Feels Like the First Time

by Casey McMillin

  "Well you're my parent," Brandon said.

  "Yes I am," Earl said. "You said you help and support Jovi. You never did a thing for me."

  "If you were the type of father you should be, you would consider my help to Jovi a favor to you," Earl said.

  "Don't tell me what kind of dad I should be. You haven't ever been a dad to me."

  "That wasn't my fault. Your mother was the one who left me. I begged her to stay."

  "She told us you were a broke redneck."

  "Well, that was a long time ago. I guess even rednecks can make a way for themselves if they work hard enough."

  There was another moment of silence. I wondered what Caleb was doing because he'd just been quiet the whole time.

  "I was kind of counting on Jovi to help me with that fresh start," my dad said. "Somebody screwed me over on a business deal I tried to make in Detroit, and I'm hurting right now. I was just going to see if I could stay with her while I got on my feet."

  "No, you absolutely cannot stay with her. She's a busy student who lives in a small apartment. You would most definitely be in the way."

  A few more seconds passed where no one spoke.

  "I'm going to help you with that fresh start," Earl said. "It's going to be a one time thing and it comes with the condition that you're not to ask anything of myself or Jovi from here on out. This is it; do you understand?"

  "Yes," Brandon said, sounding hopeful.

  "How much help are you looking for?"

  "A hundred should do."

  "A hundred thousand?" Earl asked. He laughed and coughed at the same time. "I'm gonna write you a check for eight-thousand-dollars. And that's me going above and beyond what I should be doing here. I don't give a damn what you do with this money, you just better make it last because it's the last you'll see from me."

  "I owe twelve," Brandon said.

  "Well it looks like you're going to have to get a job and save up four-thousand-dollars."

  There was a long silence where I assumed Earl was getting the checkbook and writing out a check. I was right because the next thing I heard was the ripping sound of the perforated edge.

  "I'm not kidding when I tell you to leave Jovi alone," Earl said. "She's a good girl, and she's making something of herself. Leave her alone."

  "I'm her dad," he said.

  "You heard the man," Caleb said. It was the first thing he said since my dad came in.

  "Who are you, her bodyguard?"

  "I'm her boyfriend, which means, yes, for your purposes, I am her bodyguard."

  "You two act like I want to hurt her or something all I wanted was—"

  "Money," Earl said.

  "And you got that. Jovi doesn't have any to give you anyway."

  We heard some shuffling before the door closed. There were no goodbyes—just silence as we heard him cross the room and go out the door. Coleen and I were in the process of getting to our feet when Caleb came into the dining room.

  "Are you okay?" he asked. Coleen gave my arm a squeeze and headed into the living room to talk to Earl. I sank into Caleb's arms.

  "I'm so sorry you had to be here for that," I said.

  He squeezed me. "I'm sorry you had to be here for that."

  I could hear Earl and Coleen talking in the next room, but I just continued talking to Caleb. "What'd he look like?"

  He shrugged. "Just like a normal guy. Dark hair, skinny—I think he might have been on some kind of drugs because he kept gritting his teeth and moving his jaw around. Maybe it was a facial tick, I'm not sure."

  "I don't think my dad has any ticks," I said. "He's probably cracked out. I'm sure that's what he needed the money for."

  "Do you think he'll still try to see you?" Caleb asked.

  "I doubt it. He just wanted me for money and I think it probably did the trick when Earl told him I was a broke student."

  "We won't be broke very long," he said, holding me.

  "We won't?" I asked.

  "Didn't you hear? Your boyfriend's about to own a thriving construction company in Little Rock?"

  "What's that mean for me?" I asked. "Can I just get enough to get a fresh start?" I was making fun of my dad and Caleb laughed and hugged me for it.

  Earl came around the corner and we both looked at him. "How you doing, Jovi?"

  I smiled at him. "I'm fine."

  "You didn't want to see him did you? I thought about it after he left that maybe you didn't want me to have him leave."

  "No, I definitely didn't want to see him," I said. "You did the right thing. I doubt he deserved that money," I added, "but it was kind of you."

  He shrugged sadly as if regretting that a relationship with his son boiled down to one eight-thousand-dollar check.

  I told Caleb I wanted to take a shower and that I'd be in touch later that day. He had plans to go to the batting cages anyway, so he left within minutes after my dad was gone. As far as any of them knew I wasn't upset, but I took a long shower, shedding a few tears while I was in there. I hated my dad for showing up. I hated that Caleb was exposed to what a dysfunctional, deadbeat, druggie of a dad he was on day one of our relationship. We woke up with his dad catching me naked in the barn and then my past rears its ugly head right after that—bang-bang. Talk about trial by fire. I thought if Caleb still loved me by the end of this day, it must be destiny.

  Chapter 23

  Turns out Caleb loves me. At least I think he does. He acts like he does, and that's all we have to go on in life, right? It had been six months since Christmas, and he and I had been using any excuse in the book to see each other even though we still lived in different cities. We both had busy schedules, but he traveled to Little Rock and I traveled to Fayetteville absolutely any chance we got.

  I finished my junior year in May. Caleb graduated in May as well, but the Razorbacks made it to the playoffs, which stretched into June. He asked me to move up to Fayetteville for the month while he finished out baseball season, but I decided to hang around Little Rock. KROC was starting to use me more and more, and I had the feeling that they'd offer me my own show once Shaun Murphy retired.

  Caleb had plans to move to Little Rock right when baseball season ended, and I helped him find a house to rent that was near my apartment. He insisted that I should move in with him, but I was hesitant to make such a bold move only six months into our relationship. The lease on my apartment was up in August, two months after Caleb moved to town. I figured that would give me a two-month window to see if I thought it was a good idea. If not, I'd just stay in the apartment for another year.

  The Razorbacks baseball team lost out of the NCAA tournament, and Caleb's family was getting together for dinner to celebrate his graduation. It was Friday, and I came to town as soon as I got off from the radio station that afternoon. My friend Thomas told me he'd be mad if I didn't come to see him the next time I came to town, so I stopped by Brady's when I pulled into town.

  I sent a text to Caleb in the parking lot.

  Me: "I'm in town. Stopping by Brady's to say hi to Thomas. What time's dinner?"

  I pressed send and then stuck my phone into my purse figuring I'd check it in a minute. I went inside to find that they were already pretty busy. I forgot how busy it could get on a Friday night. It was only five o'clock so I had no trouble finding a place to sit. I loved Brady's burgers, so I figured I'd order one even though we're going to dinner in a little bit. I told myself I'd only take a bite or two.

  Thomas spotted me right when I walked in the door. He was the manager now, and kept tabs on everything that was happening on the floor. "Look what the cat drug in," he said, coming up and hugging me tightly.

  I hugged him back. "Hey Thomas. I'm sorry I stopped by when you're so busy."

  He looked into the dining room and then back at me like I was crazy. "That's nothin' girlfriend. Come sit at the bar so I can act like I'm working when I talk to you."

  I followed him to the small bar where they kept the cash register. "Do you want a burger
?"

  "Maybe just one," I said smiling.

  "I'll have four cheeseburgers to go if you don't mind, Thomas. Is this seat taken?" I heard a woman's voice coming from behind me, and then I felt a hand touch my shoulder. I turned to find Dr. Briggs standing there. It had been a while since I last saw her, and I smiled as I stood up and hugged her.

  "I'm so glad to see you Jovi. You look beautiful as always."

  I never knew what to say when she said nice, heartfelt things like that so I just made an aw shucks kind of sound as I sat back down. I patted the barstool next to me and she took it. Thomas put our orders in before stooping under the bar to put some glasses away.

  "How's it going at the station?" Dr. Briggs asked.

  "I'm loving it. It's like a family there."

  "That's the way work should be. I think of some of my clients as family too," she said. She gave me a smile letting me know I was in that group. "What are you doing in town?" she asked.

  "She came to see me," Thomas said. He was just being silly, and he laughed as he continued putting glasses away.

  "She actually came to see me," I heard a voice say. I knew right away that it was Caleb, and I felt a sudden wave of nerves hit me. You'd think it would be old by now, but it wasn't. I hadn't seen him in over a week, and I was instantly giddy at the sound of his voice.

  Dr. Briggs and I turned at the same time. Caleb smiled at both of us, but leaned in to put an arm around me. He gave my shoulders a squeeze before breaking contact to stand behind me. He stuck a hand out to shake Dr. Brigg's hand and then gave a wave and nod to Thomas, who was staring at him, wondering if he was in trouble for the, she came to see me comment. Caleb just smiled at Thomas, who went back to work behind the bar. Dr. Briggs and I looked up at Caleb.

  "I was just a mile from here when you sent that text so I thought I'd stop by."

  "I'm glad you did," Dr. Briggs said. "I've heard a lot about you—" She caught herself. "Not just from Jovi, but from living in this town. It's nice to finally meet you."

  "It's nice to meet you too," he said. "I know Jovi thinks the world of you."

  Dr. Briggs blushed and I marveled at his charm. It also helped that he knew how to dress. He always looked nice. He was clean and his clothes fit him well, and I caught myself feeling proud of how he looked. I wondered how I ever got such a handsome creature to say he's my boyfriend. Even Dr. Briggs looked impressed by him, and she wasn't easily moved.

  "Would you like me to move down so you can sit?" she asked.

  "No thanks," he said. "I've got to be going. I just wanted to stop by and see Jovi since I was right down the street."

  "I'm gonna see you in like two hours for dinner," I said.

  "I didn't want to wait." He put a kiss on my cheek, and Dr. Briggs looked away smiling. "It was nice meeting you," he said holding out a hand.

  "You too," Dr. Briggs said.

  Just like that, he was off. I could see his truck in the parking lot and laughed when I saw that Jake was sitting in the passenger's side leaning out the window to harass Caleb when he came back.

  "He's a sweetheart, Jovi," she said sincerely.

  "I know, right?" I said, almost a little embarrassed.

  "He really likes you, I can tell." That was a wonderful thing to hear coming from Dr. Briggs, because as far as I was concerned, she had some magical powers to tell what people were really thinking. We talked until her burgers were ready, and then I talked to Thomas for a few minutes after that. I promised to keep in touch with both of them when I came back to visit Earl and Coleen.

  ****

  We had plans for sixteen of us to take over the back room of the same steakhouse where we went to prom. It would be Caleb and I along with Ben and Bonnie, Earl and Coleen, Esther and her boyfriend, Aaron and his girlfriend, and three other couples including Jake and the girl he just started seeing.

  Caleb had already sent me a text to let me know he was running late. Ben wanted the boys to ride by a job with him, and whatever they went for took longer than expected. I rode to the restaurant with Earl and Coleen, but Bonnie, Esther and Aaron's girlfriend Katie were already there when we arrived. As I got closer, I could see the other people who had already arrived. Apparently, the Cross boys were the only ones missing.

  "Ben said we could just order for them," Bonnie said as I walked up with Earl and Coleen at my heels. She showed us where to sit and we fell into place.

  We greeted everyone at the table. Family occasions like this were still kind of awkward for me. It wasn't that I didn't enjoy them or appreciate them; it was that I felt like I wasn't good at them. I knew I'd get less and less intimidated as time went on, but until then I just kept telling myself everything was good and I belonged there.

  Only seconds after we sat down, Lisa Chapman, mother of the wonderful Rose Chapman, came to the table and stood next to Bonnie. It was awkward for me, but the women had known each other for years so I didn't think much of it.

  "Where's Caleb?" Lisa said.

  My eyes got wide at that being the first thing out of her mouth. I didn't even look at her. I just stared at my place setting.

  "He's with his daddy," Bonnie said. "They got stuck out on a job."

  "Rose told me he was going to work for his daddy. She said he had a good year with baseball too. I think she made as many games as she could."

  I wanted to close my eyes but just sat there and stared at the fork and knife in front of me. There was some other conversation going on around the table but I could do nothing but eavesdrop on Bonnie and Rose's mom. It was extremely awkward for me to have her talking like that while I was sitting right there.

  "Did you know he was leaving for Little Rock tomorrow?"

  "I heard something about him moving down there."

  "That's where his girlfriend's from," Bonnie said. "You remember Jovi, don't you?"

  I glanced up to find that she was gesturing at me and both of the ladies were looking straight at me. I smiled and nodded, feeling nervous and insecure. I didn't belong with people like this, and Lisa Chapman knew it. She saw right through me.

  "Didn't you graduate with Rose?" she asked. She knew I did, but I still nodded. She turned to Bonnie. "Rose is in the top two percent of her class at UA," she said.

  "She's going into medicine."

  "Oh that's wonderful," Bonnie said. "You must be so proud."

  Lisa basked in the compliment, but I caught and appreciated the subtlest hint of sarcasm in Bonnie's tone.

  "There he is now," Bonnie said. I turned to find Caleb walking between the tables with his brother and dad behind him. Someone in the restaurant yelled his name and he turned to look at them and wave but then he looked back at the table and focused specifically on me.

  "Mrs. Chapman was just asking about you," Bonnie said as Caleb approached. He didn't even acknowledge his mom's comment. He walked straight over to me with a huge smile and put a kiss on my cheek. He stood behind my chair. Aaron and Ben took their seats, but Caleb remained standing to talk to Rose's mom.

  "Hi Mrs. Chapman," he said.

  I wasn't looking at them but I could feel and hear that she gave him a hug, which I found annoying.

  He cut the conversation short after about two questions. He said it was good seeing her and he was glad she'd stopped by. She took the hint and left.

  There were sixteen of us, and there were several conversations going on at the table at once. Ben Cross must have been worried about how I felt about Lisa Chapman coming to the table because he leaned over and told me the story of when I first moved to town and he knew right then Caleb had it bad for me. It was a story he told me once before, but he was being sweet and I didn't mind hearing it again. I looked around the table, knowing how lucky I was to be part of such a cool family and thinking how thankful I was that redemption, in the eyes of God, or people, or whoever you were seeking it from, was possible—even for the worst of sins.

  Everyone seemed to have a question for Caleb, and even though I sat next to hi
m the entire time we ate, I didn't get much of his attention. I didn't mind. I knew we'd be together in Little Rock soon, and besides, I liked the fact that he was the guy everyone wanted to talk to.

  He had changed since I saw him at Brady's, and he was dressed really nice in jeans and a button-up shirt. I watched him as he talked to Jake from across the table. I reached my hand out under the table and put it on his thigh. It took him a second, but he looked over at me with a sly grin.

  "You shouldn't tempt me like this in a restaurant—I might just drag you to the restroom or the car," he whispered.

  "What if I don't want to be drug off?"

  "You better humble down little girl. I'll drag you away from this table if I want to."

  He and I both took a second to look up and smile so we could make sure no one could hear what we were saying. I felt like I was standing at the edge of a cliff. Everything he did and said made me want him.

  "You're the one who better humble down," I said. "You're coming to my turf tomorrow and I'm a public figure remember?"

  My dad saying that about me was something we laughed about pretty regularly, but Caleb always followed it with, "You will be one day."

  Tonight was no different. He smiled at me. "One day," he said.

  I smiled back at him.

  A few seconds later, I went to the restroom. When I came back I discreetly put a wad of fabric into Caleb's lap. He fooled with it before glancing down to get a peek. It was the lace pair of panties that had been on my body a few minutes ago. I hadn't planned on taking them off and giving them to him, but something came over me and I did it.

  I smiled at him, waiting to see what he'd say. His mouth moved stiffly as he spoke to me and it looked like he was struggling to control his patience.

  "Joooovi, you're really asking for it," he said. "I'm not kidding about dragging you to the car. Don't test me."

  I could see the muscle in his jaw tense, and I felt silly with anticipation. I leaned over to whisper in his ear.

  "Maybe I'm trying to misbehave."

  He glanced at me. He knew what I meant by that. We definitely didn't need toys to have fun with each other, but we both knew a date in the barn with that little leather whip would be fun.