Relative-ly Speaking

by Karen D. Badger

  "I don't know," Bridget said, doubt tingeing her voice as they reached the table.

  "Caitlain, sweetheart, come give your mother a hug," Ida demanded as Cat approached.

  Cat dutifully paid her respects to both her parents before making the rounds to each of her sisters and brothers-in-law seated around the table. Intentionally stopping at Amy, she bent down to give her older sister a hug and whispered, "I understand you're being a bad girl again, sis. We need to talk later, okay?"

  Amy planted a kiss on Cat's cheek and grinned. "Mother Superior has been telling tales out of school again, huh?" she said of Bridget.

  Cat smiled back and squeezed Amy's shoulders. "Just behave tonight, okay?" she asked good-naturedly before moving on to greet the bride and groom to be.

  "Hi, sweetie," she said, bending over to hug Drew affectionately.

  "Hi, Cat. I am so glad you're here. Bridget and Amy are like, driving me crazy with their bickering," she exclaimed.

  "Drew, you know how things were while we were growing up. They've always acted that way. Don't let it spoil things for you, okay? Just ignore them," Cat advised before moving on to Dylan. "Hi, hon," she said, hugging him affectionately. Are you nervous?"

  "Not too much, yet," he replied. "Hey, where's that gorgeous sister of mine?" he added.

  Cat sighed as she answered what was sure to be the first of many inquiries about her absent wife. "Unfortunately, she's working…again," Cat said sarcastically.

  "Uh, oh. Do I sense trouble in paradise?" Dylan astutely observed.

  "You don't know the half of it, Dyl. Ever since her promotion, she spends more time at the office than she does at home," Cat complained.

  "Well you know, Cat, she was just made a partner. She's got to do her time as the low man on the totem pole," Dylan said in defense of his sister.

  "Yeah, but it always comes at such inconvenient times…like tonight for example," Cat explained.

  "Somehow, I get the feeling that there's no such thing as a convenient time," Dylan observed.

  Cat looked at Billie's brother with a tinge of resentment, wanting to accuse him of defending his sister, whether she was right or wrong, but instead, she chose to ignore his remark and changed the subject. "So, where are your mom and dad?" she asked.

  "They'll arrive this weekend. Dad has a stock deal he's scheduled to close on Friday," Dylan explained.

  "They're staying with us at Mom and Dad's, aren't they sweetie?" Drew asked her husband-to-be.

  "Yes! It's gonna be a full house," he remarked.

  "Well, Grandmas Jo and Alex will be staying with us when they arrive, so that should relieve some of the congestion," Cat said.

  "Like, you get the fun company," Drew whined. "We get stuck with the moms and dads, and you get Grandma Jo. That's like, way no fair."

  Cat laughed heartily and hugged her baby sister. "Well, dear heart, life's a bitch sometimes, huh? I love Mom and Dad to death, but I still feel like a chastised teenager when I'm around Mom. That woman still has the power to intimidate the shit out of me," she joked. "Speaking of which, she's going to break her wrist motioning to me if I don't get my butt over there."

  "Okay. It's almost time to order anyway," Dylan said, looking around the table. "Everyone is here except Bob. We'll give him a few more minutes, then order without him if he doesn't show up."

  "Bob?" Cat asked.

  "My best friend from home. He's going to be one of the ushers along with Kevin and Joe. We needed a third usher to walk with Billie, and he agreed to be the man," Dylan explained.

  "Well, I sure hope he's tall," Cat commented dryly.

  "Huh?" Dylan said.

  "Oh nothing," Cat replied. "Look, Mom is going to call out the guards if I don't get over there. Have a great dinner," Cat said as she headed around to the other side of the table and sat down next to her mother.

  "Caitlain, dear, you look very pretty tonight. Come, sit down and look at the menu. They'll be around to take our orders soon. So, where's Billie? Will she be joining us later?" Ida asked.

  "Thanks, Mom," Cat answered. "And, no, Billie won't be joining us," she added angrily before turning her attention back to the menu.

  Ida looked intently at her daughter. After several moments, Cat became very uncomfortable under her mother's scrutiny and gave up trying to hide behind the menu.

  "What?" she asked defensively, looking at her mother with raised eyebrows.

  "You tell me," Ida replied. "Obviously there's a problem."

  Cat sat back in her chair and rubbed her temples. "Mom, how on earth could you know there's a problem?" she asked.

  "A mother's intuition, dear," Ida replied. "Now, tell me what's wrong," she added while continuing to peruse the menu, seemingly uninterested in her daughter's dilemma to the casual observer.

  "Ida, leave the poor girl alone. We're supposed to be enjoying a nice family dinner, not putting Kitten here through the interrogation process," Doc scolded. Then, addressing Cat, he added, "So, where's Billie tonight?"

  Cat allowed her forehead to drop to the table, sighing loudly before sitting up straight in her chair and held her arms out beside her. "Okay, okay," she exclaimed. "Billie's working. Can you believe it? She's working. Art called just as we were getting ready to leave, and she chose to go to work rather than be here with her family. There. Now you know," she concluded.

  "Was it important?" Doc asked.

  "Was what important?" Cat asked impatiently.

  "The reason Billie had to go to work," Doc replied.

  Cat looked at her father through impatient eyes. Furrowing her brow, she asked, "How am I supposed to know?"

  "You could have asked her," Ida suggested, leaning in toward her daughter to look at her condescendingly.

  Cat locked eyes with her mother for several moments before breaking the gaze and looking at her hands folded in her lap. After sulking a bit, she replied. "Mom, she should be here with her family. Nothing is more important than that."

  Doc took one of Cat's hands out of her lap. "Kitten," he began. "She is more important than that." After a short pause, he continued. "Honey, Billie has worked hard to get where she is. She's finally made it. Don't you see? All those years married to an abusive man…her only child in a hospital bed for months on end, a little more than a vegetable…finding out that she was sold for drug money after more than thirty years of believing her adoptive parents were hers biologically. Cat, can't you see that she needs this? Sure, it takes some time away from you and the kids, but the fringe benefits to her as a person…to her self esteem, are very important."

  Doc paused to look at his daughter.

  "Kitten, has she ever not been there for you when it's really counted? Has she ever let you down when it really mattered?"

  Seeing Cat shake her head no, he continued.

  "So how about giving her a break? How about realizing that this is good for her? How about putting the jealousy aside and rejoicing with her, instead of fighting against her?" he asked.

  Cat's head snapped up. "Jealousy? Is that what you think this is about?" she asked sharply.

  "Isn't it?" Doc replied.

  Cat held her father's knowing gaze for what seemed like an eternity, stubbornly refusing to answer. Finally, prompted by the arrival of the waitress, she broke the gaze and pretended to study her menu, trying desperately to keep the tears from her eyes and the quiver from her voice as she placed her order.

  Cat was saved from further questioning by a ruckus at the door of the restaurant.

  "Hello, fans! No, no, don't stand. Really, it isn't necessary," came a voice from behind her.

  Cat turned sharply in her seat to see who was approaching. What she saw was a very good-looking young man with sandy blond hair, medium height, and muscular build, strutting toward their table like he owned the world, one eye on the waitress's backside, the other on the table he was heading toward.

  Stopping just short of the table, he looked directly at Cat and said, "Oh, baby! Someone's gon
na get lucky tonight," to which Cat reacted with raised eyebrows.

  "Bob!" Dylan said from across the table, a big grin spread across his face as he rose to his feet.

  Bob looked across the table at his best friend. "Hey, Dyl! You didn't tell me there were so many beautiful women joining us tonight," he replied as he headed around the table to shake Dylan's hand.

  Taking Bob's hand and shaking it firmly, he draped one arm around the blonde man's back and started introductions, walking around the table with him and stopping at each seat.

  "Bob, you know Drew," Dylan began.

  "Drew, sweetheart," Bob replied as he took a squealing Drew into his arms and hugged her tight, dipping her back until Cat was sure they would fall over. She watched Dylan's face carefully for signs of jealousy, but found none. Apparently, this was normal behavior for Bob.

  "And, this is Bridget, Drew's sister," he continued.

  Bob took Bridget's hand and attempted to pull her out of her seat for a hug; however, Bridget was having no part of his plan. Instead, she snatched her hand out of his and curtly said hello, before tossing a dirty look at Dylan.

  Next was Kevin, who shook Bob's hand firmly…perhaps a little too firmly, judging by the grimace on his face.

  "This is Joe," Dylan said, moving next to his future brother-in-law. Joe extended his hand cautiously, but a little friendlier than Kevin.

  "Amy, Drew's oldest sister," Dylan continued as he and Bob moved along.

  Cat grinned at the irony of the situation as she watched Amy's reaction. There before here, stood a male replica of herself...brash, outgoing, and majorly flirtatious.

  Rising to her feet, Amy flung herself into Bob's arms and planted a long, wet kiss directly on his lips. "Hello, Bobby," she purred as Joe dropped his head into his hands.

  "For the love of God, Amy," Bridget exclaimed.

  Bob was grinning ear to ear. "Hello, Amy," he returned, a sensuous leer dominating his handsome features.

  Clearing his throat, Dylan took Bob's arm and broke him free of Amy. "Moving right along," he said nervously. "Bob, this is Drew's...and Amy's father, Doctor O'Grady."

  Bob suddenly became all business. Standing erect, he extended his hand to the older gentleman, shaking it respectfully. "Dr. O'Grady, it's so nice to meet you, sir," he said.

  Doc grinned as he returned the handshake. Leaning into Bob's personal space, he whispered, "Cut the crap, young man, and stay away from the blonde over there. She's a barracuda…and so is her mother," he warned light-heartedly, referring to his oldest daughter. "Oh, and by the way, call me Doc."

  Bob glanced at Ida, who was looking at him suspiciously. "Ah, good advice, sir, I mean, Doc," he returned, releasing the doctor's hand before turning to Ida. Taking her hand, he lifted it to his lips and kissed the back of it. Cat nearly choked on her drink.

  "Madam," he said, bowing at the waist, "You couldn't possibly be old enough to be the mother of these women. It is a pleasure to meet you. May I say how lovely you look tonight?"

  Give me a break. Cat thought as she listened to her mother coo over the praise.

  "Why, thank you, Bob. I'm sorry, but I didn't catch your last name," Ida said.

  "Hardy. Bob Hardy," the young Casanova replied.

  "Well, it's nice to meet you too, Bob Hardy," Ida returned. "Where are you staying while you're here?" she asked.

  "Well, I came straight from the airport. I'm hoping to find a room right after dinner," Bob replied.

  "You'll do no such thing," Ida replied. "We have plenty of room at our house. Raising four daughters, you can imagine, they all had to have their own rooms, plus we have a couple of guest rooms. In fact, all the girls are staying with us…well all except Cat and Billie," she added. "You see, Doc. I told you we shouldn't sell the old house."

  "Cat? Billie?" Bob asked Dylan.

  Now it was Dylan's turn to grin. "Ah yes, Cat and Billie," he said, leading Bob a bit further around the table. "Bob, it's my pleasure to introduce to you, my favorite sister-in-law, Cat."

  Bob took Cat's hand and looked directly into her eyes. "Cat, huh? Such a lovely name, and so fitting for someone with golden tiger hair," he said, making Cat's stomach turn. Leaning in close, he whispered, "Does the Cat have claws?"

  Cat smiled sweetly. "Absolutely, and they come on a six-foot frame," she replied, holding her smile.

  Without breaking eye contact, he asked, "I assume the six-foot frame has a name?"

  "Billie," Cat replied.

  "Billy?" Bob became even cockier. "Billy. And, does Billy realize what a beautiful woman he has?"

  "Yes, she does," Cat replied, seeing the shock spread over Bob's face at the revelation. Cat looked over Bob's shoulder and saw the twinkle in Dylan's eye as her brother-in-law enjoyed what Cat was doing to his best friend. Apparently, nearly everyone present had been engaged in their encounter as well, as murmurs and giggles circled around the table at Cat's remarks.

  Red-faced with embarrassment, Bob quickly recovered his composure and moved on as Dylan introduced him to the kids. Finally finished, they seated themselves on the side of the table opposite Cat.

  Bob leaned toward Dylan. "You know, you could have warned me, Dyl. Christ! Is Billie really six feet tall?"

  "Oh yeah," Dylan exclaimed gleefully.

  "I'll bet she's a real Amazon...all big, ugly and hairy," Bob said, almost shivering at the image he had created in his own mind.

  Dylan grinned. "Actually, no. She's quite beautiful. In fact, she's a younger version of my mom."

  Bob looked thoroughly confused. "Your mom? Your mom is a fox. How can she look like your mom?"

  "Considering that Billie is my sister, it's quite easy," Dylan said.

  Bob's jaw nearly dropped to the table. "Your sister?" he asked.

  "My sister," Dylan replied, knowing he was driving his best friend crazy with confusion.

  "Wait. Wait a minute. I thought you said Cat was your sister-in-law?" Bob asked.

  "She is…twice over. You see, Cat is Drew's sister, but she's also my sister's wife," he explained.

  Bob sat there and stared at the table, confusion clearly written across his face. "Okay, I know I can be thick sometimes, but, your sister's wife? What the hell are you talking about?" he asked.

  Dylan was really enjoying himself. "Yeah, wife. You see, Cat and my sister Billie are married…legally. In fact, Billie is a lawyer, and she was the one who sued the state several years ago over same-sex marriages, and won. It was all over the news when New York passed marriage rights legislation. Billie is largely responsible for that. She and Cat celebrated her victory by getting married. Cool, huh?"

  "Billie is a lawyer? Shit! I just hit on a lawyer's wife?" Bob exclaimed. "Damn it man, why didn't you stop me?"

  "Because I was enjoying it too much," he joked.

  Shaking his head back and forth, Bob looked at his friend, "Man, you have a strange family!" he said.

  "If you think Cat and Billie are strange, wait until you meet Grandma Jo and Grandma Alex," he said, chuckling. "Oh, by the way, did I ever tell you that my mom and Cat's mom are sisters?"

  Bob's eyes once more popped out of his head. "Jesus! I'm on overload. No more tonight, please," he said, laughing.

  Cat watched the exchange from her side of the table, a mixture of sympathy and righteousness filling her mind as she witnessed Bob's reaction to her unique family. Bob didn't really concern her. He appeared to be a little boy wearing his daddy's clothes. Unless encouraged, she was pretty sure he was harmless. What was bothering her though, was her older sister's reaction to this newcomer. If it was encouragement he was looking for, it was apparent that Amy was willing to provide it. Cat just hoped that wedding vows would be on Amy's mind as well as Drew's in the days to come.

  ***

  "Damn," Billie cursed as the kitchen door squealed. I've got to remember to oil the hinges on this door.

  Billie quietly made her way into the kitchen and placed her briefcase on the floor in front of the coat cl
oset. Straightening, she reached her arms into the air and stretched her tall frame to work the kinks out of her back.

  Wow. I didn't realize how hours of sitting at a desk could hurt, she thought as she kicked off her shoes into the corner. Looking up at the clock on the wall above the sink, she noted the time. Two a.m. Umph! Cat may be right about this promotion not being worth it, she contemplated. I just hope I'm not in too much trouble for missing the dinner.

  Billie stood in front of the open refrigerator door and scanned the contents looking for something quick to eat. "Let's see," she said out loud. "Ah, cold pizza. My favorite," she exclaimed as she reached for the large triangular morsel with one hand and the milk with the other. She poured herself a tall glass of milk then returned the carton to the refrigerator before leaning her backside against the counter to contemplate her busy day.

  The case she was working on was for a client whose daughter was denied critical health care coverage for an experimental procedure because their insurance company had yet to receive a note from the child’s doctor confirming her need for the procedure. Earlier in the evening, when Art called, the child was being rushed to the emergency room and Billie was called in to do battle with the insurance company to pave the way for payment, and eliminate any delays in the child's treatment.

  It had been a difficult evening, with Billie meeting face to face for several hours with the lawyers for the insurance company, arguing and debating the issue until finally, Billie lost her cool and asked them how they would feel if they had a child lying in a hospital bed, dying with very little hope of recovery without proper treatment.

  During the encounter with the lawyers, tears poured down her face as she recounted her and Cat's struggle to keep Skylar alive when her tiny body was racked with childhood leukemia. Billie's impassioned pleas paid off, touching the hearts of her opponents, when finally, just after midnight, the opposing lawyers relented and agreed to at least temporarily provide coverage until the letter arrived from the doctor.