Falling

by Jolene Perry

  Dana breathes in, and I swear she’s even closer. We’re as close as we were last night. Her breasts touch my chest first, and then her stomach to mine, and her hips to mine.

  The longer she stands here, the more I want her.

  Something in my brain screams, stupid! about the time I turn my brain off, and cover her mouth with mine.

  I think we both know you can’t feel this much and just walk away the next day, but I don’t know that I care. She feels too good.

  Dana’s arms wrap around my neck as our tongues continue to slide together, and there’s no thinking, just doing. When my hands tighten around her lower back, it sends waves through my body. Just touching her like this. She pulls away enough to smile at me like she’d planned the whole thing, but there’s also something real, and happy. I’m pretty sure I smile back.

  My whole body is tensed in anticipation so I let it take over. If this is how we’re doing it, if she wants to try no-strings—I want to let go and enjoy it. I lean forward and again, press my lips to hers, softly at first, but her lips part, and I deepen our kiss.

  I slide my hands up her smooth sides, amazed I get to touch her like this. Dana’s not so careful with me, tugging on my T-shirt until she pulls it over my head inside out.

  She’s smiling wide when my shirt drops to the floor, and my hair’s sticking up in all crazy directions. “Time to loosen up, Jase. This is supposed to be fun.”

  There’s always part of me holding back, trying to be careful. She sees this. She probably sees a lot of me that I’d rather keep to myself.

  Dana runs her hands through my hair, settling it back down. I let go of a tiny bit of my caution, lift her from just under her ass and set her on my bed. She chuckles a little as I smile and step closer. Her hands are on the bottom of her tank, and she starts to pull it off.

  “Not too fast,” I tease, already breathless. Wanting this so bad. Her. But also wanting to enjoy all the little moments before we get there.

  Dana laughs a little again, and now the uncertainty she had when she first got here is gone. This is half the Dana from the weekends, and half the Dana pushing back her messy hair and wearing glasses.

  Her tank rides up slowly, and then stops when I can see the smallest bit of the underside of her breasts.

  “I take it back. Rip the damn shirt off.” I grin as I crawl onto the bed between her legs as her tank slides over her head, and I kiss the softness of her skin from just below her belly button up between her breasts, bringing our bodies together. Her soft skin burns against mine. Women are so damn incredible.

  We topple over on my bed as we struggle out of our last bits of clothing, and I reach in the nightstand and fumble around for a condom while Dana kisses across my back. The stupid things are in here somewhere. I can’t see. I finally pull one out, but it isn’t just one. It’s a long strip of them. She’s now biting up my neck and laughing at my fumblings. Like I need something to make me feel inadequate at this moment, but it’s her, which makes it okay. I finally get one separated from the rest, and she takes it from me, smiling.

  Dana pushes me up, both hands on my chest, until we’re on our knees facing one another. The light from the fire flickers across her slim body. I’m out of breath and realizing that I’m probably totally outclassed here, but too turned on to care.

  I want to put my mouth on everything. I run my fingers up and down her sides. I kiss her shoulders, across her collarbone, her perfect handful-sized breasts. She opens the small package with her teeth, and I lose my breath. I can’t imagine anything sexier than she is right now.

  She smiles at me again, leans forward, opens her mouth on mine and kisses me, tongue first. Her body moves closer, letting her breasts touch my chest. I put my hands on her small waist to pull her to me. Her hands slide down my stomach and they’re on me then. She puts the condom on faster than I could have done and makes me half insane with my need for her in the process.

  I grab her and tackle her down on my bed. I touch or kiss all the parts of her that I’ve been thinking about since watching the small strip of pale skin on her lower back. It is like no sex I’ve ever, ever had. It feels like we’re together for hours, pulling, biting, kissing, grabbing. Exactly what I’ve needed for way too long.

  Everything on Dana looks smooth. Her naked body lies next to me, and I want to start all over, more slowly this time. I reach out my arm and brush the back of my hand over her stomach—needing to touch her in some way.

  She leans over for one more kiss, before reaching down, pulling the sheet up over her chest and closing her eyes. I feel great. Relaxed. Boz was right. I needed this. It’s been way too long.

  My eyes close, and sleep takes me under almost immediately.

  I feel Dana move and turn my head to look at her. There she is, her large brown eyes looking at me. I feel it in my chest—this is the girl that’s going to destroy me. Not the overconfident flirt, this one, the one with such depth and feeling that I could fall so hard, so fast…

  But I don’t get to finish my thought. Her eyes change, and she sits up.

  “I should go.” She sounds so normal, so nonchalant that you’d think we were in here playing cards together.

  The words are simple, but hit me hard. I don’t want her to go. I look up at her bare back as she sits next to me.

  I take a deep breath and try hard to find the guy who’d just wanted to get laid. I prop myself up on an elbow and laugh. “Come on, Dana. It’s no big deal. I know my bed is more comfortable than that old twin upstairs. This thing is huge. You won’t even know I’m here, and I promise not to get mad if you kick me because I’m snoring.” I’m such a girl. If she walks away now, that’s it. I’m a total cad. I don’t want to seem anxious so I flop back onto my pillow and roll over. Maybe this makes me a jerk, but I’m not sure how it works if you’re doing this together but don’t want more.

  I can barely breathe waiting to see what she’ll do.

  I should want her to run upstairs and get away from me. That would be better for my plan to not get crushed by this.

  She sits undecided for a moment. I guess she finally realizes I’m not moving in and lies down. It’s probably not a good idea to slide in behind her and put my face in her hair. I breathe in wondering if I can still smell her shampoo.

  Someone needs to give me a good hit in the gut. I’m an idiot. What am I doing to myself here?

  I’m an ass for not feeling like this is enough and an ass for lying here wishing I wasn’t afraid to pull her into my arms and fall asleep in her hair. I’m a disaster. And the worst part about it is that I know it. I can feel a horrible end coming, and I’m diving in anyway.

  Sometimes It’s Awesome to be Envied by Every Other Guy in the Room

  Dana and I spend the next couple of days shamelessly flirting and spending time in my bed, in my bathtub, in my shower, in cabin number five…

  It’s awesome. “Real” Dana is on vacation, and I don’t even care. We can’t get enough of each other, and it’s been way too long since I’ve been with someone and feeling like we’ll never get enough of the other.

  The crowds start to show up for the weekend, and I worry that everything will change, but whatever’s going on between us gets better. Suddenly I can’t touch her anytime I want. Instead we’re subtle, and every look, or discreet brush makes me know what’s going to happen later. More than once I have to shift my pants, and stand at the stove longer than necessary for things to settle back into place.

  When we’re finally alone, it’s as explosive as it was the first night, even though we’re exhausted from the day. And then just like every night for the past few nights, she rolls to the far side of the bed, faces the wall and goes to sleep.

  I want to talk to her. To ask her what she expects, what she wants, what this is. But at the same time, I know Boz is right. Dana’s not sticking around. This is for right now, and I really need to relax and enjoy it before it’s over. She came to me asking for no-strings, and I took it.


  Her breathing slows, and her body slumps as she falls asleep next to me, and again, like an idiot, I stare at her curves and wonder what it would take to turn our fun into something more.

  Brock, the guy who brings me a lot of business, grabs Dana on the ass as she walks by on her way to the kitchen. The guy is a prick after one beer. If you can keep him from drinking he’s a pretty nice, but unfortunately, in his world, beer goes with everything.

  I tense up, but Dana doesn’t even slow down. Just when I step out from behind the counter to say something, Dana spins to face him.

  “Hey, hey.” She cocks a hip out to the side. “Only Jason is allowed to touch me like that.” Three tables worth of guys look my direction and the room goes quiet.

  She turns back toward me, gives me her best smile and disappears into the kitchen, running her hand over my crotch as she walks by. I just laugh and shake my head. They can think whatever they want. If that makes her life here easier, I’m all for being envied.

  Boz is a different matter. When I make my way to start dishes, Boz raises a questioning brow. He doesn’t even have to ask. I just nod once and smile.

  “And?” He raises an eyebrow.

  I turn away and begin loading the washer. He’ll know.

  “Even better than you thought it’d be, huh?” Boz sighs. “You’re a damn lucky man, Jason.”

  When I step in my room on Sunday night, Dana’s standing in front of my closet wearing nothing but a pair of my boxers. I cannot believe that I get to touch this woman the way I do. Her back is toward me and I stare at the smooth curve of her sides. “You have a lot of clothes in here that I bet you never wear,” she comments.

  “Yes,” I say. “I’m glad you didn’t try on anything else.” I start toward her.

  She turns around then, giving me full view. “Nope, just these and they’re pretty big. I mean, really they could just fall off.” She pulls the waistband out far enough for me to know she has nothing on underneath.

  “I can help with that.” I don’t hesitate in putting my hands on her sides and letting them slide around the back and underneath my boxers. I can’t imagine this ever getting old. Her ever getting old.

  The boxers slide off and she wraps a leg around me, which I hold until I’m once again, carrying a very perfect, very naked Dana to my bed. We’re getting along during the day, having fun at night, and this situation is feeling pretty ideal.

  Dana’s gone when I roll over in the morning, and I stumble into the main lodge to see her perched on her favorite table. One of her feet’s on the bench next to her, giving her elbow a resting place on her knee. Her glasses frame her hazel eyes, and her lips purse together a few times as she reads on her computer.

  She looks both comfortable, and gorgeous and messy all at one. Before I think, I cross the room. Dana doesn’t notice me until I’m close. I sit down next to her, put my chin on her shoulder and slide my arms around her. She relaxes into me for about two seconds before stiffening and pulling away.

  Her glasses come off immediately. “Didn’t mean to wake you.”

  “It’s fine.” I press my face against hers and kiss her cheek. It’s not the thing to do.

  She seems distant somehow. “I’ll be done in a few.” She smiles a little, but it’s also like she doesn’t see me. She moves her face away from mine.

  “You okay?” I ask. I want her to talk to me, to tell me what’s going on with her. We were good all weekend. Really good.

  “Yep.” She glances back to her computer. “Just need to finish an email to my dad.”

  I stand up slowly and head to the kitchen for coffee. Dana disappears. When I see her again the glasses and sweats are gone. She’s back to a tiny shirt, tight jeans and very smooth and shiny hair. She’s wearing a smirk on her face that tells me what she wants, but I kind of want the girl in her favorite sweats.

  I’m so screwed.

  DANA

  I Have No Idea What the Hell I’m Doing

  I agreed last week to go to Anchorage with Jason. Three hours one way. My house is there, and I want to check on it. Also, it might be nice if the lodge had some of my regular food. But now that Jason and I are in the car, and not in his bed, or his shower, or cabin number five, it’s…weird. Exactly what I didn’t want.

  The car bumps down Petersville road toward the highway, and we ride in silence. It seemed like a good thing for us to do together, until neither of us spoke.

  The silence is killing me, and I have to say something. “Thanks for letting me tag along.”

  “I’m glad you’re here.” Jason smiles too wide, and I look away.

  The silence is stabbing at my brain and making me a bit crazy so I turn on the radio and crank it loud enough that no one feels the need to talk.

  This is why Jason and I shouldn’t have started this whole crazy thing. It’s that I wanted him at the time—really, really wanted him. And I swear that I thought if maybe we slept together a few times, it would get him out of my system or something. As the thought goes through my head, I start to realize how stupid it all sounds.

  Maybe I should stay in Anchorage, and just hope I’m left alone by the defendant’s family. Or maybe Keith’s right, and it’s time I leave Alaska. The problem is that it feels like Keith wins if I leave, and I’m not at all ready for Keith to win. I’m also not completely ready to leave Jason behind, even though I know I should.

  As soon as we pull into Costco, Jason pulls out a two-page list.

  “Wow.” I point, feeling this sort of urgent desperation, and I’m not totally sure why. “Will you have room if I buy a few things, too?”

  Jason with his wonderfully, perfect, relaxed smile. And me, a ridiculous mess because I don’t know what to do with him now that we’re sleeping together.

  “The truck’s big. Get whatever you want. We’ll figure it out.” Jason shrugs.

  “Great.” I plaster on a pretend smile. “I’ll pick up my few things and then I’ll find you.”

  Jason’s brows come together like he’s confused, and I bolt. I’d probably be confused too, if he was acting as crazy as I am.

  I decide I need to surprise Jason, and also tell him thank you without being girl-friend like, because I’m really trying to keep away from that. And then the perfect idea hits me, but I really want it loaded before he finishes so he can’t talk me out of it.

  “Finally come to bail me out, huh?” Jason laughs as he pulls two large carts, which are near to overflowing.

  “I figured you’d be tired by now. I got you a corndog.” After I took care of everything else.

  “Thanks.” Jason takes a huge bite out of the top.

  “And a Pepsi.” I narrow my eyes and try to tease, another random attempt to make being around him okay. “I had no idea what kind of soda you like. I just know you like beer, and they don’t sell that at the concession stand.”

  “It’s a shame.” He laughs through a mouthful.

  “It is a shame.” I bump his arm with my elbow, and then a small part of me wants him to stop and breathe in my hair like he does, and clasp our hands together, because I want it, but it all means too much, so I don’t want it.

  By the time I leave, Jason will be glad to see me go. I’m driving myself crazy.

  Jason’s eyes are on mine, once again tightening my chest. What is he thinking? Do I want to know?

  He looks away quickly. “Well, I’m almost done, and then you can show me your house on our way back out of town.”

  “I’d love that.” And before I let myself think, I slide my arm through his. Not too weird. We’re okay.

  We haul several thousand dollars of groceries and paper products out to the truck. Jason stops when he sees the six large boxes I already brought out.

  “What on earth?” He runs a hand through his hair, looking baffled.

  “I got you new light fixtures.” I hold in a smile. “I cannot, I mean cannot look at those wagon wheels for another weekend.”

  “I hate wiring.”

/>   “Well, if you’re too afraid.” I lean in close. “Then I’m doing it. It needs to be done.”

  “I’m not afraid.” He stops. “You bought me light fixtures?”

  “Consider it a thank you gift.” I nod once. “For giving me a place to stay.”

  “Dana… It’s too much, I don’t—”

  “Just promise me you’ll put them in,” I try to tease, but he really looks sort of overwhelmed. I didn’t mean for it to be such a big gesture.

  “Yeah. I will.”

  And then I have to busy myself with loading his Costco run into the truck before he and I have some other kind of awkward moment.

  Oh. She’s good.

  Jason’s phone rings on our way to check on my house. He rolls his eyes as he picks up. “My little sister,” he explains.

  I pull up my knees and stare out the window, wondering if there’s going to be any end of my confusion about Jason and around Jason.

  “What do you want, Justine?” he answers.

  “Hey, Jase!” She sounds way too happy, and I realize in close quarters like this, I’m going to be able to hear every word.

  “Where are you? Boz said you went to town.” She’s about to ask for something big. Jason and I lock eyes for a moment—we both feel the same thing coming.

  “I’m still in town, but we’re about to head out.” He flicks his turn signal, and we start into my neighborhood.

  “Oh! Perfect!” She sounds thrilled. “Hi, Dana!” she yells.

  Jason cringes away from the phone. “Justine! Warn me before you yell in my ear, please.”

  “Sorry.” I can hear shuffling on her end, and a voice say something about a boarding pass.

  “Justine? What are you doing?” Only I’m pretty sure both Jason and I know what she’s doing.

  “I’m coming to visit you! I just got on the plane!” she says brightly.