Relative-ly Speaking

by Karen D. Badger

  Billie moaned. "That's just how I wanted to celebrate my promotion, shopping for a dress! I'd rather walk barefoot over hot coals!" she complained out loud.

  She glanced at the clock and realized she had some time to kill, as it was only three o'clock. She wished now that she had taken the day off as Cat had asked her to that morning, but after upsetting that important client a few days ago, she didn't dare tip the apple cart. Smiling to herself, she suddenly realized that she never had anything to worry about.

  Well, Billie, I guess Art thinks you're pretty indispensable, or he wouldn't have made you a partner. Nothing to worry about there. Taking in the full extent of her self-serving thoughts, she took a deep breath and brought herself back to reality. Damn woman, you sure are full of yourself, aren't you? Don't get too big for your own britches, Billie-girl. No one is indispensable!

  She decided to take advantage of an empty house as she turned up the music and enjoyed a long soak in the tub. Nearly two hours later, freshly bathed and thoroughly pruny, she headed to the kitchen dressed in her Scooby-Doo boxer briefs, black mid-drift sports bra and white ankle socks. She plugged her smart phone into the player mounted under the upper kitchen cabinet and selected a John Cougar Mellencamp album. After turning it up loud, she danced her way across the kitchen to the tune of Hurts So Good.

  Playing her air guitar like a pro, she slid across the floor on stocking feet, singing "Come on baby, make it hurt so good! Sometimes love, don't feel like it should, Baby, uhh, hurt so good!"

  Billie totally immersed herself in the music and primitive dance as she swayed her hips and bobbed her head…her fingers sliding deftly over the strings of her air guitar while her hair flew wildly around her.

  "Cute! But don't give up your day job!" a voice said from the doorway.

  Startled, Billie stopped dead and turned sharply toward the voice. "Jeeeeeeesus Chrrrrrrrist, Jen!" she exclaimed. "Scare the shit out of somebody, why don't ya?!"

  Jen approached Billie and walked circles around her; arms crossed in front of her. "Nice outfit!" she teased.

  Realizing her state of undress, Billie blushed to the roots of her hair. "I just got out of the tub," she said sheepishly as she turned the music off. She could tell Jen wasn't buying it by the look on her friend's face.

  "All right. All right. I was indulging myself a bit! It isn't often that I get the house to myself!" she explained in her own defense.

  "You mean…you don't often get the chance to indulge in the same behavior you admonish the kids for," Jen observed teasingly.

  Billie lowered her chin to her chest and looked at her friend through thick eyelashes. "Busted, huh?" she admitted sheepishly.

  "Yeah, busted!" Jen reinforced.

  “If you’re looking for Cat, she’s not home,” Billie said.

  “Actually, I saw your car in the driveway while on my power walk, so I thought I’d stop in and say hi and kill some time while Fred takes the kids to Karissa’s soccer game.”

  Billie glanced at the clock. “Well, I’m always happy to see you, but it's after five. I've got to get dressed and meet Cat in the mall for dinner at six," she explained.

  Jen's eyes widened. "You're actually going to the mall without a fight?" she asked incredulously, following Billie through the living room and up the stairs as she headed to her bedroom to get dressed.

  "No choice," Billie tossed over her shoulder. "We're getting fitted for the wedding. Cat took the kids shopping earlier this afternoon and she left me a note asking me to meet them for dinner before my fitting. Care to join us?" she offered as they reached the bedroom door.

  Jen dropped facedown onto the bed as Billie rummaged through her dresser for an outfit to wear. "Sure, seeing that I'm at loose ends myself tonight."

  "Great. We're going to Applebee's," Billie said distractedly as she picked out two waist length sweaters to go with her blue jeans. "Which one?" she asked her friend.

  "That one," Jen said, pointing to the blue one.

  "Thanks," she replied, shoving the green sweater back into her drawer. Oh, I almost forgot!" she said excitedly, turning toward Jen. "Art made me a partner in the firm today! Shocked the hell right out of me!"

  Jen bolted to her feet and screamed in delight. She hugged her tightly and jumped up and down, obviously thrilled for her friend. "Oh, my God, Billie! Does Cat know?" she asked.

  "Not yet. I’m going to surprise her at dinner," Billie replied as she pulled her sweater over her head.

  "Wow! So, that's gotta mean a lot more money, right?" Jen asked.

  "Yeah, I guess so. We didn't actually talk about that part yet," Billie said. "But, it's not the money so much as the recognition, you know?" she asked. "I mean, feeling appreciated is worth more to me than anything," she explained.

  Jen grew contemplative for a few moments…long enough to make Billie concerned that she had said something to offend her friend.

  "Jen, are you all right?" she asked after long moments of silence.

  Breaking out of her trance-like state, Jen once again made eye contact with Billie. A moment of embarrassed discomfort passed between them.

  Regaining her composure, Jen replied. "Yeah, sure. I'm fine. I was just thinking about being appreciated, that's all. You're right. The feeling is invaluable." Then, changing the subject quickly, Jen added, "What time did you say Cat was expecting you?"

  "Six o'clock."

  "Well, then, we'd better hurry if we're going to make it on time!"

  ***

  "Mom!" shouted Skylar as she saw her mother approach.

  Billie smiled and opened her arms for her youngest child to jump into, swinging her in a circle before hugging the eight year old tightly. Delighted by the sound of the child's laughter, she planted raspberries into the girl's neck, holding her firmly as she squirmed to get away from the tickling sensation.

  "Mom! You're tickling me!" Skylar giggled as Billie finally released her and allowed her to slide to the floor. She immediately took Billie's hand and walked back to where Cat, Seth and Tara were waiting for them.

  Cat and Billie's eyes met long before they were within touching distance. She wanted more than anything at that moment to take Cat into her arms and kiss her with wild abandon, greeting her lovingly after a long day apart. However, a public mall was hardly the place for that type of affection. Not that it mattered to Billie what people thought about her, but she knew it would make the kids uncomfortable to have people staring at them in public. So, she had to settle for warm hugs and a whispered I love you as her lips came close to Cat's ear. Cat's warm embrace and quick squeeze communicated all she needed to know for now. It would have to do until later, when they could be together without reservations.

  "Jen! What a lovely surprise! I'm so glad you came," exclaimed Cat as she took turns embracing first her wife, and then her best friend.

  "Billie insisted," Jen explained. "I went over to your house to see what you two were up to, and I found Big Guy here auditioning for American Idol!" Jen said, jerking a thumb in Billie's direction.

  Cat looked at Billie. "Mellencamp?" she asked.

  Billie grinned. "Sometimes it scares me just how well you know me," Billie said.

  Cat turned back to Jen. "I'm so glad you came along. We're going to have some dinner then have Billie fitted for her gown. That ought to be fun!"

  Billie looked insulted. "Hey, what is this, pick on Billie night?" she asked.

  "Don't worry, Mom," Seth piped in. "You should have seen me try on that monkey suit. I felt like a total geek."

  "You are a total geek!" Tara pointed out to her brother.

  "I'd talk if I were you, Princess!" Seth replied sarcastically to his sister.

  "Mom," Tara whined. "Tell him to shut up."

  "Well, that's what Ma said. She said you looked like a little princess in that gown you tried on. Princess! Princess!" Seth teased repeatedly.

  "Okay…enough," Cat intervened. Shooting a quick glance at Billie, she saw a small smile at the corners
of her mouth. Cocking one eyebrow at her wife in a look that said I'll deal with you later, she turned her attention back to the two teenagers before her. "All right now. Let's see if we can make it through dinner without any more bickering, okay?"

  Cat looked back and forth between Seth and Tara, who were both standing there with their arms crossed and their eyes averted to the floor.

  "I said, okay?" she repeated with much more emphasis.

  "All right, all right!" Seth agreed reluctantly.

  "Tara?" Cat asked, demanding a response from her belligerent daughter.

  "Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whatever you say," she replied condescendingly.

  "Good. Now let's get some dinner," Cat said as she herded her group into the restaurant.

  ***

  "I'm finished. Can I go now?" Seth asked, placing his napkin on the table.

  "May I go now," Cat corrected her son.

  Billie smiled to herself. Cat was so…so Martha Stewart some times.

  "Maaaaaayyyyy I go now?" Seth said, exaggerating the correction.

  Pretending to ignore the sarcasm, Cat replied evenly. "Yes, you may. Meet us in front of the food court by eight o'clock. That gives you about an hour to spend in the arcade. Okay?"

  "Eight. Got it!" Seth said as he rose from the table and headed out the door.

  "I guess I'm finished too," Tara said.

  "All right, sweetie. Same for you, eight o'clock in front of the food court. Oh, and Tara, would you mind taking your sister along? I know she'll be bored to tears in the boutique we're going to," Cat asked.

  "Ah, Ma! Do I have to?" she whined.

  "I'd appreciate it if you would," Cat replied.

  Tara looked at her sister and disgustedly agreed to take the tag-along with her. "All right. Come on, but you'd better not embarrass me, you got it?!" she demanded sharply from the little girl.

  Skylar, totally oblivious to her idol's reluctance, happily followed Tara out of the restaurant.

  "Keep an eye on her,” Billie shouted as they exited through the door.

  "I will," promised Tara.

  "Ah, peace at last," Cat said as she looked at the other two ladies sitting before her.

  "Feels like old home week," Jen remarked. "We can't make it through one meal without Stevie and Karissa nearly killing each other."

  "I keep remembering the mother's curse every time the kids act up," Cat said.

  "The mother's curse?" Jen questioned.

  "Yeah, you know the one…I hope you have kids that act just like you," she explained.

  Recognition dawned on Jen's face. "Oh, yeah. I remember now. Paybacks are a bitch," she said, causing all three of them to chuckle.

  Conversation momentarily stilled as the waitress refilled their coffee cups. Cat took a long sip. Enjoyment was clearly apparent on her face as the hot coffee danced across her taste buds. She looked back and forth between her companions before her gaze settled on Billie. "So, how was your day, my love?" she asked softly.

  Billie smiled. "My day was wonderful," she purred. She reached across the table and covered Cat's hand with her own. "Cat, Art called me into his office today and offered me a partnership in the firm," she said softly.

  Cat's eyes grew into large round emeralds as the significance of Billie's news settled in.

  "Billie," she said, tears of pride filling her eyes and closing her throat. Swallowing hard, she squeezed her wife's hand and continued. "Billie, I am so proud of you! You certainly deserve it. Congratulations, my love!"

  Damn this public place! Billie thought to herself as she ached to take Cat into her arms

  I love you, she mouthed wordlessly to Cat across the table.

  I love you too, Cat silently mouthed back.

  Jen sat there, tears of pride filling her own eyes, as she witnessed this touching moment.

  ***

  "It's purple, Cat! Purple!" Billie exclaimed.

  "And your point is?" Cat said as she walked circles around Billie, checking the gown out from all angles.

  "I look like Barney for Christ's sake!" Billie shouted.

  "I love you. You love me," Jen started singing softly from her corner of the dressing room.

  Billie looked at her friend and growled.

  "I'm not wearing it," Billie said firmly.

  "You have to. All the bridesmaids are wearing them," Cat explained, trying hard not to laugh.

  "I love you. You love me," Jen started singing softly once more.

  "Jen, I'm warning you," Billie snarled.

  Jen went from singing to humming the popular children's show tune, all while trying very hard to look innocent.

  "Unzip it. I'm taking it off," Billie demanded as she tried in vain to reach the zipper.

  Cat slapped her hand away. "Stop being such a baby," she admonished. "Billie, you'll only need to wear it once then you can put it away and never look at it again."

  Billie covered her face with her hands and rubbed hard. Exasperated, she dropped her hands to her sides and looked at her wife.

  "Cat, listen to me. I know I only have to wear it once…in front of three hundred people," she complained.

  "Sweetheart, it'll be okay. Trust me. You'll look beautiful in it. Honey, this is for your brother and my sister," Cat purred sweetly.

  That did it. Billie could never deny Cat anything when she talked to her like that. Sighing in defeat, she said, "Okay, okay, I'll wear it, but if anyone calls me Barney, they're dead meat. Agreed?" she asked.

  "Agreed," Cat said grinning ear to ear.

  Just then the sales lady came into the room carrying an array of shoes.

  "Okay, ladies," she said placing the shoes in front of Billie. "Here's the selection of shoes the bride has picked out to go with the gowns."

  Billie took one look at the shoes and raised arms up in frustration.

  Cat looked back and forth between Billie and the shoes. "What?" she asked.

  "Cat, look at them. They all have three-inch heels!" she exclaimed.

  "Billie, I...I—, " Cat stammered.

  "Like, I'm not tall enough all ready??! Christ, I'm going to be a fricken seven-foot Barney," she cried.

  "I love you. You love me," came a melodious voice from the corner.

  "Jen!"

  CHAPTER 17

  "Billie. Honey, are you ready?" Cat called from the second story.

  After a few moments with no reply, she called again.

  "Billie?"

  "Hold on a minute, Art," Billie said as she covered the receiver. "Cat, I'm on the phone," she called out from the living room before turning her attention back to her employer. "Okay, I'm back. All right. Okay. All right, Art. I can be there in about 20 minutes. No problem. I'm sure Cat will understand. Okay, I'll see you in a few minutes. Bye."

  Billie placed the phone back onto its cradle and inhaled deeply.

  "I hope she understands," Billie mumbled before heading upstairs to the bedroom she shared with Cat.

  "There you are! Are you ready?" Cat asked, looking up as Billie entered the bathroom that adjoined their bedroom.

  Billie shifted from foot to foot and avoided direct eye contact. "Ah, Cat. I'm afraid I have to bow out of the dinner," she said apologetically.

  "What? Why?" Cat demanded, meeting Billie's eyes in the mirror.

  With one hand on her hip, and the other running through her hair, she replied. "Art just called an emergency meeting with a client. It's one of the cases I'm handling personally. I can't leave this one totally to Art. I really feel like I need to be there," she explained.

  Cat placed both hands on the edge of the sink, her back still to Billie. Shaking her head side to side, she said, "This is the third time you've altered our plans in the month since you were promoted."

  Cat turned around and leaned her backside against the sink. She crossed her arms. "Billie, Drew and Dylan were counting on us being there tonight. This the first time they'll have the whole wedding party together."

  Billie placed her hands on Cat's
shoulders. "Cat, honey, please try to understand. I'm a partner now. I have responsibilities."

  "You have a responsibility to your family," Cat countered. "Damn it, Billie," she said before turning her back to Billie. "I'm beginning to wonder if this promotion is worth it."

  Billie took a step back. She met Cat's gaze in the mirror. "I'm sorry, Cat, but I need to go to work. I'll try to wrap things up quickly and maybe I'll still make the end of the dinner. Okay?"

  "Do what you think you have to, Billie," Cat said sharply, looking down into the sink to avoid Billie's eyes.

  Feeling like a total heel, Billie sighed deeply and turned to leave the room. She stopped at the doorway. "I'll try to make it later, Cat."

  Cat refused to answer, causing an uncomfortable silence to settle over the two women.

  "I'm sorry," Billie whispered before leaving the room.

  ***

  "Cat, thank God you're here," Bridget exclaimed excitedly as she met her younger sister in the vestibule of the restaurant.

  "Hi, Bridge," Cat replied, returning her embrace. "You sound upset, what's wrong?"

  "Well, Amy's up to no good again," she began, causing Cat to roll her eyes.

  "Now what did she do?" Cat asked as she ushered the children into the restaurant. "Seth, honey, could you bring your sisters over to the table while I talk to Aunt Bridget?"

  "Sure. Come on, I'm starved," he said, gently shoving his sisters ahead of him.

  "Hey, there's Crystal," Tara shouted as she quickly moved ahead of her brother, not needing any prompting to spend time with her favorite cousin.

  After watching the kids seat themselves at the table, Cat turned back to her sister. "So, spill it. What's Amy up to now?"

  "She's just so incorrigible," Bridget replied. "The minute she arrived, she started flirting with the waiter. She's been embarrassing all of us. Poor Joe. I don't know why he stays with her."

  Cat placed her hand on Bridget's shoulder and gently guided her back toward the table. "Honey, you know Amy flirts all the time. That's just the way she is. I don't think she means anything by it," Cat assured her sister.