Falling

by Jolene Perry

  “I love you, too.” Her voice is muffled. She puts her arms around me and continues to cry.

  What the hell am I supposed to do next?

  What I CAN Do

  Mitchum Paris and his wife arrive Sunday afternoon, right about when things slow a little for us.

  “Glad you two made it.” I smile as they walk through the door.

  “Well, I couldn’t really refuse your offer.” Mitch grins back, his face flushed with cold. “Thanks.”

  “Hey, no problem.” I nod. “You can take Room Four upstairs.”

  “Dana’s around?” Mitch asks.

  “Oh, yeah.” I nod. “She’s around.” Somewhere. Probably whispering in a corner with Justine.

  Before I have a chance to think about Dana and Mitchum Paris, it’s dinner. Dana’s at her favorite table in the corner. Her back is to me, but I can see Mitch and his wife just fine. It’s great that they’re talking, but it sucks that I can’t hear a word.

  I catch glimpses of phrases between orders for beer, Boz’s orders from the kitchen, and Justine’s ramblings.

  “You need to know what the defense… Look over your story well… It’s okay to be positive but don’t say you are if you aren’t, it’s easy to tell when someone’s lying on the stand…”

  I have to run into the kitchen but come back as soon as I can. When I do, Mitch’s wife is sitting next to Dana with her arm around her. What did I miss? I walk up to the table, past caring if I’m wanted here or not. Dana is trying to look like she’s concentrating on the papers in front of her and not upset, which she definitely is. Mitch is looking right at her. “This is a big deal, Dana. This is an important thing that you’re doing.”

  She doesn’t look up, just nods and Mitch’s wife rubs her hand over Dana’s back a few more times as Dana touches the corners of her eyes over and over.

  I wait until Mitch catches my eye, and then gesture with my head toward the kitchen, hoping he’ll follow me when he gets a chance.

  I wander into the kitchen and start taking over for Boz. I want Boz to go so I can talk with Mitch, but I’m not sure how to ask. Finally, I remember that I don’t have to tiptoe around Boz. “Hey, I’m hoping to talk to the DA for a few.”

  “No prob.” He simply walks out. No big deal. No feelings hurt. Why can’t girls be like this?

  “What’s up?” Mitch asks from the doorway seconds after Boz disappears.

  “Come on in.” I wave him in.

  “How’s Dana? What’s going on?”

  “I told her a little about the victim, his family. We really have no case without her. I think the reality of it all is starting to sink in.” He sighs and slides his hands in his pockets.

  My gut twists again, more in sympathy than anything else. The problem is that Dana won’t talk about it and without her telling me what I can do to help, there’s almost nothing I can do.

  “Thanks for coming out here. I’m sure you’re anxious to get back and get this thing started.”

  “Yes, I am.” Mitch nods. “We picked our jury last week, Dana will be the first or second witness Tuesday.”

  “Okay, thanks.” We shake hands and he returns to his seat.

  Now I have to figure out a way to help her out without scaring her off. Or get her to talk to me. Or give up already because she’s being completely mental.

  Sunday goes from being an unusually busy day until just after dinner when it goes completely dead. Mitch and his wife are watching a movie in their room and probably enjoying the quiet. Dana’s absorbed in another Twilight book, and if I can give her some space to get lost and not think about the trial or her brother or her dad, I need to do it.

  Dana’s standing in the kitchen waiting for coffee when her phone rings. She stares at the number for a moment.

  “This is Dana.” Her brows come together.

  It’s quiet in the room, and I can hear every word.

  “Dana Copeland…” He laughs a little. “It’s Martin. You sent me an email with an attachment that I have to assume was written by whomever you’re sharing a bed with these days.” His voice is too familiar with her. They must be good friends or used to be good friends. Or shared a bed… My guess is she would have called him if they were as close as he’s sounding.

  She ignores his comment. “What’d you think?”

  “I love it. You were right.”

  I take another step into the kitchen. Dana’s smile is wide. “I knew you’d love it.” She smiles at me wider.

  “Does he have anything else? Are there more of the same characters?”

  “You know what, Martin?” She’s still smiling at me. “The author is right here. Why don’t you talk to him?”

  “Of course, he’s right there. Because where else would he be?” Martin chuckles again.

  She laughs and hands her phone to me.

  “Up to you,” she whispers quietly. “I won’t be offended either way and neither will he.”

  “This is Jason.” My hands are shaking as I start to realize who this guy is and what he might be able to do for me.

  “So, how’s Dana treating you?” he asks. I realize that she’ll be able to hear everything as well.

  “Oh, she’s continually saving my sorry ass.” I laugh a little. Better to give her a compliment than to allude to something she acts crazy about.

  “Well, that’s better than making you crazy. She’s expert at that.” He laughs.

  “I would imagine.” I smile and wink so she knows I’m agreeing with her friend Martin.

  “So, I’ve already found an editor for your book. He’s almost as excited about it as I am. Dana sent the email to my personal email address, which is why I’m calling on a Sunday. That and I know I can generally catch Dana on a Sunday if she needs to be caught.”

  “Wow. That’s great.” I ignore his comments about Dana.

  “So, is this the beginning of a line or a stand alone or what exactly did I read here?”

  I lean against the counter and explain a little about the next few books. My hope was that it would be a series about the same guy and possibly a few prequel books to come later on. It all comes out in a nervous jumble of words, which isn’t at all like me. He sounds interested. I promise to send him the next one after I go over it again and to also forward on outlines I’ve done up for things I hope to be working on soon.

  “Want to talk to Dana before we hang up?” I ask.

  “Nah.” He laughs. “Dana is not at all a good person for me to be thinking about. We’ll be in touch, Jason.”

  “Yeah.” I set down her phone.

  “So?” She’s smiling widely, her whole body moving with excitement.

  I smile back. I can’t believe this is happening. This has been just a hobby for me, I wasn’t sure if I’d ever try to do something with it.

  “Thank you.” I step forward and put my arms around her. She hugs me back. I don’t want to let her go. I don’t want to step away. I want to be closer.

  Our cheeks touch, and all I hear is breathing. We’re silent and still. I turn my head slightly toward hers and press our lips together. I expect her to turn away from me but she doesn’t. She kisses me back and her mouth is warm and soft and her arms pull more tightly around me. I’m swimming in the warmth of her and the way she feels against me.

  I hear Justine’s footsteps but try to ignore it. Dana does not. She pulls away just after Justine steps into the room.

  “Oops!” Justine says. “I’ll come back later.”

  “Don’t be silly.” Dana half jumps away from me. “I’m exhausted. I’m going to bed.”

  I’m waiting for her to look up at me. To invite me with her or something. But she doesn’t.

  “Your brother has just landed himself a literary agent for his books.” Dana smiles at Justine.

  “Jason!” Justine comes into the kitchen and throws her arms around me. “That’s awesome! I knew you could do it.”

  “Dana did it.” I look back at Dana.

  “Oh r
ight.” Justine smiles. “Because she stole your files.”

  “You two celebrate,” Dana says. “I have a busy week ahead of me.” And then she disappears.

  “Sorry,” Justine whispers. “I didn’t know you two were…”

  “I don’t know what we are. It’s fine.” Only it’s not fine, because my excitement over someone loving my book is tainted by the weight in my gut.

  “I just came down for a bowl of cereal,” Justine explains.

  I pour it for her, thinking she probably doesn’t feel all that great.

  “I’ll walk you up.” I’m holding her bowl.

  “It’s okay. Why don’t you snuggle in with Dana?” She pokes my side.

  “Because it just isn’t that easy.” It isn’t easy because she won’t let me touch her.

  “Goodnight, Jason.”

  “’Night.”

  Justine disappears up the stairs. I’m as confused as ever. And wish to hell I knew what Dana was thinking.

  DANA

  The Night Before

  What was I thinking kissing him back? I pull my hair up and then make it all messy. I’m in the rattiest T-shirt of mine that I have (not a ratty as I’d like) and thick pajama bottoms. Tonight is a night when I should probably take one of the upstairs rooms, but at the same time that would be weird since I’ve been staying in here, and I don’t think I can handle any kind of deep conversation tonight.

  When Jason steps in, I immediately turn back to the book, hoping to disappear into the corner.

  “Dana?”

  So much for disappearing.

  “Yeah?” I peer over the book, and once again try to use it for cover, but once again, it’s way too small.

  “Thanks. For Martin. And your help with Justine, and for how hard you’ve worked up here…”

  “It’s true. I’m drastically underpaid.” I smirk, trying to push off his compliments as a joke and stare at the words on the page, willing them to make sense.

  “Well, thanks again.”

  I don’t even glance over the book this time. “For stealing files off your computer?”

  “No.” He pauses. “For doing something about it.”

  “He owed me a favor. He wouldn’t have picked you up if he didn’t think he could sell it, but he owed me the favor of giving it a chance.” I shrug and turn the page, even though I have no idea what happened on the last page.

  “History there?” Jason asks.

  “Not as much as he’d like.” I smirk again, and then pretend to read.

  Jason sits on the edge of the bed and stares at me.

  I turn another page, heart hammering.

  “Dana.” He touches the top of the book.

  “Hmmm.” My eyes don’t leave the page.

  “Please talk to me. I’m confused as hell right now.”

  I don’t know how to talk to him. I’m being completely unfair, but I’m not ready to let go of the life I’ve set up for myself. Not right now. Maybe not ever. Jason can and should do better than a girl who can’t even commit to a no-strings relationship.

  “Please?”

  “Have you ever had to choose between two good things?” I finally let the book fall closed on my lap.

  “Yes, I have.” He nods. “I chose the girl. We got married, and I ended up here.”

  “Exactly.” I nod and shift away from him.

  “Dana.” He rests his hand on my knee. “Maybe I’m totally misreading you. Maybe I’m a total ass. Maybe… A million different things. I want you to know that despite the divorce, and the big huge mess, I’m not sorry for my choice.”

  “How can you not be, Jason?” It makes no sense. I watched him be vulnerable, broken and angry over the whole mess—and that’s just in the past few weeks.

  “Because I’m happy right now.”

  “Really?”

  He does this half snort. “Aside from you confusing the hell out of me, yes, I’m happy.”

  I shouldn’t be here. Shouldn’t be in here. Shouldn’t be doing this to him.

  “What are you doing?” he asks.

  “Moving. Leaving. Something.” Anything different.

  “Why?” He doesn’t move out of my way, and I pause.

  “Because.”

  “That is a five-year-old reason,” he tries to tease. “We get along.”

  I nod because the pause is long enough that I have to do something.

  “In more ways than one.” His finger brushes my cheek, and I actually blush.

  “Since Clive, I’ve done everything I can to keep the friendship part and the sex part separate. I just…”

  “So, since you got your heart broken, you’ve only been with guys you don’t like?”

  I look away, but Jason moves until we’re looking at one another again.

  “We met at the wrong time and place. That’s all.” I scoot back, ready to stay in this bed, if it means I can have some space or don’t have to crawl over him.

  “Dana, I…” But he doesn’t finish. Instead he leans over and kisses me, parting his lips just enough that I crave more.

  Just before I take it, I pull away. “I’m leaving.”

  “I know.” He pulls back slightly.

  “It’s for sure, Jase. My dad just bought a real estate company, and I’ll be doing renovations and flipping houses, buying apartments for investment… Me. He wants me to run it. It’s everything I love and…” And I’ll be close to family again and working with them this time.

  Everything between us is painfully still. I’m holding my breath waiting for something from him. Anything.

  Jason nods and picks up his pillow as he stands. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

  I open my mouth to ask where he’s going, but he’s already gone.

  Instead of the relief that I wanted to feel, my chest caves in, and I know I won’t be sleeping tonight.

  Guys Will Never Understand This

  I stumble out of Jason’s room into the kitchen, feeling more drug out than I normally do after a weekend. I hadn’t realized how much I started to rely on sleeping next to Jason at night.

  “Dana?” Jason bursts into the kitchen from the stairway out of breath. “Justine’s asking for you.”

  “Where is she?” I immediately tense, wondering what’s wrong.

  “Bathroom,” he answers.

  If Justine’s in the bathroom and needing me, it has to be something big. I sprint across the room, around Jason and up the stairs, stopping at the bathroom door.

  “Justine? It’s me,” I whisper.

  “Come in.”

  I freeze with my hand on the knob.

  What am I going to find?

  I push into the room and she’s on the toilet, a washcloth clutched in her hands, and her pajama pants stained with blood on the floor.

  “Hey,” I whisper as I kneel down. “How are you?”

  She shakes her head. “I think…” She hiccups in an odd sob. “I think…”

  “I think you lost the baby.”

  The emotion of this slams into me. This was me two years ago. Calling Clive, desperate for him to come help, or do something. Make me feel better. Instead that was pretty much the beginning of the end. Probably it was over as soon as he knew I was pregnant, but he hadn’t let on yet.

  Justine wipes the tears and snot from her blotchy face with the washcloth she’s clutching. “I should be relieved, right?”

  I sit on the edge of the bathtub and rub her back. “I’ve been here. It took me a while to find the relief. I’ll go get you clean pajamas and some pain meds. Is your stomach cramping?”

  “Bad.” She nods. “I’m sorry you have to see me like this, I just—”

  “Whoa. Justine. Girls stick together. This is fine. Okay?”

  She sniffs a few more times

  “I have to go to Palmer today. I testify tomorrow. Why don’t you tag along, just in case it gets really bad and we need to go see the doc, okay?” I give her shoulder one last rub before standing up.

&n
bsp; “Thank you,” Justine whispers.

  “No problem.”

  I’m not good with stuff like this, but at least I’m doing something.

  Jason’s knuckles are white as he clutches his coffee cup when I step back into the kitchen. “Is she okay?”

  “I’m pretty sure she lost the baby,” I say.

  “Well, that’s good, right?” Jason’s clutch on his mug loosens a little.

  I scowl. “Well, don’t say that to your sister. Of course it’s the best route, but when you’re there, it doesn’t feel like it.”

  Jason’s watching me way too closely, and I know he wants an explanation. After what I’ve been putting him through, he probably deserves one.

  “Clive, when I was in college.” I grab a water from the fridge. “He was a good friend of my brother’s when I was in high school. He started paying me extra attention when I graduated.

  “I pined after him and waited for times when we could see each other. When I started at Northwestern, we started dating for real. I found out I was pregnant and part of me was excited. We now had this unbreakable tie to one another. It was silly, young stupidity.” I shake my head. “He took off. He never had any intention of sticking around.”

  He was probably running away when I called in tears to tell him I’d lost the baby.

  “What about the kid who…” But Jason stops. “You know, with Justine…”

  “It sounds like it all started normal, and she let herself get swept up too quickly. I don’t think he’s bad, just scared.” I can’t imagine what it’s like to have a big brother like Jason. My brother didn’t mean to be callous about the whole thing, but he and Clive were close, and he understood Clive’s perspective. More than mine. Which sucks, but here’s Jason just wanting to find the right thing to do for his sister, and it makes me wonder what could be different between me and my brother.

  “Should we take her in?” He shifts uncomfortably. “I mean, should she see a doctor or something?”

  “I don’t know. A lot people don’t even know they’re pregnant at this point. I’m heading to Palmer in a few hours for the trial anyway. She can just tag along. If that’s okay.”