Shame

by Fiona Cole

  “Don’t look away from me,” he commanded, his tone deep and hard. It went straight to my pussy. “We’re older now. We know more now. We’ve each experienced things that changed us. Have you heard of safe words?”

  I nodded. Of course I had. In my time away, I may not have had much in the way of experiences, but I sure as hell Googled.

  “Give me a safe word, so I know when to stop.”

  “Kevin, I’ve always trusted you.”

  “I’m glad, but just for me. Please. Give me a safe word so I can feel better about everything.”

  I hated that we needed one because of me, but I understood. “Summer.” It popped into my head, reminding me of summer break when everything had started.

  “Good, girl.” He gripped my hair, pulling me back causing me to hit my head on the tree, and make my eyes burn. He saw them water and smiled before leaning down and devouring my lips. Owning them.

  His hips thrust into me and my hands roamed his back, dropping to his ass and pulling him into me. Our hands turned frantic and I stopped thinking.

  His free hand dropped to my leggings and started tugging them down. The cold air touched my bare skin, but I was too far gone to care about the temperature. My hand moved to the button on his jeans and fumbled to unfasten them, lowering the zipper. He only managed to get one of my legs free from my leggings before his dick sprung from his pants, slapping my bare thigh. I stroked him and swallowed the growl he let loose. His hand disappeared long enough to reach for a condom in his wallet and slipped it on. Fingers pushed against my wetness and I spread my legs, whimpering when his nail scraped my clit. It hurt and he knew it. Adding to the sharp scrape he left behind, he pinched it between his fingers, making me squirm before giving me relief and releasing me.

  He hoisted my leg up over the bend in his elbow and lifted it more than was comfortable before lining up with my opening and shoving in. It was too much and hurt and burned and was beautifully painful as he drove into me until his balls rested against my ass. Before I could get adjusted, he pulled out and pushed in again, harder than the first time.

  Tears sprung to my eyes at the burn in my thigh when he lifted it higher, stretching me to my limit. He pounded into me, frantic to get closer as I held on, feeling every thrust. The force pushed me harder into the bark scraping my back, adding to the complete sensation overload. All of it consuming my body and circling back to meet at my cunt where he owned me. We didn’t say a word, only speaking in grunts and whimpers and bites and scratches.

  His teeth latched onto my shoulder as he thrust two more times before biting down and growling out a release that sparked my own. My cries fell into the night air, echoing in the empty park. He thrust again as I came down from my climax waiting for the regret to consume me.

  But it didn’t.

  Instead, I was met with relief. I was met with coming home. No thoughts of how wrong it all was waited for me. The only thought thumping through my mind was again, again, again. I wanted more and I wanted it with Kevin. I hadn’t let myself feel that way in so long. Not since we’d last been together, and having him give it to me felt like a great gift I wanted to open over and over again.

  He pulled back, assessing my reaction. I hoped he could see the relief I felt, like a knot had been loosened in my chest. In case he couldn’t, I leaned up and nipped his chin. He pulled out and released my leg, just to hold my shoulders and shove me to my knees. He removed the condom and gave his order. “Clean me.”

  I didn’t hesitate. My hands landed on his hips as I let the tip of my tongue touch the crown of his dick. The salty tang of his release exploded in my mouth as I leaned in to wrap my lips and suck his softening cock. I relished the feel of the mulch digging into my knees and my calves cramping as I cleaned him from every drop of his release.

  It didn’t take long before his hands thrust into my hair and his dick was hard again. Fully erect, he gripped my hair in two sections and pulled them to either side of the tree, pinning me between the rough bark and his thrusting dick as he fucked my face. He bumped the back of my throat and I gagged only causing him to moan and thrust harder.

  Then he pulled back, lifting me to stand, flipping me around to face the tree. With another condom in place he pushed into me and fucked me from behind. His hips slapped into my ass and mixed with my moans.

  “More,” I barely got the word out, but he heard me.

  “More? You want more than what I’ve already given you? More than how I just shoved my dick down your throat? More than the way I made you clean my cum off my dick until I was ready to fuck your tight pussy again? More than that?” My head bobbed, unable to choke out the words. “Such a slut.”

  His words were different than when we were teenagers discovering the dark side of ourselves. They stroked my skin with a confidence he hadn’t had before. This wasn’t a boy behind me, stumbling through doubts and desire anymore, but a man who knew how to use my body and I loved it. It had been too long since I’d let myself have it.

  I heard the slap before I felt the stinging burn against my ass. One hand dug into my hips, holding me in place as he used me, probably leaving bruises. The other rained down slaps along the top of my ass to the side and bottom. Some hard, some soft, and the uncertainty made the sting all the more pleasurable.

  With my ass burning, he leaned over my back, letting his shirt roughly move against the abused skin. “That enough for you? Or you want more?”

  “More. Please. Always more,” I whimpered, feeling shame for never having enough. It only heightened the sensations flooding me.

  “Such a slut. Tell me you’re my slut and maybe I’ll let you come on my dick,” he whispered in my ear, biting the lobe.

  “Yes.”

  “Say it, Anabelle.”

  “I’m a slut. I’m your slut.” A fire bloomed in my chest and flooded my cheeks in embarrassment at admitting it. I didn’t care.

  His hand skimmed up my shirt, under my bra as he humped me, barely pulling out far enough before shoving back in. “I’m gonna come, slut. I want you to come with me.” I nodded, agreeing to anything he wanted. His fingers circled my nipple before latching on and pinching hard, tugging and twisting. It shot straight to my pussy and I cried out at the burning pain. “Come. Come, Anabelle.”

  My orgasm ripped through me, and I bit my arm trying to hold back the screams that were fighting to escape my throat. His moans vibrated against my back and his fingers held tight to my nipple as he fucked me through our release.

  Finally, our cries got under control, his hips slowed before pulling back and his dick slipped out of me. I couldn’t stand up yet. I remained bent over, supporting myself against the tree, one pant leg off and the other bunched up around my ankle.

  “That’s a beautiful fucking sight,” he said. I could only imagine what he saw. My ass red with his handprints, my cunt on full display, swollen from being used so thoroughly. I liked it. I hoped that was what he saw because I felt beautiful under his gaze. His finger stroked my back and he gripped my shoulders, helping me stand.

  He kissed my forehead and dropped to his knees, helping me back into my pants. Before standing, he kissed the apex of my thighs over the material. “Come on, let me take you home.”

  We drove in silence. I didn’t know what to say. I was still processing the past hour and didn’t want to leave the haze of pleasure he’d put me in. I wasn’t ready to face reality yet. But when he pulled up to my apartment and walked me to my door, I knew I needed to say something. As much as I’d enjoyed the night, I couldn’t do it again. I couldn’t commit to repeating this with him. I couldn’t commit to anything but my mom. And I didn’t want to lead him on thinking regular dates would be the norm from there on out. No matter how good, I needed to be realistic about my future.

  “Kevin—”

  “Shh.” He brushed my hair behind my ear and I looked up into his eyes, getting lost in the comfort they offered. “It’s okay. I know you have a lot going on. Just go inside and re
lax. Enjoy the feelings right now and don’t stress,” he commanded. “It’s just me, Ana.”

  It was just Kevin and that was what scared me. There was no just about him.

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  Kevin

  Katelyn: I’ve already grabbed us a table. Can’t wait to see you! :*

  Just looking at the text made me want to back out of this outing. Katelyn was convinced it was a double date and I just wanted an excuse to spend more time with Ana and cock-block Andrew. Closing out of the app as I approached the restaurant, I bumped into someone. “I’m sor—” I stopped when Ana’s eyes met mine. “Hey,” is all I got out as she sucked me into her stare.

  The past week had been great. It hadn’t held any of the awkwardness that I was expecting to linger around us after our night in the park. We’d hung out but hadn’t had any alone time to let it go as far as having sex. Although I did manage to finger her under the table at the library, whispering dirty words in her ear. But we didn’t talk about it. I didn’t push it either—willing to let it ride and enjoy my Ana.

  “Hey,” she whispered, her lips tilting up in a grin.

  “Is this going to be weird?” I asked, gesturing inside the restaurant.

  “No,” she answered and then said it again like she was trying to convince herself as much as me. “No. It’s just some friends going out to eat.”

  I choked out a laugh and cocked my brow at her, letting her know she hadn’t convinced me. She laughed and let her head dip forward before looking back at me through the hair that had fallen in her face. I reached out and brushed it behind her ear, letting my hand linger against her cheek. “You look beautiful.”

  She stepped closer. “Thank you.”

  “Hey guys,” Andrew called out, approaching the restaurant. I dropped my hand and Ana stepped back. When he reached us, he kissed Ana’s forehead, and I had to grind my jaw to stop from demanding he step away. But it wasn’t my place. That wasn’t what Ana and I were, and I didn’t want to give her an excuse to pull back further. No matter how much I wanted to push her for more.

  “Katelyn has a table inside. We should head in,” I announced, opening the door. When we got to the table, Katelyn flung her arms around my shoulders, holding on longer than necessary. When she leaned in to kiss my lips, I moved in just enough time to have it land on my cheek. We settled in and ordered our drinks, falling into small talk, mostly carried by Katelyn and Andrew. I was too aware of all the awkwardness to chime in, and could see Ana was as well.

  The place was fun and the food was good. About halfway through the night, after the plates were cleared, an indie rock band took the stage. The music was great and I knew Ana loved it when I looked over and saw her bobbing her head to the beat.

  “You like this kind of music, Andrew?” I asked.

  “It’s not bad,” he shrugged. “I’m more a fan of classical music or country.”

  I barely choked back a laugh knowing how much Ana hated country music. I was saved from a response when Katelyn spoke. “Kevin loves this music. He drags us to Warped Tour every summer.” She turned to me and added, “Remember the last year we all went? Man, we got so drunk. Kevin and Will ruled most of the mosh pits. He said he was making up for all the ones he had to pass up in high school when he couldn’t get injured because of soccer.”

  “Those were some good times,” I said. “Warped Tour is definitely an experience I would hate to miss.”

  “Yeah, then you almost got into a fight when that guy tried to cop a feel.” She slapped her hand on my shoulder and leaned in. “My hero saved me, and I let him cop a feel later,” she winked at Ana. I wanted to put my hand over her mouth and tell her to shut up.

  “The festival sounds like an interesting place,” Andrew said. “My family wasn’t much into anything outside of classical and Broadway. However, we are donors to the Cincinnati Arts Association and get a lot of benefits with the Aronoff Center. My mom believes in supporting the classical arts. You’ll have to come to a Broadway show,” he said, turning to Ana.

  “That sounds pretty fancy.” It was a dick comment that hinted at him being snooty, but whatever.

  “Nothing too fancy,” he laughed, waving it away. “My mom believes in running charities and getting the benefits from it. She calls it multitasking. She’s good at that, running her charities and the household. Makes my dad’s life easy.”

  “She sounds amazing,” Ana said.

  “She is. She would love you.”

  Ana smiled and looked away, blushing from Andrew’s praise. Although what mom wouldn’t love Ana?

  “Ana’s pretty easy to love,” I interrupted the side conversation and the love-stare he was sending her way. He turned to me with pinched lips, but was too polite to call me out on it.

  “How long have you guys known each other?” Andrew asked me.

  “She moved in next door when she was sixteen. Became my best friend almost instantly.” I didn’t take my eyes off Ana as I answered.

  “So, what happened to separate you two for so long?” Katelyn asked.

  I watched Ana flinch and it felt like a slap in the face, knowing she was remembering that horrible night.

  “Life,” Ana answered. “I moved away and . . . just life.”

  “It’s the worst,” Katelyn responded rolling her eyes. “I lost touch with my best friend when I moved to college. Except, she tried to steal my boyfriend.”

  “I’m sorry to hear that,” Ana said.

  “Yeah, it was bummer. We used to sneak into movies when we were younger. You know, buy a ticket to one movie and then stay all day, hopping from theater to theater. We were such shits.”

  As Katelyn continued talking about her loss of friendship, I snuck my foot across the space between Ana and me under the table and drug it up the inside of her calf. Her eyes shot to mine and I smirked as I kicked her knee out so I could reach her inner thigh. My smirk lifted to a full smile when a blush worked its way up her neck and into her cheeks.

  “Have you guys seen any of the movies out?” Andrew asked. “Ana and I were talking about going to see The Gangster Squad. I know how she loves Ryan Gosling and she’s been talking about it all week.”

  I dropped my foot and clenched my jaw. I hated the idea of them in a dark theater together. “No, I don’t get to the movies too often.”

  “Oh, my gosh, Ana,” Katelyn exclaimed, pulling Ana’s attention away. “Have you seen Safe Haven?”

  Ana cleared her throat before answering. “No. I haven’t really had time.”

  “Oh, you have to. It’s so sexy. I swear I’d do anything for Josh Duhamel. I would even let him spank me.”

  I had to hold back the laugh watching Ana’s eyes widen in panic. I just leaned back and let the conversation go.

  “All right, truth time. Who would be into spanking?” Katelyn turned to me. “Kevin?”

  I sipped my beer and settled on a noncommittal shrug. Katelyn shoved her shoulder into my side. She knew I would enjoy it. While I’d never bent her over my knee and spanked her, I had delivered some blows in the heat of the moment. When I didn’t answer, she winked at me. “Well maybe later we can give it a try.”

  “Hmmm . . .” I answered, not wanting to come off rude, but not wanting to encourage her either.

  When Katelyn turned her attention to Ana waiting for an answer, Ana stuttered, “Oh . . . well. I don’t know,” and lifted her wine glass, finishing it.

  “Come on, Andrew. How about you?”

  He rested his arm back on Ana’s chair before answering. “I don’t think so. I treat women with respect. I don’t have some archaic need to punish a woman like a child.”

  I clenched my jaw to hold back a retort that he shouldn’t be such a judgmental prick. I hated watching Ana shrink in her chair, letting her shoulders fall forward. Katelyn offered a rebuttal, calling Andrew a snooze-fest, and Ana muttered out a quick “Excuse me” before running to the bathroom.

  Pulling out my phone, I decided to message her
to make sure she was okay, but had to think about what to say. I stared at the blank screen before looking at Andrew. I didn’t want her going home with that prick.

  Me: Come over tonight.

  I put away my phone just as Ana returned. She sat and then pulled her phone out of her pocket. I knew what she would find. She looked at the screen and then glanced up at me. I held her stare, wanting to demand she follow my direction.

  “Well, everyone,” Andrew started. “It’s been a fun night, but it’s getting late. Are we ready to head home?” he asked Ana.

  “I think I might stay if anyone wants to join me,” Katelyn said, turning pointedly to me.

  “Sorry, Katelyn. I think I’m too tired to stay out any later,” I responded.

  “I think I’m ready to go too,” Ana added, standing to collect her jacket.

  We made our way out after saying goodbye to Katelyn. Once outside, Andrew turned to Ana. “You want to come back to my place?”

  I froze awaiting her response. She paused and looked at the black screen of her phone, knowing my offer was on there. “Umm, no, but thank you. It’s been a long day and I could use some sleep.”

  I almost believed her if she hadn’t flicked her eyes nervously at me. I’d won and the victory was going to taste sweet.

  “Can I make sure you get home? Maybe give you a massage to help relax? I know you had a long week.” Andrew tried one more time.

  “That’s okay. It’s really sweet of you to offer, but I’m in the opposite direction. I’m just going to crash as soon as I get home.”

  I didn’t want to stand and linger, so I waved my goodbye as I turned to walk away. I still wasn’t one hundred percent sure if Ana would show up, but I hoped.

  Once I reached my car, my phone vibrated with a message.

  Ana: Okay.

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  Ana