Explicit Memory

by Scarlett Finn

  If Rushe was in jail for crimes he did, or didn’t, commit, then the injustice would be irreversible. Countless women would continue to suffer without the prospect of Rushe being able to continue his work.

  ‘Get the box,’ Antoine sneered.

  Flick’s chest was so tight that she had to haul the oxygen into her quickly rising and falling chest. Everything in her wanted to rebel; she wanted to tell him to go to hell, she wanted to spit on him again, and she wanted to hurt him. But the image of Rushe in a maximum security institution roasted her throat, sending steam to her sinuses.

  ‘Now, Felicity.’

  Though her hands shook and her legs struggled to keep her weight, she kept her spine straight and went toward the ottoman, and the box she’d left there.

  ‘Pick it up.’

  All of her focus was on that dreaded cube, and the image was crowded away with the sickening clarity of just how ashamed Rushe would be of her if he saw this. Here she was, bending to the will of the villain, and as she bent to fumble the object into her hand she could feel Rushe’s disappointment quake through her skeleton.

  ‘Open it.’

  Such simple commands, and yet bile churned in her stomach, sending blisters of acid upward. The alcohol fogging her mind made Flick wobble, and her eyes drifted to the bed. She’d shared that bed with Rushe; here they’d been happy, and together. Now she stood here holding the promise of another man.

  Without looking she flipped the lid off the box. ‘Put it on.’

  She didn’t want to, and the burn in her throat was the incarcerated scream that begged for liberation, but she couldn’t grant that wish. Bringing her attention to the platinum band bearing three diamonds, she immediately wanted to throw the beautifully vile object away.

  ‘Put it on, Felicity.’

  ‘I can’t.’

  She remained intent on it but became aware of him storming over. Antoine snatched the box and pulled out the ring, tossing the box aside. Grabbing hold of her hand, he squeezed her knuckles, forcing her fingers straight until he could ram the ring onto her finger.

  ‘You will wear it. And you will be grateful, Felicity.’ He lowered his head until his breath moistened her hairline. ‘Or all of you will suffer.’

  The man left her perimeter, and he left her bedroom, but she wasn’t rid of him. Her torture was only just beginning.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Jerome Mercier was nothing like she expected. The suave man didn’t come off as immediately evil, he was actually sickeningly personable and courteous. Receiving his false platitudes wasn’t the worst part of the evening, though. The true horror came when Flick realised that Simone was on her uncle’s arm. Her father had invited Robert as well, which managed to further compound her indignity.

  Now the two families sat together in her father’s drawing room, enjoying a drink and perfectly pleasant after-dinner conversations. But Flick couldn’t stop her teeth from chattering. She struggled to focus at all; the words blended, and faces fuzzed out. If she hadn’t been drinking from the same wine bottles as everyone else, she might have believed herself drugged.

  The stinging behind her nose wasn’t of tears, it seemed to be connected to the chill that made her shoulders quiver.

  ‘Are you ill, ma chère?’ Antoine asked, taking her hand from her knee.

  ‘No,’ she said, and on impulse she snatched her hand away. Tonight at dinner, Antoine had made the formal announcement of their engagement.

  Her family had seen the ring on her hand and had chirped about it all week. Antoine had acted suitably unimpressed that she was wearing it, but that only made Flick want to ram the ring into his eye. The Hughes had agreed to keep the secret of the union until Antoine’s family had been told.

  This whole situation made her nauseous, especially to see Simone sneering at her. All of the Merciers knew that she was in a forced position, yet they fawned over the soon-to-be newest member of their clan. Simone had even gone so far as to announce herself maid of honour, above the Hughes’ daughters.

  ‘Excuse me,’ Flick said.

  Not interested in explaining herself to anyone, she left the couch and the drawing room to head for the restroom. Splashing water onto her face, Flick put thoughts of smudged makeup aside, because she had to do something to get more with it. Rushe had been right about her diabolical acting ability. It was easier for her to be somebody else when she had Rushe at her side, or watching her back, to ground her. But here in this place, she felt like an alien in her own body.

  ‘He is an excellent lover.’

  Flick darted around to see Simone enter the bathroom with her. ‘You better not be talking about your uncle or your cousin... though I wouldn’t be surprised if that level of depravity existed in your family.’

  ‘You speak of my family,’ Simone said, fastening the lock. ‘Your family is effectively auctioning you off to my Antoine.’

  ‘If you feel like busting them for it, please go ahead,’ Flick said, with a sceptical shake of her head.

  ‘I speak of Rushe.’

  ‘Yes,’ Flick said, sighing out and keeping her expression deadpan. ‘He is a superb lover, and you would definitely know that from all of those times you have not had sex with him.’

  ‘You pine for a man who is ensconced with another.’

  ‘Says you,’ Flick said, folding her arms and leaning back against the vanity countertop.

  ‘You must see this as an opportunity. I was disbelieving when I heard of your proposal, and of my uncle’s acceptance of it. He is not a vengeful man—‘Flick snorted. ‘He is not. He is a rational man. But he does not like to be disrespected. You and your associates disrespected him.’

  ‘What was it you did?’ Flick asked. ‘You had a responsibility in that house. You were to look after the women, and to report to your uncle. Instead, you spent your time chasing every dick in the place.’

  ‘I enjoy men.’

  ‘All but one,’ Flick said, with a glow of pride. ‘My love wasn’t interested. He saw through you and into your black soul.’

  ‘You should not be so smug in defending a man who has rejected you.’

  ‘The only person in this room who has been rejected by Rushe, is you,’ Flick said. ‘You will not succeed in disparaging Rushe to me. My opinion of him will remain as it always was.’

  ‘You are engaged to my cousin,’ Simone said, lifting her chin to sneer down her nose. ‘He is your primary concern, and you will follow his orders.’

  ‘Did you come in here to try and scare me?’

  ‘I came in here to remind you that your position is precarious. If my family is disrespected—‘

  ‘Antoine does a good job of reminding me every day of exactly where my responsibilities lie,’ Flick said. ‘All I have to do is look at him to be reminded of what he’s costing me.’

  ‘You are lucky to have him.’

  ‘Oh, god,’ Flick said, actually tempted to laugh. ‘Yes, I’m grateful, now get the fuck out of here.’

  ‘Your mouth has gotten you into trouble before; you do not learn. Do I have to remind you what we are capable of?’

  ‘No,’ Flick said. ‘Your family is capable of manipulation. You exploit others to better your own means.’

  ‘Our methods should be your concern now, not our goals. Need I remind you that Serendipity remains in our custody?’

  ‘You do not have to remind me,’ Flick said. ‘But if you hurt her, then Jansen will come for you.’

  ‘Jansen,’ Simone scoffed. ‘He remains in the hospital; he still struggles to move. He is no threat.’

  ‘And Rushe? Is he a threat?’

  ‘Not so long as you are here,’ Simone said, with an arched brow. ‘Not so long as he has his whore to worry about. And if Serendipity was sacrificed...’

  Rushe would never forgive himself if any of these women were hurt; three women, and one man trying to protect them all. Flick didn’t want to think of his torment because she knew it would be tearing him apart, and she
wasn’t at his side to soothe him. She’d failed him.

  ‘If you sacrifice Serendipity, then you give up your ace,’ Flick said. ‘Jansen would have nothing left to lose. Rushe can take care of Tawny, and he knows I can take care of myself.’

  Simone’s lips curved to a superior smirk. ‘Can you?’

  ‘You can hurt me,’ Flick said. ‘I may not have physical size, but my tolerance level for bullshit is pretty high... as our current situation speaks to.’

  ‘The sooner that you forget about Rushe and his whore, the sooner we can all move forward. You will marry Antoine, and we will be a family.’

  ‘That’s not your concern,’ Flick said, narrowing her eyes to examine the European. ‘You’re enjoying this. You came in here to lord it over me. You’re actually enjoying every damned second of this, aren’t you? What is it that you want? Do you want me to tell you how I miss Rushe? Or do you want me to cry on your shoulder about his apparent betrayal with Tawny?’

  ‘You were such a stubborn wench,’ Simone said, slinking toward her. ‘You thought you were something so special, thought you were important... now look at you. Pathetic.’

  ‘I’m pathetic?’ Flick said, meeting Simone’s eye. ‘I am here for a greater purpose. You run errands for your uncle and suck cock to validate yourself. You take pleasure in being cruel and perverted. Your existence is entirely reliant upon your uncle’s mercy. Does he know about what went on with Victor and his men? Does he know you’re a whore?’ Flick shifted up onto her feet. ‘Does he know that you opened your legs for those disgusting rapists? Those sickening excuses for human beings who barely made the definition of being male. Anything with a penis is superior to you, because you’re nothing but a foul, degenerate slut, ready to drop to her knees and worship even the most nauseating of men. Men who would make any other woman vomit and consider suicide before they’d consider so much as looking at their dicks voluntarily.’

  Simone’s hand flew up and out, catching Flick across the cheek and sending her head to the side. But her opponent’s visceral reaction made Flick’s lips wind into a smile. Yes, this was much more productive than sitting in that room with the families, getting acquainted.

  ‘He is an excellent lover,’ Flick drawled quietly, bringing her gratification around to Simone slowly. ‘Do you know what it’s like to be worshipped by a man like Rushe? How empowering it is to have him on his knees in front of you, savouring every second he spends with your pussy? To have him so overcome with desire that he’ll tear you from the floor, slam you to the wall, and hammer into you fast and rough, because he just can’t contain himself? Passion like that is overwhelming. His being craves mine, his dick wants to be inside me constantly. He covets my touch, my yearning, my attention. All I have to do is smile, and he wants me. In fact, all I have to be is present. If I’m near him, all he thinks of is me. Even when we’re apart, I consume him. His devotion to me is absolute, and you, ma chère, will never know that adoration, because you... are pathetic.’

  Skirting around the fuming Frenchwoman, Flick’s smile persisted as she unlocked the door and went back to the party, because now it was a party. This farce could be whatever it wanted to, the people here could flatter and crawl all over each other. Simone had done her a favour. Now Flick remembered just how Rushe and she felt, and just how all-encompassing that love was.

  They could be thousands of miles apart, they could be universes apart, and their separation could go on for decades. Their devotion was infinite and it was eternal.

  As much as her mother gushed about wedding dates, Flick said nothing, and Antoine was in no hurry to put anything in stone either. So when appropriate, she made the right noises, but she managed to keep the details vague and didn’t commit to anything.

  There was an overarching sense around her parents that if they didn’t get the wheels in motion, Flick would somehow mess up the relationship before it got to the altar. Flick knew there were worse prospects in the world.

  In the week after her encounter with Simone and the big family introductions, Jerome Mercier had been back three times. The men were bonding, and the business was booming. Flick tried her best to switch off to most of it. She spent time in the gym and in the library, keeping herself busy.

  But her stresses had increased over the last week, because when she had built up the gumption to call Liam he hadn’t answered the phone. She had tried again twice, and neither time had been successful. After the first call, she had sent him an email, but it took him four days to get back to her with a message that merely said, “We’re all alive.” Those words didn’t inspire confidence. She wished she had a way to get in touch with Rushe directly, because she needed to hear his voice.

  If there was trouble with the men, then Flick wanted to know what it was. But short of asking Antoine, and alerting him to her attempts to get in touch with Liam, there was nothing she could do. Antoine hadn’t actually told her not to be in touch with Rushe, but it was implied. Flick didn’t communicate with her lover more for Rushe’s sanity than for her own. If she was in touch with him and told him just how unhappy she was without him, then Rushe would abandon everyone else to be at her side.

  Bedtime was approaching now, and Flick put the book she’d been reading back on the library shelf, then crossed the room to turn off the lamp. When she was only a few feet from the exit, the phone began to ring.

  No one usually called this line; the phone in here seldom rang. Only once had she heard the extension ring, and that was as she sat waiting to hear from Rushe during her overnight stay before this fiasco began. Flick was the only one to use this room, as her sisters had little interest in spending their day with books, and her father had his own office.

  This was the phone she had used to call Liam after she arrived here with Antoine. Hope blazed to her lungs. Rushing across to the desk, she snatched up the handset and brought it close to her mouth.

  ‘Liam,’ she gasped out, knowing that it wasn’t wise to show her hand to the stranger who could be calling, but the desperation had burst out on its own. Initially, no one said anything and her hopes were dashed, it had to be a wrong number, or at least it wasn’t who she thought it was. ‘Hello?’

  ‘Kit.’

  The one syllable paralysed her legs, and she sank onto the floor there in the library under the desk. ‘Oh my god,’ she exhaled. Clutching the receiver with two hands, she tried to bring it closer as though she could hold him against her. ‘Rushe.’

  ‘Are they listening?’

  ‘I don’t know,’ she said, as ice clenched her sinuses, instantly watering her eyes. ‘Oh, Rushe.’

  ‘I know I’m not supposed to be in touch with you. I’m trying to respect your wishes, Kitten, I am—‘

  ‘No,’ she hiccupped. ‘I’m glad you called. I shouldn’t be. I’m not allowed to be, but... oh, Lover, I missed your voice.’

  ‘Has he touched you?’

  ‘I’m safe, Rushe. I miss you. Tell me what’s going on? Are you ok?’

  ‘Simone was here today,’ he said. That deep rumble from within him made Flick’s eyes close, and she propped her temple against the table leg, trying to remember what it was like to feel the vibration of that voice against her.

  ‘She was here last week, I upset her.’

  ‘She said you were misguided.’

  Flick’s smile relaxed. ‘I told her that you were devoted to me.’

  ‘I am devoted to you,’ he said. ‘I know they’ve been telling you—‘

  ‘I don’t care about that,’ Flick cut him off. ‘I don’t care about their stories. I love you. I miss you.’

  ‘I knew you did,’ he said with an audible sigh of relief.

  Rushe wasn’t the type who would immediately strike anyone as insecure. But the part of him that believed he wasn’t worthy of her was often more engulfing than she realised.

  ‘They told you different?’

  ‘You’re wearing his ring.’

  Flick just knew that that line was delivered wi
thout lip movement, and her chest grew tighter. ‘Yes.’

  ‘I won’t let it happen.’

  ‘Lover, you have to—‘

  ‘Has he touched you?’ Rushe growled.

  ‘No,’ she said. ‘I would never let him... I made it very clear to him that I belong to you.’

  ‘Has he tried?’ Flick didn’t want to answer the question, and he had to have sensed her hesitation. ‘Kitten?’

  ‘No. Anytime he tries to come near me, I remind him of how he repulses me.’

  ‘Good girl.’

  ‘I tried to get in touch with Liam; I wanted to know what was going on. I needed to know how you were. I worry about you, Rushe.’

  ‘We got copies of your statements,’ Rushe said. ‘You’re playing his game.’

  ‘And I’ll continue to do that,’ Flick said. ‘I will keep us safe.’

  ‘They could be listening to this call. But I’m telling you now, and them too, that this isn’t over.’

  ‘I know that,’ she murmured, though she didn’t know if he meant their relationship or the situation. ‘I miss you so much. I can’t sleep. I don’t want to eat. I just want to be back with you. I want things to be right again. This isn’t right. Being away from you, like this, I can’t breathe, Rushe. I’m trying to be strong, but I miss you so much.’ There were a few beats of silence, and Flick feared that their link had been lost.

  ‘I want to come and get you.’

  This was why she knew that communicating with him throughout this was a bad idea, because she knew he would want to be proactive in doing whatever it took to ensure her happiness.

  ‘You can’t. I wish you could. But Tawny would be left open, Serendipity too. We know this is for the best. What’s the alternative?’

  ‘He said that you weren’t my woman.’

  ‘You know that’s not true,’ Flick said. ‘Am I any less yours when I’m not right in front of you?’

  ‘I want to kiss you,’ he admitted. ‘For all the sex I dream about having with you... it’s your mouth I miss the most. And your hair, waking up with it spread out all over me. Your heartbeat pounding between those sweet tits against my ribs.’