Heartstrings

by Heather Gunter

  I lift my head up and say, “She’s dealing with it. She lost it when we went to the lake that day and I took her home, now I know why. She’s still having a hard time. I ask her if it’s okay whenever I get near her. I don’t want to startle her or make her uncomfortable.”

  Maverick hesitates before asking, “Does she know who the guy is?”

  “No, but he was at Ty’s party that night and I intend to find out.”

  “First off Will, you aren’t alone in this, Tori’s my friend too. This guy needs to be put away and ‘we’ will find out who this fucker is. I know you want to beat the shit out of him but you can’t. Hell, I want to beat the ever living tar out of him, but it won’t accomplish a thing.” Maverick sighs, “It all makes sense now with how she’s been acting. I didn’t know, Charlie hasn’t said a thing to me about any of this.”

  I feel tears threaten to fall and I do my best to hold them back and rub my fist against my traitorous eyes. I’m so angry, at the bastard who did this to her as well as at myself for not asking questions and just walking away.

  “Why did I ever assume that she would have just hopped in a truck with another guy? I should have known better. She’s never been like that. Shit, I’ve never seen her go out with anyone else.”

  “I’m not saying this to make you feel worse Will, but she’s never had eyes for anyone else but you. You need to get over this guilt somehow and figure out what you’re going to do about Tori.”

  I snap, “What do you mean what I’m going to do about Tori? I love her and this doesn’t change anything for me.”

  Maverick has a look of relief on his face, “Good, that’s what I was hoping to hear. I didn’t want you sitting here wallowing over what you should have done. If you love her and you can get past this, then you need to be there for her.”

  I look at him dead in the eyes and say, “This doesn’t change a thing for me. This wasn’t her fault. I still love her! How would you feel if it had been Charlie?”

  His eyes darken as he replies, “I’d want to kill the bastard, but I wouldn’t and Charlie would need me. I sure as hell would want to find him though and put his ass away.”

  Maverick places his hand on my arm, “Right now focus on Tori and what she needs and how you can be there for her. Keep in mind that she told you for a reason so she obviously has some strong feelings for you.”

  I take it all in and realize that he’s right. She needs me to be here for her and she told me for a reason. I feel grateful that she chose me to be the one that she would tell this to, honored even that she would trust me. “You’re right. Thanks for coming out here and talking me down.”

  “No problem bro.”

  We talk for another hour or so just him and me shootin the shit before he stands up to leave.

  He slaps me on the back, “I’m going to head home. Are you going to be okay?”

  “I’m not the one I’m worried about.”

  He nods his head and says, “Yeah, I know.”

  He walks to his car and opens the door, but before getting in he says, “Holler at me if you need anything. Day or night okay?”

  I nod my head and throw my hand up waving goodbye. I sit there for a few more minutes before I decide to go home. I make myself a vow first, I will be there for her in any capacity that she needs me. Second, I will find that son of bitch but I won’t let this consume me. I can’t, for her sake.

  Chapter 22

  I pull in the driveway and feel so good, dare I say happy even? I feel safe and protected, a feeling I haven’t felt in way too long. My emotions were all over the place prior to telling Will but I feel certain that I made the right decision. I’ve never felt so cared about and he made me feel precious. I walk into the house knowing full well that my mom and Charlie will be waiting on me to get the scoop. Sure enough the moment I walk in I hear, “So?”

  I smile and say, “It went incredibly well. I was terrified at first but being with him makes me feel safe and I knew it was going to be okay to tell him. He was pissed and he looked like he was going to hit the roof at first, but he tampered it down really quickly.” We talk for a few more minutes before I excuse myself to go to my room. I walk in and go straight to my closet, open it and stare down at the guitar that I haven’t attempted to open in so very long. I loved playing my guitar. In fact, I never used to be without it. It had once belonged to my dad, whom I never ever talk about. It was put away the day he left. It would make me so sad to see it around and I couldn’t bring myself to play it anymore. How funny that staring down at it right now isn’t making me sad. He is merely a small blip anymore. Someone, I rarely ever think about.

  I pull out the worn out case and take it to my bed and open it. Sitting pristine is my once prized possession, an acoustic Gibson guitar. I sigh and my body aches to hold and play it like I once did. I gingerly pull it out and sit on my bed, placing the strap around my neck and begin strumming some cords to tune it. It takes several minutes to get it to where I’m happy with the tuning. I begin playing a song and singing softly along with it. I let myself completely go, my fingers never forgetting how to play. They remember as if I’d just played it yesterday. I get to the chorus of the song when I realize the song I chose is so absolutely appropriate, Gary Allen’s Every Storm Runs Out of Rain.

  “Every storm runs, runs out of rain. Just like every dark night turns into day. Every heartache will fade away. Just like every storm runs, runs out of rain, it’s gonna run out of pain.”

  I close my eyes and feel every word that comes out of my mouth. I’m beginning to feel okay, like this is a brand new day. I sing until I’ve strung my last chord when I finally open my eyes and see that I’m not alone. My mom and Charlie are standing in the doorway with misty eyes. My mom comes forward joining me on my bed and Charlie walks across the hall to her room, shutting her door.

  My mom says, “I haven’t heard you play that thing in I don’t know how long. You always carried that thing around and played it constantly. When your dad left you quit. You are such a beautiful singer and it was nice to hear you playing again.”

  “My therapist actually thought I should do something that I enjoy and this is it. Playing this guitar and singing. I forgot how much I loved to play and I missed it. I just didn’t realize how much, until now.”

  All of a sudden my phone rings startling me and I yank it out of my bag and glancing at the caller id. “It’s Will.” I say surprised.

  “Well answer it,” my mom says with a knowing smile and walks out shutting my door to give me privacy.

  “Hello?”

  “Hey Tori, I wanted to make sure you got home safely. I should have called sooner actually.”

  “Um, yeah I did. I’ve been home for a while. Thanks though.”

  “I know that this is still really new and we aren’t sure what we’re doing but would you consider going out with me? We can go as a group to start out with, if you’re more comfortable with that?”

  I don’t say anything right away. I want more than anything to go out on a one on one date but I don’t feel ready to do that. It’s something I have a very hard time admitting to myself.

  “A group date would be a great start actually.”

  I hope I haven’t offended him by agreeing to the group before going out with just the two of us, but I need to start out slow.

  “Tori, it’s okay if you’re not ready. I promise. I want you to be comfortable and if it takes us having group dates from now on then that’s what we’ll do. Don’t worry about me and my feelings. You won’t hurt them, okay?”

  Feeling like a weight has been lifted I reply, “Thank you Will, I really appreciate it.”

  With a smile in his voice he says, “No need for thanks. Just having you sitting beside me no matter who’s with us is enough for me.”

  I smile inwardly at his words. They’re sweet and sincere and in this moment I feel so very blessed.

  Will then says, “I’m going to let you get to bed and I need my beauty sleep.”<
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  I chuckle at his remark and say, “Good night Will.”

  “Sleep tight and Tori?”

  “Yes?”

  “Dream of me.”

  Before I can respond the phone goes dead. I put it down and can’t help the smile that creeps along my face. I want to dream of him and only him. I pray that I can tonight.

  Chapter 23

  I had a few dreams last night and woke several times startled only to realize that I am in my bed safe and sound. I’m finally getting better at calming myself after a nightmare. Some days are worse though where I end up waking my mom or Charlie, sometimes both.

  “So much for dreaming of Will,” I mutter to myself.

  I throw back the covers and walk to the bathroom finding Charlie in there. I stand at the doorway and say, “So um, Will called me last night with an idea.”

  Her eyes grow big and she smiles, turning to me and asks, “And what kind of idea did Will have?”

  “He suggested a group date. What do you think?”

  “Honestly? I think it’s a great idea. I think you need to have some fun, which we haven’t had in a really long time and plus, I think it would be good for you. Have you and Will put a ‘title’ on your relationship or are you just playing it by ear?”

  I take a moment to think about this and finally say, “I know that we both really like each other and have deep feelings for one another. We are taking it slow to see what happens. I know I don’t want to be with anybody else, for me it’s Will. It’s always been Will.”

  Charlie has a smug smile on her face and teases, “I know.”

  This is new to me, “What? What do you mean you know?”

  She looks back at the mirror and says as if it’s no big deal at all, “I may have said something to him back when Maverick and I were first dating.”

  With a slight tone to my voice I ask, “What did you say Charlie?”

  Quickly trying to calm me she says, “I may have just told him to be patient with you and that you cared about him in your own way.”

  Sad isn’t it that even my newly best friend at that time was completely aware of my feelings before I was able to admit them? “I’m not mad Charlie, just surprised that you knew about my feelings for him.”

  Turning to me and looking relieved she steps up to me and gives me a quick hug and says, “Now I am excited, squee a double date! I’m going to go and call Mav.”

  I roll my eyes at her choice of words and at her use of the nickname for Maverick, but can’t help the chuckle and the actual glee I feel about being in a completely different setting with Will. Something I’ve always hoped I’d be able to do with him.

  As I begin getting ready I can hear Charlie speaking animatedly on the phone with who I assume has to be Maverick. It cracks me up how excited she is. Who am I kidding? I’m so excited I just about can’t think straight.

  I walk to my room and finish getting ready when Charlie comes prancing in excited as hell and scaring the shit out of me in the process. “Okay, it’s all set up. Sorry did I scare you? I didn’t mean to.”

  “Yes you scared me but it’s fine. What’s set up to go?” I pretend to play stupid just to hear her say it.

  We sit on the bed facing each other when she says, “This weekend you, me and the guys on a double date. Movie and dinner, sound good? We’ll start with the ‘normal’ date night and then gradually escalate into doing other things.” She stands there with a huge smile, so very proud of herself.

  I throw my head back and laugh out loud. “You seriously crack my ass up, girl.”

  “What?” She asked innocently.

  “Nothing, I just love how you’ve thought of everything and I love it.”

  She doesn’t take offense, but smiles right on with me and says, “You know this is gonna be fun and you guys are meant to be together. I’ve always known that. I used to watch you pining away for him, looking when you thought no one was watching.” She gets a serious look on her face all of a sudden and says, “Now I know why and I understand.” She looks like she wants to say something else and then stops.

  “What? Just say it. I can tell you’ve got something on your mind.”

  She looks down at her lap and I can tell she’s choosing her words wisely when she says with a sad face and finally glances back up, “I just wish you thought you could have talked to me about what happened to you. For so long you were on me to tell you what was going on with me. I finally did and you know how hard that was for me and I know this is completely different but I just wish you would have felt like you could talk to me. That’s all.”

  I don’t know what to say at first and I don’t get mad. Honestly she has a point, so I contemplate my response before answering. “I think I just wanted to push it so far back into the back of my mind and never remember it. How do I say this, I know it happened. I’m not naïve, I just wanted to pretend and hope that it would go away. Turns out, that’s not how it works. It festers like a cancer and it eats at you until you just can’t take it anymore. I wish I would have told you too so I would have dealt with this sooner rather than later, but I didn’t. I’m learning that everyone deals with things differently. Unfortunately this is how I dealt with it. I can’t change it, but I’m glad you’re here and whether you know it or not you’re a huge part of my recovery process. Having family is the best thing for me. I knew when I met you that I needed you as much as you needed me and now I know why.”

  She will never know how true that statement truly is. I don’t realize until I’ve finished that I have tears running down my face and I glance over to her and to see that she’s just as affected. We both wipe our eyes when we hear a throat clear. “Everything okay in here?”

  Both of us start laughing when I answer, “Yes mom, we’re just having a bonding moment, that’s all.”

  She smiles and responds with, “If y’all do any more bonding you’re going to turn into one person. I’m glad you have each other. You both needed each other for two very different reasons. That my girls, is what I call, meant to be.”

  Chapter 24

  Tonight is the night! I’m nervous, scared and excited all at the same time. The last couple of days have crept by. Isn’t that normally how it happens when you’re excited about something? Will and I have spoken at school and on the phone. Not anything serious, just normal everyday things. There have been stolen looks, small conversations but nothing else. As I stand in my closet contemplating what to wear, Charlie walks in.

  “I thought I was the one with the issues of figuring out what to wear?”

  I smirk knowing full well that we’ve done a complete switch. She’s dressed to kill and for once I’m completely stumped. “I don’t know what my problem is.”

  She laughs and says, “Haha, yeah I do, you want to look perfect and I completely get that.”

  She reaches my closet door tapping her finger on her chin as if in complete concentration and begins to search through it. “It’s gotten a lot warmer outside, why don’t you wear shorts, with this?”

  She holds up a sheer grass green colored top that that has lace around the back and shows some skin but you’ve got to wear a tank underneath it. Something I can dress up a pair of shorts with.

  I throw her a knowing smile and say, “Not bad, not bad at all, your master approves, you’ve been taught well.” I bow down to her with my hands together as if in prayer.

  She smacks me lightly in the arm and says, “Turd.” I can’t help but laugh and walk over to my dresser and start rummaging through it looking for the perfect shorts. I pull out a pair of Bermuda shorts for her inspection and she shakes her head and says disapprovingly, “Nope.”

  She pushes me aside and pulls out a shorter pair of shorts in white. “These, they’re perfect, and will show off those sexy long legs of yours that I’ve seen Will looking at for months now. Handing me the shorts, she walks back over to the closet and pulls out a pair of espadrille wedges in a shade of light brown. “Of course a pair of heels are gonna help
the legs of yours get seen.” I can’t help but shake my head at her.

  “Okay, you’re the boss,” I say.

  She walks out of the room when I hear her mutter, “I’m sure that shit won’t last long.”

  I laugh out loud shutting my door so I can get dressed. I feel so excited and nervous all rolled into one. I quickly dress and start on my make-up. As soon as I’ve finished with that, I hear a knock on the door.

  The door opens and Charlie walks in, “You ready to…, wowzers girl, you are gonna have him falling all over himself.”

  I give her a small smile, “Hey will you help me pick out some jewelry?”

  “Sure, because you know I am rocking this dressing Tori shit at the moment.”

  We decide on a pair of long silver earring’s that have chains hanging down, a couple of bangle bracelets and silver ring with a flower on the top. I’m feeling really pretty, not going to lie, the girl did good.

  All of a sudden the doorbell rings and I quickly turn to Charlie. “You look hot girl and Will is going to go nuts, just you wait until he sees you.”

  Her words are meant to console me, but damn I feel like a shaky mess. “Okay,” I say. “Let’s go.”

  We walk to the top of the stairs together and begin our descent down. Down at the bottom is Will and Maverick with my mom nowhere in sight. Oh my God, Will. Our eyes catch and I don’t miss the look registered across his beautiful face. But it’s his eyes that hold me. His brilliant green eyes capture me the whole way down and I never look away, I couldn’t if I tried. I watch his eyes roam all the way down to my toes and back up. Knowing that he likes what he sees makes me happy and not uncomfortable in the least. The moment I reach him, Charlie leaves my side to go to Maverick and Will says, “You look gorgeous.”