Baggage & Buttons

by C. J. Fallowfield

  ‘Forget what?’

  ‘Either you’re seriously moody when you’re on, or there’s a story behind your insecurities and you’re going to have to share them with me.’

  I looked at him and frowned. ‘What if I’m not ready to?’

  ‘When you’re arguing with me and I’ve no idea why, then you don’t have a choice. How would you feel if I picked a fight with you over my baggage and you didn’t know why?’

  ‘But I don’t know if I’m ready for that Gabe.’

  ‘What are you scared of? Losing me? I’m not going anywhere no matter what you tell me.’

  ‘It’s just stuff that I’m not sure I’ve dealt with myself yet,’ I replied with another frown.

  ‘Well we’re in a relationship now. If your “stuff” is going to affect us, you need to deal with it. You don’t think I’m scared? The only other woman I’ve ever loved was my mother and you know how that ended.’

  ‘I know, I’m sorry ok. Just bear with me Gabe. If I get all pissy about something and you don’t know why, just point it out to me and I’ll try and explain the best I can.’

  ‘Can you start with what happened just now?’

  ‘Not in the short walk left to the apartment, no.’

  ‘Ok then the discussion’s on hold, but it’s not over,’ he looked at me and smiled. How did he do that, just let go of all his frustrations and be all sweet with me so quickly. Thank god I was having some therapy, I needed to offload all this emotional shit and he was right, being on did tend to make me extra cranky, but equally it was unfair of him to expect me to share when he wasn’t.

  We got home and Gabe went to sort the shopping while I quickly sorted out my bag and grabbed my freshly washed cable cardigan. Lexi was ready and waiting, dressed in all in black, with her biker boots, thick tights, mini leather skirt, jumper and leather biker jacket.

  ‘Great you look so country, you’ll fit in really well with the horse and hound brigade,’ I said with a smile.

  ‘Sod off,’ she grinned.

  We headed downstairs and walked around the back of the building to Gabe’s car.

  ‘Nice wheels Gabe,’ nodded Lexi as she walked around it, stroking the roof.

  ‘Thanks, afraid it may be a bit of a squeeze in the back.’

  ‘Lexi you sit in the front and I’ll go in the back, I’m shorter than you,’ I said.

  ‘Did you fuck on the passenger or driver’s seat last night?’ she asked with raised eyebrows.

  ‘Lexi!’

  ‘If it was the passenger seat I’m going in the back.’ I sighed and pulled the seat forwards for her to climb in. ‘Knew it. It’s ok, I can stretch out in the back,’ she grinned as she climbed in.

  ‘Seriously, do you tell her everything?’ Gabe whispered.

  ‘Yes she does lover boy and your whisper’s louder than you think, so just remember I hear and know everything. I’m the all seeing eye of Westhampton.’

  I looked at Gabe and pulled a sorry face as I shrugged and he just shook his head slightly amused.

  ‘Ok one pit stop and we’re away,’ he said as he pulled out onto the road.

  ‘Where are we stopping?’ asked Lexi.

  ‘To pick up Doug,’ I said, as casually as I could.

  ‘What?!’

  ‘You remember, I told you Doug was coming for lunch as well.’

  ‘You bloody liar, no you didn’t.’

  ‘Really? Sorry, I meant to, must have forgotten.’

  ‘Forgotten my arse, you sneaky little bugger. Were you in on this?’ She poked Gabe in the back of the shoulder.

  ‘Maybe. Lexi he likes you, he’s already asked you out and unless I’m mistaken you like him. What’s the problem?’

  ‘Ok, say I do like him. You’re both forgetting two very important points. 1. I don’t date. 2. I’m bloody pregnant.’

  ‘1. You’ve never even tried dating and we made a pact Lexi Clarke, I’ve kept up my end of the deal losing my virginity, you need to hold up yours. 2. Yes you’re pregnant, but he doesn’t know and never needs to know does he?’

  ‘Bet Gabe’s already told him.’

  ‘No. I respected your right to keep it private. Like Mia says, he doesn’t know and he won’t hear it from me.’

  ‘Thanks Gabe, appreciate that,’ she sounded surprised. I reached out and put my hand over his on the gearstick, feeling proud that he’d pleased my best friend and he gave me a very quick curt smile, which seemed a bit forced.

  ‘You ok?’

  ‘Fine.’

  ‘Ok,’ I smiled, but I was sure he was lying. I frowned as I watched him drive. What was eating him? We turned into King Street and I looked at him surprised. ‘Are we going to your house?’

  ‘No, Doug lives further up the street. My dad moved us across town to be closer to him and his family after … well you know why.’ He pulled into a sweeping driveway to a detached three storey Georgian property. It was similar to Gabe’s, but narrower and taller and was in red brick, as opposed to Gabe’s old stone block house and there was no walled garden. Gabe got out and went to knock on the front door.

  ‘Holy shit, dude’s loaded,’ said Lexi. ‘Is Gabe’s house like this?’

  ‘Even nicer.’

  ‘Wow.’

  Doug walked out and we watched as he and Gabe did the man hug slap on the back thing. Doug was in his jeans with some walking boots and a navy round neck jumper with a white shirt underneath. They looked like brothers with their matching clothes, height and builds.

  ‘He dresses nicely too Lex. We’ve found ourselves some classic public school boys.’

  ‘Whatever. I’m going to have to put my bloody legs down now. Can you move forwards at all?’ she asked. I looked for the seat slide button and moved until my knees were touching the dash.

  ‘Better?’

  ‘Much, thanks.’

  I noticed the heated seat button and pressed it to help ease my back ache and smiled remembering how hot Gabe had got last night, when I’d accidentally turned it on.

  ‘Hey girls, nice to see you. Thanks for letting me tag along,’ said Doug as he eased himself behind Gabe’s seat.

  ‘Hi Doug nice to see you too,’ I replied.

  ‘Hey Lexi.’

  ‘Hey Doug.’

  I looked in the rear view mirror, but could only see Doug and he’d gone slightly pink. I smiled to myself, pleased with our little ruse. Gabe got in and moved his seat forward before fastening his belt and pulling off. Nobody spoke, so I leaned over to Gabe’s dash to put on some music and break the awkward silence.

  ‘What’s up?’ he frowned.

  ‘I can’t find your CD slot, I was going to see what you had in there.’

  ‘I don’t have one, got an iPhone dock down here in front of the gear stick. Grab my phone out of my jeans, pocket on the left.’

  I leaned over and slid my right hand into his pocket. ‘Why did you have to push it so far down? Ahhhh got it, christ it’s chunky.’

  ‘Nope, that’s not my phone Mia.’

  ‘Shit sorry, I felt something hard, but in my defence you’re never soft.’

  ‘GUYS,’ shouted Lexi and Doug in unison from the back.

  ‘Ok sorry, I have it now. So what are we going for everyone?’

  ‘Dance,’ said Gabe and Doug together as Lexi shouted ‘Metal.’

  ‘Sorry Lex, outvoted. Greatest Dance Hits it is.’ I pressed play and Gabe turned up the volume on his steering stick and even Lexi joined in as we sang our way out of the city and down the country lanes.

  ‘How much further, I can’t feel my legs?’ she moaned.

  ‘Try being here, I’m 6’2” and Mia’s seat’s further forward than Gabe’s,’ retorted Doug. ‘I’m used to going shotgun.’

  ‘6’2” yeah right in your dreams,’ she scoffed. ‘I’m 6’ in flats, no way you’re taller than me.’

  ‘Am so.’

  I looked over at Gabe and smiled as they bickered in the back. He mouthed ‘What?’ He didn’t know
this was Lexi’s way of flirting. I just smiled again, happy for her, and looked out of the window at the hedges rushing past. We soon turned off and drove between two lodges, over a cattle grid and made our way up the tree lined avenue to pull up in a car park behind a magnificent stately home. I managed to get out of the car before Gabe had a chance to come and open my door and I didn’t just see the disapproving look, I felt it.

  ‘God that feels better,’ Lexi groaned as she stretched her limbs, while Doug did the same. I checked the sky, it was overcast so I grabbed my cardigan and wrapped it around me, while Gabe pulled on a navy jumper and I reached for his hand. We headed towards the entrance and he and Doug flashed their National Trust passes at the booth and we all went straight through.

  ‘Is this like a Benjamin Button deal with you two?’ Lexi asked, while I giggled.

  ‘What?’ protested Gabe, giving us both an annoyed look.

  ‘Neither of you dress like typical teenagers, you don’t seem to drink Gabe and you both have old people’s National Trust memberships, you must be way older than you both look.’

  ‘So, we like heritage sites and culture what’s wrong with that? We probably had a slightly different upbringing that’s all.’

  ‘A posh one. Where did you both go? I bet it was Eaton or Harrow or something wasn’t it?’

  ‘Not quite. Dunsmaster boys school actually, but equally up there in the snobbery and results stakes,’ said Doug. ‘Anyway, I thought you two went to a girls boarding school too?’

  ‘I’m hurt. You mean you can’t tell a posh bitch lies beneath this punk rock façade? God Rowleys failed me, I must speak to Mama and Papa and claim an immediate refund,’ teased Lexi in her best Downton Abbey voice, making us all laugh.

  ‘Where do you want to go?’ Gabe asked me, inspecting the arrows pointing to various walks.

  ‘I love water, so can we go down by the lakes?’

  ‘Sure, it’s a flat walk so it’s probably better if you’re still in a bit of pain. How about you two? Are you heading down with us?’

  ‘I prefer the forest route,’ said Doug ‘Lexi you up for it? It’s a bit more strenuous, but you come out up on that hill and there are some amazing views.’

  ‘Sure, whatever,’ she replied with a nonchalant shrug, trying to play it cool. I grinned at her and she pulled her tongue out at me.

  ‘We need to meet back here by 2 p.m. to get to the pub for lunch ok guys?’ instructed Gabe, before they headed off in the other direction.

  ‘Gabe this is awesome, they’re getting on so well.’

  ‘What do you mean? I was on the verge of pulling over and giving them the “If you can’t behave I’m going to make you walk from here” speech.’

  ‘That’s how Lexi flirts.’

  ‘Seriously?’ he asked, astonished.

  ‘Yes, she really likes him Gabe.’

  ‘Well he loves feisty woman, just like me, we’ve never liked twinset and pearl girls so maybe we’re both onto a winner.’

  I let go of his hand and put my arm around his waist and he reciprocated, but put his hand in the back pocket of my jeans.

  ‘Why were you stiff in the car earlier, when I was looking for your phone?’

  ‘I was thinking about us getting all steamy in there last night.’

  ‘Well don’t worry, while I’m on I can still give you hand or blow jobs.’

  ‘Christ are you trying to get me hard again? Can we not talk about sex for a while? It’ll do me good to have the break, you’re wearing me out.’

  ‘Me?! It’s you. Is it normal to have sex so often?’

  ‘Probably not as much as we have been, but I can’t keep my hands off you.’ He finally smiled and kissed the top of my head. ‘Plus it’s all new and exciting. I hear that once couples have been together a while it can dwindle down to a couple of times a week, then a couple of times a month and before you know it, it’s special occasions only.’

  ‘NO? Gabe promise me that’ll never be us? I couldn’t bear not to touch you all the time.’

  ‘Glad to hear it baby. I don’t plan on letting you go untouched either.’ He kissed me again and pulled me closer to his side as we followed the path through the trees. I noticed he kept looking down at me, like he was going to say something and then kept changing his mind.

  ‘Ok what’s going on?’ I asked.

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘Something’s been on your mind since we were in the car and you obviously want to talk.’

  ‘Just something you said earlier that’s all, it’s bothering me.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘You said something about a pact and keeping up your end of the deal losing your virginity. What was that all about?’

  ‘On our first day of lectures Lexi and I made a deal that she was going to try and date someone and I was going to find someone hot to lose my virginity to, a no strings thing,’ I shrugged. He stopped walking, let go of me and fixed me with a very unhappy glare.

  ‘Seriously?! That’s the only reason you agreed to go out with me? It was a fucking dare?’

  ‘Well I wouldn’t put it exactly like that,’ I said as I looked up at him, confused at his reaction.

  ‘Then how would you put it Mia?’ he asked with a sharp tone.

  ‘Why are you all mad at me? I told you from the start I was only after sex no strings, and I didn’t exactly hear you complaining.’

  ‘I thought you’d agreed to sex no strings with me because you liked me, I didn’t think it was because I was the first piece of meat you saw after a fucking dare,’ he hissed.

  ‘Gabe, how could you say that? Of course I liked you, I told you that. It wasn’t really a dare or a bet, just an agreement we made to change our lives. I wasn’t going to sleep with just anyone, I agreed with Lexi that I would if I found someone that I was really attracted to, that I craved. It was pure coincidence that I spotted you the same day.’ He ran his hand through his hair as he looked at me, seeming unconvinced. I stuck my fingers in his jeans pockets and tugged him back to me and looked up at him. ‘Gabe, please. I had a whole University to choose from if it was just about finding any old guy with a penis that day. I saw you and fell for you, literally if you remember, the second I saw you.’

  ‘You really mean that?’ he frowned.

  ‘Yes and it’s not like I just agreed to hook up with you straight away either remember? You were with Julie, I do have morals you know. I could have gone out and got drunk before our date on the Friday and got it over and done with and I didn’t, I waited for you. It was just an agreement Lexi and I made because neither of us was happy with the way our lives were going. Don’t make it something it’s not, please.’ He stayed still, looking down at me as he chewed on his lip. ‘Gabe seriously, I chose you to lose my virginity to, it was supposed to just be all about casual sex and you went and made me fall in love with you, so who cares how it happened? You’re going to tell me you never fucked a girl on a dare before?’ I saw a look of embarrassment flicker cross his face. ‘Well there you go, don’t make a big deal of this. I love you, surely that’s all that matters.’

  ‘Say it again,’ he sighed as his face softened and he put his arms around my waist.

  ‘I love you,’ I smiled. ‘And not just for your sensationally fabulous penis and mad skills in the sack.’

  ‘Mad skills?’ he arched an eyebrow.

  ‘O yeah,’ I nodded. ‘I struck damn lucky picking you for my first.’

  ‘Your bloody only Mia, and it was me that struck lucky,’ he said as he lowered his mouth to mine and kissed me properly.

  ‘So, are we ok?’ I asked as he broke away.

  ‘Yes,’ he sighed. ‘I suppose I should be grateful you made a bloody pact or you may not have agreed to go out with me at all.’

  ‘I have a feeling I would have anyway Gabe, regardless of your persistence. I seem to have this uncontrollable attraction to you, though I may have tried to hold out a bit longer before putting out.’

  ‘I
’d have waited forever for you Mia. There was no way I was letting you slip out of my fingers again, not after losing you that first night.’ He kissed me again and put his arm around me as we started to walk again.

  ‘How could you be so sure Gabe? I don’t get it. You’ve been with so many girls.’

  ‘I don’t know baby, I mean I’ve looked at plenty of other girls and thought yeah, they’re attractive I’d like to fuck them, but I’d never had my breath taken away, never had that feeling in my stomach that I got when I saw you, it just kind of twisted and went all funny and I wasn’t just thinking about fucking you as I looked at you, I knew instantly that I wanted to take care of you, to protect you, which was totally new.’

  ‘You get that stomach thing too?’ I asked surprised.

  ‘All the time. You get it for me?’ he asked, equally surprised.

  ‘Every time I look at you,’ I blushed as I felt it go again. ‘Do you think you were drawn to me because I remind you of your mum?’

  ‘Maybe,’ he shrugged after thinking about it for a while. ‘Does that bother you?’

  ‘Not really, I’m just trying to understand why me? I just find it hard to believe you chose me, I mean you look … like that,’ I said with a gulp. ‘You could have anyone Gabe.’

  He stopped again and cupped my face with his hands. ‘Don’t do that, don’t make out like you’re not worthy Mia. You have no idea how beautiful you are do you? And not just to me. I get so jealous at Uni when I see guys checking you out and you’re totally oblivious. You just don’t seem to realise how desirable you are.’

  ‘You really think I’m beautiful?’ I blushed. ‘No guy’s ever said that to me before you, I get called pretty a lot.’

  ‘You’re the most beautiful, stunning girl I’ve ever seen. I told you baby, you’re my perfect and that’s all that matters isn’t it?’ he asked as he searched my face.

  ‘Yes,’ I whimpered all breathlessly. I never wanted him to stop looking at me the way he was looking at me right now, so full of tenderness and love. He was my perfect too. He picked me up, dropping me onto his hips and I clung onto his neck as his hands weaved into my hair and he kissed me.