She Loves Me. He Loves Me Not.

by Allana Walker

  “I’ve called and text you and you haven’t answered any of them.”

  “I did. I told you I would call you later. I was busy.” I sigh, putting my laptop bag down and getting my key out to unlock my door.

  “Busy with who?” I can just see him now, pacing his floor, running his hand through his hair in frustration.

  I huff out a breath. “Tristan, I only left like six hours ago. You’ve called me a dozen times, and text me more. I was meeting my boss to discuss this convention.”

  “I’m sorry I’m fucking bothering you. You took my child thousands of miles away from me, Lillia. Excuse me for being concerned,” he shouts.

  Tears well in my eyes. “I’m not talking to you when you’re like this. Call me when you’ve calmed down.” I remove my cell from my ear with him yelling my name and telling me not to hang up and that he’s sorry. Pressing the end button, a tear drops on my screen. I flop down on my sofa and place my head back, looking up at the ceiling and thinking about everything and nothing.

  I can’t help but think that getting together, finally, with Tristan was a big mistake. If he’s going to be like this now, what will he be like when the baby is finally here? You’re moving back to Boston though. You promised him. I let out a groan and hit the sofa with my fist then rest my hand on my growing stomach. “Your daddy tries my patience sometimes, baby,” I whisper, rubbing circles.

  The day I found out I was pregnant, I had mixed feelings. I was happy, of course. I was happy I had a baby growing inside me. I would have loved to have been married and in a stable relationship, but it is what it is. But the feeling that outweighed that happiness was fear. I was petrified of my parents’ and my brothers’ reaction to the news, but the one reaction I was most scared about was Tristan’s. He’s unpredictable. Maybe that’s why I didn’t tell them all straight away. I was scared I was disappointing them and I couldn’t deal if my parents were upset with me. I regret it all now. I should have just pulled on my big girl panties and told them right away. Then I had a bleed. I was so scared and I wanted nothing more than to have my mom there with me, holding my hand, telling me that everything would be okay. A tear slips from my eye.

  “I’m sorry, Mom,” I whisper into the air, hoping that Mom will hear it somehow, someway.

  My cell pings with an incoming message.

  Lilly. Please answer your cell. I need to hear your voice.

  I dial his number and bring the phone to my ear. He answers on the second ring.

  “Lilly. Baby, I’m sorry.” He sounds relieved that I called him back. He continues when I stay silent. “Lilly, are you there?”

  “I’m here,” I mutter.

  “Baby, please. I’m sorry. I just miss you. Really fucking miss you. I can’t help the way my head works. I fucking hate the thoughts that run through my head when I’m not with you.”

  “I miss you too, Tristan. But I told you I would call you when I was done. I was with my boss. I don’t want anyone but you.”

  “I know.”

  “Do you? Do you really know? Because the way I see it, you don’t trust me.”

  “I do trust you. It’s the men around you day in and day out I don’t trust.” He growls. “I only get to see you, what, once every two to three weeks?”

  “Tristan, you can visit me anytime you want. I’m not stopping you coming to New York. You just need me to give me time to myself together.”

  “I’m sorry. I can keep saying that, but I won’t ever stop worrying about you or our baby.” He sighs. “As long as I live, you and our child will be the forefront of my concern.”

  I exhale an audible breath. “Okay.”

  “I love you, Lillia. I’m just scared.”

  “Scared? Of what?” He has nothing to be scared of.

  “Of losing you and the baby.” His voice is low and sad. It breaks my heart.

  “You won’t lose us, Tristan.” I fight through the clump of emotions collected in my throat. “We’re it. This is us, forever.”

  “What if someone better comes along and knocks you off your feet? I’m scared someone will swoop in like Superman and carry you off.”

  “Well, if Superman was to come and sweep my off my feet, then…” I don’t get to finish my sentence before he interrupts.

  “Lillia, don’t. Don’t joke about this.”

  “You didn’t let me finish.” I giggle. “I would tell him I have my own Superman in the shape of Tristan Ryder Hunt, father of my unborn child and love of my life.”

  “I love you, Lillia.”

  “Love you too.” I yawn. “I’m going to go to bed. I’ll call you in the morning.”

  “Okay, baby.” We hang up and I get ready for bed. I’m climbing into bed when my phone beeps.

  Just a message to tell you how much I love you. When I first met you I had no idea you would come to mean so much to me. The year we spent apart was the worst year of my life. I get jealous, I get mad, but it’s only because I don’t want to share you with anyone and I get jealous of the people that get to be in your presence when I don’t get to see you for a few days. I love you, Lilly. With all my heart, body, and soul. It will be yours forever. Tristan xx

  A tear slips from my eye, only this time it’s a happy tear, not a sad one.

  Four weeks have gone by, and Tristan has calmed on the texting and calling front. I went back home to Boston for our appointment; everything is fine and baby is growing at a healthy pace. Tristan hated that I had to go back to New York as soon as our appointment was over, but we have a big author about to sign with the company and I was asked by Daniel to accompany him to the meeting.

  “Lillia?” Darcy calls through from the living area. “Can you bring through a towel, please?” Grabbing our drinks and a towel from the side, I walk towards her. She’s holding baby Sophia with a disgusted look on her face. Handing her the towel, I see why.

  “Oh, dear Lord.” I hold my nose and cover my mouth. Sophia finally made her appearance the day I was in Boston. “How can someone so small make something so foul smelling?” I gag.

  “Get used to it, buddy. You’ll be in my position in a few months.” She giggles at my reaction.

  My heart rate rises and my hands become clammy at the thought of having a little person to be responsible for.

  “Lillia. Lillia, calming breaths for me, honey.” I hear the panic in Darcy’s voice. “In through the nose, out through the mouth.”

  I do as she instructs. I calm down enough for her to leave me. “I’m sorry.”

  “Lillia, I was the same when I was reminded I was due in a few months. The thought of having this little person to look after for the rest of my life terrified me.” She picks Sophia up once she’s buttoned her onesie up. “At least you’ll have Daniel and me just upstairs to help you out. Tristan will be here on the weekends, right?” I nod, taking a sip of my water. “Have you thought of moving back home?”

  “Um…” I gulp. “That’s why I asked you to come for dinner. I was hoping Daniel would be here too.”

  “You’re moving back, aren’t you?” She looks at me with a forlorn look in her eyes, like I’ve told her a family member has died.

  “I am.” A smile tugs at my lips, thinking about being with Tristan every day and night. “I just think it’s for the best.”

  “For who? Lillia, I’ve known Tristan since kindergarten. I know how domineering he can be.”

  “It’s not like that, Darcy. I just think it’s for the best. For me and for the baby.”

  “If that’s what you want then I’ll support you. I’ll miss you like hell, but I know how loving Tristan can be when it comes to you. I saw it in high school. I wished every night that he would look at me the way he looks at you.”

  I stare at her, open-mouthed, shocked that she wished anything but death for me.

  “Don’t look so shocked, Lils. Everyone in school saw it. He was just too stubborn to do anything about it.”

  “I hated you back then,” I admit. “I hated the
fact that you had Tristan and threw it in my face at every chance you had.”

  “I’m sorry.” She looks down. “I feel really shitty about the way I treated you and the hurt you had in your eyes every time I did those things to you. They haunt me every time I think back on those days.”

  “Well, that’s the past and I’m just glad we got to start over.” I let out a giggle. Darcy raises an eyebrow at me. “I never thought I would see the day I would be sitting having a chat with Darcy Masters.”

  “It’s weird, right?” She scrunches up her nose and giggles.

  We spend the rest of the night talking about our college days and how she met Daniel, and that her parents didn’t like the fact she married him so quickly, and the age gap. But even a blind man could see she’s happy.

  “I better get home.” She stands to place Sophia in her car seat; she used that to bring her down. “Do you want me to talk to Daniel about you moving back to Boston?”

  “Nah, I’ll talk to him tomorrow.” I hug her and place a light kiss on Sophia’s head.

  “We’ll be sad to see you go. But if this is what you want then I’ll happily give you a glowing reference,” Daniel says. I’ve just told him I’ll be moving back to Boston to be with my family before the baby comes.

  “I want to thank you for the amazing opportunities you’ve given me here, Mr. Michaels.” I hand him a box. He takes it and opens it. It’s a picture of him, Darcy, and Sophia when she was a few days old. I snapped it when they were busy cooing over her. He’s looking at Darcy like she’s the only woman in the world and Darcy is looking down at their newborn daughter with so much love it makes me tear up.

  “Lillia. This is…wow.” He blows out a breath.

  “I thought you needed a picture of your girls in your office to go with the mountain of pictures of Avery.” I wink.

  “Yeah, I do have a lot of that niece of mine.” He shakes his head, looking around. He places his picture right beside his computer. “I’ll need you to bring Gary up to speed on the big accounts and the new authors we have lined up before you leave.”

  “No problem. I’ll get on that now.” I nod and leave to find Gary.

  “Hey, Lillia.” He smiles at me. He’s gorgeous. Tall, jet black hair, dark eyes, and an athlete's body.

  “Wipe the drool away, Lillia,” Josh jokes as he walks past, laughing. Jerk.

  “Mr. Michaels said I have to get you up to speed with new authors and accounts and stuff before I leave.” I notice from the corner of my eye that Josh stops and turns to look at me.

  “You’re leaving?”

  “Yeah, Friday. I’m moving back before the baby comes.”

  He nods and continues to the staff room.

  “Excuse me,” I say to Gary, who just nods his understanding.

  “Josh?” I walk up to him. He has his back to me.

  “Why didn’t you tell me you were leaving?”

  “Josh, you knew I would be leaving at some point. Tristan deserves to enjoy his child just as much as I do.”

  “I know. I’m just being selfish. You were my friend first. I just got you back in my life.” He looks at me with so much sadness that it makes my vision blur. “Promise me you’ll stay in contact?”

  “Of course. You’re with my cousin, there’s no getting rid of me.” I wink and hug him.

  The past few days have flown by quickly. Gary has been a quick learner which made my life a hell of a lot easier. I had to stay home today due to morning sickness making its nasty, unwelcome return.

  “I brought some soup.” Gary holds up a travel mug. “My mom used to make me this soup whenever I was sick and I felt better not long after.” I open the door wider to let him in. I told Daniel to send Gary over to go over the final things for him to take over my job full time from Monday.

  The aroma of the soup hits my senses and my stomach rumbles. “Mmm. Smells amazing.” He hands me the mug as we sit on the sofa.

  “Are you ready for your next adventure?” he asks.

  “I am.” I beam at him, sipping the soup then I moan aloud. “My God, this is amazing.”

  “My mom’s a pretty amazing cook.” He winks at me.

  We’ve been poring over papers for a little over four hours. “Do you have any questions?” I ask, placing my pen down.

  “Nope. You’ve taught me everything I need to know.”

  “Well, I guess this is it.” I’m suddenly full of emotions and tears fall freely down my cheeks.

  “Hey, hey.” Gary scoots closer, hugs me tight, and lets me cry into his chest.

  We hear a cough. Looking over towards the door, I see something I wasn’t expecting.

  “Tristan.” I sniff, standing and getting as far away as possible from Gary. Judging by the look on Tristan’s face, he’s reading far too much into this.

  “I’m going to go.” Gary gathers his papers and his computer, obviously feeling the sudden change in the air. “All the best for when the baby comes, Lillia.” He nods to me and walks past a livid Tristan.

  “What are you doing here?” I walk towards him with a smile on my face, wiping the tears away.

  “I came to surprise you.” There’s no emotion in his voice.

  “Don’t start, Tristan.” I walk past him to go to the kitchen for a glass of water.

  “Don’t start what? I just walked in to surprise my pregnant girlfriend who I was here to help pack and move back home.” His voice gets louder. “I walked in on you in the arms of another man.”

  “You’re making it out to be something it’s not.”

  “You sure looked cozy.”

  “Grow the fuck up!” I shout. “I was upset about leaving a job I love and the friends I made and reconnected with. He was comforting me.”

  “Why was he here in the first place? In your apartment?”

  “Tristan.” I sigh, closing my eyes, gripping onto the worktop. “He’s taking over my position. I was showing him everything he needs to do.”

  “Looked like he wanted to put you into a position and take you over something.”

  “For God’s sake! Will you get it through your incredibly thick skull that it’s you and only you that I want!” I shout so loud that Darcy comes running in.

  “Shit. I heard shouting.” She looks between us.

  “Darcy.” Tristan nods to her.

  “Tristan.” She looks at me. “You okay, Lil?”

  I proceed to throw up into the sink. Tristan curses and starts rubbing my back.

  “I’m fine,” I manage to say between heaves. “I just need to sleep this off.” I wipe my mouth.

  “Okay, well you know where I am if you need me.” She leaves me with Mr. Grumpy Jealous Pants.

  “Lil…” he begins, but I hold my hand up to stop him.

  “Tristan, let’s just go to bed. I’m exhausted and your child thinks it’s fun to make me puke every hour.” He bends down and lifts me up into a bridal position like I’m as light as a feather. “Tristan!” I squeal, gripping onto his neck through fear of him dropping me.

  “I’ve got you, baby. And I’m never letting you go.” He kisses my lips lightly.

  God, I love him. This confusing man of mine.

  When I walked in to see her in the arms of another man, I felt the red mist descend on me. I shouldn’t have lost it, but I couldn’t help it. I acted like a child. I need to make it up to her.

  “Morning, beautiful.” I kiss her lightly on the lips.

  She groans, turning onto her back. Her tits have gotten bigger in the week since I last saw her.

  “Hey,” she says groggily. “Eyes are up here.” I look to her face, tearing my eyes away from her amazing boobs.

  “What beautiful eyes they are.” I lean in and kiss her forehead. “Come on. I want to take you somewhere today before we fly home.”

  “Okay.”

  “But first, breakfast is served.” I reach out, bring the tray over, and place it on her lap. “Part one of my apology for the way I acted last night.” />
  “Tristan.” She smiles a little. “You don’t need to apologize. I would have acted the same way if I had walked in and saw you in the arms of another woman.” She shrugs, shoveling a fork full of pancakes into her mouth.

  “Still, that’s not the point. I promised I would stop jumping to conclusions.”

  “Tristan, don’t dwell on it.” She reaches over, placing her hand on my cheek.

  “Eat up. We need to get this done before we leave.” I kiss the palm of her hand and jump up to go into the shower.

  “Why am I blindfolded, Tristan?”

  I chuckle at her stamping her foot. “Because it’s a surprise. Now watch your step.” I guide her up the steps and through a door into an elevator. Once outside, I take the blindfold off her.

  “Holy crap.” She backs away. I grab her hand.

  “Lennon told me you chickened out of going all the way again.” I pull her rigid body against me. “This is the only way I could get you up here.” I pull her in front of me, placing my arms around her and my hands on her bulging stomach.

  “Wow. It’s beautiful.” She gasps, looking out at the view. Lennon told me that she backed out of doing the Empire State Building again. I made it my mission to be the first one to get her up here.

  “It is.” I look down at her.

  “Can we go now? I’m feeling a little nauseous.” She turns to me. I nod.

  “But first, we need to take a picture of us up here as evidence to show Lennon.” I pull out my cell and snap a quick picture.

  “What are we going to do about living arrangements?” Lillia asks when we get into the car from the airport.

  “I kind of bought a house.” I bite my lip, risking a glance at her. “It’s not ready yet and probably won’t be for a few months. Dad said we can stay at his place until it’s ready.”

  “You bought a house? For us?” I nod. She lets out a squeal and throws her arms around me. “I love you.”

  “Love you too.”

  “When do I get to see this house?”

  “When it’s finished.” She can’t see what it looks like before I finish it. She pouts. “Lillia, it’s a surprise.” Reaching over, I squeeze her knee.