The Love in his Heart

by Indiana Wake

  “I saw him today when I was coming from school. He was in the town and he had a big bag.”

  “All right, and he spoke to you?” Grace took up the questioning.

  “Yes. I saw him before he saw me, and I shouted and ran to him.” Katie smiled. “And he really smiled at me, he was pleased to see me.” She nodded her head thoroughly.

  “So, why are you crying?”

  “Well, I asked him why he didn’t come to see us anymore and why his face was all blue. And that’s when he said he was going.” Katie’s face crumpled into a mask of misery, the corners of her mouth turning down and fresh tears rolling down her pink cheeks.

  “Going? Going where?” Janet asked urgently. “Katie are you sure that’s what he said?”

  “He’s going to live somewhere else, that’s what he said. He’s not going to be living here anymore. And if he doesn’t live here anymore, he really won’t ever come to see us again, will he? And I’ll miss him, I don’t want him to go.” She turned miserable eyes on Janet. “I want him to stay here forever. I like Jimmy.”

  “I know you like him,” Janet said in a soothing tone, her eyes wide and panicked as she looked at Grace. “Katie, did he say where he was going to go?”

  “No, he just said that he’d miss me and I was to be a good girl. I told him I would be a good girl, but I was already crying, so I don’t know if he heard me.”

  “It’s all right, Katie. Jimmy knows you’re a good girl,” Grace said tenderly.

  “But where did he go then?”

  “He just kissed my head and then he went. He looked sad himself and I don’t think he wanted to say anymore.” Grace took the handkerchief back from Janet and gave Katie’s face another clean.

  “Blue?” Grace said, stopping suddenly.

  “Excuse me?” Janet said, peering quizzically at Grace.

  “Blue.” Grace repeated. “Katie, did you say that Jimmy’s face was all blue?”

  “Yes, it looked blue from where I was standing. But then when I ran up to him, I could see that it was purple as well. And there were scratches too.”

  “He had bruises, do you mean?” Janet said and felt her stomach clench.

  “Yes, he had bruises. Just like the ones I had on my knees when I fell over running through the churchyard that time,” Katie said and nodded thoroughly. “Only these were bigger, and I think they were a bit darker.”

  “Do you remember anything else?” Janet asked, her hand shaking.

  “No, just that he was going to live somewhere else and work there.”

  “Did he say what work he’d be doing?” Janet had an awful vision of Jimmy as a cowboy, moving from town to town just like Ray Burnett.

  “No.”

  What had she done? And what on earth had happened to Jimmy that his face was bruised up?

  “Which way did he go, Katie?” Grace asked.

  “He went away from the school toward the saloon bar. He didn’t go in it, he just kept walking.”

  “Oh, heading out of town,” Grace said and looked at Janet and shook her head. “Unless he was going to the ranch.”

  “Yes, that’s what I’ll do,” Janet said and nodded vigorously. “I’ll head up to Drake Darcey’s place now and see if he’s there.”

  “And if he’s not?”

  “Drake will surely know where he’s gone. Jimmy wouldn’t have just turned his head and left without putting everything straight first, I know he wouldn’t.”

  “If Drake doesn’t know where Jimmy is, Ben Dalton surely will,” Grace said helpfully.

  But at the very thought of speaking to Jimmy’s father, Janet’s anguish almost swallowed her whole. How could she face that wonderful man after everything she had done? And what on earth would Mr. Dalton think of her now that his son, battered and bruised, had left town?

  “Ma, I’ve got to go,” Janet said, rising to her feet. “I’m so sorry for everything. I’m so sorry I wouldn’t listen to you.”

  “Just forget about that for now, Janet. Just get after him, find him, and tell him how you really feel.”

  “How do you know how I really feel?” Janet paused in the doorway.

  “Because I’ve always known. A mother just knows, Janet. Go on, get after him.”

  Janet ran for her father’s horse, saddled him in no time at all, and cantered off in the direction of Drake Darcey’s ranch.

  18

  “But you’ve seen him today, Drake? He’s been here?” Janet said urgently when a silent looking Drake Darcey seemed just about ready to brush her off without answering her.

  “Yes, he’s been here,” Drake said and shook his head in utter disappointment. “But that was hours ago. He’ll be well on his way by now.”

  “But on his way where?”

  “Why? What is it to you, Janet Lacey?” Drake scowled at her.

  “I know, I know,” she said, knowing that there was little point in trying to argue her case.

  After all, what justification did she really have for being so utterly stupid? She could hardly believe that she had taken in every single one of Ray Burnett’s lies. Had another girl been told just the same, she would have laughed at her for believing it all. Why was she always so foolhardy? Why had she always nursed the sort of defiance that only ever worked against her?

  And why was everybody so quick to forgive her the tantrums of her childhood when it was clear that she hadn’t changed a bit? She felt more miserable than she’d ever felt, and she knew that she was losing the only man she had ever really loved.

  For Jimmy Dalton was that man, and she had known it all along. She’d seen him changing and had turned her back, frightened of her own feelings, frightened that everything would change.

  But her own fear and belligerence had been the only things to change it all in the end. She’d done it all to herself and there was nobody else to blame, not even Ray Burnett. He was a liar and a cheat, a fast-talking cowboy who had doubtless conned other silly girls, just like Janet.

  But Janet was the one who had fallen for it, Janet was the one who’d hurt herself.

  And she’d hurt Jimmy in the process. How was he ever going to forgive her? Worse still, how was she ever going to forgive herself?

  “Look, I’m not trying to upset you,” Drake said, unable to maintain his sullen aspect for long. “And you sure do look real upset.” He nodded sadly. “But Jimmy’s gone, and I reckon you ought to just let him go. He’s put up with enough now, hasn’t he? And he’s done so without a word of complaint. He just keeps going, Janet. He turns up every day, he works hard, and he goes home. Now, I understand why that might not be enough for you, I realize it’s not exciting. And if you want to go tying yourself up with some cowboy who doesn’t think twice about getting his friends to give him a hand in pummeling the competition, that’s your business.”

  “What?”

  “You don’t think Burnett could manage to give Jimmy a beating on his own, do you?” Drake shook his head, looking disappointed again. “As I was saying, if that’s what you want, that’s your business. It’s nothing to do with me. But I’ve known Jimmy long enough to feel justified in looking out for him, and while you might not think him so exciting, you’ve missed something. Instead of looking at a young man who is excited about the future, and who is prepared to work hard to get it... you’ve jumped up and run after the first smooth-talking cowboy to blow into town and wink at you. Maybe one day you’ll realize a man like Jimmy is worth ten of Ray Burnett.”

  “All three of them? They all jumped on Jimmy?” Janet asked, her hands shaking violently now and tears streaming down her face.

  “All right, all right,” Drake said, clearly deciding to go a little easier on her. “Just settle down.” He put a steadying hand on her shoulder. “He’s all right, and they don’t look so pretty either,” he said with a twinkle of pride. “I saw them making their way up to the plains this morning and just assumed they’d gotten themselves into a brawl in the bar.”

  “He’s not hurt
?” She only cared about Jimmy.

  “He’s bashed up all right,” Drake said. “But he’s in one piece and he gave as good as he got, considering there were three of them.”

  “Why didn’t he go to the sheriff?”

  “I think he’s past caring. He didn’t even tell me that it was the cowboys, but I knew it. As soon as I set eyes on him, I knew it. They’ve been out on the plains all day, but they’ll be down any minute. And as soon as they get here, I’m firing them. So, get ready to say your goodbyes, because by the time I’m finished with these cowboys, there’s not a ranch anywhere in these parts that’ll hire them.”

  “Of course,” Janet said and scrubbed at her face with the corner of her shawl. “But where did he go? Drake, please, I need to know where he is. I need to find him.”

  “It won’t do you any good.” Drake shook his head. “He’s had enough of it, he wouldn’t have just upped stakes like that without coming to the very end of his patience, would he?”

  “Please, Drake. Please.”

  “He’s going off to work as a miner.”

  “A miner? A coal miner?”

  “Yes, a coal miner.”

  “But Jimmy would never go down the mines, he loves being here. Working ranches is all he’s ever wanted to do.”

  “Well, I guess that’s changed now.”

  “That can’t be right, it can’t be.”

  “That’s what he told me, Janet. He was already packed, he was ready to go, he told those who care about him most, and he was off.”

  Janet thought about that, realizing that Jimmy had had no intention of seeking her out to tell her himself. He’d only told Katie because she’d run after him. He was just leaving town, rolling away out of sight and without a goodbye, just as she had always feared Ray Burnett would do.

  If only she’d had the sense to see that the loss of Jimmy was the only thing that truly had the capacity to break her heart. If only she hadn’t given into fear and frivolity, shallow excitement and easy compliments.

  “But you must know where.”

  “He said he was going to head over to Culver Ridge.” Drake sighed. “But it’s not going to be easy to find him there. It’s a big place and there’s a heck of a lot of mines in the area. He doesn’t even know where he’s going yet, so I don’t know how you think you’re going to find him.”

  “I don’t care how I’ll find him, I just know that I have to,” Janet said miserably.

  “Right, you might want to set off now,” Drake said, peering over her shoulder.

  Janet turned and could see three men on horseback riding down through the fields of the ranch. She could already see that it was Ray Burnett with John and Garrett in tow.

  “No, I think I’ll wait for a minute,” Janet said, drying her tears and gritting her teeth.

  19

  “I don’t think this is such a good idea, Janet. For one thing, I’m going to give them their marching orders and I don’t expect they’re going to be too happy about it. I reckon it would be best all round if you just run along, honey,” Drake said and seemed genuinely concerned for her.

  But Janet knew she didn’t deserve anybody’s concern, least of all her own, and she was determined to have her say if nothing else.

  “I’m staying right here,” she said and stood with her arms folded over her chest as Ray and his comrades jumped down from their horses.

  “Looks like Jimmy took the three of you on well enough.” Janet spat angrily the minute Ray approached. “Not bad for three against one.”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Ray said and gave her the old innocent, disappointed look.

  “Oh, come on, Ray. I know I’m stupid, but maybe not as stupid as you think.”

  “No, you’re just about stupid enough,” he said, narrowing his gaze and then wincing as his taut skin aggravated the bruising around his eye.

  “That’s enough of that,” Drake said and moved to stand at Janet’s side. “I reckon it’s time the three of you moved on.”

  “Because of her?” Ray shook his head. “You’d be a fool to let three good cowboys go on the say so of a silly little girl.”

  “That’s right, Ray, just insult me. There isn’t anything you can say to me that will be any worse than everything I have to say to myself. And you’re right, I have been a silly girl. I fell for it all, every line of it. There you go, congratulate yourself. But nobody fooled me any worse than I fooled myself. I’ll take the title from you there, because I was the one I truly believed.”

  “That sounds like nonsense to me,” Ray said and shook his head. “And I’ll be needing that necklace back.” He pointed at the silver locket.

  Janet seized the locket at her throat and pulled at it, snapping the chain as she did so. She threw it on the ground and it landed at Ray’s feet.

  “You’re going to regret that,” he said, swooping down to pick it up and put it in his pocket. “That didn’t come cheap.”

  “And it didn’t come from this town either.” Janet scowled at him. “I guess it’s been around the neck of more than one girl before you took it back and moved on. And it’s as cheap as every one of your lines, Ray Burnett.”

  “That may be so, honey, but I’m never boring.” He chuckled cynically, and Janet wanted nothing more than to strike him across the face.

  “You know what, Ray? You actually are boring. You’re a cliché, just like I’ve been. I thought everything about you was so exciting, but I can see it so much clearer now. You don’t wander from town to town because you have a free nature or because you want to see more of the country. You have to move on in the end because nobody wants you. People see right through you and out the other side and they don’t want to be around you. Everyone here’s seen it already. Oh yes, and they saw it long before I saw it. But then I wasn’t looking for it, was I? I was so determined that you were what I wanted that I couldn’t see what was important. Who was important.”

  “So, you’re going to settle for Jimmy Dalton, are you? Your little choirboy who works ‘till the sun goes down and only goes into the saloon bar a handful of times a year? Well, I suppose you won’t have any trouble sleeping.” He chuckled, and Garrett and John followed suit.

  “Being with Jimmy would never have been settling, Ray. No, he’s too good. Too good for me, certainly. But he has something you don’t, and you need to know it. He has a dream, he has plans, and he has some direction in this world. He’s not just wandering from town to town, bar to bar, woman to woman. He’s just not that pathetic.”

  “Now, you listen here….” Ray said, his handsome face nothing but a distant memory now that it was twisted into an angry snarl.

  He took several steps towards her and Janet was absolutely certain in that moment that he was capable of hurting her. However, she heard the sound of footsteps all around and looked around her to see that the ranch hands had gathered in force. Jimmy’s friends of the last five years were still his friends now, even though he’d had to leave them all behind.

  Garrett and John, realizing that they were very much outnumbered, stood awkwardly where they were, making no move to join Ray.

  And Ray, for his part, looked unnerved. His eyes flickered from side to side as he took in the extent of his current situation.

  “I guess you don’t like these odds, Burnett,” Drake said. “And if I were a different man, I’d let them loose on you. But I’m not like you, nobody in this town is. So, I suggest you quit while you’re ahead and get out of here. I don’t want to see your face anywhere near my ranch again, and there won’t be a place for miles around here where the three of you will get work. Now get.”

  Ray, casting a long, angry look at Janet, slowly climbed up onto his horse and, without another word, yanked at the reins and set off at speed.

  By the time Janet reached home, it was already dark. More than anything, she had wanted to set off to find Jimmy, but she knew she had to prepare herself a little better.

  For one thing, she wa
sn’t entirely sure how to get to Culver Ridge. She knew it wasn’t any more than ten or eleven miles away, but it wasn’t a place she had ever gone to on her own. In fact, she could only just about picture it from the infrequent visits with her father on some lumber business or other.

  And she had nothing with her, no supplies, and no clothes. If Jimmy was going to take some finding, she’d need to plan it a little more carefully. She needed clothes, she needed food, and she needed the money that she had stowed away in her little savings pot. To run off now would be foolish, although she felt sure it fit her character perfectly to date.

  But she was turning over a new leaf. She wasn’t going to be the impetuous, impulsive little girl who always ran from care, from everything that was important, even from her own feelings. This time she was going to stop and think and do the right thing.

  She was going to work out every part of it, find out how to get to where she was going, and act like a fully-grown woman for the first time since she’d been one.

  She wasn’t going to lay awake all night wondering if Jimmy would ever speak to her again. That was in the future, that was a bridge to be crossed when she reached it. For now, she needed to keep a tight rein on her emotions, just like Jimmy.

  She needed to be sensible, mature, accepting of the situation.

  Feeling exhausted, Janet took the saddle off her father’s horse, brushed him down, and filled a bucket of water from the well. Just as she set it down in front of the horse and he began to lap noisily, she heard a footstep and looked up.

  Her father stood looking at her sadly, his hands in his pockets and his head tilted just a little to one side. Janet realized he’d been looking at her that way for years, always on the tail end of some upset or other, usually one that Janet herself had caused. She knew, of course, that she hadn’t been that little girl for a very long time. But there was no denying the fact that her behavior of the last few weeks was very much in keeping with that little girl and it seemed almost as if the intervening seven years had never happened.