Reckless Heart (Kauffman Amish Bakery 5.5)

by Amy Clipston

  “I’d love to be your girlfriend, and I’m really froh,” she said, squeezing his hand. “But I’m about to ask the school board to consider me for the teaching position next year. I can’t discuss my personal life or even kiss you in case they’re looking out the window at me right now. They would be more than displeased if they saw me kissing my boyfriend out in public, in broad daylight, on a Friday afternoon.”

  “Then we’ll save the kissing for later on your back porch.” He touched her cheek. “I’ll be happy to wait until then.”

  “Gut,” Lydia said as she folded her trembling hands over her apron.

  The door to the schoolhouse opened, and Barbie hopped down the steps with a smile glimmering on her face.

  “I guess that went well,” Joshua said.

  “Ya,” Barbie said. “They’re ready for you. I told them you would be the best teacher for the class next year. They said they wanted to talk to you about it before they made a decision.”

  Lydia bit her bottom lip as doubt and worry coursed through her. “I can’t do it. I’m not ready. I’ll just work at the bakery. That’s where I belong — with my cousins, my aentis, and my mamm.”

  “Stop being gegisch.” Barbie touched Lydia’s arm. “You’re ready. You’re a wunderbaar gut teacher. Now go in there and tell the school board how much you want this job.”

  Lydia turned to Joshua with a worried expression.

  “You look perfect, Lydia,” he said. “Go in there and show them why you’ll be the best teacher our district can have, aside from Barbie.”

  With a chuckle, Barbie started toward the road. “I’ll visit you later, and you can tell me how it went.”

  Lydia started up the steps and turned back to look at Joshua one last time.

  He gave her a wave and his special smile, telling her she would do great.

  Placing her hand on the doorknob, she sent a silent prayer up to God, asking him to continue blessing her and her family with his grace. As she moved into the schoolhouse, she knew she was taking a huge step toward her future as the new teacher for the district.

  “How’d it go?” Joshua asked as he took her hand while they walked down the road toward her house.

  Lydia took a deep breath and tried her best to will her hands to stop trembling. “I think it went well.”

  “Gut.” He raised his eyebrows. “Are you going to tell me what they asked or is it a secret?”

  “I’ll tell you.” Her cheeks blushed. “I just hope you don’t think I’m gegisch.”

  “Why would I think that?”

  “I was so naerfich that I worried my answers would be stupid.” She shook her head. “They asked me why I wanted to be the teacher, and I said I felt as if God had chosen this path for me. I said that my mammi told me if the decision felt right then it was God’s path, and this path feels right for me.”

  “Wow.” Joshua looked impressed as he swung their entangled hands back and forth as they strolled. “That sounds like a perfect answer to me.”

  “They also asked me why I wanted to teach in this district instead of another one.” She hesitated, wondering if she should share that answer with him.

  “And …?” He looked expectant. “What did you say?”

  Lydia looked up at him. “Promise you won’t think it’s a gegisch answer.”

  “Lydia,” he began, “nothing you can say would be gegisch.”

  She laughed. “You’re narrisch.”

  “That may be true,” he said with a grin. “But I don’t think you could be wrong in anything you say from your heart.”

  “Danki,” she said, feeling her cheeks flush again. “This is straight from my heart. I told them that deep in my heart I believe my baby schweschder is going to be well in the next couple of years, and she’s going to go to school. I explained that I want to be her teacher. I want to have the joy of seeing her play on the playground and recite her multiplication tables at the front of my class. That would be a dream come true for me, and I believe it will happen very soon.”

  A glowing smile turned up Joshua’s lips. “I think that is the perfect answer.”

  “Danki,” she said as they turned up her driveway. “They also asked me to recite the Ordnung and they asked how I would deal with behavior issues. I think I answered those correctly, but I was so naerfich.”

  “I’m certain you did just fine,” Joshua repeated. “You don’t give yourself enough credit.”

  Lydia shrugged. “I guess I don’t, but I don’t want to be prideful. It’s a sin.”

  “When will you know the answer?”

  “I should know in a few days. Maybe they’ll tell me at church on Sunday,” Lydia said as they reached her porch. “I know I won’t sleep until then.”

  “I’m very proud of you.” Joshua smiled as they stood at the bottom of the steps.

  “Danki.” She bit her bottom lip before sharing the thoughts that had been assaulting her mind since she’d spoken to the school board. “I made a decision.”

  He raised his eyebrows with interest. “What decision is that?”

  She took a deep breath. “If I’m going to be the teacher, then I need to be a proper role model. I have to tell my parents the truth about what happened that night with Mahlon.”

  With a hesitant expression on his face, Joshua rubbed his chin. “Are you certain you want to do that?”

  “Ya,” Lydia said. “I know that my dat just gave me permission to go back to youth gatherings, and I’ll be okay if he takes away that privilege again. I’ll even tell the bishop the truth if they ask me to.” She felt queasy at the thought of facing the bishop, and she quickly pushed the thought away. “I just feel I need to be honest about who I am or I’m not a gut role model for my scholars.” She smiled. “My scholars. I like the sound of that.”

  Joshua touched her cheek. “You will be a wunderbaar gut teacher.”

  A voice yelled Joshua’s name from across the pasture.

  “I better go,” he said before kissing her cheek. “I promised my dat I’d be back in an hour.” He started across the driveway walking backward. “I’ll see you later tonight?”

  “Ya,” Lydia said. “See you then.” She gave a little wave and then hurried up the porch steps.

  Later that evening, Lydia took a deep, cleansing breath as she headed down the stairs to the family room, where her parents sat reading. Her hands trembled when she reached the bottom step, and they looked up with surprised expressions.

  “Lydia?” her mother asked, placing her Bible on the table beside her. “Is everything all right? Are the kinner asleep?”

  “Ya,” Lydia said, fingering her dress. “The kinner are fine. Everyone is fast asleep. I was wondering if I could speak with you for a moment.”

  “Of course you can,” her father said, closing the Budget, their Amish newspaper, and removing his half-glasses. “Was iss letz?”

  Clearing her throat, Lydia stood before her parents and hoped for the right words. “I need to tell you something important.”

  Now her parents exchanged concerned expressions before her father spoke. “Go on. We’re listening.”

  “Today I stood before the school board and asked to take the role as the teacher for our district,” she began. “When I did that, I made a commitment to the kinner in the community, and I feel that I should be the best role model I can be. If I’m not a gut role model, then I’m not a gut teacher.”

  Her parents nodded, still looking confused.

  “When I made the commitment to the kinner and to the school board, I realized that I have to be honest with both of you,” Lydia continued, still nervously fingering the skirt of her dress. “Therefore, I must confess something.”

  “Take your time,” Mamm said.

  “I did something very bad a few months ago, and I’m not proud of it.” Lydia met her father’s cautious stare. “In fact, Dat, you asked me about it, and I lied to you.”

  His expression grew grim.

  “Do you remember wh
en you asked me if I’d been out with Mahlon and his freinden?” she asked, her voice quaking as her nerves stood on end.

  “Ya,” her father said in a hesitant tone.

  “I had. Once.” She glanced at her mother, whose mouth gaped with surprise. “It was a stupid mistake, and I did it one night when I was very upset and worried about Ruthie. Josh and Amanda weren’t at the youth gathering, and Nancy was busy with her boyfriend. I felt completely alone, and when Mahlon invited me to spend time with his friends, I wasn’t thinking clearly. I drank beer, and I was tipsy.”

  Her mother cupped her hand over her mouth.

  “I’m very sorry,” Lydia continued, speaking faster and trying not to stumble over her words. “I know it was wrong, and it was even worse to lie about it. I’ve felt terrible about it, and I wanted to tell you the truth.”

  She turned to her father, whose expression was unmoving. “I’ve learned my lesson, and I understand if you want to punish me. Go on and ground me, and I’ll stay home from youth gatherings until I’m eighteen. I’ll even go speak to the bishop if you’d like since my name was never given to him. I understand if you’re upset and disappointed. I’m disappointed in myself.”

  To her great surprise, Dat smiled.

  Lydia gaped.

  “I’m very proud of you, Lydia,” he said. “What you just said has shown me that you’re mature.”

  “It has?” Lydia asked.

  He glanced at Mamm, who also looked surprised.

  “You’ve shown me that you take the role of teaching seriously, and you’re going to do your best for the kinner and the community. You’re thinking of the kinner and not yourself. You’ve finally learned how to sacrifice for your community.” He stood and hugged her. “I’m very proud of you.”

  “You are?” Lydia studied her father in disbelief. Was he ill? Was he joking? This was not the man with whom she’d argued only a month and a half ago. “Dat, I’m glad you’re proud of me, but I don’t understand. Why aren’t you angry with me? Why aren’t you yelling?”

  Dat chuckled. “Lydia, you were wrong to drink, but you also know that it was wrong. You were very upset about your schweschder and how stressful things were at home, and you foolishly followed the wrong path. Now you realize your mistakes, however, and you’re confessing your sins. You’ve grown up.”

  “That’s right,” Mamm chimed in with a smile. “I’m proud of you too.”

  “Danki,” Lydia said with hesitation. “Are you going to punish me?”

  Her parents looked at each other again and smiled.

  “No,” her father said. “Danki for telling the truth. But don’t ever lie to me again.”

  “I won’t,” Lydia said quickly before they changed their minds. “I’m going to sit outside for a little bit. Joshua said he is going to stop by. I hope that’s all right.”

  “Don’t be long,” her mother warned her, suppressing a knowing smile. “It’s getting late.”

  “I won’t be late.” Stepping onto the porch, she heaved a sigh of relief that seemed to come from her toes. The discussion had gone much better than she’d ever imagined. She was so thankful she’d told the truth and elated that her parents forgave her. A huge weight had been lifted from her heart, and she felt renewed.

  While Lydia awaited Joshua’s visit, she hugged her arms to her chest, lowered herself onto the swing, and contemplated the past six months. Her life had been turned upside down by her sister’s illness, but things were heading back to normal, or as normal as they could be when someone in your family has a chronic illness. In a day or two, she’d find out if she would be the new teacher, and she could now call Joshua Glick her unofficial boyfriend. Yes, things were definitely looking up.

  She smiled as she spotted Joshua’s lanky body loping toward her porch, glowing in the light of a battery-powered lantern. He hurried up the steps and stood in front of her.

  Before she could greet him, he took her hand, pulled her up to him, and brushed his lips against hers. “I’ve missed you,” he whispered.

  She grinned as her cheeks flushed at the touch of his warm lips. “I’ve missed you too. We better start on our walk. I only have a few minutes. My mamm will probably come looking for me soon.”

  “That’s okay,” he said. “A few minutes with you will be wunderbaar.”

  Holding hands, they crossed the driveway and sat on the ground. Above them, the stars twinkled in the clear night sky.

  “It’s the perfect night,” she said.

  “Ya, it is.” He placed the lantern on the ground and draped his arm around her shoulders. “Did you talk to your parents?”

  “I did, and they were completely calm.”

  Joshua raised an eyebrow in disbelief. “Your dat was calm?”

  “Ya,” she said with a shrug. “I was just as surprised as you are now. He even told me he was proud of me because I’ve shown him that I’ve matured and I’m no longer selfish. As a result I won’t even be punished.”

  “Wow.” Joshua gave a little chuckle. “I’m stunned.”

  “You are?” Lydia laughed. “I’m still reeling from the surprise of it. I’m glad I did it. God wanted me to, and I’m glad I listened.” She snuggled into his side.

  “I’m glad you listened too,” he said, rubbing her arm. “It was the right thing to do.”

  She looked up at him. “Josh, I have one question that has been bothering me since that night we argued.”

  “What’s that?”

  “You said that you threatened Mahlon to keep him from giving my name to the bishop. What was your threat?”

  Josh touched his chin, considering his response. “Let’s just say I have a few secrets on him that could get him into even more trouble.”

  “Oh?” Lydia asked.

  “I know who provides his illegal drugs,” Joshua said. “He’s seeing an English maedel who has connections through her bruder. I told him if he gave your name, I would give her name, which would cause even bigger problems for him.”

  “Oh, dear.” Lydia gasped. “How did you know that?”

  Joshua shrugged. “You’d be surprised by how much buwe talk while they play volleyball. We can be a lot like maed at quilting bees.”

  “Danki for protecting me,” she whispered, moving closer to him and inhaling his musky scent. “You were there for me when I needed you most.”

  He kissed the top of her prayer covering. “Danki for being mei maedel.”

  “I’m so froh,” she said. “After all of the scary and horrible things that happened this year, the summer is turning into a wunderbaar time in my life. I’m certain mei schweschder is going to get well, and I have you. I’m very blessed.”

  “I am too,” he said. “Ich liebe dich, Lydia Jane Bontrager.”

  “I love you too, Joshua Glick,” she whispered, closing her eyes and savoring the moment.

  Chocolate Peanut Butter Cookies

  2 cups all-purpose flour

  ½ teaspoon baking powder

  Cream together with:

  ½ cup shortening

  Blend in:

  ½ cup sugar

  ½ teaspoon salt

  ½ cup brown sugar

  ¼ teaspoon baking soda

  ½ cup peanut butter

  Add 1 beaten egg and mix thoroughly. Stir in flour mixture, alternately with ½ cup milk. Mix well. Fold in 1 cup of semi-sweet chocolate chips. Drop by teaspoon. Bake at 375 degrees for 15 minutes. Makes 3 dozen.

  Discussion Questions

  1. Throughout the book, Lydia feels the pull of two roles — being a normal sixteen-year-old girl and filling in as a mother and provider for the family. By the end of the story, she realizes it’s her duty to fill in for her mother. If you were in her situation, which role would you have fulfilled? Would you have served as a mother and provider or would you have rebelled against the pressure?

  2. Lydia’s relationship with her father is strained near the end of the book. Despite her best efforts to work things out with him, their
differences aren’t resolved until after a scary medical issue with her sister Ruthie is overcome. Think of a time when your relationship with a close friend or loved one was strained. How did you overcome the issues in your relationship? How did you and that person find the strength to forgive? Or is this relationship still strained to this day? What Bible verses would help with this?

  3. Lydia’s grandmother, Elizabeth Kauffman, quotes Psalm 59:16: “But I will sing of your strength, in the morning I will sing of your love; for you are my fortress, my refuge in times of trouble.” What does this verse mean to you?

  4. Lydia feels caught at a crossroads when Barbie tells her she’s not going to teach next year and suggests Lydia apply to become the full-time teacher. Although Lydia enjoys working as the teacher’s assistant, she thinks she may want to work full time at her grandmother’s bakery with friends and family members instead. After praying and opening her heart to God, Lydia realizes teaching is God’s path for her life. Have you ever found yourself at a crossroads? If so, how did you find your way to the path you were meant to follow?

  5. At one point in the story, Lydia feels as if she’s lost her relationship with three important people in her life: her father, Joshua, and Tristan. Think of a time when you felt lost and alone. Where did you find your strength? What Bible verses would help with this?

  6. What role does the bakery play in the family unit and community? Can you relate this to your life and your family traditions?

  7. At the end of the book, Lydia feels compelled to confess to her parents that she committed an indiscretion, which happened at the beginning of the story. Even though the news of her secret didn’t leak out into the community, Lydia wants her parents to know the truth. She also felt that she needed to confess before taking on the role as school teacher. Have you ever felt compelled to tell the truth about a secret? How did you feel after you confessed? How did the person you told take the news of your confession? What Bible verses would help with this?