First Instinct

by Suzie O'Connell

  “Well, I suppose I might have.”

  “I’m inclined to believe you did because those same boys—Rich and Eric—tried and failed to get him to fight them last week. Also, I’m fairly certain they and Mr. Holt and possibly other individuals have been harassing Mr. Hammond and another student.”

  “In that case,” the Vice Chancellor said grudgingly, “I believe I owe Mr. Hammond an apology for misunderstanding the situation.”

  Nick waited, but the man said nothing to him before he left the office. He’d never cared much for the Vice Chancellor, and now he really didn’t like him.

  “Are you all right, Nick?” Rob asked.

  “As all right as I can be considering that I’ve been charged with assault, am being harassed on a daily basis, and might not graduate on time… if I’m allowed to graduate at all.”

  “I’m sorry. I really am.” Rob addressed Aaron and Henry again. “What about Trey Holt? Was he involved in the actual fight?”

  “No, he stayed out of it,” Henry replied. “Coward.”

  “I think it would be wise to keep such commentary to yourself, Henry, especially because it’s better for your brother that he did stay out of it.”

  “Yessir.”

  Rob let out a breath. “You boys sure are keeping me busy,” he said. “Nick, Mr. McInerny is back in town, isn’t he?”

  Nick nodded.

  “Good. I’ll be calling him as soon as I talk to Rich, Eric, and Trey. Again.”

  “I’m supposed to be meeting with him right now,” Nick said.

  “Make sure you tell him about this, and let him know, too, that I’ll be calling with more details. I won’t keep you any longer. Keep the ice pack and get out of here. All three of you.”

  Aaron and Henry walked back to Mathews with him, and he realized that they were late for class. When he reminded him of that, they shrugged.

  “Thank you for staying out of the fight,” he said.

  “We figured you didn’t need anything else to worry about,” Aaron replied.

  “Because we know what a total worrywart you are,” Henry added. “We’ll see you at home later tonight, right?”

  “Yeah. Try not to kill Trey at practice tonight, all right?”

  “Can’t make any promises, bro,” Henry said.

  Nick returned to where Trey and his buddies had waylaid him hoping to pick up the papers he’d dropped. Unsurprisingly, they were torn to pieces and scattered all over the lawn. He debated whether he should attempt tracking down his professors to get new copies now or wait until Monday. If he waited, he’d have to cram to get the assignments done, but he was already late for his meeting with Beth and Hal, and he didn’t think it would be smart to chance running into Trey or Rich or Eric again right now, so he headed instead for his truck.

  Hal’s office, which he rarely used, was an airy space as un-lawyerish as Hal himself with big windows that provided a good view of the sagebrush hills on the west edge of Devyn and decorated with rustic Western furniture and accents. When Nick entered, Hal and Beth were standing beside the windows.

  “Sorry I’m late. I had to have a chat with Rob Harris,” Nick said by way of greeting.

  “That’s all right. Beth has been filling me in about—” Hal stopped short when Nick joined him and Beth at the windows. “What in tarnation happened to your face?”

  “Someone punched me.”

  “Someone who?”

  He detailed the whole fight and the conversation with the Vice Chancellor and Dean Harris, and by the time he finished, he felt hollow and drained. He sat in a chair in front of Hal’s wide pine desk, propped his elbow on the scarred desktop, and dropped his head into his hand, too tired to hold it up. Recalling the way the Vice Chancellor had reacted crushed him, and he sank down in the chair until his head rested in the crook of his elbow. He’d been given no opportunity to defend himself or explain, and without asking anyone involved exactly what had transpired, the Vice Chancellor had assumed Nick had started the fight. No doubt the assault charge had played into the man’s reaction, and Nick choked on his own breath. Was that how people thought of him now? As an uncontrollable brawler? Worse than the possibility that people were beginning to think he was an agitator was the possibility that he was becoming one. The fact that he had lost control added more weight to what was already pressing him down, and he folded his arms around his head. He’d never lost it like that before. Even when he’d broken in on Trey raping Beth, he’d been able to stop himself to help her, more concerned about her than exacting revenge, but today…. If Aaron and Henry hadn’t grabbed him, it was quite likely he would have gone on fighting until either he or his opponents couldn’t fight back.

  “Nick,” Beth said gently, lowering herself into the chair beside him. She curled her hand around his upper arm. “I know what you’re thinking, but you’re wrong. This isn’t who you are.”

  Without lifting his head, he replied, “It wasn’t, but I’m afraid… afraid this is what I’m becoming.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I’ve never snapped like that before.”

  “And you’ve never been pushed like this before, either,” Hal remarked. “Beth’s told me all about the harassment you and she have been subjected to, and you are both handling yourselves with incredible and admirable composure.”

  Nick appreciated the compliment but didn’t entirely believe it. Disgust and helplessness shuddered through him, and tears threatened as he tried to force it all away. He balled his hands into fists. Somehow, he had to find a way to survive this without losing himself in the process. He lifted his head, and his gaze sought Beth’s cherished face for a reminder of why he had to do this, why he couldn’t let her go up against the Holts by reporting the rape. For him, it was a relatively impersonal matter, but for her… the most intimate details of her life would be on display to be picked apart as Trey and his family and their attorney tried to put the blame of the rape on her instead of on Trey where it belonged.

  “Are you sure you want to continue with this, Nick?” Hal inquired.

  “I don’t have a choice.”

  “Yes, you do,” Beth replied. “I could talk to Trey or his parents and convince them to drop the charge.”

  Nick shook his head vehemently. “No.”

  “I could try.”

  “After all this crap Trey is doing, do you really think he’d listen? Even if it was their decision and not the county attorney’s, it’s not an option, Beth,” he said. “I don’t want you getting close enough to for him to grab you because if he hurts you again, I’ll give him a real reason to accuse me of assault.”

  “Fine. Then I’ll report the rape.”

  Nick stared at her, then glanced sharply at Hal and was confused because his lawyer didn’t look surprised by her admission.

  “Beth already told me,” Hal explained. “While we were waiting for you. She told me exactly what happened that night, everything from your double date with her and Trey to her falling asleep in your dorm room at some ungodly hour of the morning. That was some good thinking on your part, Nick, taking her to the hospital so quickly for a rape exam. If she chooses to report the rape—and I really think she should, if she can find the courage to do it—this becomes a very clear case of self-defense because you prevented further harm to Beth when you fought with Trey.”

  “I can’t let her do that, Hal,” Nick said. Panic stirred at the very thought. “And you know why.”

  “Yes, I know why, Nick,” Hal said. “But I also know she cares as deeply for you as you do for her, and it’s only natural that she wants to protect you like you’re protecting her. Now, in regards to the harassment, I strongly suggest Beth look into filing for an Order of Protection against Trey. I would also suggest reporting the three boys who attacked you today to the police for—at the very least—disorderly conduct. Personally, I’d prefer to report it as assault because that’s what it was.”

  “Except that it’ll just paint me in a worse lig
ht because I let them get to me and threw a couple punches—”

  “In self-defense,” Hal finished. “I know Dean Harris is doing what he can from the college level, but I seriously doubt that will be enough because I’m sure the other deans fear a lawsuit from the Holts.”

  Nick pressed the heels of his palms to his closed eyes. “I can’t think about this right now. I can’t process any of it.”

  “Then go home for the weekend and get some rest, think about it and talk to your folks about it, and get back to me on Monday.”

  Nick nodded numbly and stood. With a listless vow to Hal to call him after the weekend, he followed Beth outside. The promise of two and a half peaceful days on his family’s ranch lifted some of the crushing fatigue, but he doubted that short time would be enough to fully revive him, and he dreaded what would be waiting for him on Sunday night when he returned to campus.

  It was a perfect day for a horseback ride across the Lazy H Ranch and up to Baldy Lake. Fluffy clouds dotted the deep sapphire sky, sliding gracefully on brisk upper-level winds. The Northstar Mountains were snowcapped and gleaming white, and cool temperatures promised they would remain so until next summer. The quaking aspen were vibrantly yellow and shivering in a light breeze, and Beth smiled in an anticipation of riding beneath them through the magically shifting shadows.

  “This was a great idea,” she remarked as she slipped her foot into the stirrup and pulled herself into Cascade’s saddle. The young buckskin mare swiveled her ears toward the gate of the corral as Nick swung it open, as excited as her rider to be getting out.

  Nick only nodded in response before he climbed into Remington’s saddle and led the way through the gate. Beth rode beside him, glancing at him periodically as they headed toward the mountains and the Baldy Lake trailhead. He was unusually quiet with a faint frown pinching his brows and a colorful bruise on his jaw where either Rich or Eric had punched him yesterday. When he reached to rub and prod his shoulder—the one that had been partially dislocated and should be nearly healed by now—she wondered if maybe it hadn’t been injured worse than he’d said.

  The physical consequences of yesterday’s fight were the least of her concerns. She thought back over what he’d said during their meeting with Hal, and genuinely began to worry for Nick’s state of mind. Were it only the arrest and impending trial, the possibility of a fine and jail time, and even the chance that he wouldn’t be able to finish school, she had no doubt he could have handled it without flinching, but the continuous and escalating harassment from Trey and his friends on top of the rest was wearing through Nick’s unshakeable patience. How much further could he be pushed before he broke? Not a whole lot more, she believed, because she had never seen him so overwrought as he’d been yesterday in Hal’s office or as listless as he was now when he would normally be enjoying himself.

  “I’m worried about you, Nick,” she murmured as they walked their horses side by side up the wide beginning of the trail.

  “I’ll be all right,” he replied.

  It was an automatic response because he was most definitely not all right, and Beth said so. “It’s a gorgeous day and we’re out on your ranch on horseback, so you should be smiling… but instead, you’re scowling.”

  “I’m sorry,” he replied. “I guess I’m still not feeling quite like myself again yet.”

  “When was the last time you did feel like yourself?” she asked even though she knew the answer.

  “You know when,” he replied. “Nothing has been right since that night.”

  “No… but something that was wrong before is finally how it should be.”

  At last, he glanced at her with the tiniest flicker of a smile. “Do you really believe that? Even after Trey?”

  “Especially after Trey. The two of you are so wonderfully different, and what he did makes me appreciate you so much more.” She tipped her head back for a moment to let the morning sun warm the morning chill from her cheeks before glancing at him again. “I’ve taken you for granted for a long time. I certainly didn’t understand just how incredible you are.”

  “If you’re trying to cheer me up,” Nick said, “you don’t need to. I’ll be—”

  “Fine. So you said, but I’m not so sure of that right now. However, I’ll leave you alone for now because I’d say what you need more than someone to listen is a good ride.”

  She dropped the conversation and allowed the gorgeous scenery to envelop and distract her. The trail wound through dense pine and fir forest occasionally interrupted by riotous, golden aspen groves, and as they rode quietly from the evergreen woods into the deciduous groves, the light changed from cool green shadow to a warm yellow glow that dazzled her. The dying leaves of the aspen clicked and shimmered in the light breeze, mesmerizing her eyes and ears and mind. The largest grove stood at the top of the trail and reached right to the shore of the small but pristine Baldy Lake. Beth’s breath caught in her throat as the lake came into view. Its surface was glassy but for a few ripples stirred by the breeze, and those glittered beneath the autumn sun. They were blessed to have this, she thought, and even in his bleak mood, Nick realized it, too. For the moment, the frown was gone and her favorite, faint smile of contentment again graced his handsome face.

  They turned their horses toward the tiny meadow just at the edge of the aspen grove and dismounted. Nick pulled his rifle out of its boot on Remington’s saddle and leaned it against a log within easy reach while he loosened the girth and slipped the bridle off the stallion’s head. He then pulled their sack lunches out of his saddlebags and set them beside the gun. Beth pulled a blanket out of her saddlebag and did the same with Cascade’s saddle and bridle as Nick had done.

  “Do you think he’ll be a good boy and stay close by?” Beth asked. “Because, you know, he does have a well-known wild streak.”

  “He does, but it’s the strangest thing. He has taken to following me around like a dog when he can. Don’t you, Rem?” Nick scratched above the bay’s eyes, and the stallion pushed his head against his rider’s hand.

  At the moment, Beth found it hard to believe this was the same horse who had bucked Trey off this summer with something that had looked distinctly like glee. She laughed softly. “Looks like it.”

  Sure enough, as soon as he was free to do as he pleased, Remington decided to stay within a dozen yards of them. Cascade, unsurprisingly, stayed close by as well. Beth had purchased her almost seven years ago as a yearling and trained her herself, and much like Nick and Remington, they had bonded immediately. While she didn’t have the stallion’s impressive champion bloodlines, Cascade did have an instinct and ability for working cattle that rivaled his, and she wondered if the Hammonds would agree to let her breed them and, if so, how much they would charge.

  Because horses appeared to be a good way to get Nick to talk, she asked, “I heard a rumor—from your mother, no less—that Remington might soon be officially your horse. Is that true?”

  “Dad’s talking about selling him to me since I’m the only person Rem will let ride him. Besides you, of course.”

  “How much?”

  “A couple thousand plus free stud services.”

  “That’s cheap for that boy.”

  “Yeah, it is. Dad paid almost ten grand for him. I have this thought that he and Cascade would make a great match. Can you imagine the cutting horse that would come out of that pairing?”

  This time, Beth laughed long and loud.

  “What did I say?” Nick asked with a puzzled frown.

  “I was—not a minute ago—wondering how much I would have to pay your parents as a stud fee. Now it appears like I might have to ask you.”

  Nick glanced at the horses in question. “If it were up to him, I’d think Remington would do it for free.”

  Beth glanced around him to see the stallion cozying up to her mare and laughed again. “So it would seem. And she’s not even in season.”

  “Like rider like horse?” Nick asked, briefly tucking his arms
around her and kissing her cheek before picking up his rifle and their sack lunches.

  He took Beth’s hand and led her to a nice spot in the semi-shade beneath the aspens a few feet away from the lakeshore. Beth spread her blanket out, and they ate their lunch in silence. When they were finished, they gathered the remnants of their meal back into the paper sacks and set them aside to be stuffed into their saddlebags later. Nick leaned against the trunk of the aspen at the edge of their blanket and patted his leg, beckoning Beth to sit with him. Without hesitation, she scooted over, entirely comfortable when he pulled her into his lap and folded his arms around her. She let her head fall against his chest and closed her eyes.

  This right here, she thought. I don’t want it to ever end.

  In this moment, everything was right, and nothing else mattered because they had each other and thousands of acres of wild mountain landscapes to bury their troubles in.

  “I didn’t say what I did earlier to cheer you up,” she said, “but I hope it does because I mean it.”

  “I probably didn’t show it, but it did… and does.”

  “If it had been someone else and Trey was in your position, do you think he would have gone to jail and kept the rape a secret to protect me or refrained from beating the crap out of the guy who’s been harassing him for weeks?” She sat back to study his face. There was no doubt in her mind that the rape tortured him just as surely as it traumatized her. Pain and memories swam in his eyes at the mention of it. “Not a chance. He would’ve beat the crap out of the guy and yelled my secret as loud as he could to keep himself out of a cell. I’d be stupid and selfish in the extreme not to appreciate everything you’ve done for me.”

  She swiveled and straddled his waist, then leaned forward and pressed a light kiss to his lips—their first since her experiment almost two weeks ago. She wanted to kiss him more deeply, to give in to the glowing desire that had been building since that day, but now wasn’t the time. He was too distracted by his thoughts, and she doubted he would let her get carried away while the memory of the rape was so close to the surface. Especially when he didn’t seem to notice her rather flirty position. She waited until he looked at her again, then wiggled her brows and grinned as she said, “I’d also be a fool not to appreciate everything else about you.”