then I went to a travel agent and booked a one-way ticket to New York. I’d seen a photoshoot of you randomly only a month before and it said you worked at the modelling agency. But it was in New York. I wanted to get there. To see you. So everything I had saved to let me escape, I used instead to take me to you. All I had to do was get through a few weeks until my flight. One day I was out. I’d just picked up my ticket and was walking back from the High Street. I had nothing on me except the ticket and my passport, which I carried everywhere. Feeling free and happy I never saw Ryan coming. He was on a motorbike. He stopped and grabbed me, hauled me in front of him and drove off. I wasn’t even sitting on it properly. I struggled and tried to get away when I realised he wasn’t letting me go I started screaming. We were only a mile or so up the road when he noticed people were watching us. So he threw me off. I wasn’t wearing a helmet. He didn’t slow down.” I stop and bite my lip. “I was lucky that I didn’t die,” I whisper.

  I move to touch Dane’s hand. “Don’t touch me,” he forces out through bared teeth. I shrink back and once again feel a sting from his bite. I know he’s just angry an
d needs a minute to pull himself together, and the reason he’s angry is because of me. Still, I can’t push aside the pain of losing him or rejection.

  I close my eyes and try with everything inside me to pull my head out of my arse and back to where it needs to be. Every single thing she has told me has made my body feel like it’s been wound another time around the reel coiled that bit tighter and I’m about ready to snap. I need some release, I need to let some aggression out and the only way to do that other than killing someone—Ryan—is to use the gym. I need to box. Opening my eyes, I look at Nova. She’s so beautiful. Strong. True. She has been through hell and yet she’s still determined to tell me it all, let it all hang out there, without shedding a tear for either of those bastards.

  I cup her face and lean in kissing her forehead as softly as I can manage right now. I know she’s hurting, part of that is because of me. I’m also aware that she hasn’t gotten over the pain I caused when I left. I know Pea said I had to get past it because I was seventeen, but that doesn’t excuse my behaviour, especially when I knew what she was being left to deal with. Pea doesn’t get it. Soph does, though. The short conversation I had with her after Nova kicked me out of her apartment in New York, imparting that she had been raped, was eye opening. I knew that Nova had been attacked by Kurtis. If I knew the extent I would have made the bastard suffer. When I told Soph, she understood where Nova was coming from. Having someone there preying on her and me leaving her to that guy. She told me Nova would need a fair bit of reassurance that I could be trusted. So far she’s been easy on me, not demanding or even asking for anything other than my love. I know with this conversation, though, we have opened up a whole new can of worms and I have to boil the fuckers.

  “Come on Nova, let me take you somewhere,” I ask hoping she feels safe enough with me that she’s willing to try. She looks back at me like there’s something her brain is trying to work out.

  “Okay,” she whispers. “Just…please don’t ever hurt me again.” She slips her hand into mine breaking my heart in the process. The idea that I might hurt her never would have existed in her head in the past. If I could go back and beat the shit out of the seventeen-year-old me, I would. Happily. He made choices that broke me in a way that might never be fixed.

  As we turn down the old road, Nova starts twitching.

  “You okay?” I ask, keeping the humour from my voice. Although we’ve pushed past the world of pain we were in twenty minutes ago, it’s still not a situation where we’re ready to laugh, and I’m taking my cues from her. When she’s happy I will be. Still, it’s nice to see her getting excited having worked out where we are going.

  “Yes. It’s just…it’s been so long.”

  “I know,” I say and lace my fingers through hers. It’s the first contact we’ve had since we got in the car and I relish the feel of her warmth. I release her hand when we pull up to the empty car park. The place was shut down a few years ago, and as it’s out of the way, is normally pretty much abandoned. Being that it’s still wet, nearing seven at night and already dark, I’m sure nobody will be here. Walking around to her side of the car and opening the door, I take note that almost all the lights are out, thankfully a few are still working around the building. When she gets out, I grab her hand again and look down at what she’s wearing. Jeans, a hoodie and trainers. Well, that will make things easier and I’m glad I chucked joggers on after our shower earlier. Teamed with the trainers and hoodie, we’re both ready for this.

  “Come on,” I say and pull her with me, jogging around the side of the building.

  When we get to the back, I pick Nova up under her armpits, lifting her straight into the air until she’s looking down at me.

  She squeals. “Be careful, Dane. We’re not teenagers anymore, you don’t want to get hurt.” She bites her bottom lip trying not to laugh.

  “Right that sounds like a challenge,” I say dropping her down then bending until my shoulder connects with her stomach. Hoisting Nova up, I throw her over me until she’s hanging down my back, then wrapping my arms across her legs I run. She screams and laughs. “Remember whatever happens you had it coming,” I advise.

  “Dane!” she squeaks my name out and I laugh, then take off into a full sprint, she’s bouncing on my shoulder and smacking my arse. Nova kicks her legs and wiggles, but it’s worth every stray kick or slap just to hear her laughing again. Whizzing around the building and over the grass a couple of times, then finally making my way back to the building I set her back down.

  “Oh my God! That was like going back in time. You’re still a complete nutcase!” she shouts in between giggles.

  “Had to prove my virility after you bashing me for being too old,” I say with a wink.

  “Okay big guy, consider me told.” She laughs and I tuck a strand of loose hair behind her ear and her breath catches. As much as I’d like to get lost in her again, that’s not what tonight is about. Grabbing her shoulders, I push her in front of me toward the side wall before I change my mind. Nova giggles.

  “What?” I ask.

  “Nothing really, I was just thinking the last time we were here you lost your hat, remember that?”

  “Yeah. And whose fault was that? I mean it had nothing to do with a certain female, that’s currently not too far away from me, taking my hat and throwing it in the air repeatedly. No?” I smirk at her outraged face.

  “No!” she says in a high-pitched lilt and I laugh. “It’s not my fault you were mucking about. The way I remember it you kept putting it on my head and I was throwing it back. I didn’t know the wind would pick it up…or the dog.” She laughs again, probably remembering me chasing the dog trying to get my hat back.

  “Come on funny girl,” I say crouching down. She turns away from me until she’s on my right-hand side, her firm bum pressing against my shoulder. I grip her lower legs with my left arm and throw my right around her back, guiding her until she’s sitting on my shoulder, then I stand taking her with me. Her hands grip my hair and arm simultaneously and I let her gain her balance before walking toward the building, close enough so her stomach is at the ledge of the flat roof. She lifts herself over the edge and onto the roof, then I reach up gripping the edges with my fingers. I use all my strength to drag myself up and over, glad that I can still manage it with proficiency. Once I’m standing, I notice Nova creeping around the edges looking down.

  “Still scared of heights?” I call to her.

  “Yep,” she shouts back and the wind carries her words.

  “But yet, you still have to go to the edge and look down,” I state and shake my head. After all these years this woman still baffles me.

  “I need to see it, just because it settles my tummy,” she tells me turning around her hands sit on her hips.

  “All right weirdo.” I chuckle and walk over to the middle. I sit down and cross my legs and watch Nova walking to me. As cold as I am inside, I feel the warmth and have to pinch myself sometimes when I realise Nova’s real. She copies my position and we take a few minutes to just look at each other.

  “I never thought I’d be doing this again,” she whispers, breaking the silence.

  “Me either, baby,” I reply and grab her hands in mine bringing each one up to my mouth and kissing the back of them.

  “Do you think there’s still water down there?” she asks taking her hands back and pointing below us.

  “I doubt it. Health and Safety would have made them drain it. Otherwise, people could break in and drown.”

  “Yeah, I guess so.” We both return to silence. My thoughts turn to the swimming pool that used to be alive with fun years ago. Nova and I would visit as often as we could. When we couldn’t afford to swim, we’d wait until it was night and come here to sit on the roof, watching the stars. Talking about life and our dreams. It was our safe spot, on top of the world.

  “Tell me about your life, Dane. How did you end up being who you are?” Her voice is so soft and it trembles slightly.

 
“Are you cold?” I ask.

  She shakes her head no but doesn’t speak.

  Sighing, I realise this can’t be put off any longer.

  “You have to understand, I never tell people the whole truth about me, if I did they'd never see me the same. Never. You're my exception, Nova. Only you. But you need to promise. If you feel like running away from me, that first you'll listen, give yourself time to digest. Ask me any question you want...I'll answer you. I'll always tell you the truth, but don't ever be scared of me. I'll never hurt you. Never Nova. Because the truth is you're the one with all the power, you could take me down in a heartbeat and I don't think you even realise it yet.” I open myself wide for her to reach in and break my heart, but she just looks at me.

  “I’ll never leave you, now I have you again. I’ve been waiting for you to rescue me for my whole life, to take me from the mundane to the amazing. No matter what you tell me I’ll always stand right by your side, or at your back, or hugging your front, but you’ll never be without me. Never.” She whispers to me.

  Rubbing my hand down my face I feel a burst of happiness and contentment like I haven’t felt before and I’m ready to tell her everything.

  “I’ve worked for a group of trained professionals for many years now. Jenson recruited me,” I start.

  “Trained professionals?” she asks.

  “Killers, Nova.” At my words her face jolts back. “This can’t be a surprise, you’ve seen what I am capable of,” I reply.

  “No, it’s just…I guess it’s different hearing it confirmed.”

  I nod and place my finger over my mouth asking for her silence. “Let me get this out and then you can ask questions, okay?” She smiles and I take that as her agreement. “It’s a covert group which works for an unknown government agency. We carry out Black Ops and only Black Ops. They’re operations that aren’t known to the public or most of the government.”

  “Like James Bond? Like a spy?” she asks excitedly her eyes widening.