Every Breath You Take (Redeeming Love Book 2)

by J. E. Parker

  Despite what Anthony thought, I knew that the moment my eyes met Damien’s again, I would freeze. And if that happened, he’d kill me.

  Dying wasn’t an option for me.

  For the first time in my life, happiness was within reach. I had a man who said he loved me, a son who adored me, and friends who’d fight to protect me. Failing, letting him win, allowing him to hurt me again—none of that was going to happen.

  Break that bone!

  “We never had food, never had clean water to drink. If it hadn’t been for eating and drinking at school, I would have died.” Pop still didn’t say anything. “She never hit me.” Hendrix blew out a breath at my words. “But she sure as hell tried to sell my body for a hundred bucks worth of dope shortly after my sixteenth birthday!”

  Keith sat down on the couch and clutched his head in his hands. “Fucking Christ.”

  “Because of the things that went on in that trailer, I was left vulnerable.” I shook my head as nightmares from the past began to torment me in a barrage painful memories. “And because I was left vulnerable, I fell into the unforgiving grip of a monster who nearly destroyed me!”

  Lucca started to cry.

  Keith jumped up from the couch. “Give him to me. I’ll take him back across the street.”

  “No,” I snapped. “Not without—”

  Evan appeared in the living room door. “I’ll go with him, Shelby. He’ll be fine, babydoll. Hope, Kyle, Carissa, Heidi, Clara and the boys are already over there.”

  I didn’t want him out of my sight, but I knew he didn’t need to see this. “Go.”

  Keith didn’t hesitate. Carrying the only good thing that had ever come from me in his arms, he moved out of the room and disappeared out of my sight. I turned back to face Pop. My fingers twitched with the urge to wrap my hands around his throat and squeeze until his eyeballs popped out of his head and rolled across the living room floor.

  This son of a bitch!

  He was my father.

  My fucking father!

  “You bastard!” I screamed, taking all the rage that was roaring through me out on him. “You could have stopped it all!”

  Anthony’s arm wrapped around my belly from behind. He pulled me back into his chest. “Baby, calm down.”

  No.

  I would not calm down, and I wouldn’t hide my pain a moment longer.

  I was sick of being strong, sick of trying to be a hardass.

  I was waving my white flag, surrendering. In order to heal, I first needed to break, and I was on the verge of splintering in half. The only thing left for me to do was let it all out and hope like hell I was strong enough to put myself back together again.

  “You don’t have a clue!” My face twisted in agony and tears began to pour from my eyes. “You don’t have a single clue what I went through!”

  It felt like I was being ripped apart from the inside out as I looked to the side and met Hendrix’s gaze.

  Met my brother’s gaze.

  “I’m sorry, Henny,” I cried, calling him by the name Lucca had given him. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there to help you, to protect you while you were growing up.” Sob after sob racked my body. My knees trembled, my legs grew weak. “I’m sorry that I wasn’t there to love you in the way only a sister can.” I wanted to hug him so badly, but I couldn’t force myself to do it. “And I’m so sorry that you were hurt as much as me.” Swear to Christ, I felt my heart breaking. “Neither of us deserved any of it.”

  He took a step forward. “Shelby…”

  Behind him, Grandmama wrapped her arms around a sobbing Maddie.

  Anthony’s arm tightened around my waist. His strength poured into me, and his warmth heated my back. He was holding me together: physically, emotionally, mentally.

  Sucking in a breath, my gaze bounced back to Pop’s. “How does it make you feel, you son of a bitch?” I shouldn’t have been directing all my anger at him, but I couldn’t help it. I was beyond the point of being rational. “How does it make you feel to know that your kids’ lives were destroyed because of you?” My throat hurt I was screaming so loud. “Because you cared more about drowning yourself in a bottle than you did about protecting us!”

  His head jerked back like I’d slapped him. “I didn’t know about you, Shelby! If I had—”

  “Would you have beaten me like you did Hendrix? Maybe given us a two for one deal?” Pop froze, but I didn’t relent. My tongue acted like a whip as I continued to throw verbal lash after verbal lash at him. “Would you have thrown me down the damn stairs and punched me like you did my big brother?” Hendrix flinched beside me. “Would you have scarred my face and broken my ribs like you did his?”

  “Shelby,” Maddie cried my name, but I was too far gone to stop.

  My mind raced, my heart thundered, and my vision bled red.

  “I don’t care how many years you’ve been sober, I should kill you for what you did to him!” I didn’t stop to take a breath. “Just like I should kill that bitch that calls herself my mother for what she did to me and for what she allowed to happen to me!”

  Pop’s face hardened. “What aren’t you telling me?” He moved closer. “What did she do besides what you’ve just told us?”

  “She allowed Damien to sink his claws into me!”

  “Who’s Damien?” Hendrix asked, his voice lethal.

  My ears filled with static. “He’s the man who abused me for six years!” Pop’s jaw tightened, and his eyes darkened. “He’s the man who shot up my boyfriend’s house!” Hendrix’s back straightened. “He’s the monster who raped me!” Vision tunneling, I continued. “And he’s the monster who tried to kill his unborn child by cutting him from my belly!”

  Hands shaking, I reached down and lifted my shirt, showing them my scars.

  Grandmama gasped, but both Hendrix and Pop remained silent. “But he messed up.” I fought for breath as my throat began to close. “He thought he’d killed me, but he didn’t. I ran, I escaped.” I sagged against Anthony as my body began to go limp. Cutting my eyes to the right, I found Maddie. “I’m only alive because an angel saved me.”

  Confusion flitted across Hendrix’s face as he looked back at Maddie.

  Then, realization dawned.

  My legs began to give way. “Shelby,” Anthony said, taking my weight in his arms. “Baby, breathe for me.”

  “Hendrix may forgive you, Pop, but I don’t.”

  Darkness began to surround me. “Until the day I die, I’ll never forgive you.”

  “Shelby,” Pop whispered my name. “I didn’t know.”

  My last thought before everything went black? I don’t care.

  33

  Anthony

  It had been three days.

  Three damn days since Damien shot up the house and Pop told Shelby that he was her father, something I’d found out about thirty minutes before everything blew up. In those three days, my girl had become a shell of herself. She didn’t speak much, wouldn’t eat more than a bite or two, and she didn’t leave the house. We’d been staying with Grandmama while repairs were done on our home and the furthest she’d ventured was the front porch.

  It was killing me.

  “Hey,” Grandmama said, pointing at the pink bakery box I held in my hand. “Whatcha got in there?”

  A swallowed around the lump in my throat. “Red Velvet Cupcakes.”

  She smiled and nodded out the window to where Shelby was sitting on the back-porch steps next to Lucca. “Well, are you going to take them to her? Or are you going to stand here and stare all day?”

  “I don’t know,” I answered honestly.

  Grandmama sighed. “Girl has been through hell.” She shook her head. “I don’t have the slightest clue how she’s still the tiniest bit sane.” Tossing a dishtowel over her shoulder, she crossed her arms over her chest. “Most people would’ve thrown in the towel a long time ago,” she paused and took a breath, “but not Shelby. She’s too hardheaded to give up.”

  “Th
ree days ago I would have agreed with you. But now?” I clicked my tongue against the roof of my mouth and shrugged one shoulder. “Now, I’m not so sure.”

  Before I could blink, Grandmama slapped me upside the back of my head. “Anthony Moretti!” She huffed. “I will not have you speaking about her that way.”

  “I—”

  She smacked me again, cutting off my words.

  Crazy old woman.

  “She’s hurt, dumbass!” Her eyes shot fire in my direction. “That girl has lived a life harder than most will ever experience, she’s survived the clutches of a sadistic monster, and she’s never known what love is!” I opened my mouth to speak, but I was smacked yet again. “In the last three days she’s been shot at, claimed by a wishy-washy father, and learned she has a brother—one who I might add, has lived a life almost as hard as the one she’s been forced to endure.” She thinned her lips. “And now she’s just waiting for you to turn out like all the rest of the degenerate shitheads that should’ve, but didn’t, love her.” Blowing out a breath, she crossed her arms over her chest and tapped her slipper covered foot against the ground. “Do you love, Shelby?”

  My answer was quick. “Yes.”

  “Are you going to marry her? Be a good father to Lucca?”

  Again, my answer was immediate. “Yes and yes.”

  She pointed out the kitchen window to where Shelby was sitting. “Then you better fix this!” Her eyes hardened, her cheek began to twitch. “Because the longer she’s like this, the harder it’s going to be to bring her back from whatever dark place she’s stuck in.”

  My skin bristled. “How?”

  Grandmama blew out a frustrated breath. “Do what no other man in her life has.” I silently waited for her to continue. “Fight for her, Anthony!” I opened my mouth to ask her exactly what I needed to do, but she continued, cutting me off. “Shelby responds best to anger. It’s how she’s wired. Much as I love that girl she isn’t gentle natured like Maddie. She’s got a hell of a temper, and she’s hardened from the mess that she’s been through.” Grandmama blew out a breath and placed a hand on the countertop before shifting her weight to the side. “You want Shelby back? Then back her into a corner. Make her fight. You do those things, and she’ll come out swinging.” Her eyes filled with expectation as she pushed her glasses up her nose. “It ain’t always pretty but it’s who she is, and it’s what she does.”

  Confused, I blinked. “You want me to purposely piss her off?”

  “No, I don’t. I want you to give her something to fight for.” Shaking her head, she continued. “Shelby isn’t a delicate princess that needs a knight in shining armor to ride in and save her. She doesn’t need you to fight her battles for her, Anthony,” She paused and took a breath. “She just needs you to hand her a weapon.”

  Without saying another word, Grandmama grabbed the broom from beside the refrigerator and started sweeping the floor. Humming what sounded like a church hymn under her breath, she acted as if nothing had just happened.

  She is certifiably insane.

  Blowing out a breath, I walked out the back door.

  Shelby looked over her shoulder when the wooden boards beneath my feet creaked, signaling my arrival. She didn’t smile, didn’t speak. “Hey, gorgeous,” I said, forcing a smile. “I missed the hell out of you today.”

  Setting the bakery box down on the picnic table next to the door, I squatted down and extended my arms. “Lucca, buddy, come here.”

  With a squeal, he jumped up and ran into my waiting arms. “Toe!”

  I chuckled at his nickname for me. “Hey, little dude.” I kissed the top of his head and squeezed him against me. Lying his head on my shoulder, he fisted my shirt in his hands. “Have you been behaving for your mama today?”

  His head popped up, and he nodded frantically. “U-ka be good, Toe!”

  The kid made my heart melt. Before him, I’d never pictured myself having kids. But now I couldn’t imagine my life without him. I’d only known him a short time, but I already loved him with every bit of my fucked up heart.

  Mama and Papa would have loved him and Shelby both.

  The back door opened and Grandmama stuck her head out. “Lucca, baby, why don’t you come inside for a minute? You can help me bake your Mama some cookies.”

  “Down, Toe. Down!” He kicked his legs excitedly, wanting me to put him down.

  I stood him on the ground, and he took off like a rocket inside. The little shit didn’t even bother to say goodbye to Shelby or me. I couldn’t help but laugh at him.

  Grandmama shot me a pleading look before bouncing her gaze to Shelby. She looked as worried as I felt. With one last fleeting glance my way, she shut the door.

  I took a deep breath and walked over to the steps where Shelby was and sat down. Her warmth bled into my left arm, and her signature honeysuckle scent permeated my nose. I exhaled and ran a frustrated hand through my hair.

  I wasn’t frustrated with her, just at the situation.

  Here goes nothing…

  “I need you to come back to me, Shelby.” I gritted my back teeth together. “I’m having a hard time without you, sweetheart.”

  Moments of silence passed.

  Then, “I didn’t leave you,” she whispered. “I’m right here.”

  I took her hand in mine. “Yeah, but you’re withdrawn. I don’t like it.”

  Fully expecting her to yank her hand free of mine, I held it tighter.

  “That’s because I’m waiting.” Her voice was flat, monotone.

  “Waiting for what?” My ire rose as I watched her chew on her bottom lip. “For Damien to come back? Shelby, I’ve told you that isn’t going to happen. I’ve got a patrol car sitting out front twenty-four hours a day, and I’m not leaving you alone. If I’m not with you, Evan will be. If he’s working, Hendrix will be here. If Hendrix can’t be here, Keith will. I am not going to let that son of a bitch get to you. I swear on—”

  Digging her fingertips into her thighs, she turned to face me. Her dull eyes met mine, and she shook her head. “That’s not it, Tony. I know Damien won’t come back. Not right away, anyway. It’s not how he operates.” It was her turn to blow out a breath. “If he thinks he’ll have to confront someone else besides me, he’ll disappear. It’s why he didn’t come into the house after shooting out the doors.” She shrugged, trying to appear nonchalant. “He’s a pussy.” Shaking from head to toe, she raked her hands through her hair.

  I was so confused. “Then what the hell are you waiting for?”

  She tensed. “I’m waiting for you to walk away.”

  She’s got to be shitting me.

  “Shelby,” a humorless chuckle escaped my lips, “I’m not going anywhere.”

  Her brows furrowed but she didn’t speak.

  Is she really worried I’m going to leave?

  “Why the hell would you think I was going to leave?” I waited for her attitude, for her sass to shine through, but neither did. “Give me your eyes”—I snapped my fingers in front of her face—“now.”

  She turned her face back to me and shrugged for the second time in less than a minute. “You deserve better than me.”

  Wrapping her arms around her belly, she curled in on herself. It put me on edge. I’d always known Shelby had a vulnerable streak in her but at that moment, she reminded me of a scared little girl who was waiting on the world to collapse around her.

  Seeing her like that made my damn chest ache.

  Someone tapped on the kitchen window behind us. I looked over my shoulder to see who it was. Grandmama had pulled the blinds up and was glaring at me. Holding both of her fists up, she mimicked a boxer throwing quick jabs.

  Her message was clear: make her fight.

  Taking a deep breath, I nodded and looked back over at Shelby. She wasn’t staring at me any longer. Instead, her gaze was fixed on the tree line beyond the yard.

  She looked so damn lost.

  Do it, Moretti. Back her into a corner. Make her com
e out swinging.

  “Gotta admit, sweetheart, I didn’t think you’d go down this easy.” My stomach rolled as I began to goad her. “I thought you were tougher than this.” Her narrowed eyes swung to meet mine. It wasn’t enough though. I needed to piss her off, needed to make her react. “But fuck, I guess I was wrong.”

  Come on, baby. Curse me, hit me, threaten to cut my balls off.

  “Tell me, was it all a charade? Were you just pretending to be strong?” I hardened my face and forced my voice to remain steady. I needed her to think I was serious. “Does the girl that I fell in love with even exist? Or was she just some character that you portrayed for the hell of it?”

  I was going to burn in hell for what I was doing and saying.

  Each word I spoke cut me like a knife.

  A minute or so ticked by before I spoke again. “Your silence is all the answer I need.” I stood up. “I’m going back inside to talk to Grandmama and Lucca. At least talking to them won’t be like talking to a fucking wall.”

  I took two steps.

  Get up, Shelby. Yell at me. Curse at me. Tackle me. Something!

  It physically pained me to open my mouth and say what came next. I didn’t have any other choice though. If I didn’t force Shelby out of whatever shell she’d retreated into, I feared I’d lose her forever.

  And that wasn’t an option.

  Lucca and I needed her too damn much.

  “How long do you think it’ll take Lucca to realize that his mother is weak?” Shelby sucked in a breath and froze. “How long do you think it’ll take him to realize that the woman who birthed him just rolled over and gave up when shit got hard?”

  Drive your point home.

  “How long do you think it’ll take that amazing little boy to realize that his mother chose her own damn fear and insecurities over him and me, the man who wanted to be his father more than he wanted his next breath?”

  With that parting shot, I turned around and headed for the back door.