Live In Position

by Sadie Grubor

  "I think I should carry this." He guided my arms back to the counter and helped me slip the tray back onto the flat surface.

  For a moment I was trapped between the counter and Dr. Bishop's body, his arms on both sides of me grasping my hands. I shifted my body to move from his hold, but again he didn't allow me.

  "I found your letter this morning." His tone was cold, but intense and his warm breath on the back of my neck did horribly wonderful things to my body.

  Please do not let my nipples harden. Please do not let my nipples harden.

  "Oh. Okay. Well, whenever you want to discuss my last day and a replacement we can." I stood stiff and tried to move again before my body betrayed me any further.

  "I don…"

  "Hey, Sophia, you need help?" William stopped short as he watched me slip out from Dr. Bishop's hold.

  "Um, Dr. Bishop saved me from dropping the tray." I forced a quick smile. "Uh, you can probably help me out with it now, though." I smiled small again and headed toward the door.

  "Ms. Ashwood?" I turned back to him. "We will need to discuss this later." His cool glare could've given me frostbite. In fact my nipples were in a full erect salute. I nodded and walked back to the pool, welcoming the warm sun rays on my chilled and overly excited body.

  I caught up to William quickly and started setting things out on the table. Feeling oddly watched I looked up. William was eyeing me curiously. I waved him off, but still felt watched. The intensity of this stare gave away who it was, but I refused to look.

  Chapter Fifteen

  A week and a half is how long we had been home from vacation and also the length of time that Allison had been living in the house. Juliet was a permanent fixture and Connor was often here as well. Victoria's and my days seemed to be back to normal, with the exception of so many people in the house. William and the twins were over frequently and would often join us on our outings and daily activities, but it was still a familiar routine.

  It had also been a week and a half since Dr. Bishop and I started to 'discuss' my resignation. I had only seen him briefly and it was never brought up when we did speak. I started to wonder if he was purposely avoiding the conversation. I decided that if he wouldn't talk to me then I would need to talk to him.

  I realized I couldn't just leave Victoria during the custody case. That would just be cruel. She would feel abandoned and I wouldn't allow that; however, I did need to know how long Dr. Bishop would be before deciding on a new nanny. Given the fact he wasn't talking to me too much, I was surprised by his voice interrupting an intense game of 'Go Fish' I had going with Victoria and the twins.

  "Ms. Ashwood?"

  I turned around in my chair.

  "Yes, Dr. Bishop?"

  "Can I speak with you for a moment?" He walked out of the doorway and out of sight. I put my cards down on the table.

  "No cheating." I teased William and walked away.

  Rounding the doorframe I almost ran into Dr. Bishop. I blinked a couple of times and jerked myself back.

  "Sorry." I mumbled.

  He cleared his throat.

  "Victoria needs to be present tomorrow at the law office." I nodded in understanding. "We will be leaving here around ten in the morning. She is going to be interviewed by a social worker." I watched his eyes harden.

  "A social worker?" I questioned the need for that.

  "I know." He sighed out. "Grace is claiming Victoria needs a mother figure in her daily life, and since I travel frequently she should be awarded full custody."

  My mouth opened slightly and I had to bite my tongue from screaming and cursing that bitch's name.

  "Please be ready to leave the house by ten." I nodded. "Okay," he hesitated "And don't be surprised if they ask questions of you or regarding you." He looked at me nervously.

  "Regarding me?" I figured that they would want information regarding the nanny, but he made it sound like something else.

  "Um, Grace has been making inappropriate comments about…you living in the house with us." My eyes widened. "I know and I'm sorry." He quickly tried to calm my growing anger. "She is simply using it as a tactic."

  The image of us tangled on my couch, followed by the image of me pressed against a car flickered in my mind. I took a deep, cleansing breath through nose before responding.

  "Okay." I forced a smile.

  "Thank you." He stated coldly, but there was something in his eyes that made me think he wanted to say something else. His fists clenched tightly at his sides and he walked away.

  I returned to my card game with the kids.

  The next morning I had Victoria up, fed, and dressed by nine. I hurried through my routine to be ready by nine thirty. That gave us both thirty minutes to talk about what was going to happen today. I didn't want her to be unprepared.

  "So, today you are going to talk to a person who is going to ask you questions about your father, about your family, and even about me. I want you to answer her honestly okay?"

  She nodded.

  "Why are they going to ask me questions?"

  I sighed.

  "Um…your mother…"

  "You mean Grace." She corrected me with a tone almost as cold as her father.

  "Okay, Grace, wants you to come and live with her."

  "What?" She shrieked. "I don't want to live with her!"

  "I know, I know, now calm down," I pulled her into my lap and held her, "That is why your father is trying to talk with people and with your, um, with Grace to keep you living with him." I hoped I wasn't royally screwing up this conversation.

  "Why does she want me now?" Victoria laid her head on my shoulder and I tightened my embrace.

  "Because everyone loves you," I kissed the top of her head. "Who doesn't want a smart, fabulous, and beautiful little girl to live with them? Hmm?"

  She giggled.

  "Do you want me to live with you?" She asked.

  "I do live with you silly." I teased her.

  "No, I mean would you want me too?" She picked her head up and looked into my eyes.

  Knowing I wasn't going to be working here forever, especially after 'the situation', it was killing me to answer.

  "Of course I would." I grabbed her into a large hug. "And don't you ever forget that, okay?"

  She nodded against my chest and wrapped her arms around me.

  "I love you Sophia." I felt the tear slip down my cheek.

  "I love you too." I whispered back to her.

  "Are we ready to go?" Dr. Bishop's voice snapped us out of our moment.

  "Yes." I answered quickly and wiped off my face.

  He furrowed his brow. "Is everything okay?"

  I only nodded and walked hand in hand with Victoria to get our jackets.

  The car ride was silent, but when we entered the law firm Grace's voice rang out true and clear.

  "Victoria, baby!" She shouted and hurried to her. Victoria scooted behind me and Grace stopped short. She narrowed her eyes at me. "You've turned her against me, haven't you?"

  "Grace, that will be enough" Dr. Bishop moved to stand between us.

  "Of course you would defend her." She spat. "This is what I mean. It is inappropriate for you to have Victoria in your home when you are sleeping with her nanny!"

  My fists clenched up and the urge to pummel her was strong. Calm down Kung Fu master. Channel your inner Buda. I scowled at Grace.

  "Your allegations are ridiculous and you know it." He growled out through clenched teeth. "Now leave them be."

  Victoria tugged on my hand, so I leaned down to her.

  "Hmm?"

  "You and daddy sleep together?" She furrowed her brow in confusion.

  My anger tripled in that moment. That stupid selfish bitch didn't even think about what she was saying in front of her daughter.

  "Victoria, I am always with you, right?" She nodded. "Do your daddy and I ever sleep together?"

  She shook her head. "No, but why would she say that?"

  I shrugged.


  "I think she is just mad and jealous that I get to have sleepovers with you. That's all."

  "Oh." Her brow was still furrowed and I could tell she was still confused, but was thankfully letting it go.

  I stood back up and came face to face with Dr. Bishop. He lightly smiled and then turned and motioned for us to sit on a nearby bench.

  We sat for fifteen minutes before a man in dark gray pants, crisp white shirt, and a maroon tie walked out from behind a dark wooden door.

  "Dr. Bishop." He greeted with a handshake.

  "Your honor," Dr. Bishop returned the greeting.

  The man, I now realized was the judge, turned and greeted the others.

  "Mr. Stryker, Mr. Teaus," he greeted Collin's lawyers, and then moved on to Grace and her counsel.

  "Ms. Gold, Mr. Dygger". The judge's eyes landed on Victoria and me.

  "This must be Victoria." He squatted down in front of her and smiled. "It's quite a pleasure to meet you young lady." He put his hand out with a grin.

  Victoria looked up to me and I nodded. She took his hand and shook.

  "It's nice to meet you Mister Your Honor." He chuckled and I bit back my laugh.

  "You can call me Mark, okay?" He smiled and rubbed her shoulder as he stood up. Victoria smiled back. His attention landed on me.

  "Ms. Ashwood, I presume?" His smile was still warm and friendly.

  "Yes, your honor." I took his offered hand and shook lightly.

  "It's a pleasure to meet you." He turned to the group, "Lawyers and their clients, to my chambers please." They all walked, single file, into the room and closed the large door behind them.

  I pulled out a book and started to read with Victoria. We sat out there for about an hour when the judge walked out of his chamber and looked down at us.

  "Mrs. Foster will be here in about ten minutes to speak with you, okay?" He looked to Victoria for an answer.

  She nodded.

  "You just answer her honestly. You aren't in any trouble, you know that right?"

  She nodded again.

  "Well, you are a smart little thing aren't you?"

  She smiled at his compliment as he walked back into his office. I could hear the voices from inside going back and forth.

  "Miss Bishop?" I looked up from the book we had started reading again. A short brown haired woman in a gray wool suit and black rimmed glasses stood before us. "Victoria?"

  "That's me." Victoria hopped off of the bench.

  "It is very nice to meet you."

  "You too," Victoria shook her hand.

  "We are going to go right in here and talk, okay?"

  She nodded and then turned to me expectantly.

  "Aren't you coming too?" I watched as she suddenly got nervous.

  I slid from the bench and knelt in front of her.

  "No, honey, not right now, but it will be okay. Just go in there and talk with Mrs. Foster for a little bit. I will be right here waiting for you, okay?"

  She looked at me suspiciously.

  "Nanny swear?" She pursed her lips.

  I laughed lightly and smiled.

  "Yes, nanny swear." I crossed my heart and kissed my fingers before holding my palm up toward her.

  "Okay." She said reluctantly and then followed Mrs. Foster into the room across the hall.

  I sat on the bench for about twenty minutes before I started pacing the floor. After pacing for almost a half hour I heard a door open. I immediately looked to the door Victoria had gone into, but it was the judge's door, huffing out in disappointment.

  The judge crossed the hall and entered the door with Mrs. Foster and Victoria. He was in there for about ten to fifteen minutes before he exited. When Victoria didn't exit with him disappointment settled in.

  "Ms. Ashwood?" My head snapped up from looking at the floor. His face showed slight amusement.

  "Yes, your honor?"

  "Could you please join us for a moment?" He motioned for me to enter his chamber.

  "Uh…I promised Victoria I would be out here when she was finished." I blurted out and then blushed at my stupidity. This was the judge for god's sake!

  He chuckled.

  "I assure you I will have you back before she knows it."

  I smiled sheepishly.

  "Thank you." I followed his motion for me to enter the room and was met by five pairs of eyes. Insecurity immediately set in.

  "Please have a seat, Ms. Ashwood."

  I walked toward Dr. Bishop's side of the table. Dr. Bishop stood quickly and pulled a chair out for me.

  "Thank you." I whispered and heard Grace snort in disgust.

  My eyes shot to her and narrowed. Oh, you would get yours, you skanky, good for nothing…

  "Ms. Ashwood, is it correct that you are currently the care giver to Victoria Bishop?"

  I nodded. "Yes sir."

  "And you are the only woman in the home correct?"

  "Um…Mrs. Baker is there during the day, but I am with Victoria the most, yes."

  The judge smiled at me.

  "Dr. Bishop has stated you are the 'mother figure' for Victoria. Do you believe you are her 'mother figure'?"

  I froze. How the hell do I answer that?

  "Um…I care for Victoria and tend to her needs, but I don't presume to be her mother or that figure in her life. She has a loving family filled with woman."

  Silence filled the room and my mind went in its own direction. Not all of the women are that great and one tried to kill herself, but who am I to judge?

  "I just spoke, briefly, with Mrs. Foster." The judge's voice broke through the tension filled silence. "She is currently speaking with Victoria; however, she has already covered a few areas that I feel are important." He looked around the room.

  "Dr. Bishop," Dr. Bishop turned his full attention to the judge. "Victoria is comfortable and well taken care of in your home." He nodded approvingly. "I don't see any harm from her living with you."

  "Thank you, your honor." Dr. Bishop responded.

  "However, it does seem you are often displaced in Victoria's daily life." The judge's eye lingered for a few moments on Dr. Bishop. He seemed to nod slightly in a silent conversation or warning coming from the judge.

  "Ms. Gold," I watched Grace sit up straighter and smile at him, batting her eyelashes. "Victoria really doesn't feel any connection to you or desire to live with you. Given the fact that you left her when she was about three years of age, I assume that she would need time to get familiar with you again before I could allow you to take any type custody of the child." Grace's face fell and she shot a look of fury at her attorney.

  "Ms. Ashwood," I turned to the judge immediately and sat up straighter. "I assure you that you are the motherly figure in Victoria's life. She has spoken non-stop about you since Mrs. Foster has been conversing with her." He smiled warmly at me. "Mrs. Foster also believes that from what she has learned through Victoria you are indeed a good figure for her to follow."

  The judge cleared his throat.

  "Now, my final ruling in this matter today is that as long as Ms. Ashwood resides with Dr. Bishop, as he assured us she would," I know my eyes widened at the judge's statement and reflexively glanced toward Dr. Bishop. His eyes were trained on the judge. I quickly turned my attention back to him as well.

  "Then Victoria will remain in Dr. Bishop's full custody." The judge took a drink of water.

  "Ms. Gold, you will have weekly visitation rights for six months. After six months we can re-evaluate, and if your relationship with Victoria has improved then we can negotiate a new custody arrangement." He took a large breath. "Each weekend, the child will visit from Saturday morning to Sunday afternoon with her mother, in her mother's residence. This is the arrangement, until six months from today's date."

  "This is ridiculous," Grace shouted. Her attorney hurried to shush her. "Don't you shush me!"

  "This is my final judgment," The judge's boisterous voice carried through the room and bounced off of the wooden paneled wal
ls.

  The judge signed multiple papers lying on the table in front of him and then dismissed us all from his office. I rushed to make sure I was there for Victoria.

  Thankfully she wasn't out of the office yet, so I sat on the bench in my spot and waited.

  Dr. Bishop said his goodbyes to his attorneys and to the judge before he sat next to me. It was slightly too close, so I scooted away an inch.

  "You know I resigned." I whispered.

  "I didn't accept it." His tone was cold as usual.

  "You can't just –"

  "If you go, I could lose Victoria and Victoria would lose you. It's ridiculous for you to resign and I don't accept that." He stood from the bench. I was about to argue, but the door opened and Victoria burst out.

  "You're here!" She ran to me and jumped in my arms.

  "Are you okay?" I asked her the question like she had been held captive or something.

  She looked at me like I was crazy. "Of course I am. Look I got stickers!"

  "Ooh, can I have that one?" I reached for the mermaid sticker.

  "Of course," She answered.

  I giggled.

  "I'm just teasing, you keep that one. You love mermaids."

  She giggled back.

  "Good, cause I wanted that one, but I got you this one!" She held up a sticker that had a huge smiley face on it. "It's a smiley."

  "Well, thank you." I kissed the top of her head.

  "Shall we?" Dr. Bishop motioned to the exit as he half smiled at us.

  "We shall." Victoria responded and then laughed.

  I laughed, walking by Dr. Bishop.

  "See what I mean about Victoria not being able to lose you." His quiet voice was like smooth ribbons across my neck and in my ear. "We can't lose you." I snapped my head to look at him and he smirked.

  "Sophia Victoria yelled at me.

  "Huh?"

  "Come on!" That was when I realized I had completely stopped walking. I shuffled my feet quickly toward Dr. Bishop's car and helped Victoria into the backseat.

  After closing her door, I turned and saw Dr. Bishop holding the front passenger door for me. I kept my eyes away from him, refusing to look at his face, and slipped into the passenger seat. However, I did watch him round the car to the driver's side, but quickly diverted my attention when he got behind the wheel.