Off Your Rocker?

by K E Osborn

  “What? Shit! You think so?” I ask looking back at Hux.

  “Shut up fuckhead. Don’t scare her like that. She already hates the fans, don’t make her petrified of them too,” Colt replies taking my hand in his and rubbing it gently with his thumb.

  Hux laughs and taps me on the head. “Never mind Little Bean, we’ll keep you safe.”

  We pull up at the studios and the three of us walk inside and into a smaller studio than last time. Actually it’s more like an office than an actual studio. Rob’s there to greet us and for once we’re the first to arrive. Colt leads me to the lounge and we sit down as Hux stands at the window looking out across into the garden.

  “So, how’s your rest been Colt?” Rob asks sitting in the lounge opposite us.

  “Yeah, really good to have some down time with the Missus. Actually I think when we go back on tour I’m going to make sure we continue to have our separate room like we had on the first leg of the tour.”

  “Right, well just make sure you arrive at meetings on time. I know how you like to get… carried away and you think you can just show up when you like. You have to commit to this band if you want it to continue to be a success, Colt,” Rob states.

  “Don’t worry Rob, it’ll all be good,” Colt replies.

  “Sladenator, how the fuck are ya?” Dingo calls out as he and Sia walk in. It feels like forever since we last saw them.

  “Hey guys, how’s your holiday been?” I ask, but Sia rolls her eyes so I raise an eyebrow in curiosity.

  “I got the new Xbox the day after we got back, guitar hero is the shit. I’m thinking I might swap the sticks for some riffs what do you think?” Dingo asks with a laugh as Sia shakes her head emphatically.

  “Fuck no, I don’t want to give you a big head or anything, but your drumming kicks arse so you should stick to that,” Hux replies, winking at Sia. Colt and I laugh as Dingo nods his head in agreement, completely oblivious to the fact that everyone is making fun at his expense.

  “Yeah, I guess I’m pretty fucking hot at what I do. You only have to listen to what I did in ‘Until the End of Time’, that stuff was my best work yet,” Dingo praises himself and we all chuckle.

  “You guys starting the party without us?” I hear Anna ask before I see her. Johnny walks in with Anna behind him and they’re all smiles.

  Looks like they’ve had a good break.

  I smirk to myself as an image of Anna in her new leather G-string pops into my mind. I bet Johnny loved those.

  “Okay great. Now that we’re all here, can we have a run through of the single and make sure we’re all happy with it?” Rob asks in a serious tone. Anna sits down next to me as we all squeeze together. I didn’t realise how much I’ve missed her. She wraps her arm around my shoulders and squeezes me tightly.

  “Hey, I missed you,” I whisper to her.

  “I know I need some girl time,” she whispers back and we giggle.

  “If you ladies want to gossip please go. We’re here for serious business and if you can’t keep quiet while we’re working then may I suggest you both leave,” Rob says staring straight us. Anna and I both sit back into the lounge and when he looks away Anna sticks her tongue out at him causing the whole room to start laughing. Everyone except Rob that is, who has no idea why we’re all laughing.

  “C’mon guys be serious,” he states while walking over to the sound system. “Do you want to hear your fucking smash hit or what?” he asks sounding more than a little annoyed. God, he’s so grumpy. The guys start cheering and I notice a faint smile on his lips. Maybe Rob does actually have a heart. Colt takes my hand and the drum solo begins. We listen to the song entirely and I can’t help but feel a little emotional. This song’s about me and I may be a little biased, but I think the song’s absolute rock gold. Once the music is finished I notice everyone is smiling, but no one is saying anything. We’re all just looking around the room at each other.

  Colt’s grip on my hand is so tight as he turns to face me. “Thank you.”

  I look at him with my brows raised. “Thank me? What did I do?”

  “You inspired this year’s biggest hit single,” he replies as the other guys cheer. Anna nudges into me like I should be proud of myself. I didn’t do anything except get homesick. This has nothing to do with me. The band made the song I had nothing to do with the music. So, why’s everyone looking at me and smiling. I start to feel a little embarrassed so I cuddle into Colt’s side and everyone laughs.

  “Oh, Little Bean’s gone all shy. Sprout Little Bean and own that shit. If it wasn’t for you we wouldn’t have this song,” Dingo says and everyone nods. Man I hate being the centre of attention. I shake my head and roll my eyes as I snuggle completely into Colt’s side. He holds me tightly and Rob plays the song over again.

  Everyone’s cheering when the song finishes for the second time.

  “Okay, okay, calm down everyone. Seeing as you all seem to love the song so much, I’m sending out copies to the radio stations tonight. By this time tomorrow, it’ll be a new release and we’ll see if the world gets as excited as you twats,” Rob says.

  Three days have passed and now we’re sitting in the condo with everyone around to hear how well ‘Until the End of Time’ has gone in the charts. We leave for the continuation of the tour tomorrow, so we’re all having a night together just relaxing and eating pizza and drinking beer listening to the radio, while we await the announcement of the UK’s number one song. I’m sitting on the lounge in Colt’s lap with Anna next to us. Everyone else is sprawled out in the lounge room and Dingo’s sitting on the coffee table in a pose like a Buddha monk. I have no idea why. Everyone’s chatting away, laughing and having a good time. It’s nice to be all together again.

  “Shhh, everyone shut up, it’s coming on now,” Sia says and everyone stops talking. My heart’s racing as Colt holds onto me tightly. I have no idea why I’m so nervous. I’m not even in the band and I’m shaking. I can’t even begin to imagine how the guys must be feeling. The radio host starts to talk after the conclusion of the number two song and Sia turns up the volume. I look around the room and watch as everyone is leaning toward the speakers listening and waiting.

  “Tonight’s number one is a newcomer to the charts, released only yesterday, but it has shot up to number one almost immediately, and I can understand why. If you haven’t heard this song, be prepared to be blown away by the magic that is Slayed and their new number one single ‘Until the End of Time’.”

  Everyone screams and cheers as it’s announced that they have made it to the top of the charts, yet again. I’m so excited for Colt. I feel like I could burst with pride. The song starts to play and everyone in the room starts to sing along including me. I turn in Colt’s lap and look at him. He looks into my eyes and rests his forehead against mine as he sings the song he wrote for me. I’m smiling so brightly that my cheeks hurt and I can’t help but feel emotional as he leans in to kiss me. His kiss is full of passion and a steady stream of tears flow from my eyes down my cheeks, because of how proud, honored and loved I feel. And that’s all coming from the man I love, the man kissing me, the man I want to be with for an eternity, and in this moment I know that nothing can tear us apart.

  We’ve been riding the ‘Until the End of Time’ wave since the song was released a month ago. I’m back on tour with the band and I’ve settled in to the hotel and living out of my suitcase routine. Colt still insists on us having our own private room away from the rest of the band, which I think is a good thing, seeing as Hux and Jarred are back into their, partying it up big time in the penthouse suite habits, after every show. Jarred and Jessi are still major pains in my arse. Jarrod hits on me every time Colt turns his head, and Jessi still hangs around like a bad smell. It was so nice when it was just the band and their partners. I’m not overly excited about the Slayettes being back either, although I do kind of like Kira. She’s nice, even though she’s slept with my boyfriend. That thought makes me cringe every time I think abou
t it.

  Rob has Colt and the guys working a lot more than the first leg of the tour. They’re doing multiple interviews in every country we fly to, and they’re writing songs for the new album which they’ll record when the tour finishes in six months time. So, it gives Anna and me a lot of girl time to hang out together while our guys are away doing what they do best, being rock Gods.

  “So, seriously he still hasn’t said that he loves you back?” Anna asks as we sit in the penthouse suite with the rest of the Slayettes while the guys do an interview for some European talk show.

  “Shh, I don’t need everyone else knowing,” I whisper while she curls her hair with a curling iron.

  “Oh, relax. No one’s listening, plus they wouldn’t even be interested. Hux is the man of the moment, ‘cause the girls all know that the rest of the men are completely off the market,” she says with a smirk.

  I roll my eyes and look toward Jessi. “I bet she’d still go after Colt if I wasn’t around,” I state sounding a little more jealous than what I meant to.

  Anna looks at me and giggles. “Well, you may have a point there. I’m sure she’d still love to get some Colter, cock and balls,” Anna replies then laughs at her own joke. I can’t help but smile.

  “So, we digressed! Why hasn’t he said it? It’s been months, surely he’s realised that he loves you by now? I mean we can all see that he does. Why can’t he?”

  “It’s not that simple. He’s too scared to say it because that bitch Macy broke him and he’s worried that I’ll leave him if he says it. I’ve tried to reassure him that I won’t, but nothing I do seems to change the fact that he just won’t say it. I was fine with it, but now it’s sort of starting to annoy me. Like I’m starting to question whether he really actually does love me or not?” I say and Anna puts down the hair curler looking at me intently.

  “Hey, we all know he does, and so do you. I can have a chat to him if you like? Just mention that it’s shithouse to make your girl say she loves you all the time and then not say it back?”

  I laugh at her and shake my head emphatically. “No way, don’t you dare. He’s already feeling stressed at the moment. He’s not used to touring, doing interviews and writing an album all at the same time. I don’t need to be another complication for him. He’ll say it... one day… hopefully,” I say then let out a long drawn out sigh.

  Anna rubs my shoulder and pouts her bottom lip out making me chuckle. “Well, if you need me to kick his cock and balls just let me know. Or, if you want it to actually hurt, then I’ll get Johnny to do it,” she says completely seriously. I laugh at her and roll my eyes.

  “Thanks, but it’s cool. We’ll be okay.” I smile at her. “Hey, it’s getting kinda late. I’m gonna head to bed.”

  She nods blowing me a kiss goodnight.

  I walk out of the penthouse and to our suite door opening it and walking through.

  “And I’m alone again,” I say to no one as I flop down onto the mattress. I could’ve stayed in the penthouse with Anna, but all the talk about Colt just makes me miss him more. It’s not like I don’t see him. I still see him every day and sleep in his arms every night, but for some reason I miss him. I think I got used to us spending every second of every day together when we were on a break back in England. Even though we’ve only been on tour for a month, I still get disappointed when Rob steals some time we’ve set aside for us, by booking more interviews. If I thought Colt was famous when I met him, well his stardom has shot through the roof now. He’s had offers of duets coming in. Movie scripts are being handed to him as well as appearances on US and UK television series. He’s even been asked to host Saturday Night Live, not have the band on as the musical guest, but actually have Colt hosting the show. He’s really nervous about it all, but he has a bright future ahead of him, and I just have to suck it up and get used to it. He’s a hot commodity and everyone wants a little piece of Colt right now. Not that I blame them, he is undeniably amazing. I can’t help but get concerned that all of this might be a little bit too much for him, and that if he can’t take the pressure that something’s gonna give, and I’m just scared as to what that give might be.

  I have a long hot shower then get dressed in my comfy white and pink stripped pyjamas. I can feel my mood deflating with every hour that goes by waiting for Colt to come back to me. I look over at the clock and see it’s after one a.m. I exhale and climb into bed wondering where he is. He’s normally back by now. I can hear the party in the penthouse suite in full swing, and if I wasn’t getting more and more deflated by the minute, I’d get dressed and head over there. I snuggle down under the covers and turn on the television. I don’t really care what’s on, I just want some background noise to keep me from my thoughts. I eventually get to the point where I’m beyond exhausted, and I turn off the television and shut my eyes. I exhale loudly and suddenly I feel very alone. I’m depressed and the only thing I can think of right now is that Colt obviously wants to be anywhere but with me. And with that thought, I cry myself to sleep.

  I’m woken by the bed dipping behind me and his arms wrapping around my stomach. His breath is hot on my neck as he kisses it softly. I can smell the alcohol as he snuggles into me from behind. He takes hold of my hand and I bring it up to rest on my chest pulling him closer to me. I’m still half asleep, but I feel instantly at ease knowing that he’s here with me and I drift back into a comfortable unconsciousness.

  My eyes open and I instantly know he’s not with me. My body feels numb when he’s gone, but when he’s around, it feels like an electrical current is flowing through me at high speeds causing every fibre of my being to be attuned to his presence. I exhale. This is how most of my mornings start out lately, with Colt leaving for interviews before I even wake up. I keep telling him to wake me before he leaves and to say goodbye, but he never does. He just says that I look so peaceful sleeping that he doesn’t have the heart to wake me.

  How did it get like this?

  ‘Until the End of Time’ is such a big success for them and if it wasn’t for me it would never have been written, but in my own selfish way I wish it never had been written, because then I’d still have Colt around and not be spending all my days with Anna, and the nights by myself. I’m happy for Colt and the guys, I know they’re working ridiculously hard, but I’m even starting to see Anna getting slightly annoyed. I think the workload is taking a toll on both our relationships. Sia and Dingo are doing fine though because Sia is the band manager, she gets to go everywhere with them. I’m finding I’m distancing myself from the girls earlier and earlier each night and coming to wallow in my own private self-pity suite more often than not. Anna’s noticing that I’m not feeling the best and even on the flights, Colt’s too busy writing with the band to sit with me and calm me like he used to. I’m starting to feel like he doesn’t even need me anymore.

  We’re two months into the second leg of the tour and every night’s the same. I fall asleep crying and Colt comes in around three a.m. and cuddles into me and then he’s gone in the morning when I wake up. I honestly don’t know if I can keep doing this. I’ve talked to Anna about it and she says it’s the same with Johnny.

  We’re getting drunk over a bottle of champagne and crying to each other about how miserable we both are.

  “I can’t even remember the last time Colt and I made love. He’s too tired when he gets to bed and I never see him any other time. I feel like we’ve drifted apart and I’m not sure that we can find our way back to each other. The band’s his first priority and I get that, but I’d like to just have one day to ourselves. I don’t know, maybe this is just how it’s meant to be,” I say taking another sip of my champagne.

  Anna looks at me and frowns. “When’s the last time you guys slept together?”

  I look up trying to think when the last time was. “The first week of the second leg. In the second week, he was getting to bed too late and now I hardly even wake when he does finally come in,” I say, exhaling and dropping my chin to my
chest.

  “Wow,” she says making me look at her.

  “Why wow?”

  “Well, just that Colt is such a sexual being, to think he’s gone nearly two months without sex is strange to me.” My heart begins to pound hard in my chest.

  “What are you saying?”

  “No, no nothing, I’m definitely not saying that he’s cheating on you, there’s no way he would. I’m just saying that he really must be tired if he’s not searching for any kind of physical connection between the two of you.” I instantly tense up and then I begin to break down. I feel like I’m shaking as my tears flow like a river down my cheeks and Anna wraps her arm around me. “Hey, I know how fucking shit this is. Trust me I know. But you can’t give up on him, not yet, okay?” She hands me a tissue. “Okay, I’m gonna text Johnny and tell him to stay with Colt in the suite tonight, you’re staying here with me and we can wallow together, okay? Give them their time without us and see how they like it,” Anna says. I nod my head and she gets out her phone and sends a text message as I wipe my eyes and then my nose with the tissues.

  “Okay done. Now I’m gonna get some more champagne and bring it in here. We’re gonna lock the door so no one can come into our room and then get even more drunk than we already are, okay?” she asks jumping up from the bed and off to the fridge. I stay in Johnny and Anna’s bedroom and take off my jeans, sliding my legs under the covers and resting my back against the headboard. Anna comes running back in with two more bottles of champagne and shuts the door behind her flicking the lock. I chuckle at her energy as she jumps into the other side of the bed and then pops the cork and pours our glasses full.

  “Here’s to absent husbands, and missing boyfriends,” Anna says raising her glass.

  I sniff and clink mine with hers and we both down the champagne in one go. It’s going to be a long night.