From Heartache to Forever

by Caroline Anderson

  Her phone rang, and it was Ryan.

  ‘You OK?’

  ‘Yes—I’ve got a dress, so I’m all good. How’s Tatty?’

  ‘She seems to like that corner. I found a cardboard box in the garage left over from the pictures, so I’ve cut it down and put a blanket in there for her, and she seems perfectly happy. I think she’s getting close.’

  ‘I think so. Are you OK? Coming down off cloud nine?’

  He chuckled. ‘Yes, I’m fine. Tired. I think the suspense got to me. I might have an early night. You take care, and I’ll see you tomorrow evening.’

  ‘You, too. Let me know if anything changes with Tatty.’

  ‘I will. Sleep tight. It’ll be odd without you.’

  ‘It’s only one night. I’ll be with you tomorrow.’

  ‘Good. I’m looking forward to it.’

  He hung up, and she put the phone down, the words ‘I love you’ still hovering on her lips, but he’d gone before she’d had a chance to say them. Just as well, maybe.

  CHAPTER NINE

  HE WAS WALKING down her path looking drop-dead gorgeous in his DJ when she opened the door, and he stopped in his tracks.

  ‘Is that the dress...?’

  The butterflies were having a field day inside her, and the look in his eyes did nothing to settle them down.

  ‘I wasn’t sure if you’d remember it.’

  He laughed, a slightly strangled sound, and ran his finger round his collar. ‘Yeah, I remember it. Even though you only had it on for—oh, maybe thirty seconds?’

  And then he smiled, a tender smile full of promise. ‘I might let you wear it a little longer tonight, so I can enjoy it. You look beautiful, Beth. Absolutely beautiful.’

  He took her hand and met her eyes. ‘Are you OK?’ he asked, his eyes sober now, and she nodded.

  ‘Yes. I am now. It’s been a bit of a funny day.’

  ‘I’m sure.’ They were silent for a moment, Grace in both their thoughts, and then he sucked in a breath and straightened up, holding out his arm. ‘Shall we go?’

  He held the taxi door for her, then went round and got in the other side. ‘So,’ he said, turning to face her and deftly changing the subject, ‘who’s going to be there that I might know?’

  ‘Oh, Ed and Annie, definitely. Ed and Matt were at school together. And James and Connie, and Sam and Kate, Jenny, my line manager, and her husband. I think he’s called Peter. Matt and Livvy, obviously. You’ve worked with both of them. Otherwise I have no idea. I only know her from work and I think they’ve got lots of friends and family, but it should be a lovely wedding. He’s got two little children, a girl and a boy, and his wife died of a brain haemorrhage when they were tiny. That was the same year as Grace, so not long ago. And Livvy’s had breast cancer, so it’s been pretty emotional for them all.’

  ‘Wow. I had no idea. They never give the impression of being sad.’

  She gave a tiny huff of laughter. ‘Do we?’

  He reached out and took her hand, squeezing it gently. ‘I guess not. Are you really OK?’

  She smiled at him, not willing to lie and yet wanting to enjoy this evening with him.

  ‘Yes, Ryan. I’m OK. Grace isn’t far from my thoughts, but then she never is, and I want to enjoy tonight. Can we do that?’

  ‘I’m sure we can,’ he murmured.

  The taxi pulled up outside the hotel, and he asked the driver if he could do the return trip. ‘What time is it winding up, Beth?’

  ‘I don’t know, but I don’t want to be late. Can we leave at half ten?’

  ‘That’s fine. I don’t want to be late, either. Tatty was a bit restless.’

  He spoke to the taxi driver again, paid him, and then offered her his arm as they walked towards the hotel, the place where it had all begun.

  Strangely fitting, and yet oddly she hardly remembered anything about it once they were inside. They’d either been in their room, or in the dining room, or out and about in the town, strolling by the sea, walking by the river, listening to the sound of the surf and the keening of the gulls, and as far as the hotel was concerned, they could have been anywhere.

  They were ushered into a large and beautiful function room, and Matt and Livvy were standing there greeting their guests, looking ridiculously happy and utterly in love.

  ‘Congratulations, Livvy,’ she said softly, giving her a gentle hug. ‘I’m so happy for you both.’

  ‘Thank you. And thank you for coming. It’s so lovely to have you here, and I’m really glad you brought Ryan. I hope things work for you.’

  She smiled at the innocent remark, because like everyone else, Livvy only knew that they’d once worked together and that they were seeing each other now. Nothing more, but that was fine. She wasn’t sure she knew much more than that herself.

  ‘Thank you,’ she said, and hugged Livvy again before turning to Matt and hugging him, too.

  And then Ryan was at her side again, his hand resting on her waist as they looked around.

  ‘Matt says there’s a bar over there, so shall we?’

  She pasted on a bright smile. ‘I think that would be a great idea. Maybe we can find something fizzy to celebrate your job.’

  ‘Good plan.’

  * * *

  Her dress was going to kill him.

  There was live music playing quietly in the background, and the hubbub of voices from the colourful throng, but his eyes kept being drawn back to Beth. She was radiantly beautiful tonight, and yet when he looked deep in her eyes there was that lingering sorrow that never quite left them.

  They mixed and mingled, chatting to the people he’d worked with over the past five weeks, people who might become friends, and they seemed genuinely delighted that he’d joined the department. They were a similar age to him and Beth, a little older but not much, and he could see why James might have been wary of an older consultant coming in.

  ‘I’m so glad it’s you,’ his new clinical lead said to him in a slightly indiscreet moment. ‘That stuffed shirt would have driven me insane.’

  Ryan laughed. ‘Yeah, me, too. Just a few minutes in his company was enough.’

  ‘Tell me about it. I’m absolutely sure he’s a great doctor, mind, but he’s so pompous. It never would have worked. You, on the other hand—I can mould you.’

  Ryan laughed. ‘You can try. Many people have. But to be fair, I think we work in a very similar way.’

  ‘Nah. You’re more like Sam. He’s a bit of a wild one. Ex-army. Bit like you, seen it, done it, knows how to fix it. He may not be entirely orthodox, but he saves lives and that’s what it’s about.’

  ‘Maybe you needed your box ticker.’

  ‘No, thank you. You’re fine. Have another drink.’

  * * *

  ‘What was that about?’

  Ryan smiled at her a little wickedly. ‘Oh, just our clinical lead being a little indiscreet.’ He looked across the room, then back to her. ‘I think the dancing might be about to start. I can see Matt and Livvy over there by the band. Want to go and watch?’

  ‘Oh, I do. She’s been making him practise, apparently.’

  Their dance was beautiful, the song outrageously romantic, and once it was over the guests headed onto the dance floor to join them.

  The tempo picked up at that point, the music morphing into the classic cheesy wedding songs that everyone knew, and Ryan turned to her, held out his hand and smiled. ‘Dance with me?’

  ‘Sure. Why not?’

  She took his hand and let him lead her into the throng, wondering what kind of a dancer he would be.

  Good, was the answer, and he seemed to enjoy it, which was great news as she loved dancing, so she relaxed and threw herself into it, and he shot her a grin, twirled her into his arms and they had a ball.

  ‘Oh, I can’t, I need to stop,
I’ve got a stitch,’ she said, breathing hard and clutching her side, and he chuckled and led her off the dance floor.

  They went to the bar and got some fizzy water, and she rolled the ice-cold glass against her face and sighed.

  ‘Oh, that’s good. I haven’t danced like that for years.’

  ‘No, nor me. Out of practice.’

  ‘You didn’t look out of practice.’

  Their eyes locked, and then the music slowed and he put down his glass and held out his hand.

  ‘Dance with me again,’ he said softly, and she let him lead her to the dance floor, turned into his arms and settled against him as if they were made for each other. She could feel his hands resting lightly in the small of her back, and she slid her arms around his waist and rested her head on his shoulder.

  It felt so good. So right. If only she was sure he loved her...

  She shut off that train of thought, and as they swayed together to the music she closed her eyes, stopped thinking and let herself feel.

  * * *

  ‘It’s nearly ten thirty,’ he murmured, and she lifted her head, dragged back to reality.

  ‘We need to go. The taxi will be here.’

  ‘Matt and Livvy are over there. Let’s go and say goodbye.’

  Two minutes later they were standing outside waiting for their taxi, and she shivered.

  ‘I forgot my wrap.’

  ‘Here, borrow my jacket,’ he murmured, shrugging it off and draping it round her shoulders.

  ‘So chivalrous.’

  ‘Of course. Not to mention warm. It got quite hot in there.’

  It had, in all sorts of ways, but she was cold now, counting down the time.

  * * *

  The taxi pulled up at his house, and they went in and the first thing he did was check Tatty.

  She was in her box, and she lifted her head and licked his hand, then got awkwardly to her feet and headed for the door.

  ‘I’ll just take her outside.’

  ‘Is she all right?’

  ‘I think so.’

  He went with her into the garden, and she wandered round a little, then bopped down for a wee and came back to him, tail waving gently, and pressed her head against his leg.

  ‘Are you OK, little lady?’ he asked her softly, but she just headed back inside to her box, and he went to look for Beth.

  He found her in his bedroom, sitting on the bed holding the little silver heart in her hands, and when she looked up there were tears on her face.

  He crouched down in front of her and rested his hands over hers.

  ‘Are you OK? Would you rather be alone?’

  She shook her head. ‘No. Sit with me.’

  So he sat beside her, his arm around her shoulders, and remembered Grace.

  It could have been yesterday, it was so clear.

  He was on duty that night and still at the hospital when she rang him.

  ‘It feels weird. Something’s different. I’m coming in,’ she’d said, and he met her in Maternity reception.

  They were taken to a side room, and she was put on a monitor and they watched as Grace’s heart slowed, the beats fading to nothing.

  He’d never forget Beth’s anguished cry, or the howl of pain inside him that had been so unexpected. He’d heard that cry so many times during his aid work, the wail of a parent when a child died.

  ‘Ry?’

  He felt her fingers on his cheek now, wiping away tears he hadn’t known he’d shed, and he blinked them away and met her eyes.

  They were dry now, as if the moment had passed and she was at peace, and she lifted the little heart to her lips, then gave it to him.

  ‘We need to put her somewhere safe,’ she said, and he nodded and got to his feet, his daughter’s ashes cradled carefully in his hand.

  ‘How about the study?’

  She nodded, and he went in there and placed the little heart on his desk, then kissed his finger and touched it to the cool metal. ‘Sleep tight, my precious girl,’ he murmured, and then went back to Beth.

  * * *

  She was standing waiting for him by the bed, and she cradled his face and wiped away his tears.

  ‘Make love to me, Ry.’

  He let his breath out on a huff. ‘Are you sure?’

  She nodded. ‘Yes. Yes, I’m sure. I need you.’

  He stared down at her for the longest time, his eyes searching, then gently lowered his head and took her mouth in the sweetest, tenderest kiss.

  She felt the moment it changed. It was still tender, and there was no urgency, but she felt the passion welling in him, the need to be close. He stepped away, stripped off his clothes and came back to her, then with a wry and gentle smile he took hold of the hem of her dress and peeled it off over her head, closing the gap between them with a groan.

  Still holding her, he led her to the bed and threw back the covers. She lay down and held out her arms to him, and he followed her down, gathering her up against his chest, his mouth finding hers again.

  He took his time, his touch gentle and sure, and when it was over he cradled her in his arms as she drifted off to sleep.

  * * *

  He heard a sound.

  Nothing much, just a tiny whimper, and he eased his arm out from under Beth’s head and went out into the hall.

  A definite whimper, from Tatty. He went into the other bedroom and found her circling restlessly in her bed, and he went back into his bedroom.

  ‘Beth? Beth, wake up. I think Tatty’s in labour. Mind your eyes, I need to put the light on.’

  She propped herself up on one elbow, blinking slightly, and he pulled on clean clothes and went back to the dog, kneeling down beside her.

  ‘Are you OK, sweetheart?’ he asked softly, and she pressed her head into his hand and gave a little groan.

  Definitely in labour. He dredged up a memory from his youth, of sitting on the kitchen floor in the semi-darkness, watching his father’s black lab giving birth to a litter of eight fat little puppies.

  Please God not eight. Two or three, maybe four, even, but not eight. And, more importantly, please let them be all right. He couldn’t bear it if they weren’t, not today, of all days.

  Beth came quietly into the room and stood behind him.

  ‘How is she?’

  ‘Uncomfortable, I think. No puppies yet, but she’s working on it.’

  ‘Cup of tea?’

  He smiled up at her in the dim light. ‘That would be amazing.’

  He shifted so that he was sitting near her box, leaning against the bed so he could watch her without crowding her, and Beth brought the tea in and sat down beside him.

  ‘I know nothing about this,’ she murmured. ‘Well, not from a dog perspective.’

  ‘I don’t suppose it’s a lot different,’ he said, hoping the outcome would be, at least, and his heart squeezed. ‘Hopefully she’ll know what’s going on and will instinctively do the right thing, but I don’t think we should leave her. The vet didn’t think she’d ever had a litter, she’s too young and her nipples didn’t look as if she’d lactated.’

  ‘Reg would have known if she’d had puppies and he would have mentioned it,’ Beth said, and then added thoughtfully, ‘I wonder what they’ll look like? We have no idea who the father is. They could be a bit weird.’

  He chuckled quietly. ‘They could. Let’s just hope he wasn’t huge. A couple of nice little puppies would be perfect.’

  ‘I think you’ll get what you’re given, Ry. I’d settle for them all being OK,’ she said philosophically, and sipped her tea, then rested her head on his shoulder with a quiet sigh.

  He turned his head and pressed his lips to her hair, wondering what was going through her mind. Probably the same as his—

  Tatty moved, stretching out her back legs with a ti
ny grunt, then turning and licking herself, and he peered at her.

  ‘Are you OK, Tatty?’ he murmured softly, but she ignored him, concentrating on whatever she was doing.

  Licking a puppy?

  He leant forwards, and saw two black paws and a black nose, then with another grunt the puppy slithered out, and she licked it furiously, pushing it almost roughly until they heard a tiny squeak.

  ‘Oh! It’s alive!’ Beth said, and he could hear the joy in her voice.

  ‘Looks like it. And she seems to know what to do.’

  They watched her, spellbound, as she nosed the puppy until it was lying by her teats, then it started to suckle and she lay down again, resting but keeping an eye on it until she became distracted.

  ‘I think there’s another one coming,’ he murmured.

  ‘Will the first one be all right or will it be in her way?’

  ‘We can move it if we have to. She’ll probably be OK.’

  Beth turned her head and looked at him. ‘Have you seen this before?’

  He nodded. ‘Once. Our dog had puppies. I was probably about seven or eight? That’s when I decided I wanted to be a vet.’

  ‘A vet? Am I missing something?’ she asked softly, her voice slightly incredulous.

  He gave a low chuckle and shook his head, then his smile faded. ‘No. I changed my mind when my father was dying. I was twelve when he was diagnosed with cancer, fifteen when he died. I wanted to be able to do something, and of course I couldn’t, but I spent a lot of time visiting him in hospital off and on, and it sort of rubbed off on me. Here we go,’ he added, leaning forwards again to watch closely, but this time there was a problem.

  ‘It’s breech,’ he said tightly. ‘All tail and bottom, no feet. She might struggle. I’ll give her a moment, then I might have to help.’

  ‘How?’

  ‘Gentle traction. If that doesn’t work, then the vet.’

  Nothing happened, and Tatty was clearly struggling, so he shook his head, picked up a towel he’d put ready and gently grasped the puppy’s hindquarters and eased it down and out with her next contraction.