Possession

by Johnson, A. M.

  I laughed, it was a simple explanation but true. “And I love her.”

  He exhaled. “And that.”

  Liam was just ahead of me as we walked around the building to the front door. The sun had just set, it was still early evening, and the fall air was chilly. We were supposed to get our first snowfall this weekend.

  I wasn’t paying attention. My eyes were fixed on the dull gray of the concrete, my head full of Paige when Liam swore under his breath. He stopped dead in his tracks and was staring into the store window. I followed his gaze and every muscle in my body constricted.

  “Dex,” Liam warned holding up his hand as if to steady me.

  I could see him, Clark, he was standing too close to her, his hand clasped around her upper arm. Her face was pale, and her eyes were wide.

  “What the fuck?” I pushed past Liam, ignoring him as he called after me, and swung open the door to the store.

  Liam groaned, “Shit.”

  “Take your hand off of her!” Anger swelled in my chest, my head throbbed, and my jaw ached as I moved closer to where they were standing.

  “Declan.” Paige’s voice shook, in panic or fear, I wasn’t sure.

  Clark’s jaw pulsed twice before he smiled and tightened his hold on her arm pulling her closer to him. “Don’t worry, I didn’t hurt your whore,” he said before dropping his hold.

  I watched as her eyes, those beautiful blue eyes emptied into clear tears, his words splitting her open and everything in my peripheral vision blurred.

  “What the fuck did you just say?”

  “I said I didn’t hurt her.” His brow furrowed, but his smile never fell.

  “Cool down, Dex.” Liam’s voice reverberated in my head. He sounded as if he was in a tunnel behind me, but all I could do was focus on Clark.

  His lips moved but I couldn’t hear what he was saying. Paige’s eyes widened farther as she moved to take a step toward me, but Clark held out his arm, holding her back.

  My hands curled into fists. He was taller than me, but what he had in height, I had in bulk. “Let her go.” The command in my voice was coated in shadowed rage, but his smile only grew.

  Trash.

  Worthless Trash.

  She’s a whore.

  Whore.

  Clark’s mouth continued to move, and the voices in my head mixed with his words making it hard for me to hear. I swallowed and clenched my jaw as he raised to his full height. I tried not to show my confusion, the murmurings in my brain started to roar as they fed off my adrenaline. I should’ve backed off. The tornado of fury in my head was wreaking havoc on what was real and what wasn’t. His arm holding her back was the only piece of reality I needed.

  I closed the distance between us and grabbed his forearm twisting it with all my strength. His features contorted as I spoke to Paige, “Go to Liam.”

  “Declan?”

  “Go, he can’t hold you anymore.” I turned, looked Clark in the eyes, and spoke in a tight whisper. “You don’t own her, and you never did.” I shoved him backward as I released my grip on his arm.

  Paige quickly moved behind me, and just as I was about turn to check on her, Clark shoved me with more power than I thought him capable. I stumbled back and almost lost my footing.

  “Don’t start something you can’t finish.” I cracked my knuckles.

  “Come on, Dex, you don’t need this guy’s shit.” Liam placed his hand on my shoulder from behind but I shrugged it off.

  Clark’s jaw set into a smug line as he inched closer to me. My spine stiffened and everything around me started to fade. His lips moved, and at first no sound emanated from them… it was like I was on a phone and the line was cutting in and out.

  He spoke softly, his breath sour and polluting the space between us. “Useless… whore… sinful… on her back just like she liked to be fucked.”

  The demons in my head were violently hungry, bleeding red into my vision as my hand drove into Clark’s sternum. I shoved him just enough, enough to push him back, but the air around me was toxic, filled with his black words, and without thinking I punched him square in the jaw. The pain rippled up my arm, the blood pooled on his lip, and the voices smothered me until everything went silent and dark.

  The bones around my eyes hurt, my hand throbbed and my mouth tasted like metal. It was too quiet, and when I opened my eyes, the glaring white walls burned my retinas.

  “Declan?” Paige’s voice was uneasy.

  I turned my head to the sound of it and groaned as the pain behind my temples pulsed. I sat up, taking in everything around me under the bright light.

  “You took a hit, little brother, and blacked out. We’re in the ER.” Liam came into view, everything was distorted and curved as if I was looking through a fish bowl.

  “I don’t remember.” The heat of Paige’s hand covered mine, and as I turned to look at her, everything began to come into focus. Her cheeks were stained with tears, but she wasn’t crying. Her eyes were bloodshot and swollen. “Are you okay?” I asked.

  I tried to swing my legs over the side of the hospital bed, but she stopped me, holding her other hand on my thigh. “Don’t get up, I’m fine. I was just worried about you.” Paige’s eyes flicked to Liam and her eyes narrowed.

  “What happened? The last thing I remember was hitting Clark.”

  Liam stepped closer and lowered his voice. “You went ape shit, Dex. I’ve never seen you lose control like that.” He slid his eyes to Paige and then back to me. “I had to pull you off of him, Chandler called the cops. You weren’t in your right mind, you kept trying to get at him, you wouldn’t listen… wouldn’t look at me, so I… I knocked you on your ass.”

  I raised my hand to my jaw and rubbed it. “You punched me?”

  He nodded. “You were taking his hits pretty good though, so I had to put a lot of force into it, I’m sorry about that.” He smiled suggesting otherwise. “The doctor seems to think you’re fine, they scanned you when we got here, no concussion.” He swallowed. “I wasn’t sure if I was going to stop you, but I was scared as fuck, Dex, you could’ve killed him.”

  “Is he hurt?”

  “He’ll live.” Liam’s brown eyes darkened.

  There was a knock on the hospital door and two police officers walked in.

  “Oh, good, he’s awake,” one of them said.

  The other smiled at me and pulled out a pad from his belt. “Just a few quick questions, we need to corroborate what the other witnesses said, no need to worry.” He nodded his head at Paige. He held out his hand. “I’m Officer Prouse, and this is Officer Stratton, Declan O’Connell?” he asked, as I took his hand and shook it.

  I nodded.

  “So can you tell me what happened today at The Gallery?” Officer Prouse asked and Stratton leaned against the wall, his eyes never leaving me.

  My arm was stiff as I ran my hand through my hair. “I can’t really remember.”

  Prouse flipped through his pad of paper. “The store manager, Chandler Wilson, reported that Clark Jensen, Paige Simon’s husband, entered the property to drop off divorce papers. Mr. Wilson said he stepped into the back to give them some privacy, but heard an altercation. When he came to the store front, he said you were being attacked by her estranged spouse so he called nine-one-one.” His eyes met mine. “Any of this ringing a bell.”

  Liam gave me a pointed glare. Chandler had covered my ass, but what had Clark told them? “Honestly, I don’t remember much.” I licked my cracked lip and winced.

  “Do you want to press charges?” The other officer pushed off the wall as he spoke.

  I shook my head. “No.” I looked at Paige and she squeezed my thigh. “It’s done.”

  She nodded and I covered her hand with mine.

  “Are you sure? That’s a pretty wicked shiner he gave you.” Prouse placed the pad of paper in his belt.

  “I’m good. Like I said, I can’t really remember much.”

  “We’ll let his attorney know. If you change y
our mind, here’s my card.” He placed it on the tray table. “Stay out of trouble.”

  Once they left, Paige stood from her chair and sat next to me on the bed. She placed her hands on my face and gently kissed my cheek. I tried not to, but I hissed at the pressure of it, and she pulled away.

  “I’m so sorry.” The wrinkle between her eyes deepened.

  “It’s okay.” I lightly kissed her lips once. “You got me good,” I said to Liam and he laughed.

  “You really don’t remember anything?” Paige’s brows dipped and her bottom lip trembled.

  “No. I blacked out, it happens every now and then.” Just as I finished speaking, the doctor, or someone I assumed was the doctor, walked in holding an iPad. His face was stern and his white jacket made me nervous.

  His eyes were lowered to the screen as he said my name.

  “That’s me.”

  He raised his gaze. “My name is Dr. Adams, I’m the on-call psychiatrist. I need to ask you a few questions. Would you like anyone to step out before I proceed?”

  Liam’s posture straightened.

  “I can leave if you want,” Paige whispered.

  I kissed her cheek. “No, this is my family. Besides, they were there. I can’t really remember much.”

  He hummed under his breath and tapped his finger on the iPad.

  “That’s what the ER doctor said.” His eyes were still on the screen. “You see Dr. Han, outpatient?”

  “I do.”

  “Do you have these blackouts often?” he asked without looking at me.

  “I used to.”

  He raised his eyes. “I see you have a history of hallucinations? Are the medications you’re on currently helping?”

  “Yes.”

  Liar.

  “You haven’t been taking them like you should.” Paige tried to keep her voice down, but he’d heard her and his eyes tensed.

  Liam ran his hand through his hair and glared at Paige. “He takes them, he’s been a lot better since his recent med change.”

  “When he was brought in today, you reported to the physician that he was ‘out of it’ and ‘uncontrollable’.” The doctor set the iPad down on my bedside tray and looked at Liam.

  “He was just protecting Paige.” Liam’s irritation resonated in the room.

  “My ex, he started it,” Paige agreed.

  “How often do you have internal stimuli?” The doctor frowned and turned his attention back to me.

  “When I’m taking my meds regularly, not often, maybe once a day, sometimes, when I’m with Paige, I won’t hear them for days.” I laced my fingers with hers.

  “But, you haven’t been taking them regularly?” He raised his eyebrows.

  I shook my head. “I forget, and if I’m being honest, I don’t like how they make me feel at times.”

  He clicked his tongue. “And your depression?”

  “Nonexistent,” I answered.

  “Because of her, I’m guessing?” He shifted his eyes to Paige and then back to me. “Here’s the thing, Mr. O’Connell, according to what your brother told the ER doctor, and your long history of mental illness, I’m worried you’re a danger to yourself and others until we can reestablish your medications. You snapped today, you were impulsive. I can’t ethically let you leave here knowing that you’re not taking medications like you should, hearing voices, and losing time, blacking out… I’m recommending an acute admission to our behavioral health unit for med stabilization.”

  “This is ridiculous, he’s never been hospitalized!” Liam’s hands balled into fists.

  “I realize that, but—”

  “We can take care of him, make sure he takes his medications,” Paige offered, but her voice wavered.

  My chest felt heavy and it became difficult to swallow past the boulder in my throat.

  They’re locking you up.

  You’re sick.

  Sick.

  Mentally ill.

  I pinched the bridge of my nose and tried to steady my breathing.

  “I’m afraid this is my decision. He can either be admitted voluntarily or I can hold him… it’s up to you.”

  Liam swore and for a second I thought he was going to punch the wall. “You can hold him?” His tone was acidic. “Against his will?” He was unconvinced.

  “Yes.”

  “Fuck this,” Liam growled and Paige gasped.

  “Enough.” Paige was breaking and I had to be strong for her. “I’ll do it. How long will I have to stay?”

  “Maybe a week, maybe a little longer, it depends on how you do with the med changes.” He picked up his iPad. “I’ll get the paperwork started.”

  He left the room and Paige started crying. I pulled her to my chest and ignored the suffocating panic that was building in my lungs.

  “Give us a minute?” I asked Liam and he nodded reluctantly.

  Once he was out of the room, Paige leaned back and said, “This is all my fault. I shouldn’t have told you to come. I should’ve met you at Avenues once I was off work.”

  “My mental illness is not your fault. I should’ve taken my meds like I was supposed to. Maybe I wouldn’t have reacted like I had. Maybe I could’ve kept my cool. Don’t blame yourself, this is all me and my fucked-up brain.”

  You’re her burden.

  She pities you.

  She saw the monster, she saw him.

  She saw what you really are.

  “They’re getting worse, I can tell, you zone out.” Paige dropped her eyes. “Like today. Your eyes went totally blank, Declan… I was so scared for you.”

  “Maybe this is a good thing.”

  I was terrified.

  “Maybe.” She sniffled and wiped under her eyes. “I hope they let me visit.”

  The thought of her seeing me in a place like that made me sick.

  “I don’t want you to visit me in there.” Her face fell and I cupped her cheek. “I don’t want you to see me like that. I have no idea what’s going to happen, and the last thing I want is for you to pity me, I can do this… I need to get better, get my head straight… for us.”

  “I don’t pity you, Declan, I love you.”

  “Paige, I can’t.”

  “Will you at least call me?” One tear escaped the corner of her eye and I wiped it with my thumb before I lowered my hand.

  “If I can.”

  The door opened again and Liam came through with two staff members.

  “They’re gonna move you now.”

  Paige sucked in a deep breath and my heart plummeted into my stomach. It felt as if the acid from my gut was shredding it to pieces as they asked her and my brother to leave.

  “We can’t go with him?” Liam was reaching his limit.

  “They allow visiting once a day from seven to eight in the evening.” The girl in gray scrubs picked at her nails like she was bored and his jaw compressed.

  I tilted my head toward Paige’s ear. “I love you.”

  I kissed her in front of everyone, not giving a shit, holding on to the taste. I looked into her eyes and inhaled her scent. I’d take as much of her with me as I could. My biggest fear as I watched her and Liam leave was not knowing which medications they would give me. I’ve always dealt with the voices, but being numb, not feeling that fucking flame in my chest for Paige, not having that need, that warmth, I’d slit open every vein before I’d let them turn me into a robot.

  I’d die before I let them erase my love for her.

  “May I please speak to Declan O’Connell, patient code four-five-two-seven?” I held the phone to my ear with my left hand, and chewed the fingernail of my right pinky as I waited for the clerk to tell me what I already knew.

  Her breathing was even and I could hear her tapping on the keyboard of her computer as she most likely was searching for Declan’s information. “He’s not taking phone calls at this time, would you like to leave a message?”

  Let him know I’m going crazy not knowing what’s happening to him. Tell him I l
ove him, tell him I’m sorry… tell him I need him here. Tell him to come back to me. “Will you let him know Paige Simon called… again?” My throat ached as I spoke around my emotion.

  She exhaled an annoyed breath. “Yeah, I’ll let him know.”

  I’d called every day, three times a day since I’d left Declan in the ER. That night had forged a steel vice around my heart. The fear in his eyes as I left the room… I’d never forget it. He watched me leave, and if the silence had spoken it would have shouted from his lips, “Please… please don’t leave me alone.” That was two weeks ago.

  He’d spoken to me on the phone the first day. He’d told me he was fine, that he would manage, that he needed this time, for himself… for treatment. I hadn’t known that he’d intended to cut me off completely. I’d gone from worried, to panicked, and moved straight to an all-out breakdown by the seventh day. I hadn’t gone to work, I’d hardly eaten, and if I hadn’t decided to finally stop pacing the house, I think Lana would’ve had me committed. It wasn’t until Liam started to ignore my calls that I’d began to think maybe Declan had given up on us. Maybe he didn’t need me to get through this, maybe he’d decided what I’d known all along… I was cursed, and all I ever brought us was pain.

  I threw my cell phone on the bed and let the tears leak from my eyes. We’d come so far, and everything we’d built since we’d gotten back together came burning to the ground in bright cinders of red and blood. I’d never seen Declan like that before. His body had moved and thrashed as it sought out Clark’s flesh for redemption. Declan’s face had gone slack, as if he no longer belonged to himself, to this world, and if it hadn’t been for Liam, I’d have been a widow instead of just a divorcee.

  Two weeks.

  Two weeks of worry.

  Two weeks of fear.

  Without him… there was no color.

  I plopped down on the bed, wiped my cheeks with my fingertips, leaned over, grabbed my boots and slipped them on. I had to be strong… for me… for us.

  There may not be an ‘us’ anymore, Paige.

  I shook off my doubt as I prepared for what today would bring. Today was the day I had to meet with my parents. I’d tried to push it off, but they’d heard what had happened, and my mother had called me almost every day since. I wasn’t naïve enough, not anymore, to think she gave a crap about me. All she wanted to do was try and manipulate me into feeling guilty. Blame me, and tell me I needed to win Clark back. Win my chance at an exclusive seat in Heaven next to my eternal partner. My only chance at deliverance. Bile rose in my throat at the thought. Declan was all I’d ever want in this life, and all I’d ever hope for in the next. My mother was delusional if she thought I’d ever fight to get back together with Clark, and I was sure he no longer wanted to own me either.