Senseless Sensibilities

by K. L. O'Keefe

  Anne would be the happiest woman in the world, if only her daughter could share in her bliss. There were worry lines between Evangeline’s eyes that were never there before. Lord Trevelan? To say their engagement was unexpected would be an understatement. Not long ago, Evangeline said she was in love with the valet. Either her daughter was the most fickle girl in the world, or she’d lost all sense of reason. Valet or not, Jonathan Winters would have been much easier to accept.

  Anne closed her book with a snap. If she tried talking to her daughter, would it matter? Evangeline always did what she wanted, ignoring all consequences.

  “Tell me, George, what did we do wrong?” Anne said aloud, speaking to her late husband. She closed her eyes and tried to imagine what his answer would be. “We made the mistake of indulging her every whim, didn’t we?”

  For several seconds, she sat in motionless silence. Of course, she didn’t expect an answer. She didn’t expect any kind of noise at all. However, when the silence broke, she realized she wasn’t alone. There was someone—or something—in her room.

  She could hear a faint scratching noise coming from the wardrobe.

  Anne held her breath. Unfortunately, halting the sound of her breathing did nothing to halt the mysterious noise. She looked around the room for some kind of weapon, anything to bludgeon the intruder. She slid out of bed and tiptoed across the room, picking up a parasol beside her desk. Gripping it tightly, she made her way to the wardrobe.

  Courage welled up inside her as she reached for the door. The inside of the wardrobe was dark, and she didn’t see anything at first.

  But when she did, Anne screamed.

  * * *

  As luck would have it, Nicholas was heading to Anne’s bedchamber when he heard her scream. Immediately, he feared the worse. The most important person in his life was in some kind of peril: that sort of realization would stir anyone’s fears. His heart racing, Nicholas ran to her room and threw open the door.

  “What is it?” he hollered. He was a little relieved when he saw her, as she looked perfectly fine.

  “A mouse,” she said.

  “A mouse?” Another wave of relief washed over him. “All that panic for a mouse?”

  “I wasn’t panicking,” she said with a shrug. “I was just surprised, that’s all.”

  “Where is it?” Nicholas rubbed his hands together, eager to rid the damsel in distress of her little problem. There wasn’t a man in the world who didn’t want to assume the role of hero, no matter how small the feat.

  But there was no need for heroics. Anne held out her arm. A small gray mouse was dangling by its tail, caught between her fingers.

  Nicholas’ mouth fell open. “You… it…”

  “I told you I wasn’t panicking!” she said with a smile. “It look me a moment to catch it. As soon as I opened the wardrobe, it ran out and hid under my bed. I had to get on my hands and knees and--”

  All of a sudden, Nicholas threw back his head and let out a roar of laughter. He couldn’t stop laughing, not when his head was filled with images of Anne running around, nabbing a mouse.

  “What’s so funny?” she asked, completely unfazed by the little rodent bobbing in her hand.

  As he regained control of himself, Nicholas wiped a tear from his eyes. “You never cease to surprise me, my love. I can’t imagine what would have happened if the mouse had been in Evangeline’s room. I think she might have swooned.”

  “Or thrown a fit.”

  “Why didn’t you kill it?” Nicholas asked, referring to the wriggling mouse.

  Anne looked disgusted by the idea. “Why would you kill it? It’s very cute!”

  Nicholas let out a sigh. “I think I need a cat…”

  “Evangeline’s been talking about some cats in the woods. She’s finding them homes with the local tenants, or so I’ve been told.”

  Holding out his hand, Nicholas motioned for Anne to hand over the mouse. “Really? That seems untypical of her.”

  “I know,” Anne agreed. “She’s gone through so many changes recently. I hardly recognize her from day to day. I’m not sure if the changes are good or bad.”

  When she gave him the mouse, he held it gently in his hand. “I’ll take your little, er, friend… out to the garden. I’ll be back in a few minutes. I think we have a lot to discuss.”

  “Discuss?” Anne flashed a grin. “When we’re done discussing, I hope you have something else in mind.”

  Nicholas’ grin was even wider. “Have you no faith in me?”

  When he was gone, Anne skipped to the bed like a schoolgirl. For a moment, she considered taking off her clothes. She was sure he wouldn’t object to finding her without a stitch of clothing. But if he had something important to tell her, nudity could only be a hindrance. A bit disappointed, she slid beneath the blankets, nightgown and all.

  She started to reach for her book, but Nicholas returned sooner than expected. “That was fast,” she noted.

  “You wouldn’t believe how fast my legs can carry me when my heart wants to return to you.” When Nicholas slid into bed beside her, he gently kissed her shoulder. It was the closest thing to his lips. “How was your day, my dear?”

  “Aside from the mouse?”

  “Aside from the mouse,” he answered with a chuckle, “though it seems you loved the little critter dearly.” Nicholas pulled her arm from beneath the covers and brushed his lips across her fingertips. “How are your hands? Have they caused you any pain today?”

  Anne immediately shook her head. “No, not at all. To tell you the truth, they haven’t caused me any pain for days and days. I think you must have healed them.”

  “With my kisses,” he added, kissing her knuckles again.

  “How was your day, Nicholas?” Anne asked.

  “Seeing as I spend most of my time with you, I’m sure you know the answer to that question.”

  “Seeing as you spend most of your time with me, your answer better be extraordinarily blissful.”

  “Every moment I spend with you could be described as such. However, I have a bit of bad news.” Recapturing her hand, Nicholas laid it against his cheek. He liked to feel her touch. No matter what, it always comforted him. “I’m afraid I’ll have to find a new valet.”

  “What?” Anne gasped. “But… your valet is Jonathan! He can’t leave!”

  “Oh, but he has. And I’m afraid there’s nothing I can do to stop him. He’s very headstrong, you know?”

  “Isn’t he your friend?”

  “Yes,” Nicholas answered with a nod. “And it’s because he’s my friend that I agreed to let him go. He was in love with your daughter, as I’m sure you already know. It was very obvious, wasn’t it? I don’t think he could stand to see Evangeline with her new fiancé.”

  “I don’t understand.”

  “What don’t you understand, my love?”

  “I don’t understand anything!” Anne exclaimed. “I don’t understand why Evangeline would engage herself to Trevelan… or why Jonathan would leave you. We were all happy together, weren’t we? We treated him like a member of our family, or like a dear friend. I’m certain Evangeline cared for him to some extent. I don’t know why she couldn’t see past his station in life and accept him for the man he was.”

  “Those are blasphemous words… in the eyes of society,” Nicholas responded bleakly. “I think the whole thing was ill-fated. Very early on, I could tell he had fallen for her. I didn’t expect it to have a happy ending.”

  “But--”

  “Even though we have radical opinions, we cannot expect everyone to follow suit. No matter how highly we think of Jonathan, that doesn’t mean everyone can see the good in him.”

  Anne lifted her chin, nodding solemnly. “Especially Evangeline. She always wanted to marry a rich, titled man and make a name for herself in society. She wanted to marry you, Nicholas. In the beginning, that’s what she wanted.”

  “But I was infatuated with you.”

  Anne winced at
his choice of word. Infatuated. She didn’t expect Nicholas to love her, of course. Nevertheless, it pained her to hear him speak of his feelings in such a casual manner. “Yes, I suppose you were,” she added, a bit belatedly.

  “And you absolutely hated the attention. You would cringe whenever I came around.”

  “Not true!” Anne shrilled. “I just… I didn’t know how to react to someone like you. Handsome young men never pay any attention to me.”

  “I’m not that young.”

  “If you’re not, then I am very old.”

  With a growl, Nicholas reached under the blankets and grabbed her leg. His hand coasted up her thigh, eventually resting on her hip. “Very old? I should tan your hide for that comment.”

  “Well, I’m certainly not young.”

  “My hand says otherwise.” He gently massaged her hip as he spoke. “I really wish you wouldn’t be so self-deprecating. Whenever you insult yourself, it’s as if you’re insulting me.”

  “How so?”

  “You’re a part of me, and a part of my life.” Nicholas leaned forward, kissing her forehead, and then her lips. “Jonathan and Evangeline may be parting ways, but at least one of our stories has a happy ending.” When he saw the look on her face, he quickly added, “That’s not to say she won’t be happy with Lord Trevelan…”

  When she slid his hand from her hip, Nicholas knew he must have said something wrong. “Anne, what’s the matter? Are you angry with me?”

  “I’m not… angry with you.” She could feel heat behind her eyes, where unshed tears were building.

  “Judging from the look on your face and the tears in your eyes, I know something’s troubling you. Believe it or not, I know you very well. I can read your expressions like a book.”

  “Really?”

  “Really,” he insisted.

  “Nicholas, I’m just…” Anne stopped herself. She didn’t know how to express herself without frightening him. She knew he was just having a bit of fun with her. Unfortunately, her feelings for him were much deeper than that. “I just don’t know if we will have a happy ending.”

  His voice went cold. “You don’t?”

  “Our happiness is fleeting, isn’t it? Everything is perfect right now, but I know it can’t last.”

  “Is that what you think?”

  “Yes, I do,” she went on. “You’ll tire of me eventually. You’ll end up marrying some young woman, and I’ll go back to being the loneliest woman in the world.”

  Nicholas frowned as he listened to her. Did she think he didn’t have a heart? Did she think she was nothing more than a mistress to him? His heart ached when he heard her words.

  When she started sniffling, Anne felt ashamed. “The ending I want… I can never have it.”

  She reached up to wipe her eyes, but Nicholas captured her hand. “Pray tell, what sort of ending were you hoping for?”

  “I can’t tell you what I want. I’m afraid you’ll laugh at me, because deep down, I know how foolish I am.”

  When she tried to pull her hand away, Nicholas held it firmly. His eyes met hers, and he felt an incredible urge to ease her worries and take her pain away, even if she was being a silly goose. How could she fail to see how much she meant to him? “Did you want to marry me, Anne?”

  Her lips started to quiver. For some reason, Anne felt like she’d been caught in a lie. “I-I suppose I did. I know it sounds ridiculous, and I’ve always been a sensible woman. But for some reason, you make me long for a life I never had. For the first time in my life, I’ve been indulging in dreams and hopeless fancies, and--”

  Nicholas laid a finger over her lips. “I don’t think you understand what I’m trying to say. I’m asking you to marry me, Anne. I’m asking you to be my wife!”

  If his finger hadn’t been where it was, Anne’s mouth would have fallen open. “Wha--?”

  “I’ve wanted to marry you since the moment I laid eyes on you.” He finally removed his finger from her lips, giving her a chance to reply.

  “But, Nicholas, I…”

  “Don’t make excuses! I’ve heard them all at least a dozen times, but you haven’t made me love you any less. Either you want to marry me or you don’t.”

  She wiped her eyes, stopping the tears before they could fall. “Nicholas, are you saying you love me?”

  “Are you joking? Of course I love you! I always have, and I always will.”

  She flung her arms around Nicholas, nearly knocking the wind out of him. “Why didn’t you say so before?!”

  Nicholas had to chuckle. “I thought it was obvious. You’re the one I was worried about. And I still don’t know if you return my feelings or not…”

  She lifted her head to scowl at him. “Are you serious? Of course I love you!”

  “And you’ll marry me?”

  “Yes! Yes, of course!”

  Nicholas let out a tremendous sigh of relief. “Thank goodness. I thought you’d start on the whole I’m too old for you nonsense. Or one of the other silly, feeble excuses you’re always firing at me.”

  The scowl was back on her face. “Nicholas! I should box your ears for that!”

  “Well, it’s true!” As he spoke, he slid his arms around her, holding her even closer. “You were a very infuriating woman, you know? But you were worth the wait.”

  “And you won’t tire of me?”

  “Never. Even if I had a million lifetimes to live.”

  Anne laid her head against his shoulder, burrowing her face against his shirt. She was smiling so much, she wondered if her cheeks would hurt the next day. “I don’t deserve to be this happy.”

  “Of course you do! And I’ll strive to make you happier and happier as long as I’m alive.”

  She didn’t doubt his words for a minute. “So, fiancé, do you have any idea how we can celebrate?”

  “I can think of at least one way to celebrate,” he answered cheekily. And with that, he pulled the blankets over both their heads.

  Chapter Thirty

  As Jonathan brushed the snowflakes from his coat, he wondered if the weather was trying to tell him something. The unlikely snowstorm wasn't ideal weather for traveling, to be sure. And he was going to do a great deal of traveling. It was quite a long way from Yorkshire to London.

  “Are you sure you won’t reconsider?” Nicholas asked for the hundredth time, reluctantly handing the horse’s bridle to his friend. “If you catch your death in this weather, I’ll never forgive myself for having let you leave.”

  “It wouldn’t be your fault, Nicholas. If I catch my death, it’ll be my own stubbornness that lands me in an early grave,” Jonathan said. “Now, have I packed my things?” Lifting his tiny satchel, Jonathan chuckled. “Ah, yes. There is it. My bag’s so small, I nearly forgot I had it!”

  “This isn’t the time for jokes. I’m really disappointed, you know. Where else am I going to find a valet who can fell villains in a single blow?”

  Jonathan gave Nicholas a playful nudge. “I thought you said it wasn’t the time for jokes?”

  Nicholas threw up his hands and shrugged. “I can’t help myself. But I’m not joking about my concern for you. Can you stay for a few more days… at least until the snow stops?”

  Jonathan gazed over his friend’s shoulder. For a few seconds, he watched Evangeline’s bedroom window, waiting for the curtain to flutter, hoping he would see her one last time. He didn’t know why he expected her to see him off. It wasn’t as if he meant anything to her. “I, uh… I should go, Nicholas. I’m not your valet anymore, and I don’t want to be a burden on you. The sooner I leave, the better.”

  “If you say so.” As Jonathan mounted his horse, Nicholas scratched the animal’s ears. “Be kind to old Bucketsnout. She’s not exactly a filly anymore, and it wasn’t her idea to travel in a blizzard.”

  “Blizzard? Oh, come on. That’s a bit of an exaggeration, don’t you think?”

  Nicholas shook his head. “Your eyebrows are white. Believe me, it’s not an ex
aggeration.”

  Jonathan coaxed the horse to turn, facing away from Penworth Park. Unfortunately, the road was nearly covered by snow. Jonathan was grateful for his good sense of direction. “Well, Nicholas…”

  “Jonathan.”

  Both men were hesitant to utter the final farewell. “Be sure to tell your fiancé I think you’re a very lucky man. Give her my best, alright? If you’d like, I’ll come back for the wedding.”

  “I’d like that very much.”

  “Well, then,” Jonathan had to clear his voice as he spoke. “Goodbye.” Turning in the saddle, he stole one more glance at Evangeline’s window. But there wasn’t any sign of life. Look down at me, he tried to will her with his mind. Wave to me. Come down here and tell me not to go.

  He could picture Evangeline nestled in her bed, not giving him a second thought. He loved her, but he hadn’t made the slightest dent in her heart. All the failures in the world wouldn’t measure up to his failure to win the affections of the woman he loved. Jonathan would never forgive himself. He had no right to love her. He would never forgive himself for falling in love with her, having known it was a hopeless cause.

  Nicholas’ lips moved, but nothing came out. He tried to say the words several times before he could actually speak them. He hated to see his friend go. Saying goodbye to Jonathan Winters was as difficult as anything he had ever attempted. “Farewell, Jonathan.”

  With one last wave to Nicholas, Jonathan kicked his horse into motion and started down the snowy path. Nicholas kept his friend in view as long as he could. The whole time, Nicholas kept hoping Jonathan would turn around. Maybe Jonathan would realize the error of his ways, and would return in a moment’s time?

  But he wasn’t returning. A few minutes later, Jonathan Winters was nowhere in sight.

  * * *

  When Evangeline woke up, her heart felt heavy. There was a numb feeling in the pit of her stomach, but her hazy morning's mind couldn’t make sense of the sensation. She had some reason to be anxious, but she didn’t know what it was.

  And then she remembered. Jonathan was leaving.