Learning to Love Again

by Chrissie Loveday

  She phoned home and Lucy assured that all was well. There was the slight problem of collecting Holly. After her request that nobody else should be allowed to collect her, she was in something of a quandary. After looking at her patient once more, she felt certain that it would be safe to leave her for the few minutes it would take to collect her daughter and deliver her home. The family seemed quite happy about it so she dashed off.

  When she returned, only twenty-five minutes later, things seemed to have been speeding up.

  ‘Anyone in,’ called a voice from downstairs. Anna closed her eyes in gratitude. It was Joe.

  ‘You’re a miracle,’ she called out. ‘I was just about to phone you, or an ambulance.’

  ‘I’m not going into hospital,’ Emma said firmly.

  ‘What’s the problem?’ Joe asked.

  ‘Occipto-posterior presentation, I think.’ Her voice was soft as she used the technical term to the doctor.

  ‘Good Lord, whatever’s that?’ asked Emma.

  ‘The baby’s chin is pushed down on the chest and it can’t flex the neck to negotiate the birth canal.’

  ‘We’ll see what we can do,’ Joe said, taking off his jacket.

  ‘I think we should call the ambulance just in case,’ Joe said. Anna did so, explaining the situation and telling them to hurry.

  ‘You’re doing really, really well,’ Anna told Emma a few minutes later.

  At last the baby was born and Anna quickly took him knowing she needed to get the breathing going quickly after such a long wait.

  ‘It’s a lovely little boy,’ she called out. He quickly took on a healthy pink look and the all-important cry came from him.

  ‘The ambulance is here,’ Anna said.

  ‘It’s too late.’ Joe ran down to speak to the driver.

  Joe apologised and explained the situation.

  ‘The baby decided to come quicker than we thought. We were too busy to cancel the call.’ They chatted for a few minutes and the ambulance drove away.

  Anna cleared up and suggested Joe should leave.

  ‘You must have finished your shift by now. Lucky you weren’t called somewhere else.’

  ‘Afternoon off,’ he replied.

  ‘And you stayed here all that time? Over and above the call of duty, Doctor Meredith.’

  ‘Only way I get to see you these days. There’s really nowhere I’d rather be.’

  * * *

  It was well into the evening before the doctor and midwife left the house and family to their new responsibilities.

  ‘How’s the Ben situation?’

  ‘Quiet. Haven’t heard from him again.’

  ‘Do you think he’s given up and gone back to wherever?’

  They talked for a while, speculating, each of them tense and neither quite daring to say what they really wanted to.

  ‘It was good working with you again.’ Joe leaned in through the window as Anna sat in her car. ‘Thanks for letting me stay and share.’ She smiled as she drove away.

  * * *

  ‘Can we have a drink together this evening?’ Joe asked after work the next day. Though she was dubious about leaving Lucy and Holly alone, she was persuaded. They needed to clear the air and talk through some of the problems that still surrounded them.

  ‘I’ll have to go. My car’s being serviced and I have to collect it.’

  ‘I’ll give you a lift.’

  ‘Well, if you’re sure you don’t mind. Thanks.’ They had only driven a little way when he pulled over and stopped.

  ‘I have to sign my new contract tomorrow,’ Joe informed her. ‘I only want to commit myself if we can find some less agonising way of working together. Otherwise, I’ll pursue my usual drifting way of working and find somewhere else to go.’

  ‘But I thought you’d already agreed to stay on.’

  ‘I haven’t signed anything yet. But, if you think there could be a future for us, well, I shall sign without a further thought.’

  She was spared from answering when his pager bleeped.

  ‘Blast. I should have told you that I was on call. There’s a shout so I have to go. Can you get a taxi back?’

  ‘I’ll come with you now and then get a taxi if I need to.’

  He didn’t argue and they ran to the car and drove to the next village where the lifeboat was kept. She didn’t like to admit that she’d thought it was a medical emergency rather than the lifeboat but it was too late. She expected to be left back at the Medical Centre. She sat in the car watching as the crew donned waterproof gear and the large boat slid down the runway. Joe gave her a wave as they went. She waved back, shuddering at the thought of them going out to sea.

  It wasn’t a bad evening but someone needed them so they had to brave the weather, whatever the weather. She would wait for a while and then get a taxi if it looked like being a long trip. She watched till the lights were a distant blur. She went into the lifeboat station and spoke to the man in charge.

  ‘Can you tell me anything about the shout? I was out with Joe and I wondered if you’ve any idea how long he’s likely to be out there.’

  ‘No idea, I’m afraid. You can come inside if you like. Have a coffee? I’ve just put the kettle on. You his missus then?’ he asked in a rich Cornish accent.

  ‘No. We work together. I’m wondering if I should get a taxi home. Where have they gone?’

  ‘Got a call from a fishing vessel. Said they saw a yacht, looked as if it was drifting about five miles offshore. Tried to call them but couldn’t raise them at all. Broken mast, they could see. Thought it might need investigating. It looks as if it might be one they’ve reported missing from down the Cradock Marina. Went missing a couple of days since. It’s the right size and colour.’

  Anna sat silently. Missing yacht? She knew someone who was prone to stealing stuff. Would he steal a boat? He was supposed to have his own boat in Spain, or so he’d told her. But this was ridiculous. Dozens of boats must be taken every year. Why should she think this one had anything to do with Ben? All the same, she couldn’t help thinking this was a strong possibility.

  ‘Do they have any idea who might have taken it?’

  ‘All they’ve got is some closed circuit footage. You can only see a tall blondish bloke with a beard. Standard issue of anorak and jeans.’

  ‘Would they let me see it? I think I might know who it is.’

  ‘Is that right? I’ll give the coastguards a call. They’re looking for any leads. Expensive boat it is. Loaded with gear. There’s a reward offered, I understand. But that wouldn’t be why you’re interested, I assume?’

  ‘Of course not. But it’s in my interest to know if it really was my husband who stole that boat.’

  ‘Your husband? But I thought . . . Joe . . . never mind. I’ll put that call through.’

  They arranged for Anna to go and look at the security tape the next day. She waited in the lifeboat house, chatting to the officer. A little later, she heard the call come through from the lifeboat to say they’d reached the yacht but there was nobody on board.

  The mast had broken and it was impossible to sail it home. It would have to be towed. They were going to search the sea around it but there was no hope for whoever had been the crew of the yacht. She had a dreaded sense of déja vu. She’d been through all of this once. She couldn’t stand it again. At least this time, the boat had been found. Surely Ben, if Ben it had been, couldn’t have faked his disappearance yet again? If he hadn’t faked it, then it meant he was dead. Drowned. The irony didn’t escape her.

  Hours later, the lifeboat returned, towing the boat behind it.

  ‘What are you doing, still waiting here?’ Joe asked as he came wearily into the station.

  ‘Waiting for you. I needed to know you were back safely.’ He pulled her into his arms and hugged her before pressing her mouth against his own.

  ‘All right, Doc. That’s enough of that. Wait till you get her home,’ called one of the crew good-humouredly.

 
; Soon, Joe was driving her back. She told him of her suspicions, that it was Ben who’d stolen the boat and that this time; the missing man was indeed her husband.

  ‘So all evening, you’ve been waiting to see if we brought Ben back, or his body.’ She gave a shudder but agreed.

  ‘I’m going to look at some security tapes tomorrow. I might be able to identify the man who was seen hanging around the marina.’

  ‘And if you do identify him, we might find fingerprints on the boat to match his. Have you got something with his prints on?’

  ‘I daresay.’

  ‘Excellent. We’ll have him.’

  ‘But Joe, we don’t have him. You haven’t found him . . . his . . . body. It’s exactly like the last time.’

  ‘I’m not sure I should tell you . . . but there’s a lot of blood on the mast. We think it must have dropped on top of whoever was sailing the boat. He must have been badly injured or even killed. If it was Ben, there’s no doubt about it. He couldn’t have survived.’

  She felt sick. She’d had to get used to Ben being dead for three long years. She’d had to accept that he had survived and was alive again. Now it seemed he really was dead, even though there was still no body. She was numb. The man had done everything bad that she could imagine but she was still married to him. He had terrified her with threats of taking Holly away, but he was still the child’s father.

  The car stopped outside her home.

  ‘Will you be all right, Anna?’

  ‘I have to be, don’t I?’

  ‘I’m so sorry. Much as I hated the thought of him, I wouldn’t wish this on him. I’ll pick you up in the morning and we’ll go to see the coast guards together.’

  ‘IT’S TIME TO MOVE ON.’

  The owners of the boat identified it and were delighted to have it returned, even with the broken mast. Joe collected Anna and drove her to look at the security tapes from the marina. They watched it together, his hand firmly holding hers. They looked at the flickering television screen and Anna drew in her breath feeling tense, half hoping she wouldn’t recognise the thief. As the shadowy figure walked along the gangway, she knew instantly that it was Ben. The rangy gait of his walk and the way he held his head were unmistakable. He glanced into the camera once and she could see the blond hair and beard.

  ‘It’s him,’ she whispered. ‘I’m absolutely certain of it.’

  The police came to take fingerprints from the house as well as Joe’s, Anna’s and Lucy’s, to eliminate them from any prints that Ben had left. Some time later, they learned there were numerous matching prints found on the stolen boat. They also took DNA samples from the mast, which they were able to match up with some hair left on the pillow when Ben had stayed.

  ‘This time, I think your husband is truly dead,’ Joe said gently. ‘It’s time to move on. Time to begin your new life.’

  ‘I hope you’re right.’

  ‘But you’re going to tell me you still need to see his body before you’ll properly believe it?’

  ‘I’m sorry, but I think I might,’ she whispered. Even now, she found it hard to believe that Ben was really dead. After three years of trying to come to terms and believing it, this second round of the same, was almost too much to cope with.

  Joe spent some time looking at charts and tide tables. With any luck, a body would be washed up along the coast somewhere north of where they were. He was fighting hard against his instincts to take hold of her and love her. She would never know how tough it was to see her, to be close to her and have to force himself to turn away. If he hadn’t loved her so much, he doubted he would have stayed in the practice any longer.

  Life settled back into some sort of routine. Each day, he gave Anna something special to try and make her laugh. The first morning back at work, there was a little handbag mirror with a smiley face on it. Another day flowers were waiting on her desk. She opened her medical bag another time and found an idiotic little monkey. What a thoroughly kind man Joe was.

  Joe was a regular visitor to the house, but he knew that he still needed to tread carefully with the woman he loved. But once this drama was over, they would have all the time in the world.

  It took three weeks for Ben’s body to be found. This time there was no doubt. Joe was able to spare Anna the trauma of identification, and he had been wearing a life jacket with the stolen boat’s identification marks on it.

  ‘Once the funeral is over, you’ll be able to move on.’ Lucy told her, hugging her closely. She felt saddened herself at the thought of losing her niece and the child she’d become so fond of. But she wanted Anna’s happiness and knew that would be guaranteed with Joe Meredith.

  ‘I’m dreading it. Meeting Ben’s parents again under these new circumstances will be unimaginably horrible.’

  ‘You’ll have Joe and me beside you. We’re going to support you every inch of the way.’

  The difficulties she had experienced telling them about Ben’s demise had proved almost too much. She had driven to visit them to break the news, bravely refusing Joe’s offer to accompany her in case it inflamed the situation.

  She almost tried to spare their feelings and keep his behaviour a secret but she knew that would be impossible. She even controlled herself when his mother had suggested it was her fault, that Anna had herself driven Ben away from them all.

  ‘I shall organise the funeral and you are of course, welcome to attend. But I don’t want to hear any more of your vile accusations or your insinuations about me.’ She had left them standing silently. She still couldn’t help feeling sorry for them. However horrid they had been, they had still lost their only son and they were frail and elderly.

  When the dreaded day arrived, Anna was feeling calm and detached. Holly was spending the day with Evie and her family and had gone off very happily. It was a simple service with only a few friends and Ben’s parents. When it was over, they went back to Lucy’s house for a meal. Mr and Mrs Kington had said very little and accepted a plate of sandwiches and some tea.

  Ben’s mother looked pale and seemed to be detached from the proceedings. Her husband noticed that she was sweating and swayed slightly as if she was dizzy. She clutched herself as a spasm of pain throbbed through her body. She groaned loudly.

  ‘Thelma, dear. Are you all right?’

  Suddenly, her cup slipped from her grasp and she collapsed sideways in the armchair.

  ‘It’s all right. Stay back,’ Joe commanded. He loosened the top button of her blouse and felt for her pulse. It was there but weak and thready. Anna rushed to fetch his medical bag which he’d left in the hall cupboard and handed him his stethoscope. He acknowledged her with a nod. Lucy ushered the other guests into the kitchen and began to make fresh tea. Mr Kington was pacing anxiously, wanting to get back to his wife.

  ‘Leave it to Joe and Anna. They know what they’re doing,’ Lucy ordered him.

  ‘But who is he? This Joe person? Does he really know what he’s doing? Seems to be very much in with the family.’

  ‘He’s one of the doctors with Anna’s practice.’

  ‘I see. And was he the cause of Ben running away? Is he really Holly’s father? She looks like him.’

  ‘Mr Kington,’ Lucy said angrily. ‘Shut up. We’ve heard enough of your nonsense over the years. I don’t know if you realise just how much you’ve hurt my niece but she’s in there, with Joe, Doctor Meredith, trying to save your wife’s life.’

  ‘I’m sorry. I’m scared. I don’t want to lose Thelma too.’

  ‘I know. Now, have a cup of tea and try to sit down quietly for a while.’

  In the sitting room, they’d got Thelma on the floor and were trying to keep her heart beating with massage.

  ‘I’ve got some oxygen in the car, with the maternity kit.’ She hadn’t taken the cylinder back to the Medical Centre after her last home birth. She collected it and a fresh mask. ‘I presume it’s cardiac arrest, isn’t it? They mentioned she may have a problem when I last went to stay. I should hav
e taken it more seriously.’

  ‘I’ve got a heartbeat. She’s breathing again. Have you got any soluble aspirin? There should be some in my bag, if not.’

  Anna found the little pills, so common yet so vital and handed them to him. He gave her one and fitted the oxygen mask over Thelma’s nose and mouth.

  ‘I’ll get a blanket and then I’ll phone for an ambulance.’

  Everyone except Mr Kington had left by the time the ambulance came. He went with his wife to the hospital. Joe decided that Anna’s need was the greater and elected to stay home with her.

  ‘We make a good team,’ he told her. ‘Thanks for your help, though I did wonder for a moment whether you would feel able to.’

  ‘What a day. What a way for it to end. I really do feel that I have now said goodbye to Ben and probably his family as well. They may think they want to keep in touch for Holly’s sake but somehow, I doubt we’ll hear much more of them once Thelma’s out of hospital.’

  ‘That’s the first time you’ve ever used her name,’ Joe remarked.

  ‘Think it is. She never invited me to use it and I certainly could never have called her Mum. She always rather scared me. Somehow though, seeing her lying on the floor, so frail and ill, I realised she’s just a sad old lady. Ben was her whole life and to have the facts uncovered about his true nature, well, it must have devastated her.’

  ‘So now, we can move on? Truly?’

  ‘Yes please,’ she whispered.

  ‘That sounds like a decision to me. And you, usually so slow to make decisions. I like this new Anna. Come here.’ He swept her into his arms and kissed her.

  ‘I expect you’ll be wanting to find somewhere new to live,’ Lucy said sadly as she watched them from the doorway.

  ‘Lucy. We’re going to be married,’ Joe said letting Anna go and rushing to grab her aunt.

  ‘Are we?’

  ‘Course we are. Right away.’