Cruising Through to Fulfilment

by Ann M Pratley

  "You look enraptured," he said to her, with a huge grin.

  She looked at him. He was older than her, perhaps by 10 years or so, and Tanya found herself slightly flustered before remembering her manners.

  She let out a discrete, shy laugh. "It is nice to be away from stresses of the city," she said, smiling at him.

  "And are you adventurous enough to cross the scary Capilano Suspension Bridge? It sways, you know, and the ground is a long way down," he said, overemphasising to make it sound treacherous and horrifying.

  She laughed at him. "Well I do have a fear of heights so I don't know…" she said and looked around her, seeing the other people from the bus heading off in their little groups. She looked back at him. "Do you think I should try it, knowing I do not like heights?" she asked and he looked at her in a way that captivated her, temporarily stunning her.

  "I'm heading there to walk across," he said, slightly turning and starting to walk away. "You are welcome to venture across it with me."

  She looked after him for a moment, wondering who this man was and where he came from. He looked back at her, and she stepped forward, catching up and starting to walk alongside him.

  "I'm David, by the way," he said to her whilst still looking and walking forward.

  "David … I'm Tanya," she returned and he turned and smiled at her.

  "I saw you at the hotel this morning, Tanya," he said and she felt a sinking feeling. "You were having breakfast in the buffet." He stopped and laughed at himself. "I almost came up to you then and said hello, but you looked deep in thought."

  Tanya looked at him, not sure what to say. He looked back at her and saw her blushing, finding it endearing, not to mention alluring.

  She tried to think of something to say, something to ask, but her mind was blank. She was temporarily taken back to that morning, when she had been thinking she was going to spend the day with Greg, but then Brigitte had turned up.

  David looked at her again, and saw the cloud pass over her face.

  "Sorry, did I say something to make you feel uncomfortable?" he asked.

  She shook her head and smiled, pulled out of her thinking. "No, I was just thinking about other things that have been happening lately."

  "Strange things? Good things? Bad things? Blissful things? Scary things?" he asked, with a hint of humour in his voice.

  She laughed at him. "All of the above," she joked.

  "Well that makes me intrigued. What things are blissful, scary, good and bad, all at the same time?" he asked, looking at her with a sparkle in his eyes, and she knew now he was being highly flirtatious and suggestive. She was mixed in feelings - did she look like an 'easy score' to him, or did he actually find her attractive? She tossed the question away - did it even matter?

  She smiled at him brilliantly and confidently, and chose to not say anything. He looked surprised for a moment, like he hadn't expected her until then to have, let alone exude, such a high level of mature self-confidence.

  They walked on in silence, Tanya taking a deep breath every few steps and loving the sounds that surrounded them - trees moving in the wind, birds chirping in the distance, even children laughing and chattering. It was all just what she needed - that feeling of escapism from life, even if for just a short time.

  Finally before her she saw entrance to the bridge. She could see people crossing it ... and it was indeed moving, and creaking. She shuddered inwardly.

  "Do you want to cross?" David asked and held out his hand to her.

  She looked at his hand, and then looked at the bridge, before looking up into his eyes. Her fear of heights was a real fear and she knew there was a chance she would freeze, shut down, and even scream, if she were to set foot out there. But she decided to take the plunge. Lots of people crossed this bridge every day and as far as she knew, they weren't falling off.

  She stepped forward and put her hand into his - linking hands with a complete stranger - but it didn't feel unnatural to do so. He held her hand tightly as they stepped onto the moving bridge together. He was patient and let her move slowly, and didn't make fun of her. She didn't look down - instead she found it soothing to look at him instead. One step at a time, they moved very slowly across, and soon she was surprised to find that her foot stepped onto solid land again.

  She looked back along the bridge that she had just crossed, and laughed.

  "Oh!" she exclaimed, smiling at a level that almost brought tears to her eyes.

  David looked at her, enthralled by this young woman in front of him. He had noticed her that morning because she was alone. Now he looked at her, he saw she was enchanting. She could light up anyone's eyes, just like his wife could before she died the year before. Making this connection, he remembered her - Laney - and felt a deep and sudden pang in his heart. They had been together for 20 years, married for 13, and even though it had been almost a year since she had passed on, thinking of her still brought him to tears sometimes.

  Tanya jumped around excitedly, unaware of what was going on in her companion's mind. This was just what she had needed - something to engulf her mind completely so she couldn't think about other things. She felt revitalised, energised … alive!

  She calmed down and looked at David, appreciating this stranger who had just helped her overcome something inside of her, whilst remaining patient of her. When she looked into his eyes she thought she saw the start of a tear, and stopped her dance of excitement to look at him closer.

  She took a step toward him. "What is wrong?" she asked.

  He wiped his eye, whilst giving her an apologetic smile. "Sorry, you caught me in an emotional moment - you reminded me then of my wife."

  "Oh…" she replied, at a loss for what else to say. After silence for a moment while he continued to wipe his eyes, she spoke again. "Would you like to go and sit down somewhere?"

  He nodded at her and they started walking again, in silence, until they came out to an area where they could sit whilst taking in a breathtaking view in front of them.

  Tanya turned and looked at him. He definitely was older than her - she guessed at about 35 or maybe even 40 - but he had such a nice face and demeanour.

  "The bus doesn’t leave again for another hour and a half, so I guess we have quite a bit of time to fill in," she said, trying to get conversation going.

  He turned to look at her, seeing her looking at him. Over the past year no woman had looked at him, and he hadn't wanted them to. Laney had been his whole life, and he knew there was no way that any woman could ever replace her in his heart. But when he really looked at someone, like he was doing now, he questioned that belief and wondered if in fact there might come a time when he would be open to meeting someone new, to start a new life with.

  Not this woman of course - this woman was young and, he expected, inexperienced yet in the aspects of life that hurt the most. She had only new, exciting things to look forward to, with young men, who no doubt pursued her with passion.

  "Tell me about your wife," she said, breaking him out of his trance. "Did she die?"

  He was surprised at her candour and accuracy in assessing his situation, and he nodded.

  "Yes, a year ago she died of cancer," he started, "after a long time of suffering."

  She looked at him and nodded. "My mother died of cancer too, when I was 18. It isn't a nice thing to watch a loved one go through, that is for sure," she said, thinking back to that time. "I remember, though, when she died, not feeling sad so much as relieved."

  He looked at her with surprise. "Yes!" he agreed, in wonder that he had earlier assumed she hadn't yet known loss.

  The looked at each other in recognition that something had just been realised to bridge their age gap.

  "You still miss her though," she said and he nodded.

  "Yes, every day. But I am starting now to move on because I know she would be horrified at me stopping my life because she left. This trip is part of that - I have come to Vancouver just for three weeks, because it was someth
ing we always talked about doing together." He paused and looked at her. "That probably sounds morbid…"

  "No!" she replied quickly. "For the first few years after my mother died, I often felt her beside me, so perhaps your wife is here too and you two are both enjoying it at the same time after all."

  He smiled very sadly. "Perhaps."

  Both sat back and looked out over the vista in front of them, each in their own thoughts.

  After a few minutes, he looked at her subtly, wondering what her story was. She felt him looking and turned to look back at him. And they sat like that, looking at each other in wonder, for quite some time, before David felt that had to stop. To her he was an old man after all, he told himself.

  "Tell me your story, Tanya - how have you come to be alone on a day like this, and in the hotel?"

  She looked down and then forward, letting confusion and memories resurface.

  "I came here to do a cruise to Alaska, which I did last week, and now I am enjoying Vancouver for a week before I fly home."

  "And you are doing this all alone? You are brave," he said, impressed with her.

  She let out a small laugh. "To be honest, I don't know if I am here in Vancouver alone or not," she said and looked at him.

  From there she told him everything that had happened - meeting her new friends on the cruise, meeting Greg, him wanting to spend the week with her, and then his ex girlfriend turning up.

  "So where is he now, then?" David asked after last mention of Greg.

  Tanya shrug her shoulders. "I don't know. When I was in my room his bags were still there, but I don't know where they went or what is supposed to be happening."

  "And you are okay with all of this happening?" he asked, curious to find out how she actually felt about her developments.

  "No, not really," she answered, having to take some time to really consider that question. "I feel like I've been dropped into a soap opera!" she said and laughed at the absurdity of the situation.

  When she looked at him she saw concern on his face, which was nice for Tanya. It seemed like a very long time since there had been anyone to worry about her. He was actually a very nice man to look at, she thought to herself, and although she could see there was an age gap, she acknowledged that she had an attraction to him. Yet another man that she was attracted to - what was happening to her?

  David watched her face, seeing different expressions come and go as each was replaced with another. She was so easy to talk to, he marvelled, but there were so many things that she had to think about. Now she was looking right at him, and it brought out in him a feeling he had not felt for a long time. Of course he was seeing her as an attractive young woman, but more than that, he felt like she wasn't seeing him as an old man at all. Or was that his ego speaking, simply wanting to feel attractive again?

  "What are you thinking?" he boldly asked her, surprising even himself at his directness.

  She was taken aback and looked flustered all of a sudden, pulling away from their eye contact. For a moment she considered telling him straight out that she was attracted to him but then held back. The poor man was still getting over the love of his life dying, after all.

  "I am thinking we should start walking back to where the bus is going to pick us up!" she said, standing up and avoiding his eyes.

  He laughed and stood up. "You know we have to go back across the bridge again, right?"

  She took a deep breath, looking horrified for a moment before she stood a little taller. "I can do that," she said, smiling at him.

  Once again they traversed the wobbly and creaky bridge, holding hands as before, and it felt normal to do so. At the other side, they continued to walk for a while before they realised they were still holding hands.

  Tanya looked at him, entranced. She had always been attracted to men her own age - never had any older man caught her attention. This was a new revelation to her and she found it to be a curiosity, causing her to wonder about her own nature and personality. She was enjoying this, and it was carefree, unlike things that had unfolded with Greg. But then, she reminded herself, things had been carefree with Greg also until they came back to reality from the cruise.

  * * * *

  They reached the bus and climbed on board, Tanya first with no expectation that David would sit beside her, but he did, looking natural as he did so. They didn't speak on the bus, each thinking about their own wishes, needs and views.

  David was enjoying the close vicinity of her, and being in the aisle seat, was able to look at her whilst looking like he was looking out the window. Should he fight this waking up, he wondered. Was it right to let himself look at a woman already? Was it too soon - would he be disrespecting the memory of his wife? And why was he pondering all this anyway, given that Tanya was young and had a young man somewhere in this fair city? But did she really? Even she did not seem to know the answer to that one.

  As the bus neared the hotel, Tanya felt anxiety creeping in to her thoughts. Where was Greg? Should she assume he was coming back to her? What was she supposed to be doing?

  They climbed down the steps from the bus and entered the lobby, Tanya and David looking at one another and giving a smile.

  "Tanya," she heard a voice call out from one of the lobby sofas.

  She turned and saw Greg getting up and coming toward her. She looked quickly at David and saw him acknowledge what was happening and start walking toward the elevator. She sighed. She hadn't even been able to thank him for his company.

  "Where have you been?" Greg was asking and Tanya looked at him, annoyed at his presence and question now.

  "Are you kidding me, Greg? Where have I been?" she asked him and he was taken aback at the tone of her voice. "Where have you been?"

  "Can we go up to the room?" he asked, looking around with a look of desperation on his face.

  She looked at him, resigned to the fact that at the very least she had to let him into the room to get his stuff, and led the way to the elevator, and up to her hotel room.

  After opening the door, and them both walking inside, Greg approached her to put his arms around her. She froze and then moved out of his grasp.

  "What is wrong?" he asked, looking more than a little bit guilty by now.

  "Greg, I don't know what is going on with you and your ex, but I think I have reached my capacity for wanting to see," Tanya said, taking a deep breath.

  "What do you mean?"

  "Greg, you need to go. I don't want this to be my week here … I came here to see a city and relax before flying home. I can't relax with all of your drama going on. You need to go and sort whatever is unresolved, with Brigitte."

  He stepped backward, with a look of disbelief on his face.

  "You can't mean that!"

  She looked at him, wondering if a different side of his personality was about to reveal itself.

  "Yes I do. Please take your bags and go."

  "But Brigitte won't be invading our time together anymore. I took care of that, and you and I can now relax and enjoy the week…" he started to say and Tanya cut him off, shaking her head.

  "Greg, you have told me this twice now, and still she keeps coming back to try and lure you away. You have to give your time to her, not me. Please just go."

  His face started to look red, with what looked like anger to Tanya, and she started to perceive a very different side of him being restrained. In her discomfort, she quickly stepped to the door and opened it. He came up to her, arms out, as if to hug her, but she put up her hand and shook her head, looking down.

  Finally he gathered up his gear and came and stood before her.

  "Are you sure you want us to leave things like this?" he asked and she looked at him.

  "You aren't meant to be with me, Greg," she said, sadly. "If you were, we wouldn't have already had so many obstacles."

  "But I want to be with you," he said, with a pleading tone in his voice.

  "Greg, I have enjoyed our time together, but now it is over."


  With that, he walked out the door, as if in a trance and not fully comprehending what just happened.

  Tanya closed the door behind him and watched him through the peep hole in the door, before triple locking the door with the privacy lock and the door chain. She walked to the bed and fell onto it. How quickly things change, she thought to herself. And how easy it was to think you know someone, when really you don't.

  She thought back over her time knowing Greg. She remembered how intense he had seemed when they first saw each other, but then it had seemed attractive to her.

  Suddenly she thought about Paul - the nice guy she had things in common with. Did he have an ex lurking too? Did all men have ex girlfriends who could potentially turn up and destroy even just a short amount of time Tanya could spend with them? And was she ever supposed to find love in this lifetime?

  Once again she let herself cry. But it wasn't for Greg - it was for her situation, being unable to find anyone who seemed to be her fit for a lifetime partner. She met people and she felt like people liked her, so why was it so difficult to find one person who was right for her, and who she was right for?

  Chapter 9

  After a late evening of crying and trying to figure out what she wanted to do in her last few days, Tanya woke up the next morning feeling drained but cleansed. Like all bad thoughts and experiences were behind her, and today was a new start.

  She climbed out of bed, took a moment to look out the window to see another sunny day, and made her way to the shower. While she waited for the shower to heat up, she looked in the mirror. "You are not meant to be loved," she said to herself, sadly, before smiling at herself. "But you are in Vancouver, and it is a glorious day!"

  When clean and happy with her presentation, she made her way down to the breakfast buffet. In doing so, of course her thoughts went back 24 hours to when there had been yet another episode of the 'Greg and Brigitte Saga'.