Finding Laila: Some Changes are Necessary

by T. K. Rapp

  “Cool,” Cole says. He stands up and rubs his hands on his jeans. “So are we gonna get some lunch or what? I’m starving.”

  “I could eat,” Joey agrees, hopping to his feet.

  “Let’s go then,” Braxton agrees and takes me to his car.

  Cole, Joey, and Haden get into their cars and wait for us to lead the way. Braxton closes the door when he climbs in, exhales a huge breath, and starts laughing.

  “You okay?”

  “That went a helluva a lot better than I expected,” he says with a shy smile. “I guess I thought they’d be pissed or not want to hang out anymore.”

  Yet another reason I love these guys: Braxton tells them something that has ruined friendships and families because people can’t handle it—but here are my guys…being themselves. Amazing.

  “Never in a million years.” I reach out and squeeze his hand. “I think you’re stuck with us.”

  “Looks that way.”

  “Does this mean you’re bringing a date to the quarry for New Year’s Eve?”

  “Baby steps, Lai. Let’s get through Christmas first.”

  Chapter 20 ~ Finding Resolutions

  “I need you to help me out here, Joe.”

  “You know I hate it when you call me that,” he huffs, and I’m pretty sure he’s rolling his eyes. “What’s up?”

  “First, you get a girlfriend. Finally. I start dating Haden, which is working out really well—and then of course Braxton being gay. I feel like everything is changing. Are we changing?” I let all of it rush out at once.

  “Yeah. It is—we are.”

  “Great,” I groan, pulling the phone away from my mouth before rejoining the conversation.

  “—to be,” is all I hear him say.

  “What?”

  “I said, 'that’s the way it’s supposed to be.' We aren’t supposed to be glued together for life. I love you, Lai, you know that, but you’re so terrified of moving on and losing what is happening now that you’re going to miss out on the next part.”

  “What part is that?”

  “Life.”

  “Stop being mature and mope with me. Things are coming to an end. Soon we’ll graduate, and who knows where we’ll end up for college. I mean, I’m sure you’ll end up at some Ivy League school or someplace like that, but the rest of us have no idea where we want to go. This is the end of an era.”

  “Why are you trying to call time of death when we have four months left of school—seven before we leave for college? Stop worrying so much.”

  “Well stop being so practical,” I argue.

  “Are you going to be like this all night? Debbie Downer?”

  “I am not Debbie Downer,” I protest, appalled by the accusation. “I’m just looking back fondly on all the good times I’ve had with my favorite people, but if you’re all happy to leave everything behind, then woo, let’s party.”

  “You’re ridiculous,” he deadpans.

  “No, you’re just cold and heartless and I have no idea why we’re even friends,” I grit out.

  “Because if it weren’t for me, you’d be a bitter, lonely, emo punk that has no friends. Instead, you have me.”

  “Look where that’s gotten me,” I laugh.

  “Hell yeah, it’s gotten you front and center in the local gossip, stripped of any good reputation, and of course the object of everyone’s jealousy.”

  “And we’re friends why?” I ask with a smirk, even though he can’t see it.

  “Wipe that smug grin off your face,” he says, making me laugh.

  “I’m fine—I promise. New Year’s always makes me sentimental. Haden is coming by after his mom goes to work and we’ll meet you out there at the quarry.”

  “Sounds good. And Lai?”

  “Yeah?”

  “The changes suck, but it’s gotta happen.”

  “Yeah-yeah,” I mutter. “Love you.”

  “You, too,” he answers.

  There is a faint knock on my door and I figure it’s Mom, so I tell her to come in. She walks into the room with a wistful smile on her face—she’s been doing that a lot lately.

  “What time are you meeting everyone?”

  “Ms. Searle has to work tonight, but she wanted Haden to stay with her until she does—so he’ll come by around ten. Do you and Dad have any plans?”

  “I think we’re going to take Luka to the Camerons’ party. Want to come with us for a bit?” she asks.

  “No thanks, but if you have a second, I wanted to talk to you about Andie—if that’s okay.”

  She walks over and sits at the edge of my bed and picks at a spot on my comforter. “Of course.” She reaches out and pushes my hair behind my ear. She purses her lips and tries to appear nonchalant, but I can tell my request makes her nervous as she fidgets.

  “I’m going on that road trip with the guys this summer, and we decided that we’re all going to pick someplace to go along the way.”

  “That sounds like fun,” she says with a sad smile.

  “I think we’re all pretty excited about it, but I’m sad at the same time. I was just telling Joey that I hate the idea of all of us moving and losing touch.”

  “You kids have been through so much. I really don’t see that happening.” She smiles and gives me hope that she’s right.

  “Well, you know, since I found out about—well, everything—I’ve been thinking a lot about Andie. I have so many questions, and now this crazy urge to put it behind me before I go off to school. So I was thinking that I might try to find her—Andie. What do you think?”

  She closes her eyes, and when she opens them I see the beginnings of tears and I feel like the biggest jerk.

  “I think you should do whatever it is you need to. And your dad and I will support and help in any way we can.”

  “Mom,” I grab her hand and squeeze it, “you are my mom. There’s nothing she could ever say or do to change that.”

  She laughs lightly and winks. “Trust me, I have the wrinkles and gray hair to go with all the sleepless nights and worry from being your mom. I earned these suckers.”

  “I’m serious.”

  “I know, sweetie.”

  “She may not want to see me, or she might not even like me. There’s a chance I won’t be able to find her, but I have to try. If I don’t, I’ll always wonder.”

  “Laila, you don’t have to explain anything to me—you searching for her doesn’t offend or scare me—I’m your mom and I always will be. But you have questions and she’s the only one who can answer them for you.”

  “Laila,” Dad yells from downstairs. “Company.”

  Mom rolls her eyes—Dad yelling is one of her pet peeves, mainly because he does it to annoy her.

  “Send her up,” Mom yells back, and I laugh.

  She lifts her hand to open the door but it swings open and she’s face to face with my newest friend, Ree.

  “You sure it’s okay if I come tonight?” Ree asks, looking past my mom.

  “Ree, this is my mom, Julie.”

  Her cheeks flush and she extends her hand. “Sorry, I’m really nervous.”

  “It’s fine.” Mom smiles. “Laila told me you moved out here with your dad. How do you like it so far?”

  She grins at my mom. “The guys are really cute.”

  “That’s what I hear,” Mom agrees before excusing herself from the room.

  Ree’s dad had to work and I’m not sure about her mom, so I invited her to come to the quarry with us. I know she’s interested in Braxton, but clearly that’s never going to happen.

  “There’s something I need to tell you.”

  “What’s that?” She looks alarmed.

  “I was thinking that I would set you up with Cole. He was in the cafeteria that day you stopped me from making a fool of myself and he’ll be there tonight—I think you might really like him.”

  “Oh, okay,” she sighs. “So Braxton wasn’t interested.”

  “It’s not you,” I start.
<
br />   “It’s him,” she finishes with a shrug. “Always is.”

  “No, it really is you. I mean, not you, but you.”

  “Wow, you really have a way with words, don’t you?” she scoffs.

  “What I mean is, Braxton is gay.”

  “Serious?” She drops herself into my desk chair and gawks at me. “Damn, that sucks. For me.”

  “Yeah, but Cole is cute—really cute. Obnoxious, but cute.”

  “Don’t ever be a salesperson—you’re not good at it. But I can do obnoxious,” she almost gloats.

  “Great, because he’s going to be here in twenty minutes to get you.”

  “Aren’t you coming with?”

  “It’s not my date. I’m not a chaperone,” I protest jokingly. “Haden’s coming by for me later, so y’all go ahead and I’ll see you in a bit.”

  “Does Cole know that I was interested in Braxton?”

  “Nope. Didn’t say a word. He saw you that day in the cafeteria and heard that we had a class together. He asked about you, but since you were talking about Brax, I downplayed it, but now—game on.”

  She laughs but sobers before asking, “Does Braxton know?”

  I give her a wink. “He’ll never say a word.”

  * * *

  “Hurry up.” I yank on Haden’s hand, causing him to laugh. “And stop making fun of me. I want to meet Scot.”

  Braxton said that he would think about bringing his boyfriend out to the quarry for our annual New Year’s Eve get-together, but made no promises. However, I talked to him earlier today and he said that Scot really wants to meet us, so they’re supposed to show up around ten.

  Haden tugs at my hand and pulls me to him in the middle of the path that leads to the quarry.

  “I love you, Laila Jude,” he says before bringing his lips to mine.

  I feel the kiss all the way to my toes and find it hard to remain standing.

  “This has been the best year of my life, and it’s because of you. If I don’t get to tell you later, thank you for being the best part of next year.”

  I wrap my arms around his neck and practically swoon before I return his kiss. It still baffles me how I was so blind about his feelings for me. He is the most attentive and caring guy, yet I never thought he saw me as anything more than one of the guys. I see it in the way he looks at me now—and it’s the way he always did, I was just too stupid to see it.

  “I love you, too. Every sweet and sappy thing that comes out of your mouth makes me love you more. But I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t scared.”

  “Scared? Of what?”

  “What’s going on with us is the highlight of my year, too—no doubt. But the year is ending and you’ll be moving away for school and so will I. Do you really think we can make it work?”

  “You’re not breaking up with me yet, are you?” he laughs, kissing me again. “Because if you are, then I need to find someone else who’s less baggage. Maybe someone with no ambition, someone who will do and think anything I want her to—that way, it’ll be a lot easier to leave when the summer is over.”

  “Yeah, you’d hate that.” I scrunch my nose at him, though I doubt he can see much in the darkness.

  “You’re right, because you are the one that I want. So be with me, here and now. We’ll worry about everything else later.”

  “If that line really works on her, you’re gonna have to teach me your ways, master,” Joey says from behind us, holding Bailey’s hand.

  “Bite me,” I snap at Joey as he passes by. “Hey, Bailey, why are you with this guy? You could do so much better.”

  “What can I say, he wore me down,” she says in monotone, causing me to laugh.

  I push at Joey’s shoulder and we follow them through to the clearing where Cole and Ree are talking with Braxton. No Scot?

  “Damn,” I mutter to myself, but of course Haden hears.

  “Maybe he’s coming later,” he reasons.

  I let go of Haden’s hand and walk over to say hello to everyone else. We all brought chairs, and I sent Cole out with a cooler of drinks and snack foods. None of us want to be going back and forth all night long.

  “Nice fire,” I say, looking at the small fire pit near Braxton. “Whose handiwork is this?”

  “That would be mine,” a voice calls out from behind us. Braxton grins and nods once at me, answering my unasked question.

  “You must be Scot.” I walk over to introduce myself. “It’s nice to meet you.”

  “And you must be the Laila I’ve heard about.” He looks at my hand and smirks before pushing it aside to hug me. “Glad to finally meet you.”

  “So then you’ve already met Cole and Ree?”

  He nods and Braxton walks over to stand next to him.

  “This is Haden,” Braxton motions, “and this is Joey and his girlfriend Bailey.”

  Everyone stands around and gets to know Scot, who we learn is finishing up his first year of college and he’s planning to study graphic design. He’s originally from Ohio, but moved to Texas his senior year of high school to live with his mom. He doesn’t seem to want to talk about that too much, so we finally settle into light conversation about everyday things.

  “Did you write your essay yet?” Joey asks me, throwing me to the center of attention.

  “Not yet,” I admit.

  He gives me the look that says he gets why based on our conversation, but I choose to ignore it.

  “I have the applications filled out, but no essay. What about you?”

  He cocks his head to the side. “Really? How long have you known me? Of course it’s done—all I have to do is mail them out.”

  Everyone nods in agreement—even Haden—and I feel like the idiot of the bunch.

  “Really? All of you are ready?”

  “Most deadlines have already passed, depending on where you go, you might have another week or two,” Cole pipes up. “I have three filled out and ready to send on Monday.”

  “Of course you have,” I mutter as anxiety rolls through me. “I can’t believe I’ve waited so long.”

  Everyone continues talking, but I’m mentally berating myself for messing up. All I have left to write is my essay, but the subject matter is going to be hard for me to deal with. I excuse myself and walk around to clear my head. This view is one of my favorites. The quarry lit up by the moonlight and of course the clear sky covered in stars—it reminds me of my birthday.

  “Whatcha thinking about?” Haden asks, standing next to me.

  “Graduation. College. My birthday. Everything,” I admit and lean my head on his shoulder. “I really screwed up.”

  “You have time—just write the essay tomorrow and we’ll mail our applications off together.”

  “You haven’t sent yours in either?” I look up at him, but his eyes are trained on the horizon.

  “Not yet.” He takes my hand in his and kisses it. “Just waiting on you.”

  “Guess I need to get my act together.” I smile sadly.

  He tugs my hand behind him to bring us back to the group and kisses me in front of everyone.

  “Dude,” Cole shouts, “it’s not midnight, yet.”

  “Practice,” Haden laughs.

  “Resolutions,” Joey announces. “We’ve got five minutes until it’s midnight, let’s do it.”

  “Resolutions?” Bailey asks.

  “Yeah, it’s our tradition,” Braxton confirms. “We take turns saying what our resolution is for the New Year. We’ll save you newbies for last and give you time to think. Joey, you’re up.”

  He rubs his hands together over the fire and looks at everyone with a mischievous grin. “I’m going to try something new. This year, I’m going to go skydiving.”

  “Nice,” Cole says. “All right, my resolution is—I’m going to get straight A’s for my last semester.”

  “Good luck with that,” I tease. “Okay, my turn: I’m going to find my birth mom—with my parents’ blessing.”

  Haden wraps hi
s arms around me and kisses my cheek. “Well, I guess I’m up. My resolution is that I’m going to enter a marathon.”

  Braxton nods his approval and clears his throat, “okay, my resolution is that I’m not going to hide who I am anymore.”

  I don’t miss the look Braxton and Scot exchange before Scot speaks up. “Am I next? Okay, so I guess my resolution is that I’m going to try to mend things with my dad.”

  I suppose there’s the reason why he moved to Texas, but none of us pry.

  “What about you, Bailey?” Joey asks, holding her hand.

  She looks around nervously and bites her nail. “My resolution is that I’m going to join a band.”

  “What?” I openly gape. I’ve heard her sing, but she’s never mentioned that it was an interest.

  “Just something I’ve always wanted to do,” she shrugs with a shy smile.

  “All right, Ree, you’re up.” Braxton points.

  “Okay, my resolution,” she starts but pauses for a second, “I’m going to stop going after the wrong guys.”

  I can’t help the laugh that escapes me, but when I try to stop, she and Braxton join in. Everyone looks at us like we are idiots, which is a good thing because she knows I haven’t said a word to anyone.

  “Wait,” Cole points to himself, “is that a jab at me?”

  She smiles and shakes her head. “Nope. Not at all.”

  Chapter 21 ~ Finding Battles

  “Braxton,” a guy calls out when he comes into view.

  “What’s up, Davis?” he asks, walking toward the football player.

  I’m standing near my locker with Haden waiting for the first bell to ring. Even though he’s in the middle of telling me something, my attention is focused on our other friend because something isn’t sitting well with me. Braxton walks over and raises his hand to pat him on the shoulder, but Davis dodges the touch and pushes him away.

  “Dude, back off! Just because I talk to you doesn’t mean I swing that way,” he says, loud enough for everyone to hear.

  Braxton shakes his head and smirks, trying to take it as a joke, but it’s clear Davis is trying to be a jerk.

  “Get over yourself, Davis,” he says with a shake of his head and leans in. “I’m not into you.”