Not Broken-The Happily Ever After

by Meka James

  “What! No! That’s...that’s not—”

  “That is exactly it!” she yelled. “It’s why you couldn’t look at me that morning, Malcolm. It’s why you can’t look at me now. Admit it. Now that you know, you see me differently.” She covered her face and turned away. “Why did I come here? What was I thinking?”

  Turning back around, she headed toward the door without looking at me. I stepped in front of it, blocking her escape route. Surprise flashed across her face, but it was quickly replaced with a look of fear. We needed to get through this. I couldn’t keep letting her run away.

  “Move, Malcolm.” There was a tremor in her voice when she spoke that made me second guess my plan of action.

  “No. Not until you hear me out.”

  She stepped back. I hated that she was scared of me for any reason, but I needed to talk to her. She needed to know that what she thought was wrong.

  “I want you. Lord knows I want you in the worst way. Don’t ever doubt that.”

  I paused. Separation needed to be between that statement and what needed to come next. “You were raped, Calida. Hearing you talk about what he did, seeing you that night…” I stopped and took a breath.

  Those emotions were still fresh, and the last thing I wanted was to lose my cool and for her to think it was directed at her.

  “The reason I couldn’t look at you the next day had nothing to do with you. Well, not in the way you think. I was…am pissed and ashamed at myself for being too fucking dense to not have considered he would have done something like that. Or, hell, maybe I did, but didn’t want to admit it to myself. Whatever the case may be, the fact remains that morning was about me. I’d spent the night thinking back over everything I’d done, the way I pushed you at times, and I was fucking pissed! I was pissed I’d fucked up so badly and ignored all the signs right in front of me!”

  I threw the shorts to the floor. “I...I wanted to be someone that you could count on. I...why didn’t you tell me?”

  “Because…the way you all looked at me when I was in the hospital. That was hard enough. The pity. The disappointment. I couldn’t handle it, so if you had known, it would have been worse. Besides, who was I going to tell? Macy, my best friend, she didn’t talk to me for months. She could have died because of my actions. I didn’t want anyone feeling sorry for me any more than they already were.”

  “It wasn’t pity or disappointment, Calida. It was fear, sadness, hell, a whole slew of emotions, but never disappointment. As for who to tell, anyone. I was there, or tried like hell to be there. You had your parents, you’re paying a small fortune to Dr. Carr. You had options, Calida!”

  “Obviously, I didn’t see it that way. I pushed it down. I tried not to think about it. I lived with him. I was married to him. Every day I was in fear of him killing someone I loved if I didn’t behave. So what if he was angrier one time over the next? The end result was the same. I couldn’t focus on it! I couldn’t! You all wanted me better. It was like none of you knew how to act around me, so I just pushed it down. I got really good at pushing it down. I had to. You all wanted me better, so I was better.”

  My head reeled with the new information. Just when I didn’t think the hell she went through could have been any worse, she proved me wrong. The anger and pain from the night I’d found out boiled to new heights. More than once. He’d done that do her more than once? I took a breath, needing to remain calm for her sake.

  “Yes, we wanted you better, but that didn’t mean you needed to hide your feelings from me. From any of us.”

  “Can you honestly tell me had you known, you wouldn’t have treated me differently? More so than you already were?” She sounded tired. Defeated.

  “Hell yes, I would have, but not for the reason you think. You went through an impossible and traumatic experience. No one expected you to be fine whether we knew that part or not. If you needed to scream, cry, punch someone, whatever, that’s what you needed to do.”

  I took a step forward. She shook her head.

  “I would have been there, by your side the whole way through, trying harder to make sure you knew you weren’t alone. Making sure you knew you had someone to take care of you when you couldn’t take care of yourself. I fucking love you, Calida! I would have been there to make sure you felt it even when you didn’t realize it.”

  I stared into her red-brimmed eyes. Seeing her like this, so lost and deflated, all fight drained from me. I pinched the bridge of my nose, and mentally counted to ten. Since learning about what he’d done, I’d racked my brain to figure out why she felt like she had to keep it a secret, and now it made sense. She didn’t trust us.

  She’d resorted to putting on this act, pretending, all while hiding her deepest pain from all of us. We’d failed her. I’d failed her.

  “I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I put that kind of pressure on you. And I’m sorry that because of it, you had to keep everything in. We’ve made you feel alone in this, but you’re not. I’m here. I’ll always be here for you. In whatever way you need me to be.”

  She drew in a shaky breath before dropping down onto the bed, and burying her face in her hands. Without hesitation, I crossed the room, and pulled her into my arms when I took a seat beside her.

  “I’m so tired. I...I just don’t know anymore. I’m so tired.”

  I kissed the top of her head. “Get some sleep. The bed is very comfortable.”

  I started to get up, but she stopped me. “Stay with me.”

  I thought about telling her no. I didn’t want her to wake up and possibly freak out in the morning, but she was so frail and vulnerable that I couldn’t leave her.

  “Okay, just let me get changed.”

  “For what?”

  “Because sleeping in jeans would be hella uncomfortable.”

  She sat up and gave me a shy smile. “But I thought you said you slept in nothing.”

  Chapter 32

  Malcolm

  I was at a loss on how to respond.

  “I don’t want you to be uncomfortable in your house.”

  “Uh, I’ll be fine in a pair of gym shorts. No biggie.”

  She leaned forward, kissing me for the second time. With her lips still pressed against mine, she whispered the last words I expected to hear. “Make love to me, Malcolm.”

  I took in a sharp breath. What the hell was happening right now? “I’m...I’m going to take the couch. You...you should get some sleep.”

  I stood, and she did the same. “I thought you said you wanted me.”

  My head fell forward. Fuck! I didn’t want to put any more cracks in her fragile spirit, but I needed to let her know this was a bad idea. She stepped closer, resting her hands on the waistband of my jeans.

  “Baby, I do, but tonight is not the right time. You’re emotional, it’s been a long night—”

  One hand wandered to the front of my pants and stroked the outline of my cock. Rational thought flew out the window.

  She stretched up, placing a kiss on my chin. “That’s exactly why I need to. I don’t want to be scared anymore. I want you to make love to me,” she said, slowly unzipping my pants until my dick sprang free.

  “Baby, please, it’s too soon.”

  Her warm hand wrapped around my throbbing cock and slid down the length at a tortuously slow pace, drawing a low groan from me and cutting off my objection.

  “It’s been two years, Malcolm. Two years of me hiding. Two years of me being ashamed. Two years of dealing with the nightmares and memories of everything that happened. I need to be reminded that it’s not about pain and anger. Please, Malcolm,” she begged softly. “I need you to remind me, to show me what’s good. Let me feel your love.”

  Those last words were my undoing. I leaned down to kiss her. Her hand abandoned my dick, and she wrapped her arms around my neck, kissing me with a desperate passion. We walked back toward the bed, breaking from the kiss when my legs hit the mattress. I took a seat on t
he edge of the bed. She stood between my legs, gently chewing on her bottom lip. I watched her face for signs of distress as I ran my hands under her shirt. When I started to lift it off, Calida leaned to turn off the light, but I stopped her.

  “I want to see you.”

  She shook her head.

  “Yes, baby. You said no more hiding.”

  Taking a deep breath, Calida closed her eyes before lifting her shirt over her head, and dropping it to the floor. I stared at her as she stood before me topless. Her breasts rose and fell with the steady breaths she took. Her nipples were tight, rosy buds begging to be sucked. She was beautiful, but as my eyes journeyed farther north, I saw she was terrified. Her eyes remained closed, and her lips were pressed together in a tight line.

  I put my hands on her waist, bringing her closer. “Look at me…Ginger.”

  She gasped and her eyes popped open. “You…you said you wouldn’t call me that.”

  “I’m taking back what’s mine.”

  I took a risk bringing up that name. I couldn’t call her by it after hearing how he’d used it against her. He’d hurt her because of our connection. Because of me. I didn’t want to bring her any more bad memories, but hearing that she perceived my behavior differently than intended, I needed to reclaim it. For both of us.

  I kept my hands planted firmly on her waist. “You want to remember the good. That name is yours. It’s ours. So, remembering the good needs to include the cleansing of that name.”

  She swiped at a stray tear that rolled down her cheek and gave me a lovely smile with a subtle nod of her head. My Ginger.

  “You are beautiful, breathtakingly so.”

  “You’re just saying that to get into my pants,” she joked.

  I let out a low laugh. Joking was good. “Is it working?” I asked, trying to keep the tone as she’d set it.

  She nodded. “I think so,” she whispered.

  Keeping eye contact, my hands moved down to the waistband of her shorts. With slow movements, I pulled them and her underwear down, revealing the triangle of red hair. I swallowed hard and felt a trickle of liquid run down the tip of my cock.

  I slid back on the bed, kicking off my pants. She moved to straddle me. The curly hairs between her legs tickled the tip of my dick. It twitched in anticipation of what was to come. Ginger leaned forward, kissing me. I grabbed her ass. I wanted to push her down. I ached to feel the warmth of her body surrounding mine, but I refrained. She needed to take the lead. To be the one in control from start to finish.

  With one arm wrapped around her waist, I used my free hand to cup her breast. My thumb drew circles around the erect nipple. When she broke from the kiss, I leaned down, closing my lips around the rosy bud. She moaned in response then lowered herself down just enough to allow the tip into her body.

  I abandoned her breasts to look at her, she lowered herself a bit more, wincing as she did.

  “Are you okay?”

  She nodded. “You’re …um there’s just a lot of…you.”

  I smiled before kissing her again. This time when she lowered herself, I lifted my hips. Her nails dug into my shoulder, and she let out a forced exhale. She didn’t move, so I waited, reveling in the feeling of being completely enveloped within her body. I kissed her neck, sucking gently on the soft flesh. I’d never wanted to be with a woman as much as I wanted Ginger, and now being inside her, feeling her tight, slick walls embracing me felt like a dream. Even if she never decided to move, this moment was heaven for me.

  She rocked forward slightly, and I groaned in response. My hands rested on her thighs. I gave a squeeze, trying hard not to make her move. She put her hands on either side of my face, kissing me as she slowly rocked herself against me again.

  “Tell me you love me,” she whispered against my lips.

  I pulled back, looking deep into her emerald eyes. They shimmered with the tears pooled at the bottom. “I love you.”

  She smiled before she began to move. She pushed herself up and down on my rigid shaft, slowly at first. Her body was tight, but with each movement, she opened up more. I pushed my hips upward, meeting her movements, and pushing myself deeper into her silken, warm center.

  “Fuck, baby…you feel so fucking good,” I groaned.

  She leaned back, and her breasts bounced with her motion. I grabbed one, closing my mouth around the taut peak. She moaned in pleasure. Using her body weight, Ginger leaned forward, forcing me backward. She found my lips, kissing me deeply as she continued to move her hips. Faster she went, riding my cock, taking the pleasure she needed. My hands were on her waist, helping her as she drove us toward the end. She broke from the kiss, leaning back to rest her hands on my thighs. She rode me hard. I let one of my hands travel across her stomach down between her legs. My thumb circled her clit, and she let out a low moan in response. She fell forward, burying her face in my neck. Her nails dug into my shoulder. Her body shuddered around mine, and she let out a muffled cry as her orgasm hit. I felt the tightening in my balls before my own release burst free, spilling into her.

  Neither of us spoke or moved. Our heavy breathing came out in sync. I remained in the euphoric afterglow, reveling in the fact I’d just made love to her, so it took me a moment to feel the dampness on my shoulder, followed by the trembling of her body. She was crying. Shit! I knew I shouldn’t have done this. She wasn’t ready. I closed my eyes, wrapped my arms around her, and held her tight.

  ~~~~~~~~~~~~

  Crying. Who the hell was crying? I shifted, realizing there was someone next to me. Groggy memories came back. Ginger was curled up beside me, with her head resting on my chest. She looked so peaceful. More crying. Shit! Shawn. Moving slowly as to not wake her, I eased myself out of bed. She shifted, turning over to get comfortable again. Ginger. My Ginger. I gave one last glance before grabbing the shorts from last night, and slipped them on as I exited the room.

  Shawn stood red-faced and snot-nosed inside the playpen.

  I walked over retrieving him from the crib. “Are you always this loud in the morning?”

  His cries started to calm down.

  “Woah, you smell. Let’s see if mommy brought a diaper bag.”

  There wasn’t one downstairs, but after some searching I located her keys. Luckily she had a bag in her car.

  “There. Much happier with that crap off you.”

  Soon as I released him, Shawn did a quick flip to his stomach to push himself to his feet. He headed right to the diaper bag and started pulling out things until he found his empty sippy cup.

  “Juice,” he said, holding the cup out to me.

  “Right. Sure thing, juice for you, coffee for me, but first we need to put out that toxic diaper of yours.”

  I debated for a minute on if I needed to take him with me to the garage or if I could leave him on his own. He pulled out the baby powder and tried to eat it. He was coming with me. Scooping him up, I glanced at the microwave clock; it was barely six. Today was going to require a lot of coffee.

  Chapter 33

  Calida

  I sat up, giving my body a good stretch. The sheet dropped, revealing my topless state. All of last night’s activities came flooding back. My desperate need to get out of my house. Showing up at Malcolm’s in the middle of the night. Begging him to have sex with me. I fell back against the pillows, pulling the covers over my head.

  I couldn’t believe I did that. I’d thrown myself at him. God, I was so messed up! How was I supposed to face him? What was I to say? If I got lucky, maybe the house would swallow me whole, and I could avoid what I knew would be a terribly awkward encounter.

  I couldn’t hide in his bed all day. Removing the blanket from my head, I closed my eyes against the sudden light change. It was bright, really bright. Turning, I saw the clock. 10:30.

  “Shawn!”

  Scrambling out of bed, I frantically searched for my clothes. How could I be so careless? I’d yanked him out of bed in the middle
of the night, and I didn’t even ask where Malcolm put him. Jesus, I was starting to fail in the one area I worked hardest at. How could I let my issues leave me so careless toward my son?

  “We can’t go that way. We’re gonna get shot.” I heard Malcolm say as I got to the bottom of the stairs.

  I walked toward the sound of gunfire and Shawn’s happy squeals. He sat in Malcolm’s lap, hitting at the game controller as Malcolm attempted to play some game. He was okay. Relief was replaced with nervousness. Malcolm looked so at ease smiling, and playing with my son. What was I supposed to say to him after what I did last night?

  “Thanks a lot, kid, I just took one to the head.” Malcolm smiled when he saw me. “Good morning.”

  Shawn wiggled free, and climbed down to come over to me. I bent over to pick him up, and gave him a tight hug. The unconditional love of my little boy was what I needed right now. He didn’t judge me. He didn’t have any expectations. As far as he was concerned, I was his whole world.

  “You want coffee or something to eat?”

  I turned my attention to Malcolm. Shirtless, he only wore shorts, those same ones from last night. The ones I’d asked him not to put on. My eyes lingered for too long on those damn shorts. My face and ears got warm. I looked up to see him smiling at me.

  “You keep looking at me like I’m a piece of meat, I’m going to start to question your intentions toward me.”

  “What! I wasn’t.”

  “It’s okay. I know I’m a fine specimen to behold.”

  I laughed and rolled my eyes. Cocky bastard. But that’s how he’d always been.

  Shawn twisted, trying to get free. I put him down, and he went back to the mess that was the contents of the diaper bag scattered about the floor.

  “Why didn’t you wake me? You didn’t have to get up with him.”

  Malcolm strolled over to me. My stomach did flips. He reached out to smooth down strands of my hair. My hand went to my head, remembering I had terrible bedhead most mornings. “Sorry. I must be a mess. I was in a rush.”