Alex Hope

by Aj Estelliam

  She frowned. ‘You usually check in with your parents during a holiday?’

  ‘No, not usually…but remember they were looking after me after my accident. They’ve been concerned about me lately.’

  ‘Of course they have.’

  ‘I’m just going to get my mobile and call them,’ I said.

  I disappeared to find my bag and then found my charger as the phone was completely out of battery.

  After plugging it in, I called from the kitchen, standing by the socket.

  ‘Hello?’ my Dad answered merrily.

  ‘Oh hey, Dad,’ I said brightly, forcing happiness into my voice. So much had changed since I had spoken to him last.

  ‘Hey honey! We’ve been worried about you!’ he exclaimed. ‘You should have called.’

  ‘Sorry, Dad…’ I apologised. ‘I, uh…I’ve been having such a lovely time that I kind of forgot to call.’

  ‘Oh, don’t worry. I think we’ve just been concerned since the accident.’

  ‘I know. I should have been more considerate. Sorry.’

  ‘No problem. So, what’s had you so busy? Are you having a lovely time?’ he wondered.

  ‘I, uh…yeah!’ I laughed, thinking on my feet. ‘I’ve met someone,’ I told him, eyeing Jess and indicating with my hands that I was making this up. ‘She’s wonderful and I’ve just been enjoying her company so much that I kind of got tied up in it all…’

  ‘Hey, that’s wonderful,’ he commented, sounding genuinely happy for me.

  ‘Yeah…she’s great,’ I said, smiling at Jess. She gave me a slow smile back and I felt warmth spread through my stomach in response.

  ‘What’s her name?’

  ‘Uh…Jess.’

  ‘And what does she do?’

  ‘Uh, she’s a police detective.’

  ‘Wow! Well, that ties in nicely with your line of work! How exciting! What’ve you been doing together? Scotland is a wonderful place.’

  ‘It is,’ I agreed. ‘And totally beautiful…the trouble is, it’s snowing Dad. We’ve spent more time indoors relaxing because it’s just so cold and snowy outside. It’s hard to stay out too long.’

  ‘Of course. Yeah, you stay warm and cosy.’

  ‘I will, Dad. Anyway, how are you?’ I asked, hoping to steer the conversation towards him instead of me.

  ‘I’m good, honey…in fact I’m great!’

  ‘You are? How come?’ I asked, loving hearing his excitement back in his voice. He had been almost ill when I had first gone back home.

  ‘Well, so much has happened since you left, Alex. I’m so excited to tell you!’

  ‘Oh yes? With the new business?’

  ‘Yes! I’ve been inundated with orders and interest, Alex! I’ve sold over one thousand pounds worth of toys already and have orders for more. Together with the contract which is going ahead, I’m going to be able to give up work and do this from home!’

  ‘Dad, that’s wonderful! I can’t tell you how happy I am for you!’

  ‘Thanks, Alex. I’ll never stop thanking you for this.’

  ‘It’s not down to me…it’s your talent that created this.’

  ‘Maybe…but your business sense and knowledge of the internet have got this moving! I can’t thank you enough.’

  ‘You’re welcome,’ I smiled.

  ‘Oh, look-it’s your mother…I’ll hand you over.’

  As he did so, I heard them speaking. He told her I had met someone, to which she answered the phone with excitement.

  ‘Hello honey!’

  ‘Hi Mum.’

  ‘Why didn’t you call? We were worried! Dad says you met someone?’

  ‘That’s right,’ I said, smiling down the phone. ‘I’ve been sort of busy.’

  ‘Well, I never! That wasn’t news I was expecting! So, tell all! What is she like? Is she pretty? A keeper?’

  ‘She’s gorgeous,’ I said, smiling with embarrassment as Jess looked over at me. ‘Tall, blonde and athletic. She has a great smile and the most amazing eyes.’

  ‘And what’s she like as a person?’

  ‘Uh, she’s kind…and good company. I don’t know, Mum-it’s early days, I just wanted to tell you not to worry and I’ll see you both soon.’

  ‘Of course, you’ll want to get on and out. I’ll let you go, honey. Just check in occasionally, okay?’

  ‘Okay, Mum. Well, speak soon…I love you!’

  ‘I love you too, honey! Bye!’

  ‘Bye!’

  I hung up and placed the phone on the side. Turning to Jess, I waited for her questions.

  ‘Why did you say that?’ she wondered.

  ‘Because I needed a reason to have been out of contact,’ I told her. ‘I figured telling her I had met someone was easier than explaining that I am at the centre of a murder investigation.’

  ‘I guess so…’

  ‘It’s no big deal anyway. I can just go back at the end of the holiday and tell them it was a passing fling.’

  ‘Oh really?’ she chuckled.

  ‘Yeah…that’s okay, right?’

  She shrugged, as if to say whatever.

  I left the kitchen and headed to the lounge where I sat down beside her and crossed my legs beneath me. ‘Distract me,’ I requested.

  Her eyebrows rose in an instant and her thoughts went wild.

  ‘Not like that!’ I exclaimed, shifting in my seat uncomfortably.

  ‘Alex! You have to admit, that sounded very suggestive!’

  ‘I didn’t intend it to be…I just meant, talk to me…I need some distraction.’

  She sat back and crossed her arms over her chest. ‘Well, that I don’t mind doing. In fact, it occurs to me that I only know the basics about you. You could spend some time telling me about you.’

  ‘What do you know about me already then?’ I asked. ‘Surely, I’ve only told a few, little things?’

  She smiled at me. ‘That’s true, but remember who I am.’

  I looked at her quizzically.

  ‘I’m a detective, Alex. You’re not the only one who knows things…’

  ‘Go on then, enlighten me. Tell me what you’ve found out about me so far.’

  ‘Okay,’ she smiled. ‘Challenge accepted. Well, to start off with-you like a quiet life. Noise and a hectic life are not you…you’re homely and like the quiet-which is why this new-found skill is bothering you so much.’

  ‘Accurate, I’d say,’ I nodded, curious what else she thought she knew about me.

  ‘I know you’re kind and have a good nature. I know this because of how tolerant you’ve been of me around you and also with how much you want to help in the investigation.’

  I nodded.

  ‘I know you’re a good cook, with an attention to detail which is unique. You like to keep a tidy house-you always go to tidy up straight after you’ve eaten. I know you don’t drink tea. You left the one I made you untouched the other day.’

  ‘Maybe it was just the circumstances?’ I offered.

  ‘No, I don’t think so…the look in your eyes when I gave it you told me you were surprised.’

  I chuckled. ‘I don’t like tea…’

  ‘I knew it!’ she exclaimed.

  ‘What else?’ I asked.

  ‘Hmm…I know you like to relax in hot baths. I imagine you do that at home too. I’d say your relaxation time comes when you’re at home-bathing or watching a film…maybe cuddling up with a loved one.’

  I nodded, slowly. ‘You’re pretty good.’

  ‘But what I don’t know are the other details…’

  ‘What do you want to know?’ I asked her.

  ‘Everything,’ she replied, her voice husky.

  ‘Everything? Was it only yesterday you didn’t even want us to be friends?’ I questioned.

  She looked down and then lifted her head to meet my eyes again. ‘I was wrong.’

  ‘Yeah?’

  She nodded. ‘I’d like to be friends and I’d like to get to know you better.’
<
br />   I narrowed my eyes at her a little. ‘Why?’

  ‘I…it’s hard to put into words.’

  ‘Try,’ I requested.

  ‘I just…I guess, spending this time with you has made me re-evaluate a few things. I’d like the chance to get to know you a little better-even though I know you’ll be gone soon. I think you have a lot to teach me.’

  ‘I do? About what?’

  ‘About life…and about being happy.’

  ‘I don’t know about that, Jess,’ I murmured. ‘I wouldn’t say I’ve found all that yet.’

  ‘No, maybe not…but your outlook is so positive. You’re always so upbeat, even in the most awful of situations.’

  ‘Well, what’s the alternative?’ I laughed.

  Her own face stayed sombre. ‘The alternative is what I’ve become.’

  I looked at her sadly. ‘Oh Jess. You can change just about everything.’

  She nodded slowly. ‘Yeah…but anyway…back to you?’

  ‘Sure,’ I smiled, and sat back to get comfortable.

  As we sat cosily on the three-seater sofa, Jess began talking.

  ‘I notice you’re very close to your parents…that was a sweet conversation,’ she commented.

  ‘We are close. I mean, I don’t usually live with them or see them every day but we’ll talk on the phone often and I’m always invited for Sunday lunch. It’s nice. They’re lovely people…’

  ‘That’s wonderful,’ she said, in a far-off voice.

  ‘I guess, for you, family is something you’ve never really had.’

  ‘I’ve had it,’ she replied, ‘but in no conventional sense…and in a very disturbing manner for many years. Traditional family like you talk about seems like a dream to me.’

  ‘Yeah…I can understand why.’

  ‘So, what do they do?’ she asked.

  ‘Mum and Dad?’

  She nodded. ‘Mum retired several years ago so she’s at home now. She attends several clubs and groups and is much happier now she’s retired. Ideally she’d love some grandkids to look after but I haven’t quite made it to that yet!’ I laughed.

  ‘Oh, that’s on the cards, is it?’ she asked.

  ‘Oh yes! I love children. One day for definite!’

  ‘How lovely.’

  ‘And Dad,’ I continued, ‘hates his job and has a boss who bullies him. I’ve been helping him this past week actually…he makes wooden toys as an outlet while he’s at home. He’s very talented so I’ve been encouraging him to sell them and create a business from home. That way, he won’t have to work. We started last week and he’s been offered a contract already-some guy who owns a traditional toy shop wants him to make pieces on a regular basis. He’s completely overjoyed by his instant success.’

  ‘I can imagine! And what a great daughter you are to help him so much.’

  ‘Well, you do, don’t you…you do what you can for family…’

  She met my eyes and I was shocked by the flood of a memory which quickly flashed past Jess’ eyes. I gasped and tore my eyes away. Thankfully the images disappeared.

  ‘What was that?’ she asked, frowning.

  ‘I…’

  ‘What did you see? Not another girl?’

  ‘No, no…something that was in your mind…’

  She shook her head. ‘Don’t,’ she warned.

  ‘I’m not trying to see all this awful crap! I’d love not to!’ I said emphatically.

  She turned away and seemed to be composing herself for a moment. I hadn’t had enough chance to work out what I was seeing. I did involve someone she loved being hurt but I couldn’t really see much more than that.

  ‘Sorry,’ she breathed. ‘I just…well, as you know, my past is a bit of a nightmare.’

  ‘Yeah…I got that…’

  ‘So, shall we move on?’

  ‘Yes please,’ I said gratefully.

  Chapter 15

  ‘Tell me about you as a child,’ Jess said.

  ‘A child? Hmm…well, I was your typical good girl. Pretty average I guess. I mean, I did well at school but was nothing exceptional. I was average looking but not pretty. What set me aside from everyone else was my realisation that I was gay.’

  ‘Oh really? So, it was there from the word go.’

  ‘I think it was, but I didn’t acknowledge it. Not at all.’

  ‘Oh? That surprises me.’

  ‘Well, I was a bit of a follower back then. I didn’t like to stand on my own two feet-I went along with the crowd and did what I had to in order to fit in.’

  ‘What like?’

  ‘Like having boyfriends.’

  ‘Ah!’ she commented, leaning back more comfortably.

  ‘The trouble was, I was quite quiet and shy too…so I didn’t have much luck.’

  ‘So, no boyfriends for you then?’

  ‘Not really…I mean one briefly when I was about seventeen, but it was brief and innocent. I didn’t really get involved with anyone until after University.’

  ‘You went to Uni?’

  ‘I did, yeah…I did an English degree.’

  ‘Oh right.’

  ‘It led me nowhere,’ I laughed. ‘It’s funny isn’t it…you follow this route your parents expect and then, at the end of it, you come out no better off.’

  ‘So, what do you do for work now?’ she asked.

  ‘I’m a police researcher,’ I revealed.

  ‘No way! So, you work within the police! You didn’t say!’

  ‘Well, it’s not exactly what you do…but it has connections, I guess.’

  ‘That’s good to hear. Do you enjoy it?’ she asked.

  ‘I do…but I struggled when I went back last week. I work within a loud, busy office. It was too much to deal with-what with my head being like it is. I had a bit of a meltdown and had to leave. They ordered me to take a holiday…’

  ‘That sounds familiar,’ she smiled.

  ‘Yeah,’ I laughed, thinking of her and the Captain the day before. ‘Well, I’m glad I did, because otherwise, I wouldn’t be here now.’

  ‘I thought you would regret ever coming,’ she commented.

  ‘No…not when lives have been saved. You were right, I should feel pleased about the fact that women have lived because I heard their cries for help. If I’m to be burdened with this ‘gift,’ I am determined to use it for good…to help people.’

  ‘You’re a good woman, Alex,’ she said quietly.

  I looked up at her from under my lashes and smiled.

  ‘So, tell me your history with women…you got to the point where you were experimenting with boyfriends.’

  ‘Oh, I never properly experimented with boys…I was too shy.’

  ‘That’s not the reason you switched to girls, right?’

  ‘No!’ I exclaimed, but laughed nonetheless. ‘I was just as shy with girls!’

  ‘Oh really…I bet you were adorable all shy and sensitive.’

  ‘Take it easy!’ I laughed. ‘I wasn’t that ridiculous…I was just…a little bit of a slow starter.’

  ‘Yeah…well, so was I,’ she nodded.

  I met her eyes again and knew then that it had taken years and years before Jess had even considered a sexual relationship with anyone at all. All idea of sexual pleasure had been obliterated by her father and his treatment of her.

  ‘I think for you it was even harder,’ I said quietly.

  She shrugged. ‘We were discussing you.’

  ‘Yeah, we were…well, when I finally met someone who I liked, I began my first relationship. I fell in love and experimented…’

  ‘What happened?’ she asked dreamily.

  ‘She left me. She met someone else and moved on.’

  ‘I bet you were heart broken.’

  I nodded sadly. ‘I really was. It took a long time to recover from it.’

  ‘It always does,’ she commented.

  ‘And what came next?’

  ‘I dated a little,’ I told her. ‘And then I kept seeing this
woman I met at work. We were together for four years.’

  ‘Why did it end?’ she wondered.

  ‘It was a strange ending, really. It fizzled out of its own accord but to be honest; the main reason it ended was because we wanted different things. I started mentioning marriage and children and she couldn’t run away faster.’

  ‘Oh dear…’

  ‘Yeah…so it ended. I then started seeing Lauren-the woman I recently discovered was cheating on me. I can’t say I’m gutted it’s over but I’m feeling disheartened about the whole thing. I mean, I’m thirty-one. I was hoping to at least be on the road to settling down.’

  She nodded.

  ‘But I guess you don’t feel that-seeing as you don’t want to settle and have a relationship.’

  She fell silent for a moment and when she spoke, it wasn’t what I was expecting. ‘It’s not that I wouldn’t like those things…love them in fact. It’s more the fact that I don’t think it’s fair on the woman I meet. I mean; she’d be living with a murderer. She’d be living with someone tied to the job. Is that fair?’

  ‘But maybe you would change?’

  ‘Do we ever really change?’ she asked me philosophically.

  ‘I don’t know.’

  ‘I think I’m going to be like this forever.’

  ‘Like what?’ I questioned.

  ‘Like…a mess,’ she answered, eventually.

  I smiled at her. ‘You may have a past, Jess, but you’re a pretty amazing woman. I’ve enjoyed your company, and I’ve only spent a few days with you.’

  ‘Maybe you’re easily pleased.’

  ‘Maybe. But maybe there’s more loveliness to you than you let on,’ I murmured.

  ‘Loveliness? Oh please!’ she laughed.

  I shrugged. ‘Just saying…’

  ‘You’re one of a kind, you know that?’

  I smiled at her, realising I was growing fonder and fonder of her. Her eyes met mine and softened. I felt that tug towards her; an electric pull which made me feel like I was falling. The only direction I wanted to go in was towards her.

  ‘My phone,’ Jess muttered, breaking the tension.

  ‘Yeah…’

  I watched as Jess hurried over to the kitchen where her phone was plugged in beside mine.

  ‘Hello? JJ Love?’

  I watched her as she listened to the other end of the line. Her thoughts suddenly moved from me to work mode. When she hung up, her face was grim.