Unspoken Memories (Unspoken Series)

by Gabbie S. Duran

  I’M IN MY hotel room. I had enclosed myself in my room because I really didn’t want to be around anyone right now. I should be out there celebrating with all of them. However, I didn’t want to. I had gotten my qualifying time for Boston, but deep down inside my body was numb, and lifeless. I had no reason to smile right now, let alone celebrate. I had no reason to want to drink. I actually didn’t have a reason to want to do anything.

  So here I am with a box of tissues, squeezing the life out of a pillow, and cried out to a point where my eyes burn.

  Seeing Matt kissing Laura this afternoon tore me apart. Like he had reached inside my heart and yanked it out, without any warning, twisting the life out of it until it died. Which is exactly what it felt like happened.

  Right when I thought I should finally listen to my heart, he gave me a reason to shut it up all over again. It forced me to rebuild my walls against him. Why was I so stupid? I should have just listened to my gut when it said he was going to use me and throw me aside like he did every other girl who wasn’t her. I might not have been thrown aside just yet, but seeing him with her meant just the same. He had made his decision when he’d followed her. I was the ignorant one to think he’d changed.

  I hear a knock at my door and I ignore it. I just want to be left alone, in my lonely world of misery. Who knows what they’re thinking right now, but I don’t care. I hear the knock again, this time the opening of the door follows immediately after it. I stiffen up, hiding my face deeper into the pillow not wanting to see who it is. I had made sure to close the curtains and turn off all the lights when I got back. I enclosed myself in total darkness, the equivalent to my feelings.

  “Abi, sweetie. Julio told me what happened,” Kelly voices her concern as she walks over to me.

  I simply lay there, sniffling into the pillow, refusing to give in. “I’m fine, Kelly. Go back with David and have fun.”

  I feel her sit on the side of the bed next to me, and then her hand running through my hair. I can feel the comfort radiating from her right now, and it’s exactly what I’m craving besides Matt’s arms. His arms always have a way of making me feel so much better, no matter what, but being that he is the reason that I’m like this, it’s the last thing I’m going to get right now.

  Kelly stays quiet, rubbing my hair, then my back, sitting there in silence just letting me cry my silent tears. With the motion of her hand moving up and down, it comforts me, sending me into a deep sleep. Exactly what my body was fighting, but it lost the battle the minute she began to comfort me.

  When I wake up again, it must be the next morning because Kelly is once again next to me, but she’s in pajamas, and has a tray with breakfast items on it. She places it on the bedside table and looks at me. Her lips are flat and she has a saddened look in her eyes. She doesn’t say anything, but she sits next to me, while I force my body to sit up. My body aches and it feels like I have knots all over it. I don’t know if it’s from me pushing myself yesterday or from all the crying.

  “Hey, why don’t we try to feed you ok?” she whispers loud enough for me to hear. “You didn’t eat anything at lunch after that bitch made her comment, and I’m pretty sure you skipped dinner,” she says.

  I shake my head. “I’m not hungry right now, just tired,” I mumble.

  “Sweetie, you have to try to eat. Even a piece of toast, then I’ll leave you alone,” she begs.

  I simply lie back down, turning my back to her, hugging the pillow again.

  I hear her sigh, and then feel her get up from the bed and walk out of the room. She quietly closes the door behind her, leaving me to my darkness once again as I fall back to sleep.

  A couple of hours later when I awaken, I finally get up off the bed and head for the bathroom. I turn on the light and the brightness makes me flinch. I stand there with my eyes shut, slowly trying to get them to adjust to the light.

  When I’m finally able to open them again, I see myself in the mirror and I look like shit. My face is all blotchy, my eyes are swollen, bloodshot red, and my hair is in disarray. I lean on the bathroom counter with both arms and let my head slump forward, not having the fight left inside me to do anything else. Knowing that I have to leave soon, I finally push myself away from the counter and go to turn on the shower.

  I manage to get myself in the shower, dressed, and ready very quickly. My body might feel numb, but my mind is still slightly working. Since obviously I’m not in the mood to impress anyone, my hair goes into a ponytail, I’ve thrown on my hoodie, and dug through my purse for my go-to hide my eyes sunglasses. Once I’ve packed everything up and double-checked to make sure I haven’t forgotten anything, I head to the door of my room.

  As I exiting the room, I see everyone’s head whip in my direction, and they are all staring at me. They all have a face of wonder and you can tell they desperately want to ask me what the fuck is going on. But I just ignore them, hand my suitcase over to Julio when he grabs for it, and head straight to the door with my head held high refusing to show them my weakness.

  I see Matt walking over to me, looking puzzled, like he wants to speak to me, and I hold my hand up to stop him. “No, don’t. We’re already late and I don’t want us to miss our flight,” I snap at him, as I keep walking straight out of the door.

  I lead my little entourage down the hallway, looking over to Julio. “Do you mind if we take the stairs down? I don’t feel like riding in an elevator full of people right now,” I say loud enough for them all to hear.

  He shrugs his shoulders and nods a yes.

  Trey gives me a look like I’ve lost my mind and hurries over to me before we reach the doors leading to the stairs.

  “Abigail, what’s going on? You have us all worried. What the fuck happened at the restaurant that has your panties in a twist?” he desperately asks.

  Julio steps up in front of Trey and lightly shoves him back with his arm. “Leave her alone. If she wants to talk to you guys about it she’ll talk about it, but right now she needs to be left alone. Got it?” he says, facing everyone behind us, but stopping to stare down Matt.

  Knowing that this is the first time Julio has ever butted in when it comes to my personal life, everyone nods their head and I open the door leading the way to the stairs. Julio follows me and grabs my arm, linking it with his. He looks at me with a smile and says, “I read how you ended up in the hospital, and the last thing I need is you tumbling down the stairs on my watch.”

  This earns him a smile and chuckle. “I’m wearing Chucks not heels this time,” I joke but allow him to lead me down the flight of 16 floors. Once we’ve reached the bottom, he leads me through the lobby, guiding me through the crowd of people.

  “I’ve checked us out and the car is already waiting,” I hear Matt say to me as I walk up to stand next to Kelly. I just nod my head and grab Kelly’s hand with mine to give it a light squeeze.

  “You good now?”

  I take a deep breath. “Never better. Let’s go, I want to get home already,” I say, walking away with Julio.

  As soon as we board the plane, I immediately head to the back of the plane again, taking the back corner seat next to the window. Matt tries to follow, but David grabs his arms and shakes his head at him in warning. Matt being still confounded about the whole situation, heads to the front of the plane, and takes a seat next to Trey, leaving me to wallow in my misery with Julio sitting next to me.

  How amusing that the last time I sat in this seat, it was a whole different situation. The way over here was when I had decided that I was going to fight to have something with Matt, now I was fighting to keep him at a distance all over again. As the plane starts to taxi the runway I close my eyes as I lean my head against the window, taking in the noise of the jets.

  As soon as I feel the plane climb into the air, I look out the window and allow the clouds to carry me away. Funny how the last time I was sitting in this seat, I was feeling like I was floating alongside these clouds, not flying through them.

&nbs
p; Two hours later, we are landing, disembarking the plane, and on our way home. The car ride was just as awkward, nobody really spoke, and I kept silent.

  Upon arriving home, I practically jump out of the SUV, running into the house, and headed straight to my room. I stand with my back against the closed door, wondering how in the world my life was able to turn upside down all over again.

  I can hear them talking through the door and no matter how badly I wanted to go back outside and lie to them by telling them I was fine, I really couldn’t. I just stand there with my ear against the door, thanking whoever built this house for not putting in thicker doors.

  “What’s wrong with her? Why is she acting like this?” Trey shouts at Matt.

  “How the fuck am I supposed to know if she doesn’t let me talk to her?”

  “Leave her alone, Matt. You’ve done enough damage to her already,” I hear Kelly snarl at him.

  “Kelly, maybe we should head home,” I hear David say.

  “Does this have anything to do with Laura?” I barely hear Matt say, almost as if he is trying to keep his voice down while asking.

  There’s a silence and I’m frantic for someone to speak again, but they don’t.

  Instead I hear footsteps in the hallway leading to my room. I immediately tense up and walk away from the door, heading straight into the bathroom instead. As I’m washing my face I see Matt from the corner of my eye standing in the doorframe and he looks as miserable as I feel at this moment.

  He’s standing there with his hands in the pockets of his jeans, and his head hung, facing the floor. I stand there against the bathroom counter, staring into the air of nothing, refusing to acknowledge him right now.

  “It’s not what you think, Abigail.”

  Why is it that line always comes up in the emotional roller coaster of my life? It seems ever since I’ve woken up from my coma my life has been revolving around those six words. Do they really know what I’m thinking to be able to say that line to me all the time?

  “It doesn’t matter Matt, I saw you at the restaurant with her. You chose her,” I say listlessly. “I gave you a choice, and obviously by the way you guys were making up for lost time, you made your decision. You must be really fond of bathroom hallways,” I throw at him.

  My heart feels like it’s shattered into a million pieces as I say it and at this point I really don’t want to bend down and pick them up. I’d rather leave them there to be stepped all over. I’m done trying to piece it back together. My heart might have not have been in it with Bill, but knowing what he did hurt just as much. Now, actually seeing Matt with Laura in that hallway, that hurts ten times worse.

  I’m still staring at the shower curtain in front of me expecting it to magically do something spectacular, so I don’t notice when Matt suddenly moves to stand in front of me. He takes my face into his hands forcing me to look at him. At first I try to yank my face from his hands, but he gently continues to hold it, keeping his eyes on me.

  “No beautiful, I never chose her,” he angrily conveys to me.

  It pisses me off that he would lie to my face. “I know what I saw at the restaurant, Matt. I saw you with her near the bathroom. If you holding her…kissing her, isn’t choosing her… then I must be the biggest fucking idiot in the world,” I throw at him.

  He shakes his head. “I know you saw us, and I’m sorry about that. I promise you Abigail, it’s not how you saw. She kissed me, I never kissed her back, and the minute it happened I knew it was wrong. It was wrong because it wasn’t you, she can never be you.

  “I told right her right there and then that there would never be anything between us ever again. I tried coming after you, but it was too late, you were already gone.” His gorgeous eyes are glassy as he’s trying to hold back his tears. “I’ve fucked up one too many times with you, but I wasn’t going to fuck up again. When we got back to the hotel room, Julio wouldn’t let me anywhere near your door. He was really taking his job seriously last night,” he explains to me.

  The tears that I thought were all dried up begin to stream down my face once again. “I love you,” I say as I drop my head in submission. “I love you so much it hurts, it’s tearing my heart apart. I can’t keep playing these games with you anymore Matt. I just can’t,” I desperately cry.

  He breathes a sigh of relief, and lifts my head back up so I’m looking directly at him. “Oh, beautiful. I love you too,” he whispers emphatically into my face. “I’ve loved you since that first night you showed up on my doorstep. That night I knew you were mine and I’m never letting you go,” he fiercely says.

  He kisses me, feeding my body the drug it’s been craving. His lips feel so soft and warm as I savor the feeling of his kiss, wanting to hold onto it forever. It’s soft at first, it conveys a message, almost as if he’s making sure he shows me how he feels. Then he forces my mouth open with his tongue and I meet him with a force of hunger. He tilts our heads, giving me more access and I drown in his kiss. I grab onto his shirt with my hands, pulling myself closer to him.

  I can feel his fingers begin to lightly dig into my hair, almost as if he’s afraid I would pull away, but right now that’s the last thing I want to do. I pull at his waist, proving that I’m not going anywhere. I need to feel him closer to me. I need to feel the warmth of his body next to mine that I’ve been craving.

  As our tongues begin to explore each other, our hands begin to explore each other’s bodies. I lift up Matt’s shirt, running my hands on his back, feeling the ripples of his muscles and the softness of his skin. His hands begin to lower to my sides, hesitant to touch me. Then he runs one of them on the inside of my shirt, with the other gabbing my ass.

  He pulls away from me, intensely looking into my eyes. “I… Choose… You… Beautiful. There will never be anyone else. You are my life, my world, my everything, and you’d have to kill me in order for me to let you go.”

  I kiss him again, needing to know that he really means it. From the way he’s kissing me at this moment I believe every word of what he’s just said. Fireworks could have gone off from the force of his kiss. His hands immediately go to my legs, picking me up, and wrapping them around his waist. I feel him begin to carry me out of the bathroom. He walks over to my bed, placing me on it, he looks down at me with desire in his eyes, and I want him just as badly.

  “I need you beautiful, I need you so fucking bad,” he says to me before lowering himself on me to kiss me again. “Whoever tries to stop me right now will have to pry me off you, because I don’t plan on stopping this time.”

  Between our hungry kisses we somehow manage to remove our clothing, ripping them off, not caring how they end up. As each piece of clothing comes off, the reality of having him next to me, skin on skin, overpowers me. I need him with a passion that overcomes my ability to take things slowly.

  When we are both finally naked, I think that things are going to start quickly, but Matt surprises me by saying, “No beautiful, we’ve both waited so long for this, I’m going to enjoy every inch of your body first.”

  He begins by kissing me on the ear, taking the lobe, sucking it into his mouth, and sending a wave of pleasure all the way down my body. Then he trails kisses down my neck, lightly nipping at my skin, lowering his mouth to the valley between my breasts. He’s torturing me all over again like he did in the hotel room in Chicago, and it’s killing me.

  After quickly sucking on each one of my nipples, making me almost come from the desire speeding through my veins, he keeps going lower, making sure to remind me just how ticklish I am on my stomach. But what stops my giggling is when he reaches my thighs. He spreads them with his hands, running his hands down my legs, to my ankles.

  I look down at him as he’s wickedly smiling at me. “I always thought you had the sexiest legs and ass. I could easily stare at them all day. I love how you end up ahead of me in a race, giving me a chance to stare at you from behind. It always gave me a reason to catch up to you when you got too far ahead of me.”r />
  I giggle from the sensation his touch is giving me as he runs his palms up my legs. The feeling sends a shiver up and down them as he lowers his head to trail his lips along the path that his hands just took. I close my eyes and delight in the feeling of his mouth along my legs. The heat of his tongue slowly imprints his breath as he makes his way up them.

  When he’s reached the center of my body, he places both his hands under my ass, giving it a tight squeeze before he lifts it so I can feel his mouth on my core. My breath stops as I feel his tongue on my inner lips taking in his fill, my hands automatically going to my bedsheets, grabbing them by the handful. His tongue is teasing and torturing me, making me want more from him. I throw my head back, lifting my hips to meet his mouth, giving us both more pleasure. My breathing becomes frantic, my moans get louder with every lick he gives me, and my body begins to tighten up.

  “Relax beautiful, let it go,” I hear Matt say to me, and that’s when the dam breaks loose. My body feels like it explodes from the force of me coming into his mouth and I scream his name as I shoot up to the stars. He keeps devouring my pussy, making my body convulse over and over again.

  As I finally come down from the blow of the explosion, I feel him crawling slowly up my body, kissing his way up until he’s completely covering me with his own. His sexy eyes are looking down into mine and I lose myself all over again. I feel him enter my body, making me gasp from his hard cock entering me, and all I can do is hold onto him with my arms, not wanting to let him go.

  He starts moving inside me, taking it slowly at first, then he begins to pick up speed, and I wrap my legs around his thighs holding on for dear life. My nails start digging into his shoulders, urging him on, wanting more of him. I can feel the warmth of his breath on my neck and it feels wonderful.