The Love in his Heart

by Indiana Wake

  “Ray, please don’t be like that.” Janet could feel the familiar panic and she felt sudden, irrational anger at everyone around her.

  Just because they couldn’t leave things alone, Ray was going to leave town forever. And if that happened, Janet would never, ever forgive them.

  “I don’t know what else I’m supposed to do. You know, I didn’t want to say this to you, but Jimmy Dalton’s been making things just about as hard as he can make them for me at work. He’s running to the boss with tales every five minutes, anything to get me shifted out of there.” He shook his head bitterly as he stared at a point some distance down the street. “But I reckon I’ve had enough of that now. I didn’t want to tell you about it, I know that the two of you are friends. I don’t know, Janet, I guess it’s too much for me.”

  He shook his head sadly as tears rolled down her face.

  “You know, you don’t have to believe this, but why would I fool around like that behind your back? You’re the prettiest girl in town, not to mention the only girl I’ve ever considered settling down with. But you know, I don’t reckon I can marry someone who doesn’t trust me. I reckon it’s too long a life to live like that.”

  “Ray, I’m so sorry,” Janet said, crying harder still. “And I didn’t know you wanted to settle down with me. I really thought that you’d just walk out of here one day, roll onto the next town and leave me behind. I shouldn’t have said anything, I wish I hadn’t. But please, don’t leave, don’t just walk out of my life.”

  “Come here,” he said and pulled her gently into his arms.

  Janet couldn’t speak for sobbing and just leaned on his chest, her tears soaking his tanned check shirt.

  “Come on, I’ll walk you home,” he said softly. “I don’t reckon I’m in the mood for the barn dance tonight.”

  16

  Now that the summer was drawing to an end, the nights seemed to be coming down just a little quicker. Once again, Jimmy had finished later than usual. There was no little problem at the ranch this time, just a little problem with his own horse. As he was finishing up, Jimmy realized that his horse was limping.

  He inspected his hooves and saw that he had once again thrown not one, but two shoes. He walked him back to Drake’s stables, seeing his boss’ look of inquiry as he did.

  “What’s up? Haven’t you got a home to go to?” Drake chuckled.

  “He’s thrown two shoes again,” Jimmy said and shrugged. “I’m not going to be able to ride him home. I’ll have to leave him here.”

  “Sure thing, Jimmy, just take his saddle off and leave him with the others. Jerry Croston’s coming out tomorrow anyway, so I’ll get him to sort it out. Properly this time, obviously.” He laughed. “I reckon Jerry is losing his touch.”

  “Maybe he just needs to invest in some stronger nails.”

  “Do you want to take one of the others?” Drake turned to look back at the work-weary horses.

  “No, I’ll walk home. It won’t take me too long.”

  As Jimmy walked, he found himself enjoying the slightly cooler breeze and the promise of a change in seasons. Maybe a change in season was symbolic of a change in everything, his own life included. It was time for him to be himself again, to take up the reins of his own dreams and excitement and find more to look at in life than his worries for his old friend.

  He knew that Connie was as good as her word and she would undoubtedly have told Grace everything. But that was as much as he could be involved in it all. He’d done everything in his power to help Janet and it was all up to her now.

  Jimmy was back down in the town in no time at all, peering over at the saloon bar and wondering if this might be one of those nights of treating himself to a cold beer. He headed generally in that direction, digging his hand into his pocket to pull out a couple of bills to be sure he had enough for at least one drink.

  But when he looked up again, he saw Burnett and his two friends, Garrett and John, stumbling out through the saloon bar doors. Just the very sight of the man was enough to put Jimmy off the idea of a drink, even though he was leaving, and he stuffed the bills back into his pocket and carried on walking for home.

  As he walked, however, he could hear footsteps behind him, quickening and quickening. He could hear drunken mumbling and, even before he was pulled roughly into the gap between the diner and the little store the town seamstress worked out of, Jimmy already knew what was going to happen next.

  He pulled himself away quickly, turning and ready to fight.

  “You didn’t reckon you could manage it by yourself then, Burnett?” Jimmy said, standing straight and tall and knowing in his heart of hearts that he was never going to be able to subdue all three of them.

  “Doesn’t matter to me as long as you get the pounding you deserve.” Burnett was slurring badly, and Jimmy knew that he was at just the right level of drunk to think that this was all a good idea.

  “What?” Jimmy said and laughed. “The pounding I deserve?”

  “You should have kept your mouth shut, Dalton. What I do and who I do it with is none of your business, do you hear me? But no, off you run telling tales again, hoping all the while that Janet will come back to you. Well, boo-hoo, she doesn’t believe a word of it.”

  “I didn’t expect that she would,” Jimmy said. “But she at least deserved the chance to make her mind up herself. What she does with that now is her business.”

  “And this is my business,” Ray said, advancing on him.

  “And mine.” Garrett lumbered up too, as did John, and Jimmy knew that there would be no getting out of this.

  And so, he took a deep breath, straightened his spine, and got ready to give as good as he got.

  * * *

  “Son, For God’s sake, what happened?” Ben Dalton was up out of his seat the minute Jimmy walked into the little sitting room. “Who did it?”

  “I got into a fight, Pa, that’s all.” Jimmy tried to shrug it off. “You don’t have to look so worried. You should get a look at the other guys.”

  “Guys? You mean there was more than one?” His father was standing right in front of him now, his face just inches from Jimmy’s as he inspected every bruise, his body taut with concern.

  “There were three of them, Pa. I gave as good as I got, but in the end, I guess they had the best of me.”

  “Cowards, the lot of them.” His dad spat angrily. “I’m going to run up the street and get your sister. I want her to have a look at those bruises, she’ll clean you up real good.”

  “No, she’ll only worry. And it’s not as bad as it looks, Pa, really. She’s got enough on her plate getting her kids to bed and, honestly, I don’t want her to see me,” Jimmy said and set off for the kitchen to clean himself up.

  An hour later, when he had done the best he could with his bruises and the cuts on his face and hands, Jimmy went back in to sit with his father. They sat in silence for a moment and Ben was the first to break it.

  “So, what happened? What was it all about?”

  “Janet,” Jimmy said, his one-word answer enough to explain it all.

  “I don’t know what’s gotten into that girl,” Ben said, the idea of talking disparagingly about Janet Lacey clearly giving him no pleasure.

  “I don’t blame her, Pa. She’s young and she is looking for the sort of excitement that doesn’t really exist in this world. And that’s her choice,” he said quietly. “But it doesn’t make it any easier to watch. That cowboy she’s going about with is going to smash her heart into pieces and I reckon I don’t want to be here to see that. And this,” he said and pointed at his bruised face. “Is more than I’m prepared to put up with. I love Janet, but she’s on her own now.”

  “Nobody can blame you for that.”

  “Thanks, Pa,” Jimmy said and took a deep breath. “I’m leaving town.”

  “Because of these cowboys?”

  “No, I gave them a pounding enough considering there were three of them. And I guess I could track them down
one at a time and show each of them what a real fight looks like, a fair fight between two men. But what’s the point? Where does it get me? What does it prove?”

  “So why go?”

  “I want to get on with my own life now, Pa. I’ve decided to head out to the mines.”

  “You’ve never wanted to go down the mines before, son.” Ben Dalton looked and sounded even more concerned.

  “And I don’t particularly want to now. But the money is good, Pa. Twice as much as what I’m getting at the ranch.”

  “But you like working with Drake Darcey.”

  “I sure do.”

  “And what about your own ranch? Surely, you’re not going to leave your dreams behind in this town? I’d hate to see that, son, surely I would.”

  “No, Pa.” Jimmy laughed. “I’ve no intention of giving up on my dream ever. I reckon this is just a way of bringing it to me quicker. Just a year and I’ll have enough.”

  “And you’ll have enough in just two years with Darcey, then. The ends don’t always justify the means.”

  “I know. I just want something else to concentrate on. I don’t want to see Janet everywhere I look, and I certainly don’t want to see her making just about the biggest mistake of her life. I still love her, Pa, and I don’t want to have to stand by and watch her get hurt. But I am done with her, despite all of it. Whatever mistakes she does or doesn’t make now, it really is down to Janet.”

  “And when you’ve done this year down the mines, you’ll be coming back?”

  “Of course, I’ll be coming back,” Jimmy said. “The only ranch I ever want to own is right here.”

  “Then go with my blessing, son.” Ben Dalton sighed. “Maybe you do need a little time out there in the world.”

  Jimmy leaned back in his chair closed his eyes, relieved that he hadn’t hurt his father with his new plan. And, as kind as he had been about Janet, Jimmy was absolutely furious with her. For the first time in all of this, Jimmy felt as if she had truly betrayed him.

  She had gone running straight to Ray Burnett with the accusations, and Jimmy had been the one to suffer for it. She must have told the deceitful cowboy that Jimmy was the one who saw him that night by the saloon bar with the married woman, it was the only thing which explained the drunken beating.

  If only Connie had been just a little wiser in her explanation to Grace. But then what else could she do? She couldn’t have done any better than the truth, could she?

  He slowly began to make a plan in his head, knowing that he would have to get on with things immediately or risk going back on his own word. He would speak to Drake first thing in the morning when he went to collect his horse. Drake had always known that Jimmy would leave him one day and he knew that his boss wouldn’t put up a fight.

  It occurred to him to go to Janet before he left, he wanted her to see just what the man she had fallen for was capable of.

  But he knew that was no good, it wouldn’t help. Even if she finally believed every word that Jimmy said, he was utterly finished with all of it. Sure, he didn’t want Janet to be hurt and he still loved her, he probably always would. But too much had changed, too much had happened, and Janet had fallen for every bit of it.

  And in doing so she hadn’t just hurt herself, she’d hurt the friend who had stood by her side for years.

  A part of him hoped that she would stay with Ray, that when the time came for him to leave town, she would go away with the cowboy. Then he could come back safe in the knowledge that he’d never have to set eyes on her again, more content and able to get on with his own life, build his own ranch, maybe even find a wife. But he knew that would just be simpler for him and it wouldn’t do.

  If Janet married Ray Burnett, it really would be the biggest mistake of her life, but Jimmy knew he couldn’t stick around to see it.

  There wasn’t anything left to do, but he knew that, after this final kick, he wouldn’t be able to get on with his own life if he stayed. He needed that year, he needed the hard work in the mines, not just for the money, but for the diversion.

  By the time his father had settled down for the night, Jimmy had all but packed everything he intended to take with him. He was going to be away for a full year, but he wasn’t going forever. He left just enough of his own things to keep his father’s heart easy.

  Ben Dalton was a fine man and a sensitive one and he would soon get to thinking that his son might never come back if there wasn’t a shred of Jimmy left anywhere in the house.

  Laying down in his own bed, finally trying to get some sleep despite his aching ribs and throbbing head, Jimmy felt a great sense of sadness. This was to be the last time he slept under his father’s roof for a whole year and he couldn’t help but silently blame Janet for all of it.

  And try as he might to concentrate on his own dreams, he couldn’t swallow his own bitterness down for long enough to enjoy it.

  17

  When Janet returned from a long day at the diner the following evening, it was to find Grace trying to console a weeping Katie at the kitchen table.

  Things had been so strained between Janet and Grace in the days since she had revealed everything Connie Langdon thought she knew, but the sight of her adorable little sister so upset immediately loosened her tongue.

  “What’s happened?” Janet asked, speaking to Grace for the first time since their dreadful conversation.

  “I don’t know.” Grace turned concerned eyes on Janet; a mother’s eyes, already brimming with tears before she even knew what had happened to hurt her baby. “She’s been crying ever since she came back from school. I found her down by the sunflowers.”

  Janet felt a stab of emotion. Her sister was the sweetest girl in the world, still tending to her sunflowers even though the season was changing, and their bright yellow petals were faded and falling.

  Janet sat at the kitchen table on the other side of Katie so that she and Grace flanked the child protectively.

  “Katie, what is it? Why are you so sad?” Janet began but Katie just kept sobbing. “Honey, you’re scaring Ma. She’s so worried about you, and so am I, but we can’t help until you tell us what’s wrong.” Janet stroked her sister’s ash-colored hair gently. “And we love you so much, Katie.” She leaned over to kiss her.

  Katie began to get a hold of her own ragged breathing. Janet had always been able to reach her, even when she’d just been a baby. Back then, when she’d cried real bad, Ma Grace had always handed her over to Janet with a glad heart.

  “Come on, honey, just breathe. There’s a good girl.” Janet soothed and caught Grace’s eye. She looked so concerned that Janet felt tearful herself. If only she hadn’t fallen out with Grace. “Tell us what happened. Did somebody in the schoolroom upset you?”

  “No,” Katie murmured and sniffed loudly.

  “Here, let Ma wipe your face.” Grace, handkerchief already in hand, set about cleaning Katie’s face.

  Katie, enjoying the tender care for a moment, closed her eyes and tilted her chin up like a little cat; she was so cute.

  “There you go, that’s better,” Grace said gently, and Janet was reminded of all the times Grace had comforted her over the years.

  And suddenly, without warning, the truth of everything came at Janet with full force. Of course, Grace would only ever want to protect her, of course she would. She was as much Grace’s child as Katie was, and she knew it.

  How could Janet have treated her with such disdain when Grace herself had said that she had struggled with the idea of giving her such terrible information for two days? And how could she have suspected that it was all part of something bigger, a group of people who wanted her to live and be a certain way? Even as she thought of it, she knew it was ridiculous.

  Care wasn’t control, it was just care, just as Grace had said it was. All at once she knew that none of them had lied. Grace hadn’t lied, Connie hadn’t lied, and Jimmy hadn’t lied. She’d just chosen to see it that way because she had gotten herself so caught up in a
world she had really thought was exciting.

  But how could it have been exciting when all she’d done was lay awake night after night worrying that this newfound excitement would ride away to the next town without a backward glance?

  What on earth was exciting about that?

  “Grace?” Janet said as tears began to roll down her own cheeks. “Ma Grace, I’m so sorry.”

  “What?” Grace said, her eyes widening as she clearly wondered why it was that both her daughters were now crying. “What is it? What’s the matter?”

  “I’ve been such a fool,” she said, and Grace took the damp handkerchief from Katie to give to Janet instead.

  Katie, for her part, had stopped crying and was studying her sister closely, her chubby cheeks pink and damp.

  “What is it?” Grace said, her confusion clear.

  “Of course, he did it.” She shook her head regretfully from side to side. “Of course, he did. Everything Connie said was right, wasn’t it? That cowboy has made such a fool of me, hasn’t he?”

  “We don’t have to talk about that now, honey,” Grace said, her eyes darting from one daughter to the other and back again.

  “I know, I’m sorry. I guess it just came to me, that’s all. I’ve made such a mess of everything and there wasn’t any need, was there? It was just the same old Janet, stamping her feet and tossing her ringlets and wanting everything her own way.”

  “Now in a minute I’m going to get to the reasons why none of what you just said is right,” Grace said firmly. “But can we start with Katie?”

  “Yes, I’m sorry, Ma.”

  “So, my little baby.” Grace kissed the top of Katie’s head. “Are you ready to tell Ma what’s the matter?”

  “It’s Jimmy.”

  “Jimmy? Has Jimmy upset you?”

  “He did upset me, but he didn’t mean to.”

  “How did he upset you, Katie?” Janet asked, putting aside her own trauma for the moment. “What did he say?”