Black and Ugly as Ever (The Cartel Publications Presents)

by Styles, T.

  “Hungry?” Miss Wayne asked me as he fussed over breakfast in the kitchen.

  “Yeah…I’ll take some eggs,” I told him smiling at Daffany. “Welcome back, girl!” I nudged her shoulders. She was thin and looked like she’d been through hell, but for the first time in a long time, I saw my friend again. She smiled, looked at the bowl of cereal in front of her and then dropped the spoon. Then she started crying.

  “I…I…am sooo sorry for what I put, ya’ll through,” she wept. “I know this don’t mean nothing right now, but I’m gonna stay clean. For myself…my baby…and, yall.”

  Miss Wayne rushed by her side and I did too. “Listen, baby,” he said rubbing her back. “It don’t matter what you did. All that matters is where you’re going. You’re clean, and today we gonna take you to the doctor, find out about the baby and go on with our lives. There’s no need for apologies.”

  “Yeah…it’s all downhill from here,” I told her. “The rest should be easy.”

  “I love, yall,” she said.

  I kissed her cheek and smiled. If we talked about this anymore we all were going to be crying. I can’t believe I was about to leave her side. She was my friend. One of my dearest friends. If I could lay in the same bed with a murderer, the least I could do was forgive someone who always had my back.

  “Miss Wayne, can I use your cell phone charger?” I asked remembering I hadn’t talked to my sweetheart in a while. “I wanna call Jay right quick.” When I stood up, I put my belt with the word Parade in rhinestones on. It had been lying in my lap.

  “Jay?” Daffany questioned wiping her tears. “When did that happen?”

  “I’ll tell you everything later.” I grabbed the charger from Miss Wayne and plugged up my phone so it could power up. I saw fifty messages.

  I ignored the voice mails and the text messages and tried to call Jay but he didn’t answer his phone. Being away from him was the toughest part about everything. All I wanted to do was make him happy and go on with our lives. But I knew this thing with Smokes wouldn’t go away easily. He’d proven to me the type of man he was and I knew what he was capable of. When I looked at a few of the texts, one of them hurt me so bad my heart ached.

  Parade, I guess by now you’ve made your decision. And I can tell by the way you ignorin’ my calls you ain’t choose me. I just want you to know that I’m gonna always love you. I also want you to know that I’m changin’ a lot of shit in my life and have made a decision to move to L.A. I need a change of pace. When you get this I won’t answer your calls. I’m trying to move on so you can too. Take care, and I hope he makes you happy. He betta. Jay.

  “What baby?” Miss Wayne asked rushing by my side. I guess my face said it all. I had lost the one man I loved. And I knew he was gone forever. But before I could say anything there was heavy beating on the door.

  “Hold up,” Miss Wayne said in his natural male voice. “Who the fuck beatin’ at my door like they lost their fuckin’ mind?!”

  “It’s me, girl,” a feminine male voice called out from the other side. “Open this door. I know you got some new shit in there!”

  Miss Wayne laughed when he heard the voice and said, “That probably ain’t nobody but Miss Dayshawn’s faggy ass. I’m supposed to be hookin’ him up with some luggage for his trip to the Bahamas’s next month. Let me get this right quick.”

  Daffany and I engaged in short conversation at the kitchen table while Miss Wayne opened the door. The thunder from the door being kicked open and Miss Wayne falling to the floor made me damn near pop out of my skin. Daffany jumped up against the wall and it was seconds before I was being snatched up. It was Zeeway.

  “Bitch, get your shit and get the fuck up!” he told me grabbing me by my forearm. “Smokes been lookin’ all over for ya ass!”

  “Nigga, get your fuckin’ hands off of me!” I told him as I used the side of my hand to hit him in the throat. “You must’ve bumped your fuckin’ head touchin’ me, nigga!”

  Before I could get another blow in, Miss Wayne came running behnd him with a cast iron pan. Zeeway saw this and diverted his attention from me to handle Miss Wayne’s muscular ass. But before Miss Wayne could reach him, he slipped on the spilled milk from Daffany’s cereal bowl and busted his ass on the kitchen floor. Daffany continued to scream while I decided to do what I did best, whip this mothafucka’s ass like he stole somethin’. I rushed his punk ass and caught him off guard. I knew once I had him it was a wrap! No man or woman could fuck with the way I wrecked.

  “Nigga, you,” I paused to hold his head under my arm, with my toes spread and pressed against the hardwood floor. “betta get the fuck…outta here…before…I punish your ass!” I must’ve gut punched him and stole him in his face several times before he realized what happened.

  “You crazy ass, bitch!” he yelled trying to get away from me.

  Some kind of way he got a hold of my neck and put my right arm behind my back as he held it firmly behind me. And because I knew how to use both hands in a fight, I twisted out of it using my elbow to punch him in the stomach again. I was just about to commence to beating his ass some more when he pulled out a gun.

  “Bitch…,” he said breathing heavily. “I should shoot your fuckin’ ass right now and tell that nigga it was a mistake!”

  I bit my tongue even though I wasn’t scared of his gun. I had a gun thrown in my face before and I’m still here. The only thing I worried about was Daffany and Miss Wayne. I didn’t want them hurt because I got off on kicking this punk nigga’s ass. So I decided to calm down, and leave without any altercations.

  “Let’s go, bitch before I murder your ass!” he demanded.

  Before I left I looked at Miss Wayne who was rubbing his ankle. I hoped he didn’t break it. Then I looked at Daffany and said, “I’m gonna be okay, guys. Trust me,” I hoped it was true.

  I went hesitantly and barefoot without anymore altercations. For now anyway.

  I didn’t talk while Zeeway took me toward Quincy Manor apartments in his royal blue Suburban. My arms remained folded against my stomach as I ignored everything he said.

  “Yous a tough lil’ black, bitch,” he told me as he used one hand to rub his busted lip. “But I wonder how tough you gonna be when you take that trip.” He laughed.

  I just looked at him and rolled my eyes.

  When we pulled up in the parking lot in the back of the development, I contemplated running but where was I going to go? My car was back at Miss Wayne’s and Smokes would catch me and probably kill my mother and my friends.

  “Get out,” he demanded opening my car door. Once outside the truck, he pulled me by my forearm and I thought about beating his ass again.

  “You betta be glad you got that gun, nigga cause I’d be kickin’ your ass some more!” I warned.

  “Put your hands on me again and I’ma make an excuse to Smokes on why ya ass is showin’ up missin’. He wouldn’t give a fuck anyway. It’ll be one less bitch he gotta worry about.”

  “I wonder what the Dominicans would think since it’s obvious they want me there,” I said smartly. He looked scared. “If he doin’ all this I must be worth somethin’,” I giggled.

  “Bitch, bring your ass on!”

  I allowed him to pull me toward the building as we walked hurriedly down some steps. Once we got to our destination, he knocked twice and the door opened wide. Another man I’d never seen before was inside. Nothing was in the apartment and all the blinds were drawn making it dark because the sun couldn’t shine on the back part of the building. When someone finally cut the lights on, I saw Jay tied up on a chair and my heart dropped.

  Not caring what anybody had to say, I rushed up to him and wrapped my arms around his neck. He was beat up so badly he sighed a little when I touched him.

  “You okay, baby?” I asked even though he couldn’t speak due to the duct tape covering his lips. He nodded yes but I knew he wasn’t.

  “He aight…but you ain’t goin’ be if you don’t do what we ask yo
u too,” Zeeway promised.

  Standing up straight I looked at Zeeway wanting to scratch his fuckin’ eyes out! I hated him and everything he stood for. I also knew, once I boarded that plane with all that money attached to my body, I wasn’t coming back home. I don’t care what lie Smokes told me. My naïve days were over and I was growing smarter by the second. Everybody who has ever used me taught me a lesson in one way or another.

  “What I gotta do?”

  “You know what you gotta do,” he told me. “And you’ll have to see Smokes ‘bout the details. I just wanted to bring you by here so you could see the severity of the situation,” he laughed. “Now let’s go.”

  I took one last look at Jay and broke away from Zeeway to hold him again. If he wanted to shoot me so be it. I had to say goodbye to the true love of my life because I didn’t know when I’d see him again. Or better yet, if I’d ever lay eyes on him again. The way it looked, we were both not going to make it.

  “I love you, Jay,” I cried confessing my love to him. “I’ve always loved you.”

  “I…mub..you moo,” he said under the tape covering his lips.

  “Stop with the chivalries and let’s get the fuck outta here!” he said grabbing my arm.

  One man stayed with Jay in the apartment as he rushed me outside. I sobbed thinking of the life we could’ve had now lost. How could I have been so stupid? I already knew what kind of man Smokes was yet I was going to marry him anyway. Just to have somebody to call my own. Just to have all of the riches I wanted when I was younger. I traded my soul for material things and was going to lose everything that really mattered in the process. Daffany was right about me. Lately I had become selfish. And if I could do it all over again, I would.

  As I got in the car one thing ran through my mind. I can take this mothafucka. Taking one last look at him as he slid in the driver’s seat, my thoughts were confirmed. He was a bitch ass nigga and I knew it. Here I was barefoot and angry. The only reason I hesitated on busting his shit was because of the gun he was holding. What if I got shot and nobody found out about Jay? I couldn’t take the thought of something happening to him. But anything happening to Jay was what made me go for it.

  The moment he placed one hand on the steering wheel preparing to pull off, I cocked my right hand back and as hard as I could, hit him in his cheek. The blood from his face splattered against the window as if it had left a spray bottle. Once it did that, I followed up with another blow. His eyes got wide like he was in a daze trying to figure out what happened. So before he could think straight, again I hit him with another blow. You would’ve thought after the last ass whippin’ I gave him at Miss Wayne’s, that he’d be smarter than to leave my hands free. And had Smokes really known me, he would’ve told him too. Then again, I didn’t really know Smokes, either. I was so caught up into getting back to Jay and dealing with the consequences later that I didn’t see Zeeway coming for my neck with both hands.

  “You black, bitch! Fuck this job I’m about to kill ya fuckin’ ass and deal with Smokes later!” he continued squeezing my throat tightly.

  My hands went wildly before landing on his face. My left finger nail dug into his nose and more of his blood escaped his body and rolled down his lip. He looked like he’d been in a war and in a manner of speaking, he had.

  Although I was fighting, I could feel my throat getting tighter and I began to feel light headed. My world was floating and my soul felt like it was escaping. My eye lids were heavy and I suddenly felt a need to close them. And all of a sudden, nothing mattered. Not Jay, not Smokes and not my life. I was ready to give up on the fight of my life and leave this world for good.

  And as soon as I gave up, I saw the driver’s door swing open and a man yank Zeeway out of the door. Zeeway tried to fight him but the mysterious man, I didn’t know, hit him over and over again with a closed fist until Zeeway lay weakly on the ground. Half of his body lay outside the truck while his feet remained inside.

  “Hey…you betta get outta here,” the stranger said breathing heavily looking down at Zeeway.

  I rubbed my throat and looked at him strangely. Why did he help me and who was he? I was about to ask him his name until I saw the word Kelsi tatted on his right arm.

  “W…why did you help me?” I asked rubbing my throat surprised I was still alive.

  “I uuon’t know. But unless you want me to change my mind, I suggest you get the fuck outta here before you be dealin’ wit’your problems on your own again.”

  I didn’t press the issue. Just got up and started moving. Something about him seemed familiar. It was like we were cut from the same cloth. Once outside, I took one last look at my hero and ran away. I needed to call Miss Wayne to get some help. I don’t even know why I didn’t call the police first. But it didn’t matter because by the time I dialed the first digit, three cop cars pulled up beside me. I started to run but my energy level was weak due to almost being killed.

  “Get down or we’ll shoot,” they promised.

  There were about ten cops pointing weapons at me and all I could do was comply. And when I got down, I was grabbed up and thrown in the back of a police car. What was going on, and what did they want from me? This day was going from piss to shit quick! I needed help.

  Parade

  The interrogation room was cold and drab and I was frustrated. They didn’t even have the decency to tell me what was going on, or give me any shoes. It was like they were trying to keep me in suspense on purpose. Twenty minutes after I’d been brought in, the person who came through the door almost made me fall out of my chair.

  “Hello, Parade…how are you?” she asked as she opened the door. Taking the seat directly across from me at the table, she smiled.

  “What the fuck is going on?” I asked shocked to see her. She even had a badge hanging around her neck. “And who are you…really?”

  She smiled again and I felt like knocking her teeth out of her mouth. I had Jay on my mind and wasn’t in the playing mood.

  “Well…for starters my name isn’t Sweets. It’s Essence. And I’m an undercover detective in the homicide division. I’m also working in conjunction with the FBI to bring down Smokes. We’ve been after him for quite some time now.”

  The room seemed off balance and I didn’t know if I should be happy or sad. After all, she was basically telling me I wasn’t in this thing alone. I hadn’t even discussed my issue with Miss Wayne or Jay. I didn’t want to get anybody more involved than I already had. I guess that’s what she meant when she said she’s more on my side than I realize.

  “What the fuck does any of this have to do with me?” I was trying to maintain control.

  She smiled, and said, “More than you think. For starters, we want you to testify against Smokes. We have several charges stemming from the murder of your friend Sky Taylor to drug trafficking across state lines. He’s in over his head now and all we need is your help. Silver has already conspired against him for a lighter sentence and your testimony would help tremendously.”

  I knew it! Silver was a bitch ass nigga all along! Still, hearing Sky’s name in the same sentence as Smokes again made me feel ashamed. How could I betray her in death? I was willing to do anything to undue the wrong I’d done but I wasn’t sure if testifying was it. I never was a snitch and I wasn’t about to start now. Instead, I decided to present her with a little piece of evidence I had that nobody knew about. When Smokes broke down to me what I had to do, the day after my talk with Jay, I recorded the entire conversation. I took Jay’s advice about being two steps ahead seriously. And now I was glad I did.

  “I’m sorry. I have the code of the streets all in my blood and I won’t be able to testify, but I recorded a conversation I had with him and it goes into detail about what he wanted me to do. You know…the night you were at the house and trying to eavesdrop. Would that be enough to bring him down?” The smile on her face told me everything I needed to know.

  “It would be perfect! Where is it?” she questioned. />
  “At home. I hid it so he won’t be able to find it.”

  “Great, we’ll take you there to get it after we get the warrant back for his arrest. We should have it in a few minutes. I would’ve been able to record the conversation myself but you insisted that I leave. That’s why I was so adamant about staying.”

  While she talked I thought about how cozy she was with Smokes and had a question of my own that needed to be answered.

  “Did you sleep with him?” I blurted out.

  “Let’s just say I do what I have to for my shield.”

  I just smiled. As long as he was out of the way and I wouldn’t be forced to do anything illegal. I was happy. Although I was partially relieved, Jay was still heavy on my mind. I needed to know what happened to him but was afraid to ask. Maybe I really didn’t want to hear the truth. And then she said, “Before we leave, I have someone I want you to see.”

  She left for five minutes before returning with Jay. He was bruised and he limped a little but he was okay. I ran up to him and wrapped my hands around his neck. My baby was alive.

  “I’ll leave you two alone for a few minutes,” she said walking toward the door. “Parade, thanks for everything.”

  “Sure!” I was excited to see my baby’s face.

  When she left I said, “I thought I lost you for good,” I kissed his swollen and bruised lips.

  “How you figure you were gonna get rid of me that easy?” he said wrapping his arms around my waist. Although in pain, he held me like not a bone on his body ached. He was definitely a trooper. “I told you, you had me for life.”

  “Then why were you going to move to L.A.?”

  “I was gonna move to L.A. to get myself together, Parade. And it’s still somethin’ I wanna do. But it won’t stop my love for you.”

  I was disappointed because I wanted him here with me. “So that means we really are through?”