The First Time Mums' Club

by Lucie Wheeler

  ‘It’s not fair to put more on her shoulders.’

  ‘So where does she think you are during the day?’

  ‘At work.’

  ‘Have you told her you are?’ Imogen couldn’t hide the guilt on her face and Zoe added, ‘I see.’

  ‘I’m a really bad person, aren’t I?’ Maybe her mum was right.

  ‘No, not at all. Hey, listen to me,’ Zoe put her finger under Imogen’s chin and lifted her head just enough so that they regained eye contact. ‘You’re not a bad person, okay? You are one of the nicest, kindest people I have met in a long time. So don’t you go thinking that you are anything but.’

  ‘You don’t have to say that.’

  ‘I know I don’t, but I mean it.’ Another silence before Zoe asked, ‘Why has he signed you off with stress? Is it anything I can help with?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘Surely Alice can help? She wouldn’t want you to be stressed out and not tell her.’

  Imogen acted on impulse whilst she still had the confidence and simply opened her mum’s message on her phone and slid it across the table for Zoe to read. She looked at Imogen with slight confusion as she picked up the phone and read. It felt weird. Half like it was a weight off her shoulders to share this with someone, and half betrayal of Alice. Because, realistically, she should be the one she was sharing this with.

  ‘Wow, I take it this isn’t the first message your mum has sent you like this.’ Imogen shook her head. ‘And Alice doesn’t know about this?’ Another shake. ‘I can see why you wouldn’t want to share this with her, but honestly, she should know what is going on. She would want to help you. Does she know your mum feels like this?’

  ‘She knows Mum isn’t really on board with the whole lesbian thing and she knows that Mum has sent me texts before, but we spoke and agreed that I wouldn’t reply and fuel the argument. I suffered with really bad anxiety attacks a while back because of stuff Mum was saying and Alice was so annoyed. That’s why she wants me to not see Mum any more. I told her I cut off from her recently. She doesn’t know Mum is still sending me these.’ She pointed at her phone in frustration. ‘Zoe, I can’t show her, it would break her heart to hear my mum speak about her like that. And I promised I wouldn’t message her any more. And then I lied, and now I’m too far into it and I don’t want Alice to think I am a liar… it’s just a mess!’

  ‘And what about how she’s speaking to you? That isn’t right.’ She leaned in so that her face was closer to Imogen’s, making her point clear.

  ‘I know, but Mum will never change.’

  ‘That doesn’t mean you have to put up with this sort of abuse. Don’t you think it would be better to cut away? Can’t you change your number?’ Zoe looked over her shoulder as some customers entered the café talking loudly between themselves and taking up seats at a table by the door.

  ‘That wouldn’t help. She knows where I live. If she can’t contact me via the phone, she might turn up at the house. And I really don’t want that.’

  ‘So, what are you going to do? Keep receiving these horrible messages from her? It’s making you ill. You need to think about the effect this has on your body and…’ she trailed off, clearly not wanting to say it. Imogen knew what she meant, though.

  ‘The babies?’

  Zoe’s eyes were sad. ‘Listen, I’m not about to sit here and preach to you – you obviously get enough of that from your mum. But I just want you to think about yourself. You are so lovely, Imogen, and you always think of other people first, but maybe it’s about time you thought about you. You’re a grown woman. If your mum isn’t going to support you to be happy, then you don’t need that sort of negativity in your life.’

  ‘But she’s my…’ she couldn’t say it, the emotion caught in her throat and she stopped talking.

  ‘I know, sweetheart. But you have Alice and you have us. You never know, she might come round to it when the babies are here?’ Imogen wasn’t so sure. ‘Hang on, I’ll just serve these customers and we can think of what we are going to do. Plus I want to talk to you about tomorrow’s surprise for Ellie, if you’re still around to help?’ Zoe gave her a squeeze on the shoulder before she made her way over to the group who had just come in.

  Chapter 23

  ‘So you’re here to stay for a bit, then? You decided to listen to me?’ Zoe smirked as she placed the cutlery away from the dishwasher and Ellie couldn’t help but roll her eyes. ‘It’s only taken you nearly a week to come round to the idea.’

  ‘Yes okay, you were right, I was wrong, blah, blah, blah!’ She gathered up the plates and put them in the cupboard. She had to admit, being here with her sister and doing mundane things like unloading the dishwasher together was actually really nice. When the shop was closed and it was just the two of them, in the flat, doing stuff like this, she realised how much she missed having her sister around all the time.

  ‘I’m only messing with you, you know that. I’m just glad you decided to take me up on the offer.’

  ‘Yeah, well, I don’t have many other options at the moment, do I?’

  Zoe closed the dishwasher door and looked at Ellie. ‘Thanks for that, Sis. Nice to feel loved.’

  ‘Zoe –’

  She held up her hand in protest. ‘It’s okay, I’m joking. So how are you feeling today? Any more nausea?’

  ‘Oh God, that was horrendous last week. I honestly felt like I wanted to curl up and die.’ She instinctively touched her stomach.

  ‘Bit dramatic.’ Zoe shrugged.

  ‘Oh yeah? Well until you are throwing up every five minutes, your opinion doesn’t count.’

  The knocker sounded and Zoe jumped to answer it before Ellie even had a chance to think. ‘Woah, easy girl. What’s the rush?’

  ‘I’ve kind of got a little bit of a surprise for you.’ She called over her shoulder as she exited the kitchen.

  Ellie’s stomach turned over in anticipation. ‘What do you mean a surprise? ‘

  ‘You’ll see.’

  ‘What? I don’t want to see, I want to know – Zoe?’ She heard the front door open and the familiar voices of Pippa and Imogen floated through into the kitchen. Within seconds the pair of them appeared in the doorway looking suspicious. ‘Why do I feel like something is going on?’

  Zoe popped her head around the doorframe, appearing as a floating head between Imogen and Pippa’s torsos. ‘Wellllll….’

  ‘Zoe…’ Ellie warned.

  ‘Thing is, Sis, we’ve been talking and the girls agree that you should move up here… permanently.’

  ‘What?’ she picked up the tea towel to dry her hands. ‘Come on, we’ve –’

  ‘Just hear us out.’ Zoe moved into the room fully and the others took up positions either side of her. ‘You don’t have anything holding you where you are living at the moment. I know you’ve got your job, but you can find work up here and you can work at the café until things settle down. I could do with a hand some days.’

  Pippa took out a piece of paper from her pocket and unfolded it. ‘We’ve found a list of possible job opportunities that you might like and we’ve also put down some ideas for something self-employed so that there’s more flexibility when the baby comes.’ She handed the paper to Ellie, who took it slowly, eyeing up her friends in confusion, with her mouth slightly open. As she turned the paper around to look at it, Imogen stepped forward.

  ‘We’ve also got a list of flats that are vacant at the moment, but we all agreed that maybe you might be better off staying here with Zoe until after the baby is born and you have some regular money coming in, but if you really didn’t want to be here then there are some other options available at the moment.’

  Zoe knelt down in front of the sofa and placed her hands on Ellie’s knees. ‘But I would really like it if you stayed here with me. I want to be a big part in this baby’s life, Ellie. You and I have lived so far apart for too long and I miss you. Having you around these last couple of months has been amazing and it has made me realise
how much I miss having my little sister around.’

  ‘Wow, Zoe, I don’t know what to say.’

  ‘Say yes.’ She looked so happy at the thought of having Ellie back in her life every day.

  ‘Zoe, it’s not that simple. It’s one thing taking an extended holiday and putting all my bills, work… my life on hold. But I can’t just uproot and move here for good.’ She rested the small of her back on the counter.

  ‘Why can’t you? We’ve worked everything out, it can be done, Ellie. What reason do you have to stay where you are?’

  Zoe challenged Ellie and for the first time she actually couldn’t think of a good enough reason. She had spent so long working herself into the ground before this all happened so she didn’t have a huge amount of friends back home – mostly colleagues who hung out with her because of who she was, not because they cared about her. And then there was her dad.

  ‘I guess.’ She looked at the three of them and smiled. ‘I can’t believe you have all gone to so much trouble to do all of this. Why?’

  Imogen smiled. ‘Because we’re friends and that’s what friends do.’

  ‘And there’s one more thing.’ Zoe held up a finger.

  ‘Zoe! Seriously, I can’t take all of these surprises. This one better be a male stripper or I’m going home right now.’

  ‘Well, you’re kind of right.’ She looked to the other girls, who both nodded.

  ‘What! You’ve actually got a stripper?’

  ‘Not exactly, but you are going home right now.’

  Ellie pulled a face. ‘I don’t get it.’

  ‘The girls have not just come over to help me to convince you to stay; we’re going on a road trip.’ Ellie looked from one girl to another. Pippa stepped forward and held out her hand.

  ‘Come on… we’re going to get your stuff.’

  ‘My stuff?’

  ‘Yep. It’s moving day and the only help you have are two pregnant ladies and a woman on a mission.’ Zoe jumped up and grabbed her keys. ‘Last one to the car buys the McDonalds.’

  Chapter 24

  ‘Just keep an eye out for me, please!’ Ellie was feeling extremely nervous and frustrated all at once. She continued to rummage around in her bedroom, throwing in clothes, shoes, bedding… anything she could get her hands on, into black sacks. Had she had more time, this might have been a little more glamorous, with leaving parties and good-luck cards and maybe even a suitcase or three! But she didn’t have the luxury of time. Zoe had to be back by 4pm to close up the café and relieve Sarah, who was helping out today as a last-minute thing. And there were only the four of them to pack. As she threw the various items into black sacks, she couldn’t help but worry that maybe she was making the wrong decision. She was forced to make a decision, but who knows if this was the right one.

  ‘Ellie!’

  ‘What?’ She poked her head out of her bedroom door, looking directly at Zoe, who was still stationed in the front doorway of the flat.

  ‘This is silly, I should be helping you pack, not sitting here like an idiot.’

  ‘Zoe, I don’t want to see Chris, okay? Not until I’ve sorted myself out and he can see that I can make this work. I want to show him properly, in my own time, that I am determined to make this transition for us an easy one. But if he gets wind that I’m here, he will be round here like a shot and he will be upset that I haven’t told him and that I won’t be down the road any more. So just do what I ask and keep an eye out for him. I’m almost done here.’ That was the sad thing. After just two hours, they had already nearly finished packing up her life. Two hours to put all her worldly possessions into black sacks. It wasn’t until now that she realised just how much growing up and settling down she needed to do. At thirty years old, why was she still living off takeaways and going out to get drunk. No boyfriend, no family, yet here she was, pregnant and going to stay at her sister’s. Times were going to change and Ellie, as much as she wouldn’t admit it, felt a twinge of excitement at that fact.

  ‘Ellie, come on. Just let me help, he’s not coming.’

  ‘Fine, but if he turns up when you’re not watching out for him –’

  She was interrupted by the sound of the doorbell. Both girls looked at each other with wide eyes. ‘I bloody told you!’ Ellie whispered, glancing to the front door, which was now closed.

  ‘It might not be him.’ Imogen tried her best to calm the situation, but inside Ellie was panicking.

  ‘Pfft, yeah okay.’

  ‘It’s fine, just let me deal with it.’ Zoe held her hands up to Ellie and walked the few steps back to the front door.

  Ellie listened intently as she stood up against her bedroom door, which was now closed and serving as the barrier between her and Chris. ‘What the hell is he doing here anyway?’ she said to the other two girls, who had ceased all packing and were sitting on the floor, poised to take action should they need to.

  Pippa continued putting the DVD’s she was packing into the holdall as she said, ‘It’ll be okay. Maybe he’s come to see you.’

  ‘Or maybe he needs to collect something – does he have any stuff here?’

  ‘No, he’s not my boyfriend’

  ‘I know. I just meant he might have left stuff here from a night out or something… I don’t know …’ Imogen trailed off and Ellie felt bad.

  ‘Sorry, I didn’t mean to snap. She didn’t have to wait long before her bedroom door opened slowly and Zoe came back in. ‘Err, Els, it’s for you.’

  ‘Well clearly! I’d be surprised if someone knocked on my bloody door asking for the Queen.’ Zoe didn’t respond, but seemed to look confused. ‘Who is it?’

  ‘Who do you think?’ Zoe pulled a face that said I’m sorry as she walked over to the bed and sheepishly picked up a bag to fill.

  Ellie walked out into the living room. Chris had his back to her and was looking out of the window. He looked relaxed and calm, and had a little smile playing on his lips, which developed into a full-blown grin when he spotted Ellie.

  ‘Els! You okay?’ He walked over to her and gave her a hug, kissing her cheek. ‘What you doing back here? You never said you were home.’

  ‘Sit down with me, Chris,’ she said as she walked over to the sofa.

  ‘What’s wrong?’ His face full of concern. ‘Is it the baby?’

  Ellie smiled. She hadn’t seen this side to him before but she really liked it.

  ‘No, the baby is fine – playing trampolines with my bladder, but fine.’

  He smiled fondly at her.

  ‘Chris, listen. I need to tell you something.’ She shuffled around, not able to get comfortable, unsure whether it was because of the baby or her nerves. ‘I’m moving in with Zoe.’ She glanced up to gauge an initial reaction from his face.

  He didn’t say anything, but his face looked hurt. As though she had offended him.

  ‘What?’ she asked.

  ‘Why are you moving away, Els? Don’t you want me to be part of this?’

  ‘Of course I do! ‘She couldn’t bear to see his hurt face. ‘I just need to have my sister round right now – she’s been a massive help so far and it would be good to have her close by when the baby comes.’

  ‘So you’re moving up there, for good? What about me?’

  ‘You can still be there. We can come to you, and you can come up to see us…’

  ‘Ellie, this is stupid. Why do you need to move four hours away? It’s my baby too; I should be able to see it every day.’ His face had gone from hurt to pissed off. Ellie didn’t like this face as much as the last.

  ‘Chris, listen to me. I’m struggling with this whole pregnancy thing. As much as I have come to terms with the fact that I am pregnant, I am still finding the whole thing really hard.’

  ‘Then let me help you! It’s down to me – as the dad – not Zoe!’

  ‘What is wrong with you? I am trying to make a better life for myself and the baby. I have sorted out staying at Zoe’s for now and then when the baby is here, I wil
l get a place of my own. I’m going to start freelancing with my make-up so that I can fit it around the baby and Zoe will help with that. This means I don’t completely lose my identity and I can still work. I have worked my arse off to get where I am with my job, I can’t just give it up.’ The words were just spilling out of her mouth now; she was desperate for him to understand. ‘I can’t stay here, Chris, there’s nothing for me here any more.’

  He stood up. ‘Nothing for you? It doesn’t matter that I am here, huh? There’s nothing at all for you here?’ He spat the words out angrily.

  Ellie stood too. ‘Chris, you know that’s not what I meant. I can’t carry on with my life here; it doesn’t fit with having a baby. None of my friends have children; I go out all the time… it all has to change. And I don’t feel comfortable staying here and making those changes. I have made friends up in Shropshire, they’re in the same situation I am… it’s nice to have proper friends for once, not just clients who want to butter me up for free make-up.’ The words came out without Ellie even realising that she was thinking about things like that. She hadn’t realised how much of an impact having the girls around her now had been.

  Chris softened a little after hearing her out. ‘I just hate that you’ll be so far away. I won’t get to see you all the time.’

  ‘You can see the baby as much as you want to – we can make it work. Just look at it this way, you’ll have the baby but you still get to do all the fun things like going out after work and at weekends …’

  ‘Is that what you think I care about?’ He was angry again.

  ‘You’re taking this all the wrong way –’

  ‘No, I hear you loud and clear, Els.’ He turned to walk out, but then stopped. ‘Do you know, I walked past here today and saw your car outside and I was so happy, because I thought you were coming home.’

  ‘Chris…’

  ‘No, forget it. You just get on with it.’ And he stormed out, leaving Ellie standing in the centre of her living room wondering what the hell had just happened.