Beautiful Mess

by Preston, Jennifer

  “I’m sorry,” he shook his head, dazed. “Was that a non-math related question I just heard?”

  “Not exactly. You said you needed my help to maintain your eligibility. I’m just wondering where it is you want to be eligible for.”

  “Um, okay,” he seemed taken aback, but quickly continued. “Well, I’d love to go somewhere out of state, but my dad wants me to stay closer to home. I’ve already gotten some football scholarship offers from some local Pac 12 and Mountain West schools. So, I’m looking at UCLA or Cal,” he shrugged.

  “You don’t sound too excited about that. Don’t you want to play football?”

  “Well, given the choice, I’d prefer to play basketball. But my dad was a football player in college, and he wants me to follow in his footsteps, I guess. Plus, I’m not too thrilled about staying in state.”

  “Oh?” This surprised Bri. “Why not?”

  “I’ve lived here my whole life. I’d kind of like to go somewhere else, see someplace new. But, like I said, my dad wants me to stay close. So, I’m just trying to keep all of my options open.” Looking like he knew he was taking a calculated risk, he asked “So, what about you, Bri? How’s the Stanford prepping going?”

  “Good, I guess,” Bri smiled. “Although, I must have been insane, or going through a serious bout of self-punishment, when I signed up for my classes. I swear, the homework alone is going to kill me.”

  “That bad, huh?”

  “Yes, and dance on top of that. Though, I might break down and kill a couple of those girls and get kicked off the team. They’re driving me crazy!”

  “Let me guess, Natalie and Erica?”

  “How did you know?”

  “They’re Serena’s friends. They love to gossip and bitch. They don’t like you much, by the way!”

  “Yeah, thanks, I hadn’t picked up on that,” Bri laughed. She looked up at the clock. “Well, we should probably get to work.”

  Nodding, Cole pulled out his book and they started. At the end of the hour, Cole packed up his things and Bri followed him to the door. He grabbed the doorknob and paused.

  “Ambria,” he began hesitantly. He looked like there was something he wanted to say, but he just shook his head and looked away.

  “What?” Bri pressed.

  He turned back and smiled at her sadly.

  “Nothing. It’s just... I really enjoyed talking to you again tonight. I’ve missed you, that’s all,” he shrugged. “Goodnight, Bri.”

  “Goodnight.” Bri slowly closed the door, watching Cole walk away.

  Over the next few days, Cole and Bri didn’t talk again, but when she would see him in the halls or at lunch, she didn’t avert her eyes and pretend he wasn’t there. She was tired of ignoring him, and decided to save herself some energy. Cole seemed a bit confused at first, but it didn’t take him long to hold her gaze in return. He would even smile at her, if Serena wasn’t around.

  Unfortunately, there were very few times when Serena wasn’t physically attached to Cole in some way. She was on him like a bad rash, but he didn’t seem to mind in the least. It was all over the school that the two of them were officially dating again, and Bri tried to tell herself she didn’t care. But when she saw them kissing in the hall one day, the rush of pain and jealousy that engulfed her made it impossible to deny any longer. She still had some sort of feelings for Cole, she hadn’t been able to banish them completely. She wanted to cry, or hit something.

  Unable to help herself, Bri began sneaking looks at Cole in History, when he wasn’t looking. She was desperate to figure out what exactly it was she felt for him, so she could move on. Trey caught her staring a couple of times, and flashed her a smug grin, but luckily Cole hadn’t noticed her sudden interest in him. In Ceramics it was easier to watch him unnoticed, because of all the activity always going on. She watched him while he was at the wheel one day for almost the entire class. He was so focused on his piece that he didn’t look up once. Staring at the toned muscles in his arms made Bri remember how they felt when they were wrapped around her. And her fingers longed to brush back the dark hair that had fallen in his eyes.

  The football team had an away game that week, and after much begging and pleading from Layla, Bri agreed to go. She sat in the stands next to her friends, ignoring the bouncing cheerleaders in front of her, and watched Cole. It didn’t take long for Cole to notice her, and every once in a while he’d turn and look at her. Instead of dropping her eyes like she used to, Bri held his gaze until he turned away. She was trying to puzzle something out in her head. The more time she spent with him, the more she thought that maybe the Cole she’d know that summer, the Cole that came to her house every Tuesday, wasn’t just a ruse. He hadn’t once pushed her or tried to manipulate her to do something he wanted. He’d respected and complied with her requests, never once complaining. He’d given her the time and the space she’d needed, getting nothing promised in return. And, he seemed happy. At school, he was closed off, not letting anything affect him, keeping everything he was feeling inside. Bri would sometimes see a flash of emotion in his eyes, but it was quickly smothered and replaced by his usual indifference. But, when it was just the two of them, he was more open and engaging, genuinely seeming to care about her. Anything but indifferent. Those things couldn’t be faked, could they? It was a dangerous assumption to make. And, if her Cole was real and not just a front, why would he feel the need to keep himself hidden from his friends and everyone at school? Why the whole jerk facade? Shouldn’t his friends like him no matter what? One question always led to another with that boy.

  Bri noticed Cole watching her a lot more during the second half of the game. She couldn’t quite decipher his expression, but he seemed to be trying to figure her out as well.

  There was a giant roar from the crowd around her as the game ended and the Tigers won. After a brief celebration on the field with the team, Bri watched in shock as Cole walked over to the stands, stopping right in front of her. He looked up at her and smiled. Her breath caught as he went to jump the guard rail and climb into the stands. Just then, a blond head appeared behind him. Serena grabbed Cole’s arm, turning him towards her. She let out an excited shriek before she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him passionately. Feeling suddenly sick, Bri quickly turned to follow Layla out of the stadium. A moment later, Serena’s voice caused her to pause.

  “Hey CJ, what are you looking at?”

  Bri turned her head to find Cole watching her, a sad expression on his face. It was only there for a moment before he turned to Serena and grinned.

  “Nothing. Come on, let’s go celebrate!” Cole wrapped his arm around Serena’s waist and they walked off.

  Bri, completely confused once again, turned and left the stadium without another glance behind her. Yep, assuming there was something more to Cole was a dangerous assumption indeed.

  Bri spent the rest of the weekend thinking about Cole, even though she tried not to. Every time she thought she’d figured him out, he did something to totally throw her. And every time she thought she’d figured out how she felt about him, he’d do something to send her emotions spinning again. But, as she tossed and turned Sunday night, she came to a realization. No matter how much she hated it, there was a part of her that missed Cole, and wanted him in her life. Despite how he treated her at school, she’d had glimpses of her friend enough times to know that he was still there, inside Cole somewhere, and she wanted him back. She missed spending time with him. She missed how much fun he was, and how good he made her feel. She wanted her Cole back.

  What this meant for her, or what exactly she wanted from Cole, she still wasn’t sure. But she knew that ignoring him was no longer an option.

  When Tuesday came around, Bri still hadn’t decided what to do about Cole, and she was dreading their tutoring session that night. She sat at the table, her leg bouncing nervously, waiting for him. The doorbell startled her, and with great trepidation, she answered the door.

  Cole s
tood on the porch, hands in his pockets.

  “Hey,” he smiled nervously before walking in and sitting at the table. “So, there’s something I kind of wanted to talk to you about before we get started. If that’s okay with you?” Cole’s nervousness was making Bri even more nervous.

  “Okay,” she replied warily. “What do you want to talk about?”

  “Okay,” he took a deep breath. “I meant what I said last week, Bri. I miss you. I miss talking to you. I miss the way you make me laugh. I miss being friends with you. I miss the way I feel when I’m around you.” He looked her right in the eyes. “And judging from the way you’ve been watching me lately, I think you miss me, too.”

  Bri’s cheeks began to burn. Apparently she hadn’t been as stealthy as she’d thought.

  “Yes,” she answered honestly after a moment. “I miss you. But the problem is, I don’t know if the Cole I knew is real, or if the jerk I see at school every day is who you really are. It’s like you’re two entirely contradictory people stuffed into the same body. I never know which Cole I’m going to get.”

  Cole dropped his eyes. “Ambria,” he began softly, “I could tell you that you know the real me. That the person you see at school is nothing but a front. That when I’m with you, I can finally be myself.” He looked up at her sadly. “But I don’t think you’re going to believe anything I say. And I don’t blame you.”

  Bri opened her mouth to say something cutting, but she closed it. She was tired of having the same fight with Cole. So, instead she waited for him to finish. When he realized he wasn’t going to be bashed verbally or physically, he continued.

  “I want us to be friends again. The truth is, I like you, Bri. I still care about you. And I’ll do anything I can to prove that to you.”

  Her breath caught, and her mind instantly flashed back to the night they went dancing and he almost kissed her. It seemed like forever ago. She’d known then that he truly felt something for her. Could he possibly still have those feelings for her? Did she want to find out?

  “I don’t know, Cole...”

  “Please Bri. I swear, anything you want me to do, I will.” He looked at her so longingly and earnestly, she almost believed him.

  Then she remembered Cole kissing Serena at the football game, and her anger flared.

  “So,” she narrowed her eyes at him. “You’ll talk to me at school? In class, in the halls? In front of your friends? In front of Serena? You’ll eat lunch with me and wait for me after school? You know, do all of those things a real friend would?” she challenged.

  Cole’s face dropped and he ran his hands angrily through his hair.

  “I can’t do that, Bri,” he groaned.

  Pain lanced through her. Now she was hurt on top of angry. Damn him for making her feel this way again.

  “And why not?” her voice dripped with venom. “I’m not worthy of your attention publically? I’m not good enough, or cool enough for you and your pretentious, stuck-up friends? Or is it because it’s not really my friendship you’re after?”

  “Damn it, Bri, don’t lump me in with all of those other assholes you’ve dated! I’m not like that and you know it!”

  “All evidence to the contrary,” she retorted. “And we barely dated at all. As far as I know, asshat-you just hadn’t had time to make an appearance yet. But, that is the real problem... I don’t know you,” she shook her head.

  “Yes, you do!” he pressed desperately.

  “Oh, yeah? Then prove it. Tell me why you are such a prick at school. If you want to be my friend so badly, why won’t you even acknowledge my presence, let alone talk to me?”

  “Fine!” Cole was almost shouting now. “You want to know why? It’s because I’m trying to protect you! I’m trying to let you stay under the radar and out of the spotlight, like you want!” He calmed down a bit at Bri’s shocked expression. “All it would take is a little attention from me, and you would be Santa Monica’s favorite celebrity again, ripe for the gossip whores to pick you apart. And if you thought Trey was pushy before, he would go ballistic if he knew I liked you. He would take things to a whole new level, and I know you don’t want to deal with that. And if you thought the fallout from Trey’s attention was bad, just wait until you throw in my possessive, super jealous, and utterly ruthless ex-girlfriend into the mix! If Serena thought I was even remotely interested in you, she’d make your life a living hell. And believe me, she’s very good at it. Serena already doesn’t like you. I don’t want to give her any cause to hate you.”

  Bri was stunned. Of all the excuses Cole could’ve given her, this one hadn’t even crossed her mind.

  “You were protecting me?” She was still trying to process this.

  “Yes,” he let out a breath. “I know you don’t like being the center of attention. I know how hard those first couple of weeks at school were for you, thanks to Trey and his stupid bet. I don’t want to do that to you. So I pretended I didn’t notice you, so I wouldn’t draw any attention to you.”

  “Pretended?” Bri was still doubtful.

  “Come on, Bri,” he gave her a disbelieving look. “You know I’ve been aware of every move you’ve made since school started. I could never ignore you.”

  She gave a small smile. “Yeah, it was pretty hard to ignore you, too. So, you really want us to be friends again?”

  “Yes,” he smiled. “I really do.”

  Bri thought for a moment. Did she dare to trust Cole again? Was she willing to risk him hurting her again? She did miss his friendship, and he seemed to genuinely care about her, but was it all an act? Should she give Cole a second chance to prove himself? Was it worth it? She looked deep into his eyes, looking very blue thanks to his dark blue t-shirt, and her heart stuttered.

  “Okay,” she answered softly.

  “Really?” Cole’s eyebrows raised. “Bri, before you decide for sure, you should know that I think it’d be best if we still didn’t talk or hang out at school. I don’t want to sic Serena or Trey on you. But, if you can’t do that, then I understand. If you say no, I’ll leave you alone. I won’t bother you again.”

  Bri considered that for a moment, and Cole didn’t seem to breath. The anguish and apprehension in his eyes made her decision for her.

  “Okay,” she nodded. “I want us to be friends again, too. It’s been hard not having you around. But I swear, if you are playing me, or if you do anything to ruin this again, I will never forgive you. This is it, do you understand? I’m taking a huge risk on you, Cole. Don’t make me regret it, or I’ll make you regret it.”

  “Understood,” he agreed grimly. Then a smile broke out over his face. “Well, since we’re friends again, you’d better start saving me a seat in Ceramics. Because after not talking to you all day, I’m going to need all the time with you I can get!”

  “Okay,” she smiled back.

  “Oh, and Bri? There was one more thing I wanted to ask you.”

  “Okay,” Bri took a deep breath to prepare for whatever else might be coming.

  “There’s a party Friday night after the game, kind of a getting into the playoffs celebration thing. Would you come? You could totally bring Layla and your friends. It’s just that... I’d like to spend some time with you, away from school and math,” he smiled at her. “Please Bri?” His eyes pleaded with her to say yes.

  Dang it, how could a girl say no to that?

  “Oh, alright,” she practically groaned. Football parties were not really her thing. “I’ll come on one condition. I don’t care who is around, you have to talk to me. We are going to behave like friends.”

  “Deal!” He beamed at her, his happiness making his eyes sparkle.

  Something fluttered in Bri’s stomach, and suddenly Friday night couldn’t come fast enough.

  Chapter 11

  Bri was lined up in the tunnel with the rest of the Dance Team on Friday night, as she watched the last two minutes of the half. The football team had technically already made the playoffs for the State Champ
ionship, due to their undefeated season, but you couldn’t tell that by watching them play. It was the last regular season game, and they were a team possessed tonight.

  Bri cheered with the rest of the girls as Cole caught a pass and ran it in for another touchdown. As he ran off to the sideline, Bri heard Natalie murmur behind her.

  “Mmm, that is one mouthwatering ass!”

  “Careful, Nat,” Erica piped in. “You don’t want Serena to find out you were lusting after her man! She’ll kill you!” She and a few others laughed.

  “Whatever, I’m not afraid of Serena,” Natalie retorted, but she kept all other Cole-related thoughts to herself, for which Bri was grateful. She didn’t particularly like Natalie drooling over Cole, either.

  The Tigers made the extra point, and the half ended. The girls held up their hands in a line of high-fives as the football team ran through the tunnel to the locker room. Cole gave Bri a quick wink as he slapped her hand, which caused a flutter in her stomach. She was really glad they were friends again, even if they were only secret friends. She hadn’t realized how much she’d missed talking to him, and missed his sense of humor. Even though he still maintained his apathetic, conceited jerk facade during the day at school, in Ceramics he was the old Cole again, and they were able to talk without drawing attention.

  The Dance Team took the field and performed a fun, funky hip-hop routine that the crowd went crazy for. They changed into their team warm ups, and went out to enjoy the rest of the game.

  Bri didn’t want to have to watch Cole and Serena’s victory kiss, which had become their post-game tradition, so she convinced Layla to leave a little early. Even though she knew she shouldn’t be jealous, Bri was. She didn’t know for sure what exactly was going on between Cole and Serena, she didn’t want to just believe the rumors, but she hadn’t been able to bring herself to ask Cole about it. His private life was none of her business, and she had no right to pry. But every time Serena touched Cole, Bri wanted to hit her. That was not a good sign.