She Loves Me. He Loves Me Not.

by Allana Walker

  I try to swallow past the large lump in my throat threatening to kill me. I would welcome death to be with my parents right now. Looking to my left, I see my Uncle Bill and Aunt Mary, Lennon, and Luke. In the row behind them are Abigail, Myles, Aiden, Avery, and Tristan. My eyes lock on to his. He gives me a slight nod and that gives me the strength to go on. He’s my strength.

  “What…” I begin, my voice coming out scratchy and hoarse from the emotions bundled all together. Clearing my throat, I start again. “What can I say about my mom and dad that you don’t already know?” I look to their photos then look away, closing my eyes as a tear slips down my cheek. “Mom loved everyone she met. Well, almost everyone. I remember bringing back my first boyfriend.” I let out a little laugh, shaking my head. “I was fourteen and excited that one of the cutest guys in school had asked me to go to the movies with him. Mom interrogated him the moment he walked in the room. Let’s just say he didn’t come by our house again until a few months later. Mom was the one I would go to for advice on everything. She wasn’t only my mom, she was my best friend.” More tears fall. “Dad, you would think he would be the one to scare all love interests away from his little girl. No, he used to chuckle and say, ‘Why do you think we had two boys?’ Like you can plan it like that, right, Dad?” I scoff, looking at his picture. “Mom and Dad were the most loving and caring parents. I’m so blessed to have had them.I know I’m biased, but they’ve been in love for over thirty years. That in itself should be rewarded. Their smiles and the way they looked at each other with so much love and admiration, even at their worst. They saw it through.” A sob catches in my throat. I step down, stopping in front of their coffins and placing a hand on each of them.

  “You will forever be in my heart and in my soul. Memories of your hugs comforting me when I felt sad. The way your smiles brightened up the gloomiest of days. Your big hearts filled with love for us all. Father-daughter dances around the kitchen. Baking cookies. Fun-filled family vacations. Looking into your eyes, all my problems disappeared. I’ll remember this for the rest of my life, but the best memory I could never forget was the time spent with you each and every day of my life. From our first hello to our last…” My voice catches at the end, the tears coming thick and fast now. I clutch my heart, fisting the cover over the coffin. “I didn’t get to say goodbye.” I fall to my knees, clutching my midsection, my hand still on the coffin. “I didn’t get my last goodbye. They were taken from me. They were good people. They were taken too soon.”

  “Lil.” Lennon’s voice cuts through my emotional breakdown. I cling onto him like my life depends on it, fisting his shirt so much my knuckles turn white.

  “Why, Len? Why did they get taken from us? We need them here. They’re supposed to be here, alive and breathing. Not lying in a wooden box, cold and still.” I cry into his chest, his chin resting on my head. “Len, tell me why they got taken from us.”

  “I don’t know, Lil.” His voice is rough. I know he’s trying to be strong for me. “I don’t know, but they wouldn’t want us crying. They would want us to laugh and think of all the embarrassing things they did in our lives.” He cradles my face in his hands, leaning his forehead on mine.

  “Shall we proceed to the burial?” the reverend asks cautiously. We both nod at the same time.

  Time to bury the biggest supporters of my life.

  My best friends.

  Seeing Lillia so broken in front of her parents’ coffins breaks my heart. I wish I could take all this pain away from her. I would happily take on all the pain she’s feeling and suffer so she doesn’t have to. I wanted to go to her and comfort her, but I couldn’t get up because of my stupid leg.

  “She’ll need you more than ever now, Tristan,” Abigail whispers to me as we walk behind Lennon and Luke, each with their arms around Lillia, holding her up. Abigail is just as protective of Lillia as Lennon and Luke are; they’re basically sisters. I remember when she went missing when her husband was killed how torn up Lillia was, and how happy she was to have her come back.

  “I know.” I sigh, looking at Lillia’s shoulders shaking uncontrollably. We come to stand at the graveside; a big hole in the ground where Mr. and Mrs. Kennedy will be laid to rest. They were more than my best friend’s parents, they were my second mom and dad too. Lennon jerks his head to me, signaling me to come stand beside Lillia. She hooks her arm in the crook of mine and I place my hand on top of hers, rubbing circles, hoping I’m bringing some comfort to her. The reverend starts talking about how they’re with God, our savior, and that they will forever be looking over us. Everyone takes it in turns to throw a handful of dirt on the coffins. I limp over, letting go of Lillia, and grab a handful of dirt, throwing it down. “I’ll look after her and our baby. You were like a mom and dad to me too,” I whisper. Hearing a sob from behind me, I look and see Lillia leaning against her Uncle Bill, crying. I make my way over so Luke can throw a rose on, and Lennon does the same. Lillia steps up with help from me and Bill. She doesn’t have a rose like her brothers though, she has a lily. “I love you so much.” She sniffs and throws the beautiful flower.

  “The family would like you to join them at their house for some refreshments and share stories of their parents.” The reverend concludes the ceremony.

  Back at the house, Lillia disappeared up to her room about an hour ago. She said she was going to change into something more comfortable but she’s yet to come down.

  “She’ll be okay, son.” Dad’s voice interrupts my staring contest with the stairs.

  “Will she?” I look to him. “Will she, Dad? Because from where I’m standing, I don’t see it.”

  “She has you. She has a beautiful baby on the way. She has all the traits her mother and father taught her. She has a very supportive family behind her. She’s going to be just fine.” He squeezes my shoulder. “I have to leave. Give Lillia my love and kiss my grandbaby for me. I’ll see you Sunday?” I nod. He pulls me in for a hug and leaves.

  “Baby?” I say, after struggling up the stairs, cursing myself and my stupid leg. I walk into her room and find it empty. Panic rises within my chest. “Lilly?” I shout. “Lillia, where are you?” I hear sniffing and crying coming from the end of the hallway; Mr. and Mrs. Kennedy’s room. “Baby?” I poke my head in, feeling incredibly rude for walking into their bedroom.

  “I need you, Mom. Why did you have to leave me?” she cries. I follow the sound of sobbing to the closet at the back of the room. Looking in, what I see makes my heart crumble. Lillia is on the floor of her parents’ closet on her knees, hugging her Mom’s shirt and crying her heart out. I hobble over to her and join her on the floor, pulling her to me, trying to comfort her as much as I can, but I know it’s not enough. She wants her parents back. I wish I could make that come true, I really do. But I can’t, so I sit with her, no matter how uncomfortable and sore it makes me. I’m there for her.

  It’s been a week since we buried Hank and Debbie. Lillia has been quiet, but I finally convinced her, along with the help of Avery and Aiden, to come on our first official date as a couple. Lennon still gives me the stink eye every time I come over to see Lillia. We haven’t spoken since that day in the hospital when he punched me. I know I deserved it, but I want my best friend, my brother, back. That’s why I arrived an hour earlier, to talk to him and air everything out. I knock once and walk through the front door.

  “Oh, it’s you.” He looks at me in disgust. He’s been staying here to keep an eye on Lillia while Luke is at work; he works at the local gym as a boxing coach. Lillia has told him on a few occasions that she doesn’t need him here, she has me, but he doesn’t listen and stays anyway.

  “I need to talk to you,” I say, not recognizing my voice.

  “I have nothing to say to you.”

  Jeez, these Kennedy siblings are more alike than I thought. I small smirk appears on my lips.

  “What the fuck is so funny?” Lennon snaps, anger ablaze in his eyes.

  “You and Lillia always sa
y you’re nothing alike, but you’re more alike than you think.”

  “Well, duh. We’re twins, dumbass.” He rolls his eyes, turning away and walking towards the kitchen. Following him, I sit at the table. “I see the doc cleared you to not use the crutches anymore.” Lennon breaks the silence, handing me a bottle of beer, which I decline. He looks at me like I have two heads.

  “I can’t drink with the tablets I’m on,” I tell him. He nods. His arm is still in a cast and his bruises have turned a dark yellow color; a sign that they’re almost gone. “I just wanted to apologize for the way it all went down in the hospital.”

  “You had no right talking about Lillia like that.” The anger is still in his eyes.

  “I know, and I can only apologize. If I could turn back time, I would go right back to when you guys first moved in here and ask her out. Maybe we wouldn’t be where we are right now.” I look down. “I was shocked to learn I was about to be a father, Lennon. You would have been the same.”

  “Tristan. The accident wasn’t our fault. As for you knocking up my little sister, well, I hope you two can make it work for this kid. Lord knows we don’t need another hot-headed Hunt with anger issues.”

  “We will make this work. That I can promise you.” I know we can make this work. I can feel it.

  “Good.” He nods. “I’m sorry for punching you, but you know I was just protecting Lillia, right? What you said to her was out of line and uncalled for.”

  “I know. I would be the same if someone acted that way with Aiden.”

  “I better let you get on with your date.” He nods behind me, winking at someone. Turning around, I see Lillia picking at her nails nervously. She’s wearing a floral, laced, claret dress, with sleeves down to her elbows and a darker wine colored sash tied above her growing bump. Her long blonde hair is up, showing off her long neck. Her make-up is subtle; purple eye shadow making her eyes pop. She looks beautiful.

  “You look gorgeous.” Lennon walks up to her, placing his hand on her stomach and kissing her head. “Look after your mommy, little one,” he whispers to her stomach.

  “Lennon, this kid will be sick of your voice.” Avery shakes her head at him. I can’t take my eyes off Lillia.

  “Imagine what I’ll be like when you have a kid in your stomach,” he teases then laughs. “Don’t look so scared. I don’t want kids for a good few years.”

  “You look beautiful.” Finally finding my voice, I walk towards her. She looks up at me shyly through her lashes.

  “You look handsome.” She leans up on her tiptoes, holding on to my shoulder for support, to kiss my cheek.

  “Shall we go?” I say quickly. The longer I stare at her in this short dress, knowing she’s pregnant with my child, the more I just want to drag her up to her room and love her the way I should have years ago.

  “Have fun, guys,” Avery shouts as we walk by the living area.

  “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.” This coming from Lennon. “Look after my niece or nephew.”

  Lillia rolls her eyes and shakes her head.

  Arriving at the Italian restaurant I know is Lillia’s favorite, I look at her and see she’s biting her lip. “What?”

  “I’m sorry. I should have told you earlier.” She looks scared to tell me whatever it is she’s sorry for.

  “Told me what?”

  “Italian makes me sick.” She sighs. “That’s how I found out I was pregnant. Darcy took me to my favorite restaurant in New York to cheer me up. As soon as I stepped into the place, I almost threw up all over her Prada shoes.” I can’t help the bubble of laughter that comes out. “It’s not funny, Tristan. It was embarrassing. I avoided her for a week before Daniel told me that Darcy was the same before she found out she was pregnant.” She smacks my chest, making me hiss in pain. “Crap, I’m sorry. Are you okay? I didn’t hurt you too much, did I?” She touches where she’s just smacked me. Taking her hand in mine, I bring it up to my lips and kiss her fingers.

  “Lilly, I’m fine.” Reaching over, I run my fingertips down the side of her face, leaning my head back on the headrest of my seat. “I was just laughing because I was relieved it’s only the restaurant you were worried about telling me about. Plus, I find it weird that you’re friends with the girl you hated, and she hated you.”

  “We aired out all our grievances. Life’s too short to hold grudges. She seems happy and settled and nothing like the girl back in high school.” She shrugs.

  “So, if you don’t want Italian, what do you want to eat?”

  “I think we’re a little overdressed for what I want.” I raise an eyebrow and lick my lips. “Get your mind out of the gutter, Hunt.” She giggles, and it’s like music to my ears. “I meant I want a Wendy’s.”

  “You want our first date to be at a Wendy’s Diner?” I let out a laugh.

  “Well, if we were fifteen and you were taking me on our first date, would you be able to afford this fancy restaurant?” She raises an eyebrow at me.

  “I would have asked my dad for extra allowance. Because you deserve the best.” I lean over and kiss her flushed cheeks. “So, Wendy’s?”

  “Yes. I could murder a Baconator right now.”

  Glancing over at her, I see her eyes are closed and she’s licking her lips and rubbing her stomach. “Baconator it is,” I scoff, shaking my head at the way the evening has gone.

  Once we’re at Wendy's and we’re standing in line, Lillia is mulling over what she wants to drink. “Hmm, I don’t know whether to get chocolate milk or an orange mango fruitea chiller.” She taps her chin.

  “Come on, lady. Some of us have homes to go to!” a man behind us says.

  “Take your time, baby,” I whisper to her.

  The guy tuts and curses under his breath. “Just choose a drink.” This guy seriously needs to shut his mouth.

  “Chocolate milk,” she says.

  “Fucking finally.” The asshole cheers.

  “No, wait. Orange mango fruitea chiller.” Lillia changes her mind at the last moment.

  “Jesus Christ! Control your woman, man.”

  I’ve had about enough of this asshole. I slam my fist down on the counter, making Lillia and the young girl taking our order jump. Turning, I’m about to give this guy a piece of my mind, but Lillia touches my arm, stopping me punching the fuck out of him.

  “Tristan, please. Not tonight. Ignore him. Let's just get our food and get out of here.”

  My heart rate starts slowing and the red mist lifts. Paying for our food, we collect our things and head out. I hear the guy mutter to himself, “Pussy whipped.”

  “What did you say?” Lillia asks him.

  “I said your man here needs his balls back out of your purse.” He looks her up and down.

  “At least he has balls. Your wife probably can’t find yours.”

  “Yeah? You wanna come over here and I’ll show you what a real man feels like between those sexy legs?” He steps forward, about to pull her to him. I place the food down on the nearest table. I reach out and grab the guy by the throat, backing him to the nearest wall.

  “Wrong move. Wrong fucking move, asshole.” My grip gets tighter the longer I stare at this guy who thought it would be a good idea to try and touch my woman. He starts clawing at my hand, gasping for air.

  “Tristan.” Lillia’s voice hits my ears. “Tristan, let him go.”

  “Yeah, man. Let him go,” a male voice says. I turn and see one of my friends from high school, Mark, standing next to a trembling Lillia. Releasing the prick, I walk over to Lillia and gather her in my arms, kissing her head.

  “You all saw what he did. I’m calling the cops.” The guy coughs.

  “We didn’t see anything,” the only other couple that’s here mutters.

  “You all right, Lillia?” Mark asks, ignoring the guy trying to get his attention.

  “Thanks, Mark.” She nods.

  “I’ll make the CCTV magically disappear.” He winks at me. It’s then I notice that he�
�s the manager of this place.

  “Thanks, Mark.”

  “I’m glad you’re okay after that accident.” He shakes my hand, turns to Lillia, and pulls her into a hug. “I’m sorry to hear about your mom and dad, Lillia. Your mom was an angel living on Earth,” he whispers, choking up at the end. “She helped me when I was in need. I can’t thank her enough.”He lets her go and walks to the back.

  “Hey, dickhead!” I turn and don’t see the guy’s fist come towards me until it’s too late. I stumble back, knocking Lillia a little.

  “Lilly, are you okay?” I ask, making sure she’s not hurt.

  She nods, holding her bump. “I’m fine. I just want to get out of here.”

  We grab our food and drinks when the cop car pulls up. I see my dad’s car pull up behind it. “Shit.” I sigh.

  “Tristan.” Dad’s voice is hard and he’s staring at me with a look I’m used to. A look I used to get when I was fighting at school. He looks to my left and sees Lillia curling into my side, clinging onto my arm like I’m going to disappear. “Lillia.” His gaze and eyes soften.

  “Mr. Hunt. This was all my fault. Please don’t be mad at Tristan.” She walks up to him.

  “Lillia, I’m only here because I got a call from Mark telling me that Tristan was in trouble.” He looks over to the right where the asshole is pointing to his neck, glaring at me. “Tristan, what’s going on?”

  “He touched Lillia.”

  “Is this true?” Lillia nods. “The police will want to question you, but I’ll be present.”

  The cops question me and finally arrest the other guy for assault. Turns out he has previous and a warrant out for his arrest for sexual assault and domestic assault on his ex-wife.

  “I’m not getting any more phone calls tonight, am I? “ Dad raises his eyebrow at me.