Wait for Me

by Shannon Alexander

  I start to panic. I quickly and carefully, climb out of bed, finding my clothes and slowly opening the door to my room. I tip toe across the hall into my room.

  The bedside alarm says it’s 4:30. Evan is still passed out cold in his little room, his blanket and stuffed animals surround his little body.

  I jump into the shower and wash. The scent of Tyler still on my skin, so I scrub a little harder than may be necessary.

  I owe Heath more than this. He has been so good to us, I made a huge mistake.

  I jump out of the shower and get dressed, walking downstairs just as Dad walks to the front door. He sees me and smiles, giving me a kiss on the cheek.

  “For the record, and so not Father Professional, I am glad you and Tyler are working things out.”

  He winks causing me to visibly cringe, which makes him laugh a little too loudly out loud.

  “Moms’ in the kitchen, she just put on a pot of coffee, I’ll see you later Pumpkin.”

  I wave bye to my Dad and head into the kitchen.

  Mom is sitting at the table, facing the back deck. When they built the house, before Matt and I were even born, Moms only request –other than the massive laundry room, was to have a deck that faces east so that she could drink her coffee each morning and watch the sunrise.

  I notice she already has my favorite cup sitting at the place setting in the seat beside her. Cream and sugar beside it.

  I walk to the coffee mug, make my coffee the way that I like it and look down at my Mom.

  She looks up at me with a knowing smile. “Good Morning, sweetheart.”

  “Morning, Mom.” I reply

  “So.” She asks as I finally sit down.

  “So?” I question in return.

  She looks back out towards where sky is just starting to lighten from dark blue to a greenish blue.

  “Did you know that when Daddy and I met, he was engaged to someone else?”

  I gasp quietly. “No, I had no idea.”

  She nods her head gently; “Victoria Gray. They were both 16, of course back then couples got married whenever their families felt it was time. This is the south, we do things a little traditionally and maybe backwards. I met him 3 weeks before his wedding. It wasn’t love for him then. However, I fell head over heels in love with him. My Dad was working with his father on a business deal to expand the farm, so your Dad and I spent lots of time together, in school, at the farm and wherever. It two weeks for him to fall in love with me. I tried to stop it. I tried to push him away and the feelings that I was feeling because he belonged to someone else. But when you have true love –and I quickly realized that is exactly what it was with the two of us – you don’t let that go. Your Dad sat me down one day, I was planning on leaving town to leave room for him to marry Victoria and be happy. He told me that when you love someone you fight for them. I asked him how he could tell the difference between what he felt for her, and what he felt for me. He said ‘Victoria was a nice ray of light, but I was the air that he needed to breathe.”

  She pauses smiling at the memory “Of course it sounds so terribly cheesy, but it was the most romantic thing I had ever heard. His parents were not happy that he was ending his engagement. They didn’t support him at first. He was actually on the verge of losing his trust fund and rights to the farm, but in the end your Grandfather realized that he would have given it all up for me, and he didn’t want to stand in the way of true happiness.”

  “My point in all of this, isn’t to tell you what to do. I will support you no matter what choice you make. If you choose Heath, you will still be my Sweet Baby, Evan will still be my wild Grandson and Tyler will still be his dad and I will still consider him a son. If you choose Tyler, you will still be my Sweet Baby, Evan will still be my wild Grandson and Tyler will still be his father and my son in law. Nothing changes no matter what choice you make. But I want you to make the one you feel in your heart is right for you. Not for anyone else. You know Heath will be good to Evan, you know that Tyler adores his son already, so you make this choice just for you. Who can you see spending forever with? When you feel sick, who do you want bringing you soup in bed? Who is your Ray of Light and who is the Air in your Lungs?”

  We don’t speak for a while. Instead we sit side by side watching the sun come up, sipping our coffee. Mom holds my hand every once in a while. Giving me the strength she knows I need.

  “I have to go to New York.” I finally state

  She sighs, but it isn’t a sign of disappointment. I’m not really sure what it is.

  “Well, then you go. Grab an overnight back and go. I will keep Evan, Tyler and Daddy will help me out, you do what you need to do. We will be here when you get back.”

  “I just need Heath to know what happened here. I don’t know what I am going to do, but before I decide I need him to know everything.”

  “That is a very good idea. Clean slates help to make better choices.”

  I grab my phone and book the first flight out to New York.

  I head upstairs to where Evan is still asleep.

  I hate leaving before he wakes up. I know he will be upset, but I need to do this. I need to go and tell Heath what happened and figure out where things stand.

  That’s all I have been doing lately figuring out where I stand with everyone else. It is exhausting.

  Chapter thirty-nine

  I was lucky to be able to book a last minute flight to New York.

  I sent a text to Maureen, telling her that I was in town. I needed to resign from my job. When I left a few months back, I think we were both under the same impression that there was a chance I would be coming back. I had been writing for her all along, while I was in Georgia, but I felt like she needed to have the option to let me go and hire someone who could actually be in town.

  She replies to my text that she is in her office all day and that I can stop by whenever I have time.

  I head to the hospital to look for Heath. He’s not working today.

  Mom insisted I get a rental car this time, since it was a short term trip. Traffic in NYC is a joke, no matter what time of the day you are driving.

  I get to Heaths apartment less than an hour after landing. I park my car on the side of the curb and walk the stairs up to his Brownstone. Stalling a moment, to give myself some extra courage. I don’t want to go in there and break this man’s heart. I do care about him. I love him.

  I shoot a quick text to Mom

  Just got to Heaths place. I will call you as soon as I can…Love you, Mom

  I don’t wait for her to respond. I grab my key ring out of my purse and open the front door, heading up the stairs to Heaths apartment.

  When I enter the apartment that I have spent so much time in, I feel like something is off.

  There is crap everywhere. Heath has always been slightly messy, but not this bad. There is takeout food boxes lining the counters. Wine glasses on the coffee table in the living room to my right.

  I look towards the shoe rack that is just inside of the door. There is a pair of women’s shoes.

  What the hell?

  I walk down the long hallway and walk towards the bedroom door on the far end.

  When I carefully open the door. I notice Heath right away, he’s in bed. But he’s not alone.

  Lauren, the same woman who sat outside of Maureen’s office almost 5 months ago telling me that she didn’t think I was in love with Heath. That wasn’t out of concern for me, she wanted Heath for herself.

  I clear my throat, interrupting her fake moaning and screaming.

  I’ll tell you first hand, Heath does not cause a woman to scream at least I never did. He is too gentle, intimidated.

  Both of their heads whip up to face me.

  I give a gentle wave. Heath pushes – no shoves Lauren off of him.

  “Sorry to interrupt. I just wanted to drop this key off, I didn’t realize you would be so … busy.”

  I should be more upset by this, but at this moment I think I am
just pissed off that I allowed myself to feel so much guilt over having feelings for Tyler, whatever those feelings were and then last night… Last night made me feel bad for Heath.

  “What… What are you doing here?” Heath stutters.

  I turn to face him.

  “How long have you been seeing her?”

  Lauren comes out into the living room, wearing one of Heath’s button up work shirts. I laugh at how trashy she looks, her red lipstick is smeared all over her face, her makeup around the edges of her eyes, making her look like a cracked out raccoon.

  “I live here. Did he not tell you?”

  I start laughing. “Oh my God that is so awesome. Congrats to you both.” I pop off my engagement ring and toss it to her “You’ll need this.”

  I remove his house key from my key ring and set it down on the counter, turning on my heel and walking back towards the front door.

  I hear Heath yell my name as I walk down the stairs. Lauren is behind him telling him to let me leave. “Shut the hell up.” He snaps at her

  “Baby, wait.”

  “What could you possibly have to say Heath? You have had another woman living with you, while you were still engaged to me. There really isn’t much more than either of us needs to say.”

  “I love you, I just felt lonely. I didn’t think you were going to come back. She doesn’t really live here, she just stays here sometimes.. It’s nothing serious.”

  “I slept with Tyler last night.” I blurt out.

  Heath starts to cry. “That’s okay, we can work through this. We can pretend it never happened, just give me another chance, we can be together like we were before.”

  “Except my life is in New York, and I don’t love you. I thought I did, but when I saw you in bed right now with that… Gold Digger, I didn’t feel hurt, I felt… Relief that is not the emotion you want the woman you love feeling when she sees you fucking someone else.”

  I turn back towards the door at the bottom of the stairs.

  “So that’s it, you are letting that asshole win?” Heath yells

  I turn back around facing him quickly. “You do NOT get to talk about the father of my son like that. Tyler is twice the man you will ever be.”

  He tries to stop me. But I ignore his yells and his tears and get back into my car.

  I head to see Maureen.

  She kisses both of my cheeks when she sees me, ushering me to take a seat inside of her pristine office.

  “So, what can I do for you. Your latest article has people buzzing, I think reader’s have really loved hearing about the story of you and Evan’s dad reconnecting, even if it’s not as personal as some would like.”

  “I didn’t want to make it very personal, I just wanted to make it as real as I could on how parenting a child who is being introduced to his father for the first time might be a bit challenging, but totally worth it.” I smile

  “I came though, to ask if you wanted to let me go. I’m not going to be coming back to New York. I thought I might be able to do the back and forth thing, but Heath and I… We just broke up, so my ties to New York are pretty over. I have loved working for you, but I know it might be easier to have someone closer writing the column.”

  Maureen removes her glasses, sets them gently on her desk and walks to take the seat beside me. “What happened with you and Heath?”

  I tell her about Tyler roughly, and then I tell her about what just happened with Heath.

  She laughs. Actually laughs!

  “I just fired Lauren last month, she was stealing clothes from upstairs, what a little whore.”

  I can’t hold in the laughter at her comment. She’s so right. So totally right.

  “Anyway, aside from them, no I do not want to let you go. Granted having a writer who is not nearby is not ideal, it is something we can make work. I will just need you to meet earlier deadlines so we can work out any kinks before printing time. I have really loved having you as a part of my team and I don’t want to let that go just yet. So if you are willing to write from home in Georgia, I would like to keep you on staff?”

  “Of course.” I blurt out with excitement “I would love that, thank you so much!”

  “Good, then you go back home to your beautiful little boy and I look forward to your next article.”

  When I leave, I feel better than I have for a long time.

  I decide to hit the Spa in the Upper West side for a little self-love, before jumping on an airplane and returning home.

  The lady at the counter asks me what I want done. I simply smile and tell her ‘everything.’ I ask her long it will take. Jump back on my phone and schedule a flight for an hour after that.

  I send Matt a text, telling him what happened with Heath, asking him not to tell mom, I want to tell her in person, but that I will be back tonight.

  He’s with Stacy again, which is another thing I will have to question when I get home. However the idea of my very best friend dating my brother makes me seriously happy.

  I get a manicure, a pedicure, a hour long massage, my hair trimmed and my face moisturized.

  When I leave, I feel like a brand new person.

  I had lots of time to think and I know exactly what I am going to do.

  Chapter forty

  Evan comes barreling through the front door, in his spider man jammies as soon as he hears my car pull into the driveway.

  I grab him into my arms and layer him with kisses all over his neck and face, making him squirm and giggle.

  When we walk back into the house, Mom, Dad and Tyler are all sitting in the living room, one of Evans shows is playing on the TV.

  Mom puts down her knitting when she sees me. Dad places is newspaper down onto his lap.

  “Evan, have you had your bath yet?” I ask him, ignoring the gaze of my parents. Tyler has not looked at me once.

  Evan shakes his head “not yet mama, I like when you do it you fill the bubbles up best.”

  “Well, let’s go take a bath and get ready for bed, shall we?”

  I reach out my hand, setting my purse by the door as he races for me. Mom smiles and reaches back down for her project, Dad picks up his paper and Tyler still refuses to look at me.

  An hour later, Evan is washed, dressed and we are lying in his bed reading a bed time story. When he finally falls asleep. I gently remove myself from his tiny little hold, place a good night kiss on his forehead and cover him with his sheet.

  When I tip toe out of the room, to head to the kitchen to get a snack before heading to bed myself, I am stopped short by Tyler.

  He’s in his room, his arms above his head holding on to the doorway.

  “You were just gone. I woke up and you were gone. Your mom said you had to go and take care of something. You went to New York? Was it that horrible? Being with me again that you had to run back to him?”

  Chapter forty- one

  “Being with you wasn’t the issue at all. I had some things I needed to take care of in New York.”

  “You had to run back to him why?” he asks again.

  “Because Tyler. Heath and I were engaged. I thought I was going to marry the guy and then I slept with you. I thought I owed him an explanation.”

  “You couldn’t have called him on the phone and broken up with him?”

  “I don’t even know that I was going to end things with him, I was confused, I didn’t know what to do. You might not have liked him, but he was very good to Evan and I, as I have told you so many freaking times I feel like my head my pop off. I didn’t know what to do. I came into your room last night to talk to you, to decide once and for all if I still had feelings for you, if you still cared about me and we both know how that went.”

  I walk towards the stairs, Tyler follows behind me.

  “You said were.”

  I turn around to face him, confused “what?”

  “You said ‘were’ engaged. As in past tense.”

  “You will be very happy to know that Heath and I are no longer
together, he was sleeping with someone else. Actually he had her living with him, but that is besides the point.”

  “I’m sorry to hear that.”

  I glare at him “No you’re not. You are happy, it’s fine. Seriously.”

  “No, I am not happy, if it hurt you I am not happy at all.” He retorts.

  “I wasn’t upset I thought I would be, I should have been considering we were planning to get married, but when I went into his apartment and saw him with that girl. It did nothing to me. Nothing.”

  Tyler says nothing. I walk down the stairs, into the kitchen turning the cold water tap on.

  “Well now, you and I can be together.” He whispers, standing directly behind me, holding my hips in his hands and placing a kiss on the back of my neck.

  I shake him away, filling a glass with water and drinking before I respond.

  “No, we can’t.” I finally say

  “Why, I am here. He’s not. What is stopping us from finally being together?”

  “Me.” I reply

  “What do you mean, you can choose me. I want to be with you, I love you Alyssa.” He pleads.

  “I know, and I think you know that I still love you. But for right now, I am going to choose me. I have been so conflicted with my feelings for you for so long. Then everything with Heath, I deserve to do me for a while, be my own person without having a man in the background taking up all my thoughts. Well, a man other than Evan.”

  Tyler watches me closely for several moments before finally speaking.

  “Okay.” He says

  “Okay?”

  “Yeah, okay. I can do that but I’ll wait for you. Just like I asked you to wait for me three years ago. Only this time nothing is going to tear us apart. You are going to be mine, we are going to have our family and nothing and no one will get in our way.”

  “Awfully confident aren’t you buddy.” I smile turning to head out onto the back deck where Mom is enjoying the warm summer night.

  “Baby, you have no idea.” Tyler laughs behind me.

  Chapter forty- two