Ahdan

by Nikki Clarke

  “I am sorry. I cannot stop it from doing that.”

  “I know.” She runs her fingers up my arms, and the sound gets softer. She is so beautiful. I cannot believe that I nearly forgot that she is the most beautiful being I have ever seen. “I’m not going to lie and say this isn't weird, but I really do love you, and I want to figure out a way that we can make this work.”

  “I do as well.” I take her hands, weaving our fingers together, and she smiles.

  “Say you love me.”

  “I love you.” The words are out of my mouth before she has finished her request, but my heart twinges.

  “I love you, too. Now make love to me.”

  I scoop her up and walk her toward our bed. After depositing her onto the mattress, I peel off my shirt and jerk my pants down. I’m impossibly erect. My cock aches with the need to be inside of her, and when she takes too long to remove her clothes, I reach down and yank her pants down her legs. She opens her thighs and arms for me, and I come over her, thrusting into the wet warmth of her pussy.

  “Ah!” Her soft cries echo in my ears as I start to stroke through her passage with urgent movements. She holds tight, lifting her hips to match my thrusts. My heart thumps wildly, sending a rush of blood to my cock that makes my mind blank with lust. I move faster, harder, pressing deep, trying to chase away the confusion in my mind—and heart. Niya’s body swells around me, sucking me in, and when I hit the back of her pussy, she moans and shifts her hips.

  “Too hard.” The whimpered protest reaches me through the haze, and I slow, easing back and adjusting my stroke.

  My heart thumps. My skin tingles with the energy of the muscle working to do what it was made for. I bury my face in her soft, curly hair. When I inhale, my nose fills with the sweet scent of her, and I am right where I want to be.

  “Come with me, Niya.”

  She tenses and releases a ragged, breathy moan as she goes. Her passage contracts around me, and I fall over the edge of my raging desire and flood her with my seed.

  “That was intense.”

  I tilt my head and press a kiss to her hair. “I am sorry if I hurt you. A more vigorous arousal is an effect of my lehti being here.”

  She angles her head back on my shoulder and frowns up at me. “Her being here makes your dick hard?”

  “Her being near makes my heart beat harder, which means more blood makes its way to my cock, which, yes, makes it harder.”

  Niya makes a face and lowers her head back to my shoulder. “Uh, okay. Maybe you should keep those little tidbits to yourself.”

  I chuckle. “Our joining was perfectly incredible before she arrived.”

  “It was,” she agrees with a sigh.

  I turn to my side, leaning over her and closing my hand over her breast. She moans when I squeeze. “Are you sore?”

  I kiss a line up her neck and she sighs. “A little bit, but I can take more.”

  “Yes?” I move over her, settling between her legs. “Do you want more?”

  She looks up from beneath her lashes and crosses her arms around my neck. “I want everything.”

  ***

  "I see you have not lost any of your enthusiasm for joining."

  I exit my cabin to find Ze'lah standing at the base like she was waiting for me to emerge. It is dark, and much of the camp has retired for the evening. The ache in my chest pulled me from sleep, and I left Niya in our bed, naked and beautiful.

  "You should not listen, lehti."

  Ze'lah snorts softly. “Your cabin is discreet, but I do not need to hear to know what you did the moment I left. Besides, our kind is not worried about these things. Our hearts are bound regardless of who you join with. I could not ignore it if I wished. And it conjures such lovely memories."

  I cross my arms as annoyance steals over me. "Niya is not just someone I am joining with. She is important."

  "She is not your lehti."

  The words settle like the heaviest metal on the moment. My mouth tightens, but I cannot deny what she says.

  "Why are you here?"

  "I wished to reunite with you. I—I missed you."

  They are words I have wanted to hear for so long, and I worry when they trigger a pang of longing in me. I cannot deny the sense of relief that courses through me when she tells me this.

  "Lehti—"

  She holds up a hand to stop me.

  "I understand that you have found someone else. I do not fault you for this, but I have been reconsidering our separation, and I've wondered if it is still possible to enjoy the love that was between us."

  I do not know what to say. If she had appeared before Niya came, I would be thanking the Universe for bringing her back to me. However, I cannot resolve my connection to the leht with the love I now feel for Niya.

  "Addie," as if sensing my hesitation, Ze'lah takes the steps and stops just below me. The deep brown of her eyes shines, and I cradle her cheek, lowering my head until our foreheads touch. "The love of the leht is like no other, you know this. We should not waste anymore of our lives without it."

  My resolve falters, and I have to force myself to ease away from her. "This is too unexpected. I am here with Niya, and I would not hurt her. She does not understand what is happening, and I cannot take time from her just now."

  Ze'lah nods. "I understand. I will wait, then, until you have time to consider it. I will keep myself busy by meeting with your family. I have missed them."

  She turns away, and starts to make her way across the camp. Within my chest, my First heart aches, and I suddenly feel tired.

  I go back into my cabin and return to bed, pressing close to Niya who stirs and fits herself close to me.

  "Okay?" she murmurs sleepily. I kiss the top of her head.

  "I do not know."

  LaShay wishes to speak with you.

  Sol’s voice sounds through my head as I stare through the spaces in the weave of our cabin into the tree cover above. The sky peeking through is a calm purple. Beside me, Niya snores softly. Her sweet breaths puff from her parted mouth, and her long, curled lashes fan over her cheeks. I can't help but touch her. She is smooth and warm.

  Moving carefully so as not to wake her, I turn away and swing my feet to the floor. She stirs, and I look to make sure she remains asleep. When she settles and her breathing evens once more, I pull on my shorts and leave the cabin.

  Outside, Sol stands with his shoulders perched against the wide, flaky trunk of a nearby tree. He points to a break in the copse of trees to the left.

  She is there.

  The words are easy as they reach me, but his eyes are intent as they follow me to where he indicates.

  I must walk a way through the trees before I get to the felled log where Shay sits. Before I even get close, I can smell her sorrow. She looks up as I approach and pats the space next to her.

  “Have a seat, boo.”

  He is not your boo.

  “Ugh, babe, mind your business. Go make sure our daughter isn't terrorizing anyone.”

  She is perfect. She terrorizes no one.

  Shay snorts. “Yeah, okay. This is private. Love you, bye.”

  Our minds go quiet a moment later, and I assume he has left. I sit where Shay indicates, and we both remain silent for a span.

  "I saw you with your lehti earlier," she says, and I am surprised by the lack of censure in her tone. "You guys looked cozy."

  I say nothing.

  “Please don't tell me you're going to let this woman who literally left you broken hearted ruin what you have with Niya.”

  We both stare forward. She looks at the ground, and I stare through the trees, looking for the answer.

  “I am trying with all of my being not to.” Without thinking I reach for her hand, and she meets me, grabbing hold of my fingers. I need the support. “It is difficult when she is near. The leht is,” I sigh and shake my head.

  “I get it. I can see how your brothers look at my sisters. I saw how much it hurt Bati to almost wal
k away from Tee, and he had known her for all of two seconds. I’m a mother. I know what it’s like to be so connected to someone that you couldn't turn away if you wanted, but sometimes you have to. Sometimes your real happiness can't be determined by culture or tradition or physiology. Sometimes it’s a choice.”

  “I want to choose Niya. It is all I want, but some choices have already been made for me.” I believe this in my heart.

  “So, she's going to stay?”

  I cover the space where my First heart beats steadily with my free hand. “I could not turn her away if I wanted. It is not our way.”

  "And what about Niya?"

  I sigh. "Niya is mine. I brought her here, and I will not let this hurt her."

  Shay looks at me, the when I turn to meet her gaze, there is knowing there. “You sure? Because if you're going to go down this path, you have to be sure, boo.”

  He is not your boo.

  “Black-fucking-Jesus!” Shay stands and raises her hands to her sides in exasperation. “Why are you so nosy!”

  She trudges off in the direction of the camps leaving me to my thoughts. I know she is right. Even though I tried to tell Ze'lah that it was Niya who I want, I cannot deny that the pull to her is like a thread between us. Since she arrived, the tension has increased. It is why I could not sleep after making love to Niya. I had been too aware, too conscious of her presence. It is not what I want, but I know it is not something I can help. I pray to the Universe that it is at least something I can resist.

  “Turn your head.”

  Niya does as I say and tilts her head to the side. The sun beams a bright ray of light over her beautiful, brown skin.

  “You should have let me put on makeup,” she says as she brushes a self-conscious hand over the marks on her cheek. After speaking with LaShay, I wanted to spend time with Niya outside of our bed in a way that would allow me to focus only on her. I want her to know I am here for her.

  She continues to fidget from her position on the tree stump. I have set up my canvas and paints on the side of our cabin.

  “My heart, while I would never presume to tell you how to adorn yourself, and I find you beautiful in every way, I especially love you as you are, and if you would allow me, I would render you in your natural state.”

  The self-consciousness lifts from her scent as she fights a smile. She drops her hand, tilting her face back to the light. I dip the brush onto my palette and apply it to the canvas with precise strokes. She is too perfect not to render exceptionally. I am lost in my work when I hear her snort out a laugh.

  “You look so serious, babe.”

  I keep my focus, but my mouth quirks. “This is very serious.”

  “This is just for fun, right? It’s not like you’re going to sell it.”

  “On the contrary, Addie could render the stump you are sitting on and it would command a very impressive price. Do you not know that my lehti is renowned across the quadrants? He is considered one of this era’s most gifted artists.”

  My heart skitters as Ze'lah comes around the side of our cabin. Niya twists on the stump and regards her.

  “Uh, no I didn't, but I believe it. He’s very talented,” she replies easily, but the sudden tension is detectible on the breeze that lifts her curls from her neck.

  Ze'lah smiles and comes to my side. She leans forward, and I realize too late that she means to kiss me and just barely manage to turn my face to the side to press a chaste peck to her cheek. I can feel Niya watching.

  “Ze'lah, please be considerate of my saeh’ti when you greet me,” I tell her as I set my palette and brush down.

  “Of course, mah’qitah, my lehti.” Before I realize what she would do, she reaches for me, wrapping her arms around my neck and pulling me into an embrace. I allow it, only because it is the height of disrespect to reject an offering of apology, but I keep my hands at my sides until Ze'lah releases me and steps back.

  “I thought, perhaps, when you are finished, we could use the privacy of the relaxations rooms to talk,” she says in our language. My eyes dart to Niya. She is watching us with an easy expression.

  “I would not keep secrets from her,” I return in Lyqa. She looks at Niya.

  “I understand your feelings for this human, but I did not realize that meant you no longer followed the dictates of the leht.”

  My cheeks pulse. Ze'lah is correct. One asking to speak or spend time with their lehti would not be considered unusual at all among my people, but I know this is not the case with humans.

  “I am here with her. I must also be considerate of her culture.”

  “Still so kind," she replies. "If I promise that I will not cross the boundaries you have set forth for our interactions, will you do me the respect and honor as your lehti and concede to speak briefly with me at the relaxation cabin?"

  I consider her request, warring with my nature. I did tell Niya I would resolve my attachment to Ze'lah once and for all. Perhaps this is the opportunity.

  "I will meet you shortly," I reply in Lyqa.

  Ze'lah smiles and turns to walk away without another word.

  “So, is it gonna be that awkward every time you two are together?” Niya watches me with an unsure smirk, and I sigh and go to her, pulling her up for a kiss. I let my lips linger over hers until she wraps her arms around me. I pull her bottom lip between mine, sucking at the soft, full flesh.

  “If it makes you feel better, I will do this every time she and I are together to remind you that you are mine, no matter what. Now, return to your pose.”

  She lowers herself back to the stump and resumes her position. I go to the canvas and retrieve my pallet and brush, dipping into the brown I mixed to create her exact coloring. Just when I am about to outline her lips, her head falls back, and she bursts into laughter. I pause, listening to her glorious cackle until she finally sobers and turns an amused look on me.

  “Does she seriously call you ‘Addie’?”

  “What is my name?”

  “Ah’dan!” Niya’s gasped reply is broken by the force of me driving my hips up. I am waist deep in the bathing pool with her straddling my cock. She rises onto her knees, impaling herself on me as I flex up to meet her.

  “Louder.”

  She rides me, her luscious mouth parted. Her small, firm breasts bounce gently with the movement. I lean forward and take one of the straining tips between my lips and suckle hard, making her tense and contract around me.

  “What is my name, Niya?” I steady her hips and fuck up in a series of powerful thrusts that make her cry out in pleasure.

  “Ah’dan!” She presses her chest to mine and begins to shake. Her pussy clenches with such force that I go too, filling her with all that I have.

  “So, are we ever going to talk about it?”

  We lay opposite of one another on the bed. Niya’s head rests on my thigh, and I cradle her small, perfect feet next to my head. I press a kiss to the top of one before I answer.

  “To what do you refer?”

  “You know, why you two broke up.”

  I sigh and focus on her. I knew I would have to explain at some point.

  “We did not part amicably. She left me.”

  Niya frowns and shifts up to her elbow. “I thought the leht meant you guys were together forever.”

  “Not exactly,” I shake my head. “The leht is a function of my biology, my body’s recognition of having found the one who is meant for me, the one I am bound to for my existence, but it is not a compelling force, at least not for her.”

  “What do you mean?” She watches me intently as if she really wishes to understand, and I wish to be honest with her as much as I can.

  “My First heart, here,” I rest my hand to the left side of my chest, “is connected to hers. Its beat tells me everything I need to know about my lehti—if she is happy, if she is well, if she is anxious or sad. It provides me with the energy required to care for her and our family. It makes me strong for her. From the moment she awakened
my heart, an instinctual urge to protect and love her was also awakened. Whether I would like to or not, every day I am aware of her. It does not matter where she is. And while she is also bound to me, the connection for her is different. It is less intense. Female Lyqa are more benefactors of this trait of our biology than compelled by it. Lehti connections are rarely broken by males of my kind. It would be very difficult to do so.”

  “Being away from her, is it hard?” she asks softly, and I detect a hint of sympathy. I could lie and deny it, but it would be a lie, and I do not want to lie to her.

  “It is the hardest thing in my life,” I admit. “Until I met you, she was all I could think of, and even still—”

  “You think of her.”

  “Every day,” I sigh and lower my head, looking away from her so as not to see her disappointment. However, when she speaks again, there is only understanding.

  “Love is hard, sometimes,” she offers as she rubs a hand over my leg. I nod and press another kiss to her foot, nuzzling close to the warmth of her skin. “It’s okay if you’ll never love me as much as you love her.”

  I want to argue, but my throat catches, and I can only shake my head. She rubs my leg again.

  “Really, it’s okay. As long as you love me as much as you can.”

  ***

  "Ze'lah."

  She turns on the bench as I enter the small tent. It is dim, but when she sees me, her eyes shine brightly, causing my chest to warm.

  "Addie. Come sit."

  She moves to the side, making room for me, and I lower myself, careful to keep an appropriate distance. Noticing my rigid posture, she laughs, and I nearly groan from the sound of it. My entire body tenses, and I clasp my hands in my lap.

  "I do not bite, lehti. Though I remember, at one point, you did."

  The air is perfumed with her arousal, and I clench my jaw against the reaction of my body. This was not a good idea.