Love Lost (Love's Improbable Possibility)

by Belvin, Love

  I had a meeting with the goons, too. At the meeting was Petey, Wop, Kid, and me. We discussed our trip to Mexico to meet with our new connect. We had to be strategic so Petey suggested that we take the ladies as a decoy. Kid was on probation and his P.O. watched him like a hawk. Although we’d leave and return by the time he had to report he always had to play it smart. I, of course, had to think of a lady to bring. We decided that we’d tell everyone including the ladies attending that we were going to Celebrate Kid’s girl’s birthday. This would stick and make sense if his P.O. was to find out about his departure.

  I called Rayna on Friday when she returned from her trip. She eventually told me she had a conference that she needed to attend in San Francisco. I was impressed; she was really committed to her profession. I asked her for her address so that I could pick her up and she told me to pick her up at a gas station near where she lived. I was a little turned off by that. I couldn’t understand why she didn’t want me to come to her house. I shook it off and did it anyway. When I picked her up all of those feelings were thrown to the back of my mind when I saw her. She wore jeans that looked like they were painted on, a simple white T-shirt, a fitted blazer and a silk scarf that she tied at her neck and heels. This was a little more casual than I was used to seeing her around work. I pulled up to her by the convenient store at the station and unlocked the door.

  When she got in, I asked, “Are you sure you want to wear those shoes? This tour includes a lot of walking.”

  “I kind of figured that so I brought changing shoes in my bag.” Rayna raised the large tote bag she was carrying.

  We went all over, starting out with brunch at the famous Roscoe’s Chicken and Waffles where she was insistent on paying for as a pre-gesture of gratitude for the tour. She wasn’t taking no for an answer so I gave in. I was able to pull a few strings for her to tour the studio of her favorite soap opera, which was virtually unheard of; they didn’t allow tours. Next, we toured two major movie studios and went to Hollywood Blvd to visit the Kodak Theater and the walk of fame. We traveled over to the Santa Monica Pier and in the Beverly Hills residential area. We ended the tour on Rodeo Drive. She wanted to go into all the popular designer’s shops. I noticed while in Louis Vuitton she was beside herself. Rayna showed special attention to the luggage. Her eyes were lit and bounced with wonder.

  I strolled up behind her and leaned down to murmur in her ear. “What are you thinking about?”

  She seemed entranced when she said, “I have a best friend who’s the total opposite of me. She comes from wealth and I come from…humble beginnings. Ever since the day I met her she’s helped me out tremendously, so much that I don’t know how my life would’ve turned out without her. Now, I’ve never had a problem with our lifestyle contrast, or at least can’t recall any problems, except for the time when she gave me an old Louis Vuitton suitcase that was given to her by her grandmother who replaced it after having it for just a year. My girlfriend had it for longer but gave it to me, not with sentimental value, but because she was done with the suitcase and had replaced it, too. She’s the most generous and pure hearted person on this planet…the only one who gave me a chance but that day she handed me the suitcase…I felt inadequate. I told myself that day that I would one day have a whole Louis Vuitton set that was purchased just for me even if it took me until I was eighty. It would be my own.”

  I didn’t utter a word, giving her time to complete her moment. She turned to me, snapping from her trance and even tried to offer a mirthless chuckle. I could tell it was eating at her.

  “So why don’t you get it now? At least start with one piece.”

  “Nah. I have a house to buy first. I’m not rich like you, Mr. Jacobs. I have priorities.” She smiled tightly. And even that was beautiful.

  I decided not to push the issue. We had dinner at Mr. Chows on Camden, everything flowed so well that day and we were starving by the time we sat down to eat making the timing and restaurant pick perfect. What was even better than the food was our conversation. She opened up about being from Jersey and growing up in the projects. Rayna mentioned how going away to school saved her life and meeting Michelle changed it. She spoke very highly of Michelle. I remembered her from the proposal meeting and the club but I didn’t know they were so close. I could tell she really admired her. I didn’t know women praised each other that way. I mean, it’s not like Michelle was an older woman like a grandmother, godmother, or aunt. I noticed she didn’t talk about her parents much and I didn’t push.

  I told her a little about my past and who I am, at least the legal version. As B.I.G. said, “Don’t see my ones – don’t see my guns, get it?” Outside of my underground life my conversation with her flowed so naturally. I wasn’t used to feeling that way with any woman or person for that matter. This was bananas!

  I guess our time together loosened her up as well because she let me drop her off at her complex but only to the gate. She looked at me before getting out of the car like she had something to say but was afraid to say it. It was as if she was fighting not to let her guard down totally. She said goodnight and I wanted to taste her lips so bad but knew it wasn’t time.

  When I pulled away, I clicked the stereo to switch to one of my Hov CD’s and sang along with him, “Either she the one or I’m caught in the Matrix…” Like a fucking sappy teen, I understood the sentiment.

  ~~~~~~~~~~

  Rayna

  I was sitting in the corner of the cafeteria of the rec talking on the cell with Michelle. I had to remember to keep it down because we were laughing so much about things I didn’t want people leaving the room to take with them.

  “So you had a good time, hunh girl?!” Michelle asked.

  “Yeah, I guess Mr. Azmir Jacobs is an alright dude.” I couldn’t manage the boisterous smile that had crested upon my face. “Shelly, it’s crazy to be sitting in the cafeteria of the building he owns talking about him.” I looked around paranoid of anyone hearing.

  “Pretty soon you’ll own that building AND business. All you have to do is lay that voodoo coochie on him! He won’t be able to count how many businesses he owns!”

  “I don’t know, girl. I just need a little more time before I think about taking it there. I’m so tired of these trifling ass men and their games.” I sulked at the depressing thought of it all.

  “Girl, let your friend from down under speak for you!”

  “All jokes aside, let’s think about this. From O to Ricardo and all those in between, I’ve been misled and treated unfaithfully. Remember the guy from Compton who I thought was so nice and—” she interrupted.

  “…and religious? Yeah, you thought he’d just found the Lord and the only thing he was looking for was the draws. Um-hmm, I remember him. I also remember the intern that came through the practice that you were hesitant to date because he was white. When you finally let him take you out and it so happened to be to a cousin’s welcome home party and the family forgot to yell ‘HELLO’ because they were too busy staring at the only African American in the room who so happened to be you.” In ruminative thought, she continued her stroll down memory lane. “Oh yeah, wasn’t he the one who forgot to mention that he wanted to pull a prank on his racist family and you were the sole prop he used?”

  “…sounds funny but true, which makes it difficult for me to trust anyone. I don’t care how many deliveries he arranges to gift me or how much money he has. I’m sick of the games!” I hissed.

  “Honey, I know but let’s not push a potentially good man away because of the previous bastards you’ve encountered. Give this one a chance. Erin told me to ask if you guys were still on for Saturday.” For my benefit she switched gears.

  “I hear you. Tell Lil’ E I wouldn’t miss it for anything. I want to talk to you about her birthday soon. I know it’s months from now but a few things have run through my mind. Okay?” I said after a long yawn. I was really exhausted.

  “Yup. Talk to you soon, girl!”

  “Wait…Sh
elly?” I called out.

  “Yeah, babes?”

  “How do you know so much about Azmir?” I had to know. I’d grown a bit intrigued by him and suddenly wanted to know everything there was to know about him—well kind of. Michelle had mentioned him several times over the past couple of months. I wanted to know why.

  “Oh…well, a part of my job at the practice is to scout out partnership opportunities that would benefit our services, reputation and/or increase revenue. I’d heard about the club and recreation center on separate occasions and his budding reputation had been mentioned, too. One day I searched him online and found the connection along with the rest of his ventures. It’s called Google, you should try it,” Michelle snorted, clearly finding herself amusing.

  Much of it was missed by me because I was too busy thinking about Azmir’s grandeur, wondering if I could handle it all. I didn’t want a Google-ble guy. I wasn’t exactly sure of what kind of guy I wanted or if I wanted one at that time for the matter. But I didn’t want someone with a following or one who was accessible to so many. I liked my privacy and the insulated simplicity it provided. Suddenly it didn’t seem that would be maintained with a man like Azmir Jacobs in my life.

  “Don’t,” Michelle bit out.

  Huhn? “Don’t what?” I’d come out of my reverie.

  “Don’t look for an out. Just give him a try.” There was a pause at her demand. Michelle knew me too well. She knew that I had doubts already and whenever I had a fear of something not working properly I’d bail. “That’s an order, Rayna,” she said before hanging up.

  I reflected on what Michelle said for a few minutes after we got off the phone. I agreed with everything she said but practicing it was totally different. I couldn’t let myself get wrapped up in the possibilities of a relationship with Azmir. If he wanted something real, I’d know soon enough but it was too soon to know now. Besides, I was in the process of selecting a home to buy. At this point, I was deciding between two ranch styles in Redondo Beach and was meeting with the realtor Azmir recommended this afternoon to weigh my options—the realtor who took me on for free. That was extremely odd to me until I pressed him about his pro-bono offer and he assured me that he’d owed Azmir a favor and this was how they decided he’d settle up. It wasn’t the most compelling explanation. I wasn’t a personal friend of Azmir’s for him to call in a favor, but what could I do, beat the truth out of the man? I shook it off and dreamed of the nearing possibilities instead. I couldn’t believe in a matter of a week I’d be a homeowner!

  The next few weeks flew by. Between the house-hunt and running the practice, I had my hands full. A little over two weeks after our excursion while in my office, Azmir texted me asking:

  Have you given any consideration to my invitation?

  I had to think for a minute until I suddenly recalled him asking me to go away with him on a business trip in Mexico a couple of days after my Hollywood tour. He explained that I’d be company during his off hours in the evening because he’d be gone throughout the days. This trip was for about three or four days and was guaranteed to be relaxing above all else. He swore the views in Puerto Vallarta were impressive. I’d forgotten about it because it sounded more like an escort type of hook up than a vacation to me. I wasn’t impressed at all. Plus, getting away from work wasn’t that feasible in March.

  I typed back: Good 2 hear from you. Sorry, my answer is still the same. You’regonna have to get 1 of your many girlfriends to go…

  I had to giggle to myself about that one.

  In seconds he text back: I’m working on getting 1 girlfriend but I’m still on the chase I see.

  I paused for a second.

  He was really trying to lay it on thick. I took a deep breath, told myself I wouldn’t allow these cheap tactics to lure me in and text: Sorry

  He ended our correspondence with: We’re only in Feb. I’m not giving up yet.

  I smiled and went about my day.

  Two days later Sharon paged me while I was in with a client. “Ms. Brimm, could you come to the front desk as soon as you’re freed up?”

  I told her I would.

  When I was done about thirty minutes later I went out afraid of the dilemma I was about to face but instead there was a mountain of boxes next to the reception booth. I asked, “Is this a wrong order?”

  “I thought that until I saw the invoice and noticed two things. One, it had your name on it and not the practice’s; and two, we don’t buy from the company that’s on the logo. Here’s the card that came along with it.” Sharon handed me an envelope. The stationary was thick so I could tell it was of high quality. I opened the card and it read,

  I hope these count as your own.

  Sincerely,

  A.D. Jacobs

  I took note of the company’s emblem on the envelope and immediately asked, “Could you ask Pedro to put these boxes on a dolly and bring them into my office?” I couldn’t believe what I thought was in the boxes.

  I grabbed a smaller box of the bunch and moved warily to my office. When I went in, I closed the door and started opening the box I carried in. My mouth fell open when I saw the Icare, a shoulder bag. As I held it up and was gawking at the beauty of it there was a knock at my door. I yelled for them to come in. It was the remainder of the boxes. I opened them all and lined up every piece of luggage—six in all.

  Along with the shoulder bag, it was the Eole 60, Pagase 45 and 65, Garment Cover bag, and Keep All 55. I had to sit for a minute to make sense of it all. My daze was broken when I was notified of my next client. I gathered all of the boxes and plastic that was inside of them and placed them outside of my door so they could be discarded. It took me until the end of the day to call Azmir to say something. I didn’t think a simple thank you would do. The man just bought me over $11,650 worth of luggage!

  I wasn’t accustomed to men gifting me and when Azmir sent the phone a few weeks back a small part of me didn’t like it because I didn’t see why. This luggage was different, I’d slipped and shared a personal and private experience with him and he listened. He actually listened, even when I shouldn’t have shared. I couldn’t deny that unnerving side of me that questioned whether or not he did this so that I would go away with him, or wondering if he pitied me. I fought my determined doubts and figured that even if that was his motive, it was still a vacation for me—a nice gesture. So what he gifted me to gift me again! Either way, I gave in to accepting the gifts—again. I knew I needed to acknowledge it. So, I called and got his voicemail. I didn’t think it was appropriate to leave a message for this so I texted him to call. Nothing.

  I didn’t hear back from Azmir until almost midnight. He called and woke me out of a sound sleep. “Hello…” I answered.

  “I’m sorry to bother you this late, sleepy head.” His voice flowed velvety through the phone igniting every cell in my body.

  “Azmir?” I was all breath as my body had become fully awakened at the sound of him.

  “Yes. I was in the air for most of the day. Between being in meetings and in bad areas with no reception, I wasn’t able to use my cell at all today. After seeing how many times you tried to contact me, I figured why you were calling.”

  “I don’t know how to say it. I wanted to thank you for the gifts…” I tried.

  “Oh, you got the Nike’s I sent you? Oh, that’s what’s up!” He tried to use humor to lighten the moment that he could sense was awkward for me.

  “No, no, no…for the luggage, silly. You really didn’t have to do that, Azmir. You have to stop this…bounteousness gifting thing. I can’t compete with that. Plus, it’s not like I’m your lady and should expect these lavish things.”

  “Like I told you before, you’re not my lady…yet.” My heart nearly leaped from my chest and my breath caught. “Nah, I’m just kidding. It’s nothing…don’t sweat it.”

  His strong, low, manly tone spoke to my libido. His assurance was like hearing your daddy say, “Don’t worry about anything. I got you.” M
y legs pressed together instinctively in search for a release. I switched positions in my bed. I hated the torture. Suddenly I wanted him so bad.

  “Seriously, now I’m feeling like I owe you something in return. I can’t keep up with the Jones’,” I protested.

  “Don’t be like that, girl.” I loved when he called me girl. Shit—I loved when he referenced me in any manner. I couldn’t wait to hear what he’d call me when he lay beneath me filling me with his manhood, with his hands splayed over my ass.

  “Let me take you out to dinner…” I had to offer.

  “Oh, sweat,” he teased. I hadn’t heard that phrase in years.

  “Really. When are you free?”

  “I just changed around a few meetings for the next couple of days. Let me look at my schedule and I’ll call you tomorrow to let you know.”

  “Okay.”

  “Aye…” His voice had turned sultry.

  “Yeah?”

  “Don’t make any major plans until you hear from me,” he commanded in all of his CEO mien. It was at times like this when I felt slightly intimidated by Azmir. Butterflies blossomed in my belly. He slipped up to let me know he wanted my time.

  “Of course not,” I breathed, hoping to hide my panting.

  “Indeed.” We hung up on that note.

  The following day I got a text from him saying that he wouldn’t be freed up for a while but asked if I would reconsider his Mexico offer in lieu of dinner. I thought for a while and asked via text,

  Why are you so hell bent on getting me out of the country? Are you a serial killer or something?

  Azmir texted back right away: You’ll never know until you come.

  I didn’t feel 100% confident in my decision but I agreed to go with him to Puerto Vallarta.

  After I gave it more thought I discussed it with Michelle who announced it while we were with the girls. One of Michelle’s girlfriends, Samantha, who’s seen Azmir before at parties and other functions, told me that I’d be a fool if I didn’t go or give Azmir a chance. She also made sure to mention that if I didn’t want him she’d take him. I didn’t give into girl chatter much. The girls started high-fiving each other like I didn’t know better. I knew Azmir was as fallible as any other man, no one was perfect. I admitted to myself, it would be nice to be in a man’s company. It was then when I realized that I had never been away with a man before.