Without You: Book 1 of the Changing Hearts Series

by Yesenia Vargas

  She walked over to an elliptical.

  “And they have TVs with cable? Why does the freshman fifteen even exist?” She looked at the girl she’d been paired with. Her name was Nayelli. She was taller than Ariana and easygoing.

  “I know, right? But you’d be surprised. No one tells you when to eat and when not to eat. You stay up studying and you get hungry? You can buy yourself something somewhere or go to Snelling, which is open 24/7.”

  She patted her stomach, which was almost flat. “I had to learn the hard way last year. I gained some serious weight but began eating healthier and coming in here a few times a week. So basically, don’t stuff your face every day.”

  “Wow. I’ll definitely keep that in mind.” Ariana laughed.

  Nayelli glanced at her phone. “I have a calculus class coming up in about twenty minutes. We should start heading that way, and you can see what that’s like. There’s only about twenty-five people in that class, though, which isn’t as cool as the three-hundred people biology class I had last year.”

  “Three hundred people in one class? How do they all fit?” Maybe that was one of those dumb questions she shouldn’t have asked, but Nayelli didn’t seem to think so.

  “There are these huge classrooms that are kind of like a mini stadium. The professor’s at the bottom and there’s this huge screen and the class kind of goes up and around a bit.”

  “Oh,” Ariana said, trying to envision it as they walked back out of the gym.

  “I’ll show you a class like that later. I personally liked those classes better, but it’s just a preference.”

  Ariana nodded as they arrived at the bus stop.

  “Okay. We need to get on the East/West bus. Do you see one?”

  Ariana glanced around. There was one bus leaving and one about to get where they were, but it said something else.

  “Um, nope.”

  “It’ll probably be a few minutes. In the evenings, though, the schedule changes and the buses come through a lot less frequently, which sucks if you don’t have a car and find somewhere to park for free. Sometimes I get stuck waiting for like fifteen, twenty minutes, but now I just ride with one of my friends.”

  Pay to park? Ariana thought. She assumed she’d be bringing her car next year, but no one ever had to pay to park in her hometown. How much would it be just to park? She started thinking about all the expenses the program lady had mentioned earlier, like the meal plan, tuition, books, clothes, and everything else.

  She knew her parents had a little money saved up since they had been doing financially better in the last couple of years, but not anywhere close to pay for all of her college.

  Her stomach sank a little at the thought of not being able to come here because she couldn’t afford it. There was that one scholarship and a few others she had heard of and applied to, but would they be enough? There was also HOPE, which covered her tuition if she got As and Bs, but she had to live here the first year in the dorms and she knew that had to be expensive.

  “Do you have scholarships?” she asked Nayelli.

  “A couple. I still work part-time, though. At this fast food place down the street from my dorm. So I can afford all the fees, books, and the meal plan. I mean, there’s bus fees, technology fees, green fees. Plus like supplies and clothes and stuff. My parents weren’t really able to help me out at all with my expenses, so I cover them myself.”

  Ariana thought about that. Fees on top of everything else?

  “Oh, look. There’s the bus we need to get on.”

  Ariana tried to focus on her steps as she got on the bus and took a seat next to Nayelli instead of wondering if she’d actually be coming here next year.

  chapter nineteen

  Ariana took her plate of food over to where her mom was sitting in a corner of the dining hall, which looked nothing like the ugly cafeteria back at her school.

  She hadn’t seen her mom most of the morning. All the parents had been in their own informational meetings about what to expect once their kids were in college.

  The extensive variety of food at the dining hall had distracted Ariana from her earlier worries, especially because all the walking around had left her starving. She had piled plate after plate of food onto her tray, not to mention a tasty-looking fruit smoothie she was dying to try after being out in the heat.

  Now that she saw her mom, though, she needed to ask about how they were going to figure out things financially.

  “So are you liking the school?” her mom asked with a smile.

  “I love it,” Ariana said. Which would make it that much more devastating if she couldn’t come here after all. She took a bite of her Philly steak sandwich. “Hmm, this is so good.” She took a sip of her smoothie. “Oh my gosh, this is better. And it’s healthy. Why can’t I eat like this every day?”

  She glanced at her mom, who was giving her the look.

  She decided it was time to change the topic. Her mom looked back down at her spaghetti and continued eating.

  “So, Mom. Did they tell you about how much it costs to come here and everything?” She took another bite of her sandwich, enjoying the cheesiness.

  “Oh yeah. Almost twenty thousand a year.”

  Ariana’s mouth fell open, and she had to cover her mouth quickly with her hand so her food wouldn’t show.

  “You can’t be serious.” She kept chewing. She guessed it made sense with the dorm, meal plan, books, fees, and tuition.

  Her mom nodded. “They’re giving you scholarships, right?”

  “I mean, I applied for some yeah, and I should have HOPE because of my grades, but I haven’t really calculated how much I might need after that. It just depends how many scholarships I get.”

  Her voice got smaller and smaller with each word she said. It became hard to swallow, and she couldn’t help but sigh and put down her sandwich.

  “If you really want to come here, we’ll figure it out. Don’t worry,” her mom said. She looked up at her, but looking at her mom’s eyes, Ariana knew she was saying what a mom should say right now. She just wasn’t sure if her mom truly believed that.

  Her mom looked down. “We’ll take out a loan every year if we have to.”

  “No,” Ariana replied immediately. “It’s way too much, even with your raise. I don’t want to come here if it means you and dad getting into a whole bunch of debt. It’s not worth it.”

  “We disagree,” her mom said.

  The one up side to not coming to UGA? At least she wouldn’t have to choose between UGA and Lucas.

  But she knew she’d always wonder.

  ###

  “What’s wrong, babe?” Lucas said. He put his hand on hers as they headed to his house. It was his day off. Her parents had finally said it would be okay to go over there as long his mom was there, and she would be. For a few minutes at least, before she left for work.

  She’d left that part out, though. She needed some alone time with Lucas. Or at least as alone as they could get with his two sisters around.

  She sighed but didn’t really want to talk about it.

  “You never really told me about what UGA was like. Did you love it or what?” He had a smile on his face. He truly wanted her to be happy. She could tell from the way he always asked for updates.

  “It was awesome,” she replied.

  “Then what’s up?” he asked. “Is it about…you leaving?”

  “A little. It’s just that I don’t even know if I’ll be able to go. It’s kind of expensive, and it just depends on the scholarships I get, if any, because I’m not sure if my parents are gonna be able to afford to help me with much.”

  Lucas stared at the steering wheel in front of him after he pulled in to his driveway and turned off the car.

  It was quiet for a few seconds before he asked, “Have you asked your parents about it?”

  “Yeah. They can help me with a couple thousand maybe, but it wouldn’t be enough. HOPE will cover my tuition, but then there’s the dorm since I
have to live there the first year, the meal plan, the fees, gas, and other stuff and I just don’t want them to have to take out a loan or get into serious credit card debt or something.”

  More silence from Lucas.

  “This is one of those times I wish I was a millionaire, so the people I love didn’t have to worry about something as dumb as money.”

  Ariana smiled, despite her thoughts going a million miles an hour. She squeezed his hand. “This isn’t your fault.”

  “I know. I just wish I could help. I don’t really have much saved up. You know if I did—”

  Ariana kissed him. Hard.

  She finally pulled back a minute later. “I could never let you do that. What you do for your family, for your mom and sisters, is amazing.”

  She had tears in her eyes now, and if she kept talking, they’d flow down her cheeks. “Like we keep on saying, if it’s meant to happen, it will happen.” She looked at him. “Right?”

  He smiled softly. “Right.”

  ###

  “Happy birthday to you,” everyone sang around the table. Jimmy looked around with a goofy smile on his face. “Happy birthday, dear Jimmy, happy birthday to you.”

  Ariana’s phone buzzed. It was Lucas.

  I miss you. Wish I could be there with you.

  He had to work all day. He hardly had any days off and worked even more hours than before. Someone had quit, and they were short on people at the clothing store where he worked.

  “It’s actually a good thing, I guess,” he had said as they talked about it while having lunch a couple weeks before. “I need to save up some money anyway. My mom kinda wanted to take my sisters to the beach this summer, so I can help pitch in. We’ve never been on vacation.”

  “When you said you needed to save money, I thought you meant for college in the fall,” Ariana said, putting her fork down.

  Lucas sighed. “That too.”

  Now Ariana’s dad went over to the stereo in the living room and pushed play.

  Estas son las mananitas…

  The equivalent of the birthday song in Mexico began playing. It was one of Ariana’s favorite songs to listen to, but it was really long, and she didn’t know all the words.

  Her mom squeezed Jimmy’s shoulder and kissed him on the cheek. Ariana playfully bumped into Mayra, who gave her a smile. Ryan looked on politely from the opposite end of the table. It was a given he’d be invited to Jimmy’s birthday every year.

  When the song was over, they all clapped and cheered.

  “Que le muerda,” Ariana said, still clapping. Everyone joined her, except for Ryan, who watched and realized what was happening.

  Ariana went over behind Jimmy.

  “Take a bite,” Mayra shouted.

  “Yeah, right,” Jimmy replied, staring behind him at Ariana, who was ready to shove his head into the cake as soon as he let his guard down for the briefest of moments.

  “I’m protecting you from everyone else,” Ariana said.

  Jimmy laughed, and Ariana took advantage of his glance towards everyone else.

  She shoved his face down hard, except his head was turned slightly to the side.

  It worked, though. Jimmy came back up with over half his face covered in blue and white frosting.

  “It’s up my nose,” he said, his voice funny. “And my eyebrows.”

  Everyone laughed and their mom led him from his seat to the kitchen sink. She heard the faucet come on as she headed back to where Mayra was.

  They high-fived and looked at the cake. They had only messed up a small part of it.

  Ariana’s mom came back to the slice the cake and pass pieces around. Ariana went to help her.

  “This looks so good,” Mayra said, holding her plate. “I love pastel de tres leches. And it has strawberries.” She grabbed a fork and took a seat to dig in.

  “Ryan, can you put some water bottles on the table for me?” her mom asked as she continued cutting.

  “Yes, ma’am,” he said, walking into the kitchen to grab some from the pack. Ariana handed her dad a small piece. He wasn’t big on sweets.

  He came back in a second later with a handful of water bottles, and Ariana handed him his piece of cake.

  “Thanks,” he said, looking at it and walking back to his seat.

  “I think that’s everyone,” Ariana told her mom. “Just us left.”

  Her mom set Jimmy’s piece, the one that had been practically flattened, aside for him.

  As they all sat down to eat and talk, Jimmy walked back in.

  “You still have some on your chin,” Mayra said with a smile.

  Jimmy groaned and grabbed a napkin before sitting down. He reached for his plate. “Yes,” he whispered. “My favorite.”

  A few minutes later, they were finishing eating. Their mom went to the kitchen to begin cleaning while their dad went outside to have a beer.

  Jimmy looked in Mayra’s direction and winked. She rolled her eyes but smiled.

  “This time next year, I’ll have a car and my license. I can’t wait,” he said.

  “Good thing I won’t be around then because the roads around here are gonna be a dangerous place to be,” Ariana said.

  It was meant to be a joke, but she couldn’t bring herself to even smile. Instead, she swallowed hard to keep the knot in her throat from forming.

  Not only was she going to give up her current relationship with Lucas for a long distance one, going to UGA meant missing out on Jimmy’s last two years of high school.

  ###

  Ariana stared at the screen in front of her. She had senioritis bad. She had a huge project due the next day for Language Arts, and she still wasn’t done. Not even halfway done. And she still had to work on her DECA project for this year’s competition. She wasn’t even halfway done with that either.

  She was supposed to have finished the Language Arts project at least by now, but she kept putting it off. She thought for a minute. This was basically Mayra’s life. Procrastinating even at the very last minute. What had she gotten herself into?

  Each person was supposed to pick a book off the teacher’s list (definitely not Hunger Games) and create this huge presentation about it. She had finally finished reading the book yesterday. Why she had picked the longest book on that darned list, she didn’t know.

  Now it was time to do the presentation, which was basically the hardest part, the actual work, and she couldn’t bring herself to do more than opening PowerPoint.

  “Gahhh,” she said out loud, mostly to herself. Jimmy was taking a nap in his room, and her mom had let her off the hook from helping with dinner since she had this project. And her dad would be home soon.

  She stared out her window towards Mayra’s house.

  Mayra was actually closer to being finished than she was. If there existed the opposite of senioritis, she had it. She had picked a pretty short book, of course, but had read it pretty quickly. Had actually gotten into it. And was already halfway done with the presentation component. Ariana glanced at the time at the corner of her screen.

  7:17 p.m.

  She was probably already done by now.

  She sighed.

  She moved her finger on the trackpad and navigated to the Internet.

  A few minutes on Twitter, Instagram, and her email turned into twenty minutes.

  “Shoot,” she said. And she knew her mom would be done with dinner soon. She was hungry, but then she’d have less time after sitting down to eat.

  Just as she was about to exit out for good and get at least the first slide done, she saw an email from a scholarship she’d applied to. The big scholarship.

  Her mouth fell open as she read the subject line.

  Congratulations.

  “Holy shit,” she said as she clicked. Her heart was already beating about a thousand miles per hour as she tried to make sense of the words in front of her.

  She had won the scholarship.

  Just a few days ago, she’d heard from the HSF people who had
organized her tour at UGA. She had been awarded a small scholarship from them. One thousand dollars, and she’d have to reapply each year to get it renewed. It had been exciting, but she knew it wouldn’t be nearly enough to get her through college.

  This was ten thousand dollars each year for four years.

  Her counselor had recommended her for it, and she’d spent a lot of time filling out the lengthy application, which had to include pictures, recommendations, essays, her family’s financials, and her goals.

  I guess they liked me, she thought. She smiled as she read the next steps over and over. She couldn’t wait to tell everyone.

  She took a screenshot and finally exited out. Then she just sat there for a few minutes.

  This was really happening. She was going to UGA.

  She got to work.

  chapter twenty

  Fifteen minutes later, Ariana still felt numb. But also hungry as she walked into the kitchen to wash her hands. Her dad walked in the front door and went into the kitchen. He gave her mom a kiss on the cheek and left to change, patting Ariana on the shoulder as he passed. She opened her mouth to talk but couldn’t.

  His clothes were dirty, and he looked tired. “I’m gonna go shower really quick. I’ll be back.”

  Her mother nodded. “Ariana, go wake up your brother. Tell him it’s time to eat,” her mom said.

  She nodded and left, trailing after her dad towards the other end of the house.

  She knocked on Jimmy’s door and walked in. Only his lamp was on, and he was all bundled up in his comforter. He was snoring a little bit. Ariana sat down on his bed and shook him some.

  “Mom said come and eat.”

  “Hm,” was all he managed.

  She tore off the sheets, a smile beginning to make its way onto her face. “Let’s go.”

  She got up and left, and Jimmy finally rubbed the sleep from his eyes and stood up. He looked like a zombie as he put on a shirt and headed to the bathroom. Ariana shook her head and headed back to the kitchen.

  Ten minutes later, they were all seated with their food, except for their dad.