Complexity

by Maxene Novak

  "Jon, you son of a bitch." He was fucking with me in front of Cece for her benefit. The bastard was stone-cold sober.

  "I should've been an actor," he whispered into the phone before hanging up on me. I called my driver to arrange a flight to Providence immediately on my private jet. I quickly threw some clothes into an overnight bag before striding out of my penthouse toward Cecelia.

  Only she could make me crazy like this. I was beginning to piece together just how much she had changed me in these past two weeks. I missed the sound of her voice, the glint in her eyes when she got excited, the feel of her skin. I didn't want to think about not having her in my life now that she had taken it over entirely.

  I shuffled from my Lexus to my jet, swiftly changing over and settling into the leather lounge chair. I tried to distract myself from the anger I was feeling by going through work emails. After I deleted several drafts, I gave up and put my cell away. I was angry with Julian for not telling me sooner. I was angry with Cecelia for not even giving me a chance and trying to talk to me about it. The only reason I found out was thanks to my cousin, who I didn't even know Cecelia was so close with. I shut my eyes, letting the exhaustion take hold of me, pushing out the hurt and resentment I was feeling. I would deal with this in the morning, when I landed.

  "Nikolas," Lorens called from the front door of his quaint but oversized house. "It's good to see you. I'm sorry about last night. I didn't know Jonathon had done that." Lorens' Swedish accent wasn't as thick as it used to be, but it was impossible to miss.

  "Thanks, Lorens. I flew out as soon as I found out Cecelia was here." I turned to face him, but he cut me off.

  "I know. It's a mess. Be gentle with her, though. She's been through too much in one lifetime as it is. I did what I could while she was growing up, gave her some stability, but I was only able to do so much."

  "Is she inside now?" I was becoming queasy now, though I didn't know why.

  "She's out back, sleeping it off in the sun. She's quite hung over. I've never seen her look so much like her mother as she does now. It worries me." I recalled when Cecelia had told me about her alcoholic mother, crashing her car one night and killing herself. The mental image dug at me, making me grimace.

  "Thanks. Oh, and be sure to smack Jon for me." Lorens laughed, patting my shoulder.

  "I'm afraid you'll have to get in line." I walked past him, heading for his stained wood gate leading to the backyard. I carried my overnight bag with me; it was beginning to feel like a ton of bricks weighing me down. I'd barely slept on the plane ride over, flying through the night. Now that I was here and this close to Cecelia, I was finding it hard to stay awake. I saw her lying on a sunbathing chair, her head lolled to the side under an umbrella, shielding her face from the sun as she slept.

  I went to sit down across from her, watching her lungs fill and empty in a steady pattern. She looked peaceful, at ease right now. All the anger and hurt I felt on the way here vanished, replaced by a protective necessity. I wanted nothing more than to keep her safe here. I laid out on the chair next to her and quickly found sleep.

  I awoke to someone persistently nudging me. The prodding continued until I struggled to open my heavy lids. I was rewarded with the sight of Cecelia, looking down at me with her big blue eyes, her blonde waves falling in her face. Without thinking, I reached up and brushed strands back behind her ear, before relaxing again. She blushed at my touch, fighting not to touch me. She leaned back, holding herself tightly.

  "Cecelia. I didn't want to wake you earlier when I first got here. You looked so peaceful. I thought you might be tired after last night." Her cheeks turned scarlet, embarrassment fresh on her face.

  "I'm sorry. I didn't know Jonathon called you."

  "You don't remember?" I sat up, looking at her directly. She shook her head. "You yelled into the phone last night telling me that we were done." I explained to her plainly. She didn't say anything, so I continued. "I don't accept that." Her head snapped up, confused.

  "What?"

  "I refuse," I replied matter-of-factly. She stared at me in disbelief.

  "That's not how it works, Nikolas."

  "Cecelia. I'm not going anywhere simply because Julian's getting confused about his ex. I thought I made myself clear I wanted to be around you."

  "Then why did you leave me there?" Her voice was barely a whisper, but it still broke me, cutting me.

  "Because I'm an idiot." I raked a hand through my hair, exasperated. "I don't know what I'm doing. I've never cared about someone before. I've never dealt with this. I wish Julian would've told me sooner, so I could've been there for you. What you must've thought. Cecelia, I'm nothing like David and Joseph." I made her look at me directly. "You're not something I'm going to use and get bored of. Believe me." She stared back at me, thinking hard before finally she fell into my arms, wracked with tears. I held her to me tightly.

  I couldn't describe the feeling, but I felt lighter, having her accept my words and let me touch her again. I wanted to be strong for her, protect her. I didn't know what that meant, and it scared me.

  Chapter 18

  It was pouring outside. I normally felt it very relaxing and nice to do yoga when it rained like this. I'd taken a few days off, telling everyone I thought I caught some kind of bug. I took my work home with me, attempting to do it, but I just kept getting distracted. I was naked in the middle of my living room floor, holding a pose on my yoga mat. I tried closing my eyes, focusing on my breathing, when my cell interrupted me. Again.

  Fuck it. I kicked myself off the mat and stomped over to my cell. Of course, just what I needed when I wanted to clear my head. Sidney.

  "Hey, girl," I said, a little annoyed.

  "Julian." She said my name like Nik said Cece's name. Those two were really starting to get on my nerves. "You didn't call." She was implying something.

  "Sid, I told you. I'm trying to think about it. It's only been a few days."

  "I know. I just want to see you. I miss you. It's been too long already." She was pleading. I rolled my eyes, leaning against my counter.

  "Fine. Come over." She sucked in an excited breath. "But we're doing some fucking yoga."

  "I'll see you soon, Jay!"

  "Uh huh. See you soon, Sid." I locked my phone and tossed it onto my counter. I was in full-on jealousy mode and wanted to make Cece and Nik feel left out. It was petty, and they probably didn't even notice, but it sure as hell made me feel better about myself. My lips pursed, thinking of them.

  Cece texted me a couple days ago to let me know she was in Providence with Nik. I guess she ran back home for some R and R. I exhaled noisily rolling my eyes, remembering how I'd basically pushed them closer together. I started pacing the apartment, thinking about Cece.

  I hadn't started to get jealous since Sidney had lunch with me. She'd barely crossed my mind until that day; I'd been engrossed with Cece, totally taken by her and wanting to have fun with her. Then, Nik showed up and began dismantling everything with his giant ego. He was basically as hot as Cece was; his muscles were so burly and he rocked the hell out of a three-piece suit.

  That already felt like ages ago. It'd been less than a month, but I hadn't seen Cece in a week. It was like I was seeing clearly now that I wasn't hypnotized by her. I felt shitty for even thinking that as soon as I did. Cece was a good girl, and she'd been honest with me from the get-go. I was sulking and being petty by lashing out. Why had I accepted Sidney's advances if I was involved with Cece and Nik? I was acting like a huge jerk on both ends. I didn't want to give Sidney the wrong idea. I didn't know what I wanted anymore.

  Either way, my head hurt from all the drama. When the hell did my life go from easy-peasy to this nightmare? I trudged to my office, dragging my work bag with me as I went. I so didn't want to read manuscripts right now, but I wanted to think about anything else so much less. I was about to get to work when I felt how painfully frosty it was in my office. Screw that, I thought, as I went to my room to grab some sweat
s and a T-shirt. Then, reluctantly, I sat down and started plugging away at the thousands of papers that covered my desk. They were incredibly disorganized, but I'd managed all these years; I didn't see a problem with it at this point.

  I wasn't reading for more than twenty minutes, just starting to sink my teeth into the writing, when I heard a knock on my door. Man, when Sidney said she'd be over right away, she wasn't joking. I remembered her living a lot further away from me. I guess she'd changed in the time we'd been apart. I felt a little sad, not knowing that about her.

  "That was suspiciously speedy." I smirked, letting Sidney in. She happily walked in, scouring my apartment for signs of other life. "Sorry to disappoint, just me here."

  "Sorry, force of habit."

  "You make it a habit to hunt for people in my place?" I felt some happiness at the sight of her diminish.

  "No, no, no!" she blurted out nervously. "I just meant that I was used to seeing your place every day, and it's been so long. I was taking it all in." I narrowed my gaze on her.

  "Sure, sure." I walked over to my sectional and flopped down on one end. Sidney didn't try her luck and sat on the opposite end. Smart.

  "How have you been?" she said, not letting the silence last.

  "I feel like shit. You?"

  "Better now. It's good to see you."

  "Yeah. It is kind of nice to hang out like this again. I miss the normalcy of it all."

  "I miss it too." She laughed nervously, not wanting to irk me I guessed.

  "I've got Beverly Hills Housewives recorded," I bribed.

  "God, yes!" she cackled, nestling into my couch. I had been craving this, without even realizing it. I yearned for this. It was so simple and effortless.

  "Okay, there's no way those are real, Sid!" I argued, flabbergasted.

  "They're real, she's just wearing a triple push-up bra." She shook her hand at the T.V. like I was crazy.

  "Please. This is Beverly Hills. You think anyone's tits are real there?" I gawked back at her mockingly.

  "They could be real," she insisted. I tossed a pillow at her head, laughing at her.

  "You're ridiculous. How do you function?"

  "Pretty easily. The restaurant usually pays my bills for me."

  "Business good, then?"

  "Really good, actually. There's about a three-month waitlist."

  "That's amazing, Sid!" I stretched, having my fill of the Beverly Hills wives ruining everything they touched. We watched at least five episodes in a row, forgetting about the tension around us.

  "Thanks, Jay." She rose to her feet and started putting on her jacket and boots to leave. "I'd like to do this again, if you want to." She held up her hands defensively. "I'm not trying to rush things, I just want to spend time together and be near each other again."

  "Yeah, I'd like that, Sid. This was fun." I hugged her goodbye and then she was gone.

  I cleaned up the dishes from the popcorn and wine we had together, mocking T.V. celebrities all night. I was tuckered out, and Sidney made me forget all of my problems, just having a nice night together. I then stumbled to bed, sinking into the mattress and pulling the covers over me. My thoughts went back to Cece, thinking about her. I worried, hoping she was okay. I didn't like that Nik was with her, but I hoped he'd brightened her day. I figured what the hell and quickly shot a text to Nik.

  You guys back from the wonderful town of Providence?Nik hadn't answered right away so I was almost asleep when I felt it vibrate underneath my pillow, jarring me.

  We just landed. Cecelia's really worn out.

  Mmmkay. Catch up later then. Night.I tossed my cell onto the nightstand and curled up again. Nik's reply was clearly a giant middle finger to not even bother asking to come over. Whatever, hoard her and keep her to yourself then. My resentment was growing the more they kept me out of the loop and pushed me away.

  I'd have to really think about whether or not I wanted to be loved or always be second place. That night I had a restless sleep.

  When I finally woke up, I could hear my cell repeatedly grinding across my nightstand. I leaned over, groaning, trying to grab it. I heaved a sigh, my eyes still hurting from the morning, to see Sidney had texted me.

  Thanks again for last night. It was great to have fun. See you soon?

  Let me know when you're free,Miss Fancy Restaurant Pants.I rested my cell against my headboard so I wouldn't have to hold it anymore. When Sidney sent back a smiley face, I was too lazy to respond. I rolled over and fell back asleep for another couple of hours. This time I felt ready to get up for the day.

  I had to see Nik and deal with everything, figure things out once and for all. I wanted things to work out, but I was tired of all the drama that came with it; mostly because of him. I hailed a cab once I'd gotten dressed and gave him Nik's penthouse address. I thought about texting him on the drive there to let him know, but I didn't see the point in it; I kind of wanted to have the element of surprise. Part of me knew Cece would be there, but I wanted the confirmation of it.

  When the cab pulled over in front of his building, I didn't have to sign in. The doorman had remembered me and let me into Nik's private elevator, taking me to the top floor that was completely his. The elevator doors opened, and I stood in the entry way of Nik's expansive penthouse suite. I stepped into his kitchen, taking a seat on one of his island bar stools. I didn't have to wait long when Nik came striding out of the hall that led to his bed room, naked.

  "Julian," he began, apprehensive. "I told you Cecelia was tired last night."

  "I know what you said, Nik. That was also yesterday. It's twelve o'clock the next day." Nik's back straightened at my words, becoming defensive.

  "She's still sleeping." I could tell he was lying to me. I stood from my bar stool then and faced him head on.

  "Nik. Don't lie to me." He glared back at me. He didn't have a chance to say anything back because Cece walked around the corner, also naked, her hair disheveled like it'd been ground into a mattress for hours, and her tits were swollen. I'd recognize the sex twinkle in her eyes anytime. I glowered back at Nik. Suddenly, being faced with the reality that they really didn't need me anymore stung like hell. I was pissed off.

  I lashed out and suddenly brought my fist into Nik's jaw, connecting and thrusting him back onto the floor.

  "You're a piece of shit, Nikolas. You know that?" He gripped his jaw, eyes burning holes into me, but saying nothing.

  "Oh, my god! Julian!" She ran to kneel beside Nik, gently touching his face to see if it was already swollen. My hand ached and my chest hurt. Hitting him helped a little, but I still felt like shit. "Nikolas, are you okay?" He nodded at Cece's caring tone, finally getting to his feet again.

  "Anything else?"

  "I don't have anything else to say to you." I turned my focus on Cece then, trying to contain the arousal she posed, standing there naked with her body exposed before me. "Cece, about what happened last week ..." She cut me off.

  "It's okay, Julian. It's worth a shot. You won't get another one." She was still hurting, but I knew she meant what she said to me. I nodded, thinking about what she said.

  "I meant what I said before I left that morning, too. I do want us to be friends. Just because things are different doesn't mean I don't want you around anymore." It stung to say, but now that the words were finally out there, it felt like a weight was off my shoulders, freeing me. I couldn't help but want to rip Nik's head off anyway, though.

  "Okay, Julian ... I'll try. I'm going to need some time, but I don't want you gone, either." She was holding onto Nik's hand as she spoke to me. I had to believe that she wasn't hurting as much.

  I turned around, not wanting to watch them anymore and wanting to go back home. I felt guilty about it, but I really wanted to spend the rest of my day with Sidney, judging the trashy girls on Beverly Hills Housewives.

  Chapter 19

  I knew seeing Julian again would hurt, but I wasn't prepared for it to hurt this much. I leaned on Nikolas for support,
grabbing onto his biceps. I wasn't sure about coming back to New York with him, but he'd refused to leave without me. He was exhausted, and had clearly gone crazy while I was gone and needed to be around me. It was hard to say no to him when he'd taken his private jet and dropped everything. All at 2 a.m.

  While Nikolas hugged me, I remembered what Lorens said as I was packing to leave and head back home.

  "Cece, he cares about you deeply. I can tell that much."

  "Thanks, Lorens. That means a lot." I zipped up my bag. "I'm just scared, I guess. I've been through enough and I'm finally making it in the world, doing what I love and being one of the best at it. Half the time it doesn't feel real. But then once I start to paint, I think of everything around me, and I know I've earned everything I've got."

  "I'm happy for you, then. Jonathon will be bouncing off the walls as soon as you leave, gushing about how our families are going to get together." He held up his hands shrugging. "He's a bit of a dreamer." He smiled and walked over to me while I was laughing and hugged me closely.

  "I'm glad you stuck around for me, Lorens."

  "Of course. You're my little girl." We both knew it was mathematically impossible, but it was the sentiment that mattered. He'd taken me in and looked after me when my grandmother had died and left me all alone in the world.

  Now, being in Nikolas' arms, I felt what Lorens was trying to say to me. But something was bothering me about Julian flying in here, bashing Nikolas, and then storming back out. I had no idea he was coming, but I got the feeling that Nikolas did and hid it from me.

  "Why was Julian just here now?" I probed.

  "I guess to see you," he said, rubbing his jaw, "and to sucker-punch me too."

  "Nikolas," I warned.

  "He wanted to see you last night, but I told him you were busy."

  "Yeah. Being under you while you fucked my brains out." I pulled away from him. "That's not fair to keep him from me, Nikolas."

  "I'd do it again." He leveled his gaze to mine. I gaped back.