Blackest Night

by Stephanie Hoffman McManus

  “I’m still hoping you’ll change your mind about letting me see Eli,” he said.

  “Mike,” I grated. “The best thing you can do for the both of you, is get back to Houston and get yourself cleared. Then we’ll talk about a visit.” Or he’d rot in a cell because Vik was going straight to Houston PD with everything they found.

  “Alright,” he conceded, a little too easily for me to trust him. “I’ll book a flight out tonight.”

  “Good. Stay in touch about the case, and when this is all over, we’ll figure out a way for you to see Eli.” The only way at this point, though, would be over my corpse.

  As soon as I hung up with Mike, I texted Jones and told him to see that Mike got to the airport.

  I was still in a foul mood at lunchtime when I arrived at the coffee shop to meet Nora for the interviews, but I wasn’t likely to murder anyone.

  I half expected to see Cassie behind the counter when I walked into the shop, but I knew it was her day off. Thinking about her only churned up more shit that was likely to set me on edge again. I had to shove it down for later to get through these interviews without scaring off the potential nannies. As it was, I was a little gruffer than necessary with a few of them if the not so subtle looks Nora kept shooting me were any indication. It wasn’t entirely me, though. Of the four prospective nannies I’d chosen to interview out of the dozen the agency had recommended, two of them I wanted to send right back out the door within minutes of meeting them. The rest of their interviews were pretense only. I wouldn’t trust them to babysit a pet turtle, let alone a child. One of them was barely out of high school, the other in college. Both gave me the impression they’d pay more attention to their phones than my kid.

  The girl we interviewed between those two was alright, but she was just that, a girl. Freshly out of high school like the first one we interviewed, but she appeared more mature and came with the experience of having three younger siblings, they were sisters though. I wasn’t convinced she’d be the right fit for Eli. I didn’t get the impression she’d be willing to go kick a soccer ball around with him, or play in the dirt box, or shoot aliens on the Xbox. If that was the case, I doubted Eli would think she was so great.

  It didn’t fail to occur to me that these were all things Cassie did with Eli without batting an eye lash. Ignoring that, I was hopeful about the final interviewee, Marissa. Her file from the agency was the most impressive. Her recommendations from the previous family she worked for were excellent. She’d nannied for their two boys for two years until the family moved away. When she showed up, and we began the interview I was satisfied that the day hadn’t been a complete waste. She was a pretty girl in her mid-twenties with a nice smile and a sweet voice, but that wasn’t what convinced me to go with her. She wasn’t put off by the weir hours my job required, and when she mentioned that she loved sports, video games, and super-heroes, I knew she was the right choice.

  “Would you be able to come by the house today after three to meet Eli? I can show you around the house and we can figure out a schedule for next week if you’re willing to start Monday.”

  Her pretty peach lips stretched into a sweet smile. “That would be great.”

  Once she left the coffee shop, I noticed Nora eyeing me oddly

  “What? You didn’t like her? Don’t think I should have hired her?”

  “No,” she shrugged. “She was great. Very pretty,” she noted as well.

  “I didn’t hire her because she’s pretty.” I pushed back my chair and stood.

  Nora did the same. “Good, but I think it was obvious she found you attractive as well.”

  I frowned because I didn’t notice that at all.

  “Just be careful with your new nanny bait.” She patted me on the arm and then slipped back behind the counter, leaving me scowling in the direction my new nanny had just walked off.

  Nora’s concern was unwarranted though. It wasn’t like I was going to be the one spending time with Marissa. As pretty as she was or wasn’t, it didn’t matter. I had my hands full already just figuring out what to do with Cassie. I didn’t need another young thing to complicate my life further. Marissa’s purpose was actually to uncomplicate it. She could play with Eli and I would play with Cassie. It was win-win for everyone.

  Eli didn’t agree.

  He did not take to the idea of a new babysitter very well at all, no matter how much I talked her up.

  “I want Cassie,” he pouted. He’d reiterated this no less than a dozen times since he got into the truck and I first told him about Marissa. By this point I was growing beyond frustrated.

  “Well I’m sorry, kid, you don’t get Cassie. She can’t be here every day when I need someone to watch you.”

  “Why not?” he gave me his meanest scowl.

  “Because she has another job. I know you like Cassie, but you’ll like Marissa too. Just give her a chance.”

  “I don’t want to.”

  “Too bad. You’re going to be polite when she gets here, anyway. Understand me?”

  He nodded, but the scowl remained.

  He was civil toward Marissa when she arrived, but after I introduced them, he didn’t hang around. He left me to give Marissa a rundown of everything she needed to know, while he disappeared into the back yard.

  “He seems like a sweet boy,” she said.

  “He is. He’s been through a lot, and having a tough time of it, but he should warm up to you in no time.”

  “Oh, I’m sure we’ll get along great.”

  I hoped so, or Eli would hold it against me. I made him come in and say goodbye before I walked Marissa out.

  One problem checked off my list.

  I waited until Jones texted me and said he followed Mike all the way to the airport and then I checked off another. Little did Mike know that the Houston PD was standing by to pick him up.

  The only other thing weighing on me was Cassie, and what the hell I was going to do about it.

  Fourteen

  Cassie

  I shoveled another bite of fudge ice cream from the carton into my mouth and ignored Grandmama’s stares.

  “You know, you can’t marry Ben and Jerry,” she remarked.

  “I’m not trying to,” I said around a mouthful.

  “Could have fooled me.”

  “Shh, Grandmama, Matthew is on,” I said, hoping she would go back to the movie, which featured one of my dream men, Matthew McConaughey, and quit trying to analyze me.

  “You can’t marry him either.”

  “Grandmama, I don’t want to marry Matthew McConaughey or Ben or Jerry. I just want to eat my ice cream and watch my sappy romantic comedy.”

  “Okay, but they’re not going to make you feel better.”

  “They might,” I grumbled more to myself.

  I thought that would be the end of it.

  “You know, calling the man might.”

  I heaved out a deep sigh and set the carton of ice cream down. “Might what Grandmama?”

  “Might make you feel better.”

  “And who exactly should I call?”

  She shook her head and clucked her tongue. “Don’t play that game with me girl, for weeks now I’ve watched your moods shift faster than the weather. I’m old, but I’m not stupid. It’s always after you’ve seen him. And I don’t mean the little one. I doubt very much that he’s the reason you didn’t come home last night.”

  I didn’t deny it. There was no point, but I certainly wasn’t about to delve into my complicated relationship with Nikolai. If I told her the truth, she’d be horrified, and she’d call Mrs. Park over so they could douse me in holy water and pray for my soul together.

  “Talking is usually our problem, Grandmama. It’s when we do that, that we can’t seem to get along. It’s better if we just don’t.”

  “I’m going to pretend like I don’t know what you’re doing if you’re not talking to the man, that’s got you all twisted up, but nothing’s going to get fixed if you don’t figur
e out how to start talking to each other.” With that sage advice, she left me to my devices. I waited for her bedroom door to close before I snatched my ice cream up again.

  When the credits of the movie finally rolled, I was sitting there staring at the nearly empty pint on the coffee table in disgust. I hadn’t intended to eat the entire thing, but. . .

  Yeah, that happened.

  I grabbed it, my stomach rolling at the sight of the melted chocolate sludge in the bottom, and carried it to the trash in the kitchen. After using the bathroom, to punish myself some more, I stepped onto the scale. And then stepped right back off.

  What the hell was I doing to myself?

  When had I started coping with life by eating my feelings? All my feelings, apparently.

  I knew the answer to that.

  Right around the time my boyfriend turned out to be a rapist and a serial killer.

  How long was I going to keep using that excuse?

  Because chocolate could cure that.

  I stared at my reflection in the mirror over the bathroom sink. Who the fuck was the girl in the mirror? How had she become me, or how had I become her? This was still my life, wasn’t it? It was still me in there. Right?

  I didn’t even know who I was asking.

  I flipped off the bathroom light and padded down the hall back to the living room. My phone sat on the coffee table, a missed call notification on the screen. Before I could check to see who had called, it started buzzing in my hand with another call.

  Nikolai.

  Did I answer?

  It was possible Grandmama was right and nothing would get better without speaking to him, but I wasn’t sure I had it in me to deal with him anymore tonight.

  But I was weak.

  “Hello?”

  “Come to your front door.”

  “Why?” My eyes darted toward the door.

  “Because I’m on your front steps.”

  “How stalkerish of you.”

  “Open the door, Cass.”

  I walked over to it, but didn’t reach for the handle to unlock it. “Why should I? So you can be a jerk some more?”

  “No. So I can apologize.” He sounded contrite. Or maybe just tired. Probably just tired.

  “Okay. I guess I’ll open the door.”

  “That’s a relief, Cass. It’s not exactly warm out here.”

  I pulled back the little curtain that hung over the tiny windows in the top of the door. “How come you don’t have a coat on? It’s October and this isn’t Texas.”

  “I thought you were going to open the damn door, pet.” He was staring at me through the glass.

  “Right. I’m going to hang up and do that now.” I pulled the phone away from my ear and hit the end button as I watched him tuck his into his pocket.

  I pulled the door open and then we both just stood there.

  “You want to come in?” I asked after it’d turned awkward.

  “Is it going to bother your grandmother if I do?”

  I shook my head. “She already went to bed.” I stepped aside to let him pass, and then closed the door softly behind him. “Where’s Eli?”

  “Sleepover at Spence and Nora’s”

  “Oh. Fun.”

  He was taking in the house and I followed his gaze, wondering what he must think of all the crosses and pictures of Jesus and weird Korean cross-stitches hanging on the wall. Probably thought my Grandmama was nuts.

  “Well, umm, this is my house, or Grandmama’s house, but, yeah, this is where I live.”

  He nodded, but didn’t comment on it, bringing his gaze back round to me. “I’m sorry about this morning.”

  “It’s okay,” I said, even though I still wasn’t sure that it was.

  “Eli finding us like that, it wasn’t ideal, but I shouldn’t have taken it out on you. I want to keep exploring this thing between us, if we can figure out how to stop fighting.”

  “I’m not sure that we can.” I worried the hem of my shirt in my hands and glanced at the carpet before looking up to meet his eyes.

  “I’d like to try, at least.”

  “And Eli?” I folded my arms across my chest.

  He shifted on his feet. “Eli’s got nothing to do with us.”

  “But you still don’t want me to see him?”

  “It’s not that you can’t see him, Cass. I just don’t want him getting so attached that it would destroy him if this thing with us goes south.”

  “I think we could be adults about it and leave him out of it.”

  “I hope so, but I just think it would be best, for the time being, if the person babysitting him on a regular basis wasn’t the same person I’m fucking like an animal after he goes to bed.”

  My cheeks heated at the images that conjured in my mind.

  “And make no mistake, Cassie, I’d very much like to keep fucking you.” He took a step closer to me. I backed up, but with nowhere to go, he had me pressed to the wall in another step. Excitement rushed through my veins, warming all my bits, and leaving my senses humming with awareness. The heat radiating off him. The dangerous glint in those dark eyes. The rapid thudding of my heart that felt like it was reverberating off the walls of my insides. His denim clad thigh grazing my bare leg that stuck out of the tiny cotton shorts I was wearing. His familiar scent that caused shivers to run down my spine with the feelings it evoked. I was tuned into it all.

  He dipped his head until our mouths were a breath apart. “It’s just about the only thing I can think about. All day, I haven’t been able to stop picturing you in my bed, and imagining all the things I would have done if I’d had the chance.”

  I placed my hand against his chest and slid it over the hard muscles beneath the soft fabric of his shirt, and then down over his rippling abdomen. “I have a perfectly good bed upstairs if you’d like to show me.”

  His lips feathered across my cheek to my ear. “Think you can be quiet enough?”

  “Grandmama’s a heavy sleeper, and her room is downstairs,” I whispered, a tad breathless already.

  His hands went immediately to my waist and lifted. I grabbed ahold of his shoulders and hooked my legs around his hips. His hands slid under my bottom as he turned and carried me toward the staircase. I wound my arms around his neck, playing with the hair at his nape as my lips sought out his ear. “Second door on the right.” I bit his earlobe and gave it a tug.

  His fingers dug into my bottom and I pushed myself higher up his body in response. “You can bite me all you want, pet, but you know I bite back,” he growled softly.

  I was counting on it.

  I craved the bit of pain he dealt out with the pleasure. I ached for his rough touch as much as I did the tenderness. I longed to explore more of this side of myself, the darker fantasies I’d never dared give life to before I met him.

  He reached the top of the stairs and found my bedroom door. He nudged it open with his booted foot, and then gave it a kick closed. He tossed me down on the bed and I couldn’t help the trill giggle that escaped as I bounced on the mattress. He knelt on the edge of the bed and pressed his hands down on either side of my head.

  He feathered butterfly kisses all along my jaw and throat, down to my chest. I reached for him, wanting to twine my fingers in his hair and pull him down for a real kiss, but he caught my wrists and raised them over my head. “Are you going to behave, or am I going to have to find something to tie you up with?”

  “I’m probably not going to behave,” I admitted.

  A low laugh rumbled up from deep in his gut and he released my hands to push himself up to a kneeling position. “At least your honest.”

  I grinned up at him shamelessly. “I can’t help it. I want to touch you.”

  “Yeah?” He returned my grin and then bent over me to grab my hands again and bring them up to his stomach, pulling me into a sitting position. “Touch away, pet.”

  “Really, I can touch you wherever I want?” I bit my lip as my eyes roamed over every inch of him I
wanted to explore.

  He gave me a nod and I didn’t hesitate. I sat up on my knees and maneuvered him so that I could push him down on the mattress. He folded his arms under his head and watched me with a narrowed gaze and a wicked grin playing on his lips. “Keep your hands there,” I teased.

  And then I sat back on my heels, taking in the large, gorgeous specimen laid out before me. The shirt needed to go first. I wanted all that black ink on display. I worked it up his torso, fumbling as I tried to tug it over his head without his help. It got stuck and I sat back with a huff. “Fine, it can stay like that. See how you enjoy being blindfolded.”

  He chuckled and then pulled the thing off and tossed it to the floor. “Better?”

  “Much.” I wet my bottom lip and scooched my way up his legs until I was straddling his waist. I could feel the bulge in his jeans through my shorts and panties. It spurred my desire.

  I ran my hands up his toned stomach, over his defined pecs and muscled shoulders, taking in the intricate lines and swirls that made up the tattoos that covered much of his upper body. I gripped his thick biceps as I bent to taste all the same places I’d just touched. I scattered kissed and teasing bites all over his torso. Every time he sucked in a breath, or rocked his hips, or let out a throaty groan, I smirked against his skin. It was fun turning the tables on him.

  But it didn’t last long. Nikolai was even worse at behaving himself than I was. He might have let me play like I was in control for a few minutes, but he’d been in control the entire time I was working him up.

  My hands reached for the button on his jeans and that was his snapping point. His hands came out from under his head in a flash, caught my wrists and rolled us so that he was once again on top of me.

  “My turn.” He crawled off the bed and stood at the foot, eyeing me sprawled out like he was envisioning all sorts of things that made my blood heat and liquid pool low in my belly. He pulled my socks off one by one and then leaned over to hook his fingers in the waist of my shorts. I grabbed his hands before he could.

  “Turn the light off, please.” I eyed the bedside lamp I’d left on.

  He paused and straightened. “Why? I want to see you.”