Causing Heartbreak

by Regina Bartley

  “All done.” She said. “The medicine is going in now.”

  “Thank you.”

  She cleaned up her mess and watched the monitors for a few minutes. Just as she was walking out the door, she said that she’d be back in about ten minutes to check on me. She was nice. Her tone was gentle and thankfully soothed me a little. Once the medicine started pumping through my veins I finally started to relax a bit. I thought maybe the beeping of the baby’s heart would make me nervous and uncomfortable, but it didn’t. It let me know that she was okay. I loved hearing it.

  Gradually the pain started to ease. In the ten minutes or so that the medicine had been pumping, I had only had one big contraction. The rest were mild if any.

  Mom came back into the room, phone in hand. “That woman is so nice. She was so worried about you.”

  “She is. She’s so sweet and good to me.”

  “She said don’t you worry about them, and to get better soon. She said that she would stop in and see you tomorrow and check on you.”

  Already I felt one hundred times better.

  I pulled the blanket up closer to my chin and settled in. It was going to be a long few days.

  MY PHONE HAD TWO MISSED CALLS AND two new voicemails when I got into my truck after work. It was just after 5:00 p.m. so I figured they were both from my Mom. I went ahead and checked them before pulling out.

  1st message: “Hey Son, its Mom. Give me a call when you get this message.

  Delete.

  2nd message: “Its Mom again. I wanted to let you know that Wren is in the hospital. She’s okay and so is the baby, but her mother said that they had to stop her contractions. She was going into early labor. She may be in there for a couple of days. I thought you would want to know. Okay, well, I’ll talk to you soon. Love you.”

  Shit. I wasn’t expecting that. My stomach flipped around and I felt this sick feeling all of a sudden.

  I was nearly covered head to toe in dirt, and grease, but I knew where I needed to be.

  I backed the truck out of the drive and headed towards the hospital. My hands trembled. When Mom had said that she was in the hospital, my stomach dropped right out of my body. It was a sickening feeling. A helpless feeling. The worry crept over me, and I felt like I had to get to her as soon as possible.

  Finding a parking spot at the hospital was half the battle. The drive over only took a few minutes. I finally found a place and hurried inside.

  The lady at the front reception desk told me that she was on the third floor. Hastily, I jumped in the elevator and willed it to hurry the hell up. She wouldn’t be expecting me and probably didn’t even want to see me. But I had to see her. To know that she was alright. The proof had to be right in front of me.

  I stopped at the nurse’s station and asked which room she was in. The girl pointed down the hall to room 304. I thanked her and moved quickly. My heart was pounding and my palms were sweaty. Not sure if it was nerves or worry or what.

  I took a deep breath and knocked lightly on the door. Afraid of what I might walk into, I waited until someone said come in.

  The heavy wooden door was surprisingly quiet as I opened it slowly. There was a wall along the right side as I opened the door so I could only see the foot of her bed. She had one leg out and the other tucked tightly underneath the blanket.

  Her mother’s face was the first that I saw. She stood there with a great big smile on her face and waved me in.

  My steps were quiet and reserved, but my breathing was far from it. Or maybe it wasn’t. To me it sounded loud and fast, just like my heart.

  I looked down at the ground until I was finally around from the wall. When I looked up, I locked eyes with her. Immediately the tears spilled over from her eyes. It made me tear up too. All I wanted to do was wrap myself completely around her and protect her.

  “I’ll give you two sometime,” Wren’s mother said.

  I didn’t even wait for her to get out of the room. I couldn’t. I went straight to her side and wrapped her up in a hug.

  She just cried as I held her.

  It made holding back my tears very hard to do.

  She clutched me hard and pressed the side of her face into my chest. I hoped that she couldn’t hear my heart. I slowly rubbed small circles on her back with one hand and cradled her head with my other.

  “I can’t believe you’re here.” Her voice spoke through the cries.

  “I’m supposed to be. This is where I belong.” No sense in lying. She knows where I stand. I loved her and I belonged right there where she was.

  “I’m sorry, Bentley.”

  “Don’t be.” I continued holding her close.

  “I know, but I know that you still want so much for me, and I’m not ready yet. But I’m selfish because I do want you here with me. I feel safe with you, and though you don’t know about my feelings; you should know that your love makes me stronger.”

  I sucked in a huge breath. It wasn’t an admittance by any means, but those few simple words were enough for me. “I’m not going anywhere. Anymore. I promised you a friendship, and that’s what you’ll get. Until you’re ready for something more. And when you are I’ll be right here. Still.”

  She looked into my eyes. The brown of her eyes seemed dark, but soft. “Thanks, Bentley.”

  “Of course babe. Now tell me what’s going on. There’s a whole lot of wires and beeping going on. Has the labor stopped? And what are they going to do?”

  She pulled me back to her. “I’ve missed you.”

  “Me too.”

  We sat there embraced again until she finally let go to lay down. She seemed tired. I scooted the chair over beside her bed and sat there with her, holding her hand. “What is all this stuff?” I asked again.

  “That monitor is where you see if I’m having contractions. Which I’m not anymore.” She smiled.

  “That’s good right?”

  “Right.” She replied. “You hear that beeping?”

  “Yeah.”

  “That’s the baby’s heartbeat and it’s showing right there.” She pointed to the screen.

  “Wow. Where is it hooked to? I mean on you. Do you have some kind of wires hooked somewhere?”

  She pulled her gown up under her chest. Then she slowly moved the blanket down so that her stomach was showing. I stood up to get a closer look. There were bands wrapped tightly around her, but I wasn’t even looking at that. That was the first time that I’d actually seen the skin of her belly and what it actually looked like.

  So damn cute.

  It was huge. Of course, I didn’t say that out loud. She would think I was calling her fat, but she wasn’t. Every part of her body was tiny except for that basketball belly.

  “Those look tight.” I touched the edge of the light pink band.

  “It is, but it doesn’t hurt. The pressure helps a little actually.” She said.

  “This is the first time that I’ve seen your tummy. I mean not covered up. This is amazing.” I said and she laughed.

  There was a loud almost thumping type noise that came from the monitor. I looked at it and then back at her. She was pointing down and I could actually see the baby moving. Her stomach was moving. It was the wickedest thing I’d ever saw.

  Unbelievable.

  Of course, I had to put my hand there and feel it for myself.

  “I think this baby loves me,” I said not thinking about the words before they came out.

  I could be a real stupid ass sometimes.

  She didn’t say anything, she just put her hand on top of mine.

  I could care less what kind of man people think I am, but at that moment my heart melted and she didn’t even say a word.

  Her mom came back in a little while later, but I didn’t want to leave. I just wanted to be there with her.

  “Are you going to spend the night here?” Her mother asked me and I didn’t know how to answer. I wanted to say yes, but I looked at Wren first.

  “You don’t have t
o.” She said.

  “I want to,” I answered truthfully.

  “Okay.”

  Gloria looked at her daughter then back at me. “Why don’t you run home and shower and change into some comfortable clothes. Then you can come back here and stay with her. I’ll go home when you come back.” She said.

  “I won’t be long.” I stood up from the chair.

  “I’ll tell the nurses that you’re staying here tonight. I may have to lie and tell them that the two of you are a couple so that they’ll let you.” Gloria said and winked at me.

  I bent down and kissed her cheek lightly, just like I would my own mother. “Sounds good to me,” I whispered. “Thank you.”

  I looked back at Wren.

  “I’ll be back soon.”

  She waved goodbye and I hurried home.

  YESTERDAY PASSED SO QUICKLY, and Bentley never left my side. He slept in the hard chair faced up against my bed all night. I couldn’t believe it. Just like that he was back when I needed him the most.

  I watched him sleep with his head laid over onto his folded arms on the bed more than I slept. He was so peaceful. His mouth hung open and he snored lightly. I knew that he’d been exhausted from work, so when he dozed off I let him.

  When morning came, he stayed for a little while but had to leave for work. He promised he’d be back after though. I was looking forward to it.

  The time wasn’t just right, but soon I planned to tell him how I felt. He needed to know that I loved him too. I was ready. After my talk with Sawyer, I realized that I was being stupid and I should follow my heart. The hardest part of the whole thing is that I’ll have to tell him about Dane, and I don’t want to.

  The Doctor came in after lunch to tell me that everything was great. But that they were going to keep me on a steroid to be safe, he also said that I’ll get to go home later in the evening. But he put me on bed-rest until further notice. He was worried that if I over did it in any way that it may send me back into labor. As soon as my final labs were back, he was going to let me go. As long as nothing else was wrong.

  I texted Bentley to let him know.

  Me: Doctor said that if my blood work looks good that I can go home later today.

  Bentley: That’s great news.

  Me: I know right. I can’t wait.

  Bentley: I get off at 7 tonight and I could bring you some food and sit with you if you want.

  Me: That sounds good. Maybe Mom will actually let me go home if she knows that you’ll be there.

  Bentley: Why wouldn’t she if I weren’t?

  Me: The Doctor put me on bed rest. I’m afraid that I’ll have to fight her on it.

  Bentley: I’ll talk to her if I have to. Anytime that I’m not working, I can be there with you.

  Me: You don’t have to do that.

  Bentley: Shut it.

  Me: LOL! Alrighty then.

  Bentley: Alrighty???

  Me: Shut it.

  Bentley: LMAO! I’ll see you later tonight. Tell your mom not to worry. I’ll wait on you hand and foot if I have to.

  Me: Okay. I’ll see you tonight.

  Mom went downstairs to call Dad to let him know what the Doctor had said. While she was away Doctor Miller and his wife came to visit. I was expecting Layla, but not Doctor Miller.

  “You look really good. How are you feeling?” Layla asked.

  “Much better.” I straightened my hair and sat up a little further in the bed.

  “That’s wonderful. Are you going home today?” She asked scooting closer to the side of my bed.

  “Hopefully very soon, but the Doctor is putting me on bed rest for the duration of my pregnancy. He said he didn’t want any more scares like this one if he could avoid it.”

  “Oh no, we definitely don’t want that baby to be born too soon.”

  I looked over at Doctor Miller and found him deep in thought. Un-sure of what was wrong, I looked back at Layla. Her expression looked about as lost as mine.

  “I guess I won’t be seeing you for your regular visits?” He finally looked at me, but with concern.

  “Not unless you make house calls Doc,” I smiled hoping to brighten him up. He seemed so sad.

  “You mind if we talk a little now?”

  I didn’t know what to say. I wasn’t expecting a psych session while I was lying in my hospital bed. “Sure.”

  “I’ll just leave you two alone.” Layla leaned forward and kissed my forehead. “You let me know if you need anything. I’ll come visit you soon.”

  “Thank you. I will.”

  She walked out of the room leaving me alone with Doctor Miller. He was acting so strange, so I could only assume that our visit was going to be different than our normal one on one sessions. He obviously had a lot on his mind. The wrinkles on his forehead were deeply lined as he sat there thinking.

  “Is something wrong?” I asked.

  “I am going to be honest with you because I’m worried.” He rubbed his hands together. “I know that Bentley stayed here with you last night. He even texted me on the way here to tell me that he’d be with you tonight. I am a bit concerned.”

  I swallowed hard, not sure where he was going with this.

  “He is getting himself so involved with you and I would be okay with that, except now I’m wondering if it isn’t a mistake. Have you told him at all that you don’t want to be with him? That you don’t want a relationship? I’m concerned because of the way he acted yesterday. I’ve never seen him that way. When he found out you were in the hospital, he flipped. He was so concerned. Before I thought that this was some crush, or puppy love you know. Now that I have seen that look in his eyes, I know it’s much more. He’s my son. I don’t want to see him crushed because you won’t tell him the truth. Maybe I’m selfish, but he deserves to know the truth. He should know that you’re scared and that you won’t love him the way that he loves you.”

  I could see the hurt in his eyes. My eyes welled up, and before I knew it, the tears spilled over.

  “I’m scared to tell him about Dane and my past. I’m so scared.”

  I wiped the tears from my face.

  “Don’t cry. Please don’t cry. I didn’t mean to upset you. That wasn’t my intention.” He awkwardly patted me and reached for a tissue.

  “No it’s fine,” I said. “You’re right. I have to tell him if I want to be with him.”

  He looked at me with wide eyes. “What are you saying?”

  “That I have to tell him,” I admitted.

  “I’m so confused right now.” He stood up from the chair.

  The tears fell harder and I got choked up. “I’m in love with him.”

  “Oh honey. I knew that.” He smiled the most sincere smile. Then I was the one confused. “I can’t believe you finally admitted it to yourself. I thought that day would never come. When are you going to tell him?”

  I smiled. “You really went into the right profession. You have read me like a book since day one.”

  “Yeah, I’m pretty amazing aren’t I?”

  Oh dear. Like father like son.

  I took a deep breath. “Please don’t say anything. I’m going to tell him soon. I swear it. I just need a little bit longer, but I promise I will tell him.”

  “Of course you will. I was worried that you would never let yourself love him, and now that I know you do, I’m not worried anymore.” He walked over to me and put my hand in his. “You are important. You are a brilliant young woman who has been through a lot. I don’t want you to ever think that you are not worthy of love. You are. I’m proud of you for what you have overcome and I think that Bentley will be lucky to have you. All I wanted was for you to love him the way that he loves you because that kind of love doesn’t come along every day. He would have been crushed, and it scared me. It scared the father in me.”

  That brought on the tears again. “Thank you for saying that. When you started talking earlier, I feared that you were going to tell me that I wasn’t good enough for him a
nd that I needed to let him go. I was so worried, because I’d been telling myself that for so long. That I would never be good enough for someone like him. So you have to know how much it means to me that you are trusting of my love. That you think I am good enough for him, because I may keep second guessing myself. But I am going to try my hardest to move on. I think I’m ready. I had a conversation with my best friend.”

  “Dane’s sister?” He asked.

  “Yeah,” I took a deep breath. “I needed that reassurance I guess, and she told me that I should follow my heart.”

  “You have a great friend.”

  “I really do,” I admitted. “My heart is in love with Bentley. I know that now, and I will tell him soon.”

  “I’m so proud of you.” He patted my hand. “I know that I’m not you’re family, but I have had that sort of fatherly connection with you since the first day you stepped into my office. You are the closest thing that I have to a daughter, and it’s unbelievable how far you’ve come. I’m always going to be here as your Doctor, but I’m also family in here.” He tapped his fingers on his chest above his heart. “You’ve softened me up, and I’ve gotten attached.” There was a tenderness in his voice.

  “Wow, you really are a softy.” I stifled a laugh through my ugly tear face.

  He was choked up too.

  I couldn’t believe how much he’d helped me. At times, I wanted to strangle him, but in the end it was worth it all. We had our fights. Well, mostly I screamed while he sat there with his reasoning. I was more grateful than he would ever know.

  Mom and Layla walked in together. Each of them smiled sweetly at me.

  “You all done here?” Layla asked her husband. The sides of his lips turned up as looked at me. “Yes ma’am.” He replied.

  He walked around the bed in her direction.

  “Hey Doc,” I yelled after him. “I may need one of those house calls soon.”

  “You have my number.”

  Yes, I did. I waved goodbye as they walked out the door.