A Daughter's Choice

by Cathy Sharp

Her eyes sparkled with malice as she grinned her disbelief.

  ‘Pull the other one it’s got bleedin’ bells on. If yer believe ’im yer a bigger mug than I took yer for. Me ’usband knows what your bloke’s been up ter and ’e’ll be gettin’ his comeuppance sooner than yer think.’

  ‘What are you talking about? What is Billy supposed to have done?’

  ‘You’ll find out soon enough, I reckon.’

  Coldness was spreading down my spine as I saw her expression. I turned away, pretending to ignore her as I went over to join Bridget, who was overseeing a rowdy game of musical chairs.

  Bridget glanced at my face. ‘Something wrong, Kathy love?’

  ‘No, nothing,’ I said. ‘I just thought I’d help out with the children.’

  Was there some truth behind the woman’s spiteful remarks? I couldn’t know for sure, but something deep inside me was telling me that Billy was getting into bad ways. I had known for months that there was something dangerous about the man who had employed him, and I had been afraid of what might happen.

  Maggie had suspected that Billy was involved in something dishonest, too. I dared not think what she might say if she had heard the kind of spiteful gossip that had been meant for me that afternoon.

  It was nearly five o’clock when I eventually took the children home. Maggie had asked me to go home with her first, because she had been making a dress for Sarah and she wanted to try it on her before she completed the final touches.

  It was just as I got to our house that I caught sight of Ernie Cole slouching down the road a few steps ahead of me. He’d obviously come out of prison sooner that I’d expected. I would have to go down there one day soon and take him some food, because I knew he wouldn’t look after himself. No matter how much I disliked him, I couldn’t let him starve.

  Billy wasn’t in the kitchen when I got in. I had left some cold ham for his tea but it hadn’t been touched, though it looked as if he had been in because there was a bottle of beer half drunk on the table.

  ‘Billy?’ I went out into the hall as I heard something upstairs. ‘Billy, are you there?’

  There was no reply but it sounded as if something had been knocked over. Was there an intruder up there? I turned to Mickey as he tugged at my skirt, his face anxious.

  ‘Stay here and look after Sarah for me, darling. I shan’t be a moment.’

  I went upstairs to the bedroom, my heart racing as I wondered what I might find, stopping on the threshold in horror as I saw that every drawer had been pulled out of the dressing and bedside chests, the contents strewn either on the bed or the floor. Billy was standing in the middle of the mess, glaring at me as I faced him across the room. I looked into his eyes and sensed his fury.

  ‘Where ’ave yer been all this time? I thought yer ’ad bleedin’ run orf and took the kids.’

  ‘I’ll tell you if I decide to go,’ I said. ‘What made you do all this, Billy? Look at the mess. It will take me ages to get it tidy again.’

  ‘What I want ter know is where yer got this!’ Billy moved towards me, thrusting his hand under my nose. ‘I knew yer were bloody cheatin’ on me, yer bitch! Yer don’t get somethin’ like this fer nothin’!’

  I looked at what he was holding and felt a sinking sensation inside. It was the ring Mary Maitland had given me. ‘That was given to me by a friend.’

  ‘Yeah, I know. By a bleedin’ man!’ Billy grabbed my arm. ‘I warned yer what I’d do to yer, Kathy. Who was it – the one what give yer the kid? Tellin’ me lies about bein’ raped and all the time yer were goin’ with a man. Filthy little whore!’

  ‘The ring came from a girl that I knew when I was nursing. She was killed in France, Billy. Her father had money and she was very generous to me. We were good friends and she left the ring to me in her will.’

  ‘That’s a likely tale an’ all,’ he said glaring at me. ‘Why didn’t yer never tell me then? I ain’t seen yer wear it.’

  ‘I thought—’ my breath caught in my throat. ‘I knew you would be like this, Billy. You were so jealous and I … I didn’t want us to have a quarrel over it.’

  ‘Well, you’re bleedin’ well goin’ ter get one because I don’t believe yer! Yer a liar and a cheat and I’ve ’ad enough of yer lies. I’ll teach yer to respect me, yer bitch!’

  He brought his arm back and hit me across the face. I gave a cry of fear and stumbled back but he grabbed me and then hit me again several times, then he threw me across the bed and stood looking down at me, his eyes blazing with fury.

  ‘I ain’t got time ter teach yer a proper lesson right now, Kathy – I’ve got ter meet someone. We’ve got a big job on. Somethin’ important – but I’ll finish what I started later.’

  ‘I hate you, Billy Ryan,’ I said as I sat up and looked at him. ‘I hate you and I wish I’d never married you. That’s the last time you hit me. I shall leave you after this.’

  ‘Do that and I’ll come after yer. No matter where yer go I’ll find yer. And then I’ll kill yer and yer bleedin’ lover.’

  ‘I don’t have a lover. Don’t look at me like that, Billy. I know I wasn’t fair to you at the start, but I’ve been a good wife to you since we were married.’

  ‘Can yer swear on your kid’s life that yer ain’t thought about doin’ it with another man, that yer ain’t wanted no one else?’ Billy’s eyes narrowed as I hesitated. ‘That’s what I bleedin’ knew, and I reckon we both know who an’ all, don’t we? It’s Tom O’Rourke you’re sweet on, ain’t it! Mickey’s ’is bleedin kid, ain’t he?’

  ‘Don’t be silly!’ My breath caught as I saw the rage in his eyes. He took a step towards me and I shrank away from him. ‘Don’t you dare touch me, Billy Ryan. If you do I shan’t be here when you get back. I mean it!’

  He hesitated, then raised his hand in a threatening gesture, holding it over me as if to warn me of what was coming. ‘I’ve told yer what I’ll do if yer try ter leave me. I’m goin’ now, Kathy, but I’ll deal with yer when I get back.’

  I stayed where I was while he went out, listening to the tread of his feet down the stairs and then the door slamming behind him. For a moment I was overwhelmed by the hopelessness of my situation and I had to fight against the tears of self-pity.

  But this was taking me nowhere! I had my children to think of, and I had to plan what I was going to do in the future. Getting up when I was certain he had gone, I went to the mirror and looked at myself. There was a cut on my cheek and the bruises were already beginning to form.

  I bathed them with cold water before going downstairs, calling for Mickey. There was no answer and no sign of either Sarah or Mickey as I went through to the kitchen to look for them.

  ‘Mickey? Where are you?’

  ‘I’m here, Mamma.’ I turned to look at my son, who was clutching his sister in a manful attempt to carry her, but had only succeeded in half-dragging her along the floor on her bottom. She was sucking her thumb, looking puzzled but not protesting, eyes wide as if wondering what was going on. ‘I took Sarah in the cupboard under the stairs.’

  My heart caught as I saw the distress on my son’s face.

  ‘Why did you do that, darling?’

  ‘So that Daddy wouldn’t hit us like he hits you.’

  ‘Has he ever tried to hit you?’

  Mickey shook his head, but he was still looking scared and I wondered if Billy had begun to give him the odd slap when I wasn’t around to see.

  A dreadful coldness was creeping over me. I had always sworn that I wouldn’t allow a man to beat me the way so many women almost routinely were in the lanes. I had been willing to put up with Billy’s temper and the cruel things he said to me sometimes, because I knew I had behaved badly at the start of our marriage, but I couldn’t allow my children to live in fear of their father.

  He had left me no choice. I had to leave him. Billy had forfeited the right to my loyalty. When Tom had asked me to leave Billy and go away with him, I had hesitated because I’d felt it was selfish of me to
take the children away from their father for my own happiness. Now I saw that it was for the best for them as well.

  If I was going to leave it might be better to do it now, while Billy was out. The only problem was, where should we go? Bridget would offer me a refuge, but it was the first place Billy would look. I couldn’t stay there, because he would cause terrible trouble for them, but Bridget would help me with money, at least until I got on my feet.

  I wasn’t sure about the future yet. Tom had offered to look after us, but that was asking a lot if we could never marry.

  Billy had taken the ring Eleanor had given me with him, slipping it into his pocket. Even if I waited until he came back, I would never see it again. I had very little of value, but I did need to take the children’s clothes and toys – and that would take time to pack.

  ‘Come on, Mickey darling,’ I said. ‘I’m going to take you to Bridget’s house for a little while.’

  ‘Where are you going, Mamma?’ Mickey looked at me anxiously.

  ‘I’m going to pack all your favourite things, and then you, Sarah and Mamma are going on a nice holiday.’

  ‘Is he coming with us?’

  It hurt to hear Mickey say he in that scared voice. Billy had been a good father to my son for the first couple of years or so, and it brought home to me how bad things had become these past months without my realizing it. Tom was right, I had let Billy walk right over me.

  But it wasn’t going to happen again. He had gone too far this time.

  Bridget took one look at my face and drew me into the house. She took Sarah from my arms, holding her in the crook of her elbow and taking charge of Mickey with her free hand.

  ‘Uncle Joe is in the parlour,’ she told him. ‘Why don’t we go and see what he’s got? There might be some barley sugar.’

  ‘I have to go home and pack their things,’ I said. ‘Would Joe take me to the train in his car, Bridget? I can’t stay here.’

  ‘No, that wouldn’t be a good idea,’ she said and looked thoughtful. ‘I’ve been talking to Joe about what to do if you decided to leave Billy. Go and pack what you want, Kathy. Joe will come along in a little while and load things into the car for you. Don’t worry, love. We can work something out between us. I’m glad you’ve finally made up your mind to leave. It’s what you should have done a long time ago. I’ll always help you, you know that.’

  ‘Thanks, Bridget. I didn’t want to worry you, but I can’t manage alone. Billy didn’t leave me any money.’

  ‘That’s the least of your problems, Kathy. Tom will take care of everything when he comes back. You knew he’s still in America, of course?’

  ‘Still in America?’ I stared at her in dismay. ‘No, I didn’t think … How long will he be away?’

  ‘Not long.’

  ‘Oh …?’ I swallowed back my fear as I left Bridget’s house and began to walk home. I had counted on Tom being around, because I knew Billy would come after me. He would try to take me back.

  Perhaps I should have waited until Tom could fetch me himself? Yet Billy had threatened more violence when he returned and I was afraid of what he might do. If I didn’t make the break now I might never find the courage again.

  If I’d had the courage to go away by myself at the beginning none of this would have happened. I had to be prepared to stand on my own feet and not to rely on anyone else. If I went far enough away Billy might never find me.

  I packed the children’s clothes into bags and tied the toys in a sack I found out in the back yard, taking them through into the hall ready for Joe Robinson to collect. Then I went back upstairs to start packing my own clothes. I had almost finished when I heard someone knock at the door, and then it opened and Maggie’s voice called to me.

  ‘Kathy, are you there?’

  I went to the top of the stairs, looking down at her.

  ‘Maggie …?’ I didn’t know what to say to her. ‘I was going to tell you before–’

  ‘What’s going on, Kathy – what’s all this stuff?’ Her eyes narrowed suspiciously as I walked down the stairs towards her. ‘Are you goin’ somewhere? You’re leavin’ Billy … he hit you again, didn’t he?’ She had seen the bruises on my face and was frowning over them. ‘He shouldn’t have done that.’

  ‘He hurt me, Maggie. He was really nasty – and he says he’s going to teach me a proper lesson when he gets back.’

  ‘Well, he won’t be doin’ much of that for a while,’ she said. ‘I came to tell you that Billy’s been in some sort of a fight and he’s hurt – but perhaps you don’t care?’

  ‘What do you mean – what kind of a fight?’ I felt chilled as I saw the anger in her eyes. ‘Don’t look at me like that, Maggie. Mickey is frightened of him. He dragged Sarah into the cupboard under the stairs when Billy was yelling and hitting me. I’m not prepared to risk the children.’

  ‘Billy would never hit him, you know he wouldn’t, Kathy.’

  ‘He wouldn’t have once, but he’s changed, Maggie. He’s not the same as he was.’ I took a deep breath. ‘But you said he was hurt – what happened?’

  ‘I don’t know exactly. We had someone at the door – a bloke I’ve never seen before. He said Billy had been in a fight and was hurt bad. It seems they took him to the Infirmary.’

  I stared at her in silence for a moment, knowing what she was asking me to do. ‘You want me to go and see him, don’t you?’

  ‘You’re his wife, Kathy. He loves you.’

  ‘If he loved me he wouldn’t do this to me.’ I touched my cheek, wincing as I felt the soreness. ‘Billy doesn’t love me, he just wants to own me.’

  ‘A lot of men are that way, possessive.’ Her eyes were cold with dislike. ‘I never thought you would be like this, Kathy. I knew you didn’t love him, but I thought you had some decency in you.’

  ‘I’ve been a good wife to him.’ Her words stung me raw and I felt my cheeks go hot as I met her scornful gaze.

  ‘You must do as you please,’ she said, ‘but I’m going down there myself just as soon as I’ve told Mick.’

  ‘What is it, Kathy?’ Joe Robinson was in the open doorway. ‘Are you ready to leave?’

  ‘I’m not sure.’

  ‘I might have known,’ Maggie said bitterly. ‘You’re all in this together. It just shows who your friends are. I thought I could trust Bridget Robinson, but blood’s thicker than water. Go with him then, Kathy, run off with your fancy man and leave your husband to die alone.’

  She turned and walked out, slamming the door behind her.

  ‘Oh, Maggie …?’

  ‘What’s wrong, Kathy?’ Joe saw my face and frowned. ‘What has Maggie been saying to you?’

  ‘Billy has been hurt bad. They’ve taken him to the Infirmary.’

  ‘Hurt – how?’

  ‘I don’t know. Maggie said something about a fight.’

  ‘This doesn’t have to change anything, Kathy. He beat you earlier and he will do it again given the chance. Men like that never stop once they get a taste for it.’

  ‘But I can’t just walk out.’ I swallowed a sob. ‘I don’t know what to do, Joe. I want to leave but, how can I? Billy was good to us when he had money, and he is Sarah’s father.’

  ‘Don’t make up your mind now,’ Joe said. ‘I’ll take you down there in the car and you can see how he is, then you can take some time to decide. If he really is hurt bad he isn’t going to be a danger to you or the children for the moment.’

  ‘No, no, he isn’t.’ I looked at Joe gratefully. ‘Thank you. I’ve been in such a state that I didn’t know what to do.’

  ‘You don’t have to explain anything to me, lass. Bridget has always been fond of you, and I know Tom thinks highly of you. We’re here to help in whatever way you want – not to pass judgement or tell you what to do with your life.’

  ‘You and Bridget have been good friends,’ I said. ‘I’ll just get my coat and then we’ll go.’

  The woman in charge of the reception desk at the Infirmary
gave me an odd stare when I asked to see Billy. She looked me over thoughtfully, then glanced at Joe.

  ‘I’m not sure if you can see him, Mrs Ryan.’

  ‘Why not?’ I shivered as the ice spread down my spine. ‘Is he dying?’

  ‘He is unconscious at the moment.’

  ‘What happened to him?’

  ‘I am not allowed to tell you.’

  ‘Surely I’m entitled to know?’

  ‘I think Mrs Ryan ought to be told the truth,’ Joe said. ‘Just what is the matter with her husband?’

  ‘Leave this to me, miss.’

  I turned as I heard the voice and then gasped as I saw a man in the uniform of a police sergeant. His eyes assessed me and then he looked at Joe and his expression relaxed slightly.

  ‘Ah, Mr Robinson, if I might have a word in private, sir?’

  ‘Just wait here a moment, Kathy,’ Joe said. ‘And don’t worry. I’ll sort this out for you.’

  They went to the side of the hallway, talking in low voices for several minutes, and then Joe came back to me. He took my hand and led me to a chair, indicating that I should sit down.

  ‘It’s not good news, Kathy.’

  ‘Is Billy going to die?’

  ‘No one is sure for the moment how bad he’s hurt. He was knocked unconscious in a fight and he hasn’t come round yet.’

  ‘Where was the fight? I don’t understand. I thought he’d gone to work.’

  ‘That’s the worst part of it in a way, Kathy. He was with some men robbing a warehouse. Apparently, it is usually empty apart from one old nightwatchman, but the police had been warned that the robbery was going to happen and they charged in when the robbers were attacking the old man. Billy was hit over the head by one of the police officers while resisting arrest. Apparently, he hit a policeman with an iron bar and … killed him. If he recovers from this he will be arrested and charged with murder.’

  ‘No! You can’t mean it!’ I felt faint as the floor seemed to come up to meet me and if Joe hadn’t been there to steady me I might have fallen from the chair. ‘Billy killed a police officer …’

  I was stunned, too shocked to take in what he was saying at first. How could Billy have done such a terrible thing? I knew he had his faults – but murder!