Some Kind of Wonderful

by Barbara Freethy

  Matt nodded as he took the prescription slip from the doctor. "That's it?"

  "That's it," the older man said with a knowing smile. "First child?"

  "Yeah."

  "You'll get used to it. I've got three of my own at home. They always get sick in the middle of the night. You can give her some baby Tylenol for the pain. But in a few days the antibiotics should take most of the discomfort away. Any questions?"

  Matt shook his head.

  "Great. Have a nice day."

  "Have a nice day," Matt echoed wearily. "It must be daytime, huh?"

  "Almost eight," Caitlyn said, glancing at the clock on the wall which had been ticking ever so slowly the past two hours. "Are you ready to get out of here?"

  "More than ready."

  They walked through the hallway toward the Emergency Room entrance. That's when Matt saw something that caught him completely off guard. It was just a flash at the end of the hall, but a very familiar flash.

  "Hold on a second," he said abruptly.

  "What's wrong?"

  "I thought I saw someone." He dashed down the hall which led into the main part of the hospital. It was her; the old woman with the straw hat and the watering can. He was too far away to see her face, but he had a terrible feeling he knew who she was.

  * * *

  Fifteen minutes with Jonathan's psychiatrist friend had already made Sarah feel better. The woman, Karen Harte, was easy to talk to, very understanding, and had baby pictures all over her desk. Every time Sarah looked at one, she thought of Emily, wondering how she'd changed in the past week, if she'd stopped crying, if she'd begun to smile.

  "You miss your baby," Dr. Harte said sympathetically.

  "So much." Sarah felt the emotion clutch at her heart. Sometimes she thought she'd die if she didn't touch or hold Emily again. She'd thought she could break the connection between them simply by walking away, but the bond was as strong as ever.

  "The mother-child relationship is very powerful," Dr. Harte continued.

  "That's what worries me the most, that my mother may have passed down her craziness, I mean mental illness, to me."

  "That's not an uncommon fear, Sarah. But not all mental illness is hereditary. And like other predispositions, such as alcoholism or obesity, an individual can make conscious choices to avoid those pitfalls. Understanding yourself, your strengths and weaknesses, can play a big part in a healthy mental life."

  "But I left my baby just like my mother left me," Sarah argued, still not sure she could believe in herself the way the doctor was telling her to.

  "Having a baby can be overwhelming, especially when you don't have any support. The physical changes in your body, the lack of sleep, they can play havoc with your mental health. What I'd like to suggest is that we see each other again, spend some time talking about your past and hopefully your future. Unfortunately, today's schedule is packed, but if you'd like to make an appointment for the next day or two, we could begin to explore some of your concerns on a deeper level. What do you think?"

  "I don't have any money," Sarah said bluntly. "Jonathan said he'd cover today, but I can't ask him to do that again."

  "I understand, Sarah. You're in a difficult situation. But I would like to speak with you again. So why don't we set up an appointment for one more session, and then perhaps I can steer you in the right direction for additional help."

  "You would really do that?"

  "I would," Dr. Harte replied with a smile. "I didn't become a psychiatrist just for the money." She paused. "My grandmother was sick, Sarah. I know what it's like to have mental illness in the family and how it affects those who live with it. You were a little girl at the mercy of your mother's erratic behavior. And you took steps to protect your child from a similar situation. I think the fact that you took those steps says quite a bit about your mental health."

  "I hope you're right."

  "Where is your mother now, Sarah?"

  "I don't know."

  "That's a shame. It might be good for you to talk to her again. Sometimes the monsters we create in our mind are far more powerful than the ones that actually exist. Please make an appointment on your way out, Sarah. I'd like to see you again."

  "All right. Thank you." Sarah got to her feet and walked through the door. As she debated which way to go, she caught a glimpse of a woman, the same woman she'd seen by the church. What on earth? She walked quickly down the hall. She had to catch up with her. She had to pull that straw hat off her head and look into her eyes.

  * * *

  Jonathan lifted his head as a man came into the reception area and glanced impatiently around the room, then at Jonathan.

  "Excuse me," he said. "Did you see a woman with a straw hat come through here a second ago?"

  "No, I've been reading. I haven't seen anyone."

  The man let out a sigh. "Thanks anyway."

  "No problem."

  Jonathan looked down at his magazine and flipped idly through another half dozen pages of business news. He had just closed the cover when Sarah came into the lobby. She wasn't smiling, and he felt a sudden worry. Had he done the wrong thing by bringing her here, encouraging her to speak to a doctor? Most people would have told him to point Sarah in the direction of Social Services and let them help her weed through her problems. And those people might have been right.

  "Are you okay?" he asked, getting to his feet.

  She nodded, somewhat distractedly. "Did you see a woman come through here? She was carrying a watering can and--”

  "Wearing a straw hat?"

  "Yes." Her eyes lit up. "You saw her?"

  "No."

  "But how did you--”

  "A man just came through here asking me the same question."

  "Really?" Sarah looked around the room in much the same way as the man had done. Jonathan felt an uneasy chill race down his arms. It was the kind of feeling he often got when things couldn't be explained.

  "I wonder where she went," Sarah murmured.

  "I don't know. I never saw her."

  "But you have seen her -- by your church?"

  "I don't recall anyone of that description."

  "She's been there twice this past week, watering the weeds along the sidewalk and the curb. She wears a bunch of clothes, like someone who lives on the street," Sarah added.

  "It doesn't ring a bell."

  "Really?"

  "Nope. How did your meeting with Dr. Harte go?"

  "Good." She smiled warmly at him. "She's very nice. She wants to see me again, and she said she won't charge me."

  "Even if she did charge you, we'd find a way, Sarah."

  "I'm beginning to believe you could find a way for anything."

  He felt a rush of unexpected emotion. The confidence in her voice gave him renewed faith in himself. He had a feeling Sarah was doing as much for him as he was doing for her.

  "Can we make a stop on the way home?" she asked him as they turned toward the door.

  "Sure. Where do you want to go?"

  "I want to go to Matt's house." She looked him straight in the eye. "I want to see my brother and my baby."

  Chapter Twenty

  "I know you're probably exhausted," Matt said as he started the car and pulled out of the hospital parking lot.

  "But?" Caitlyn asked, sensing there was more to his statement than met the eye. In fact, he'd been acting odd since his mysterious dash through the hospital.

  "I was wondering if you'd make a little side trip with me."

  "Where?"

  "Back to the old apartment building."

  Caitlyn studied him thoughtfully. His face was tense. Gone was the relief he'd shown after learning Emily had a simple ear infection. Something had happened in the interim, and she didn't know what. "Where did you go?" she asked him. "Back at the hospital, when you took off so suddenly?"

  "I thought I saw someone I knew. Do you remember that day when we were sitting in the car outside of my old building?"

  "Sure.
"

  "And there was a woman walking down the street with a watering can, and I said she reminded me of someone."

  Caitlyn nodded. "Yes."

  "Well, I have this strange feeling she could be my mother."

  Caitlyn's eyes widened in surprise. "Really?"

  "Yeah, and what's even stranger is that I saw her in the hospital. That's why I took off, but she disappeared before I could find her." He tapped his fingers impatiently against the steering wheel as he stopped at a red light. "Why was she in the hospital, Caitlyn? Why was she by my old building? Why do I keep seeing her?"

  "I have no idea," she replied, even though she had a feeling all of his questions were rhetorical.

  "Maybe she's connected to Sarah. Maybe they're together. Maybe they're watching me or something. Damn! I wish I knew what was going on."

  "So you want to go back to your neighborhood and do what?"

  "I'm not sure. It sounds nuts, and I know you're tired. We should just go home."

  "I don't mind coming with you. Emily has dozed off since we gave her the sample medication, and I don't have to be at work for a while."

  He turned his head to smile at her. "I really appreciate it. I know I could drop you off, but... and this sounds ridiculous... I'm a little concerned about going back there by myself."

  "Concerned?" she repeated with a grin. "You're scared out of your mind."

  "That obvious, huh?"

  "Yep."

  "How do you know me so well?"

  She shook her head, wondering exactly the same thing. "I don't know, Matt. I just do."

  "And that scares the hell out of you, doesn't it?"

  "Maybe a little."

  "Are you ever going to tell me what you said to Brian the other night?"

  "I told him that I couldn't have children, for one."

  "How did he take it?"

  "He had a lot of suggestions for ways I could follow up on the problem."

  "I'm sure they're probably valid."

  "No doubt they are. Brian has a scientific mind, and he sees unlimited possibilities where science is concerned. He feels in this day of medical advances nothing is impossible."

  "Sounds like he still wants to be with you."

  "He says so."

  "What do you say?"

  "Isn't that the street you're supposed to turn on?"

  Matt made the turn as directed. "If you want to go back to him, hell, I've got nothing to say about it. I mean, you and I were just..."

  "Just what?" she demanded, not liking his tone.

  "I don't know exactly. What I do know is that you were in love with this guy, and I don't want to stand in your way."

  "So you're being noble? Telling me to go because you think it's in my best interest?"

  He shot her a dark look as he got her point. "I am not acting the way you acted before when you sent Brian away."

  "Sure you are. You're playing the martyr, just like I did."

  She could tell by the expression on his face he knew she was right. Caitlyn just wished he could tell her how he really felt about her. But since she was having trouble doing the same thing, she could hardly judge him for remaining silent. It was just all too fast. Her mind couldn't keep up with the constant changes; she needed to think, maybe even sleep for a few hours and clear her brain.

  "Here we are," Matt said, pulling into a parking place in front of his old building. He turned off the engine, his gaze sweeping the long block. "I know she couldn't be back here this fast, since I just saw her at the hospital."

  "She could if she had a car or someone was driving her."

  'True." He drummed his fingers against the steering wheel. "Why can't I go in there, Caitlyn? Why can't I just go into that damn building, walk up those stairs and down that hall?"

  "Would it help if Emily and I came with you?"

  "I know Sarah isn't there. I know my mother isn't there."

  "But the monsters under the bed still are," she said softly.

  He turned his head, his eyes filled with uncertainty. "The monsters were never under the bed, Caitlyn. They -- I mean she was right there in front of me."

  She put her hand on his thigh. "I'll come with you. We'll take a little walk, you and me and Emily. We'll go as far as you want, as slowly as you want."

  Another moment's hesitation, then he nodded. "All right."

  Caitlyn got out of the car and waited for Matt and Emily to join her. They walked up to the front door and then stepped inside. Matt paused, his hand seeking Caitlyn's in the dusky interior. She tightened her fingers around his, and together they turned toward the stairs.

  * * *

  As Sarah walked with Jonathan down the hall toward Matt's apartment, she replayed every second of her last trip. She'd called Matt from a pay phone on the corner to make sure he was at home. Then she'd slipped into the building and taken the elevator to his floor. That had been the easy part. Putting Emily down on the floor, tucking her blanket around her, saying good-bye, that had been the hard part.

  Sarah felt the pain return as they approached Matt's door, as she stared down at the spot where she'd left Emily, the spot that was now empty. She had the sudden terrifying thought that her daughter might be lost to her forever.

  "I can't," she muttered.

  "Yes, you can." Jonathan took her trembling hand within his solid, comforting clasp. "You had the courage to leave her. Now you must have the courage to ask for her back."

  "Is that what I should do?"

  "It's up to you."

  Sarah lifted her hand and, after another small hesitation, rapped sharply on the door. When there was no reply, she knocked harder. For there was suddenly a burning need inside her to hold her baby again.

  * * *

  "Just knock," Caitlyn told Matt as they stood in the hallway outside his old apartment.

  "Why? There's no one inside I know."

  "Wouldn't you like to take a peek?"

  "What will I say?"

  "Oh, for heaven's sake. I thought you were the intrepid investigative reporter who goes where other men fear to go."

  He sent her an annoyed frown. "This is different."

  "It's not. You're investigating your sister's disappearance. This is a place she used to live. It makes sense to check it out. Maybe she came back. Maybe she knocked on the door. Maybe the person inside will remember or know something."

  "How do you know so much for a wedding dress designer?"

  "I have a good imagination."

  "Yeah, well, mine is working overtime right now. I feel like I'm sixteen again."

  "You're not," she said gently. "Look at Emily. She should remind you that you're all grown up, and so is Sarah. Whoever or whatever hurt you in this apartment is gone."

  She took the car seat from him. "Go on, Matt. Knock."

  He raised his fist and knocked. Caitlyn held her breath, suddenly worried that her advice might be completely wrong, that Sarah might be inside, or his mother. Who knew? And if they were, if they saw Emily... Her grip tightened on the car seat. Well, someone would have some explaining to do before she handed over this innocent child.

  There was no answer. They both turned their heads as footsteps came down the hall. It was a woman, looking tired and suspicious.

  "What are you doing there?" she asked.

  Caitlyn didn't know what to say. She felt like she'd been caught with her hand in the cookie jar.

  "I used to live here," Matt said.

  "Since when? I've been the manager here for ten years, and I don't remember you."

  "It was longer than that. There was a fire..."

  "Oh, yeah, I heard about that fire, some kids playing with matches almost burned the place down." Her eyes narrowed. "The fire started in that apartment. Was it you who started it?"

  "No."

  "Hmph." She didn't look like she believed him.

  "Can you tell me who rents that apartment now?" Matt asked.

  "No one. That apartment has been empty for the last
three weeks."

  Caitlyn saw a light flash in Matt's eye. "Can you tell me who rented it before?" he asked.

  "An older woman."

  "Do you remember her name?"

  The woman thought for a minute, then asked warily. "Why do you want to know? I don't want no trouble here."

  "I'm looking for my sister."

  "This woman couldn't have been your sister. She was sixty if she was a day."

  "What about her name?" he asked impatiently. "Do you remember her name?"

  Caitlyn wondered why he was pressing so hard, and then it hit her. He thought the apartment had been rented by his mother, the woman in the straw hat, the one he kept seeing everywhere.

  "Katherine Vance," the woman said. "Yeah, that was it."

  "Are you sure? It wasn't Kathleen Vaughn?" he asked tightly. "They're awfully close."

  "No. I'm pretty sure it was Vance."

  "Did she wear a straw hat? Carry a watering can?"

  "She kept to herself. I don't know what she wore."

  Caitlyn could tell Matt was frustrated with the woman's short answers. "Since the apartment is empty," she interrupted. "Do you think it's possible we could go inside?"

  The woman hesitated. Even Matt looked taken aback by the suggestion. But Caitlyn didn't waver. Matt was so big on facing the truth, well, here was his chance to face his past as well.

  "Why not?" the woman said. She pulled out a thick ring filled with keys. "Just close the door on your way out."

  Matt stared at the partially open door, not making a move to open it.

  "You can do it," Caitlyn told him. "Just put one foot in front of the other." She gave him a gentle push on the back and finally he moved through the doorway.

  * * *

  Walking into the apartment where he'd lived with his mother and sister was one of the hardest things Matt had ever done. The first thing he saw when he walked through the door was the past, his mother's tight blue sofa against the wall, stained with liquor spots and cigarette burns, the old television set, the old beat-up coffee table in front of the couch. On the table there had been dozens of candles of all different sizes and shapes, candles that his mother and Sarah would light every night. And then there were the plants, filling every corner of the apartment.

  Matt blinked the memories away. In reality, the apartment was actually completely empty, a dull green carpet that had obviously come with the remodel, squares of lighter paint where pictures had once hung, empty hooks hanging from the ceiling. In one corner was a stove and sink in what passed for a kitchen. Next to that was a small bathroom and a door into the bedroom where his mother and Sarah had slept.