The Hope That Starts

by Heidi Hutchinson

  Conversation returned to normal, and Lenny listened to the heated arguments of focused musicians while she sketched a dainty flower in the margin of her notebook. Her thoughts vacillated between her curiosity with Harrison and the photographer to Harrison and the blonde woman that she had seen him with a couple of weeks before the tour started. Luke had told her that Harrison was seeing someone, but didn't give her much more than that.

  “I'm gonna miss that cat.” Harrison's statement was mumbled and Lenny just barely heard it. She looked out of the corner of her eye at Lucy, who was pretending to study her chord progression, but her eyes flicked to Lenny's. They really needed to figure out what was going on. Part of it was just being nosy, the other part was that they had promised Greta they would keep an eye on her brother.

  “We could crash, claim that we didn't get to say goodbye,” Sway offered. Lenny could have kissed him.

  Harrison's reaction was... thoughtful. “I really didn't get to say goodbye.”

  Sway shrugged one shoulder casually. “I'm kinda curious to see what type of a friend Zelda has. Did I tell you that I tried to answer her cell one day when Amber called?”

  Harrison shook his head. Sway chuckled.

  “Yeah, Zelda was not amused. She tackled me to the ground. I've been wondering what she's been hiding ever since.”

  “Do you know where she is?” Harrison asked.

  Lenny held her breath.

  “I could find out. I know Carl had Zed drop her off.”

  Lenny's heart was starting to beat faster. She could go with. She and Lucy. It seemed prudent to investigate the potential of this woman being in their lives forever. Was she getting ahead of herself? Was she being too hopeful?

  Lucy cleared her throat. “Um, do you suppose Lenny and I could go with you guys?”

  Apparently Lenny wasn't the only one looking for a distraction. Road weariness and all.

  “We could make it a group field trip,” Mike put in, causing Lenny to jerk her head in surprise. Everyone wanted to go?

  Luke sighed loudly. “What about all this work I don't feel like doing?” He chucked his own notebook into a corner of the room and stood up, looking at Blake, who was the only one so far who hadn't expressed any interest. “What do you say? You wanna harass a perfectly delightful young woman on her day off?”

  Blake gave him a devilish smile. “You know that's one of my favorite pastimes.”

  Lucy smacked his knee even as he tugged on her loose braid.

  “All right then,” Luke grinned at Lenny, “I guess we need to find Zed.”

  ***

  The sound of Queen blasting from a large speaker system reached them from the street.

  “Someone is a fan,” Blake remarked.

  Harrison exchanged a look with Sway.

  While Harrison definitely wanted to see Zelda and meet her friend, he was having second thoughts about all of them crashing her happy reunion. Frankly, it was rude. She might not be okay with it.

  They climbed the steps to the fourth floor apartment. It was a nice building in a nice neighborhood. Not flashy, but not inexpensive. The music got louder as they approached the number on the door that Zed had given them.

  Luke knocked. No one answered. That was probably because they couldn't hear it over the music. Luke shrugged and turned around.

  “Maybe it's the wrong apartment.”

  The door across the hall opened up and a surly man stuck his head out. The telltale signs of a hangover were apparent even in the dim lighting of the hallway. Red-rimmed eyes, unshaven face, dark smudges under his eyes, his hair matted and sticking up on one side.

  “If you can get those bitches to quiet the hell down, I'd really appreciate it.”

  “Rough night?” Lucy asked, making Lenny bite the inside of her cheek and Sway grin.

  The man scowled at her. “No, rough morning.”

  “Dude,” Blake said, lifting his chin. “It's like three o'clock in the afternoon.”

  The guy shrugged. “Whatever. It's Sunday. And they've been playing that shit for hours.”

  “That shit,” Harrison interjected, “happens to be Queen. Be thankful they have excellent taste in music.”

  Bloodshot eyes rolled in apathy. He rubbed a hand down his face and shrugged. “I hate those bitches.”

  Blake grimaced. “Go rub some Vagisil on it and get over yourself.” He put a hand to the center of the guy's chest and pressed hard enough to make him step back. Sway was there to pull the door shut when he was clear. “What a dick.”

  Blake usually took exception to men calling women bitches. He didn't like it. One time in Dallas, he'd gotten just a little bit arrested after he decked a guy that was hollering at his girl outside of a bar. To be fair, the guy used a lot of colorful language, including the ever forbidden c-word. Blake had decided to school him on manners. The charges were dropped the next morning, but Blake never regretted the night he'd spent in jail.

  So it went without saying that it was nothing short of a miracle he only shoved the guy back into his apartment. Besides, the guy was so hungover, he probably didn't care and was already back in bed. If he even made it that far.

  Luke knocked on Amber's door again. They waited for maybe twenty seconds before Lenny tried the doorknob. It was open.

  The door swung wide and the music got louder.

  A tall, lithe young woman, with straighter than straight light brown hair that hung to the middle of her back, was standing in the center of the room, her back to the door. She was sticking pins into an enormous mound of dark gray and black fabric that was perched on top of the coffee table.

  The mound shifted, as if seeing the crowd enter the room. It was an unusual reaction for a pile of fabric. It leaned forward precariously and the girl wielding the pins touched the remote on the table, silencing the music. She continued jabbing in pins without bothering to turn around. A graceful hand waved over her shoulder.

  “Go ahead and make yourselves at home. This will take a few minutes to finish. You can have Zeldy back when I'm done,” she said, sounding like she was talking around a mouthful of pins.

  “Zelda's in there?” Sway asked.

  The group moved like a fog, drifting into the apartment. Some headed for the couch, some for the kitchen. Blake went towards the bathroom.

  The mound shrugged and mumbled something unintelligible. Amber laughed. “Yup, you're earlier than I expected, but I'll try to hurry up.”

  “You expected us?” Harrison asked, coming up to stand directly behind Amber.

  Upon closer inspection, the mound had a shape. A weird, yet vaguely familiar, shape. It looked almost like a disfigured platypus, but the coloring was completely off. Not to mention there were lights, buttons, and tubing attached to it.

  Amber half-turned to address him. Her thin face held a bemused expression that surprised him. Dark eyes regarded him carefully. She removed the remaining pins in her mouth. “Expected you, yes. Not the whole entourage.” She raised her eyebrows in an almost-dare.

  “Why did you expect me?” he couldn't stop from asking. She grinned and didn't answer, returning to her task. The mound growled.

  “That is the ugliest dinosaur I have ever seen,” Sway spoke up from his seat on the sofa beside Lenny.

  The pile hung its “head” and emitted a mournful groan.

  Amber took a step back and regarded her project thoughtfully. “It is an ugly dinosaur.” She winked at Sway. “Good thing it's a spaceship.”

  Harrison looked at it again. Wait a minute.

  No.

  No way.

  He sucked in a breath as he realized what he was looking at.

  “You figure it out yet, Captain?”

  His head jerked up and he frowned at Amber. “Captain?”

  “Well, every good ship needs her Captain.”

  That's when the ugly dinosaur attacked.

  The room was filled with grunts, girlish squeals, and promised threats. The mound was at a disadvantage, due to
her limited sight and movement. But Harrison had to give her props for effort. The girls scuffled and rolled, pulled and shoved until Zelda fell out of the bottom of the costume, her hair a wild mane of untamed curls and waves, her face red from exertion. She had never been more beautiful.

  Harrison swallowed. Hard.

  While Zelda looked like she was going to commit murder (as soon as she caught her breath), Amber was giggling uncontrollably, holding her stomach in a hunched-over pose.

  “That was the best!” she laughed, wiping tears from her eyes. “I've never seen a chocolate marshmallow move so fast!”

  Zelda blew hair out of her face trying to maintain her scowl, but she rolled her eyes and smiled. “Sometimes I hate you in your viscera.”

  Amber shook her head in disagreement. “Nope. You never have and you never will.” She turned her attention to the onlookers, who had a mixture of confused but amused expressions on their faces. “We worked it all out. You guys are gonna be in San Diego for Comic-Con. I'm putting the finishing touches on her, uh, costume.”

  The room shifted just slightly, or maybe Harrison's head was unbalanced.

  Of course Zelda did cosplay.

  “And she's a spaceship?” Sway clarified. “I thought girls like you were supposed to dress up like sexy Avengers or something.”

  Amber got to her feet and shrugged. “There are those, too. But Zelda isn't like most girls.”

  Nope. She wasn't.

  “Besides,” Amber went on, going towards the kitchen to get her landline. “Her parents have called her Shiny for ages. It makes sense that she'd go as the ship.”

  “Sh—” Harrison cleared his throat. “Shiny?”

  Amber's secret smile watched him carefully. “Uh-huh. Because when she's happy, which is often, she shines like a star. Lights up the whole room.” Her eyes fixed on him intently, her smile shifting to knowing amusement. Like she was reading his mind. “I'm sure you've seen it.”

  Harrison licked his lips. You bet your ass I've seen it is what he wanted to say, but he (thankfully) kept that to himself. Amber let it go and started dialing her phone.

  “Nine people? That's five pizzas?” she asked without really asking. “I have to finish the costume, you might as well eat while you wait,” she explained to the room at large.

  At that, suddenly everyone in the room was in motion. Lenny said something gracious while Luke handed Amber a credit card. Sway made an inappropriate joke about sausage, to which Lucy responded by flicking the back of Sway's ear. Blake came back from the bathroom. Mike picked up a book on the kitchen counter and paged through it curiously.

  Harrison wasn't really paying attention to any of that, though. His eyes had drifted back to Zelda's green ones that blazed at him from her seated heap on the floor.

  Those eyes. He would bet those eyes would be visible and vibrant even in the dead of night... as she looked down at him, her hair falling all around him, his hands sliding along the skin of her sides and back, pressing her closer to him, her breath warm on his face, her sugary vanilla sweetness surrounding him—

  Sway smacked the back of his head, ending his daydream abruptly. He glared at Sway like he was annoyed, but he was mostly thankful. Another second or two and things were going to get embarrassing.

  “What do you want on your pizza?” Sway asked harshly. Their eye contact told Harrison that Sway knew exactly where his thoughts had been.

  “I don't care.” Harrison shook his head. “I'm not picky.”

  Sway's lips twitched. “Yeah, that's true. Maybe you should be.”

  The message was clear. Harrison had given up on trying to explain to him his reasons why.

  When he'd lied to Zelda about almost kissing her, he'd made his decision. And it sucked.

  Because that night... that night, he had almost kissed her. In that moment he had never wanted anything more in his entire life... Except for one thing. The thing that made him stop pulling her in and walk away from those perfect lips.

  Her. In his life, exactly how she was. Kissing her would have changed everything.

  She was too cool and too rad of person for him to even try pursuing anything more with. She was... awesome. He loved being around her, listening to whatever weird thing was on her mind, engaging her in debate about whether or not George Lucas had ruined all of their lives, or who would win in a fight between young original Captain Kirk or new Captain Kirk.

  If he had kissed her, if he started something with her, it would end. They always ended. And Harrison didn't have friendships with his exes. It always ended painfully, sloppily, and he couldn't get away fast enough. Kiley was the longest running “thing” he'd had in a long time. And that was because she held the reins. It would end when she was done with him. But they didn't have anything to tether them together.

  The hope for Harrison was that if he could just control his baser instincts, ignore his crippling attraction to Zelda, they could stay friends forever. Because he never wanted to be without her again.

  Eventually, a guy would come along. A good guy. Someone who could see what a freaking star she was. He'd be more deserving of her affections, and Harrison would remain in her life as her friend. Maybe her babies would call him Uncle Harry.

  Shit, that last thought hurt like a bitch.

  It didn't matter. It was what it was, and Harrison had made his choice.

  Giving her a wide smile, he reached a hand down to help her up.

  ***

  The next couple of hours were pretty incredible, if Sway were being honest. Amber was cool. She wasn't ruffled by the appearance of rock stars in her place, she was a gracious host, and everyone had a great time.

  The costume got finished, and everyone laughed and teased Zelda, who rolled with it like a pro. The pizza was the perfect food for the mood. Though, to be fair. pizza was like that.

  Still.

  Sway found a sad little weight settle in his stomach. He watched how easily Zelda fit with the group. The girls loved her, the guys were seconds away from declaring a blood oath, and Zelda herself appeared happy, excited even. Her crush on Harrison was obvious to everyone, and that included the pizza delivery guy.

  And why she shouldn't she be in love with the giant, slightly muscular teddy bear? Harrison was fantastic. He had one of the biggest, goofiest hearts that Sway had ever known. Zelda spoke his language. They referenced the same movies, books, songs. Half the time, their conversation left the rest of the group clueless. But no one cared. Because Harrison had never had this. He'd always been the adorable one, the plucky comic relief, never the leading man.

  Right now, he was the only star in Zelda's sky. She made absolutely no apology for it, either. She smiled at him openly. As if to say, “I'm right here, and I'm not afraid. Go ahead and love me.”

  It was a shit deal for the kid.

  Which is why Sway felt a little sick as the evening began to wrap up.

  Harrison's phone buzzed, taking his attention away. And Sway knew.

  So he wasn't surprised when a taxi showed up as they were leaving, and while the rest of the band and Zelda left with Zed, Harrison got in the cab and promised to be back to the buses later.

  No, Sway wasn't surprised. But he was disappointed.

  ***

  Zelda stared sightlessly at the bunk above her own. It was late. Very late. Or early, depending on how you wanted to look at it.

  Harrison had just returned. The sound of the shower running woke Zelda. Not a lot of guys showered just after running an errand. Even as that thought finished being formed, Zelda figured it out. Of course. He had gone to see Kiley tonight. And he was washing the sex off of him.

  Tears filled her eyes and spilled down the side of her face.

  Stupid.

  She was being so stupid. She had no claim to him. He had belonged to Kiley from the beginning. She knew that.

  She needed to get it through her big, thick head. All the little looks, the jokes, the smiles, the familiarity, those things were regular fr
iendship things. It was Zelda who had built it up in her stupid little fangirl head that it might be more.

  She did this, though. She got her hopes up about the most ridiculous things and then was completely crushed when it didn't work out. It was all in her control. The blame belonged solely on her.

  She took a shuddering breath as silently as possible and rolled onto her side, pressing her fist to her lips.

  She would allow herself this one thing, this one moment of brokenhearted abandon to cleanse the self-inflicted wound. The tears spilled unhindered onto her pillow and her heart squeezed painfully with loss and unfulfilled hope. She'd broken her own stupid little fangirl heart.

  Living your life like it's a fantasy—as exhilarating as it felt while flying through space at light-speed—hurt like hell when gravity won.

  She hoped with all of her heart that Kiley knew how amazing Harrison was and that she would never hurt him.

  And she hoped—and full-on prayed—that Kiley could make sandwiches, because Harrison deserved a lifetime of unlimited delicious sandwiches.

  Chapter 10

  Chasing Cars

  The best part about making his decision to let this ride with Kiley and officially put Zelda in the corner (so to speak), was that Harrison could relax. He no longer had a reason to be anxious or apprehensive about what Zelda may or may not be thinking. He already knew. He'd told her they were friends, and they progressed as such.

  It was fantastic.

  In Omaha when he'd gone to see Kiley, he had almost felt guilty, but then he got over it. When Kiley opened her hotel room door and threw her arms around his neck, he felt better instantly. He felt wanted. Needed.

  Kiley told him she missed him, showed it to him as well.

  He knew he was weak for her. There wasn't much she could ask of him that he wouldn't do.

  He had asked her to come with him on the tour, not caring if it made things weird on the bus. He wanted to be public, he wanted people to know she was his.

  And for the first time, she said she'd think about it.

  Harrison took that little glimpse of hope and held on tight.