My Winter

by Nikki Young

  I love the thought of spending one full day of uninterrupted time with Adam. It’s rare that we get that much time together. Even on the weekends we end up spending time with Cari and Jimmy or Adam’s friends. But this time I have Thursday afternoon to Friday afternoon with him.

  I smile and he responds by kissing me again.

  “You happy?” he asks.

  “Yes. Very.”

  “There’s more,” Adam says. “My parents have a place on Sullivans Island in South Carolina. It’s a few hours from Charlotte. We can head over once I’m finished on Thursday morning.”

  “Okay. But isn’t that a little far to drive for one night?”

  “It would be. We’re not going for one night though,” he says shamelessly. “We’re staying till Sunday. Leaving from Charleston. Don’t worry; I already okayed missing Sunday dinner with your mom and brothers. They’re cool with it.”

  I laugh a little. “You think of everything,” I say shaking my head. “You spoil me. You know that, right?”

  “I wouldn’t have it any other way.” He leans in and kisses me again, making me weak.

  I don’t know how I got this lucky. Luck tends to run from me, that is, if I believed in it. Was my father lucky when he lost his life? Was I lucky when I walked up on that scene twenty-two years ago? Was it luck fucking with me? Is this my payback for all those years? All I know is that Adam makes me feel amazing and if meeting him in that bar was luck, then I’ll take what I can get.

  I shop and take in the sights of Charlotte while Adam’s working. I thought I would be bored, but having never been to Charlotte, I’m enjoying myself. The weather is beautiful and the sun is shining. And as each day fades, I meet Adam back at the hotel and we have dinner together. Although I’m having a lovely time, I’m looking forward to my alone time with Adam in South Carolina.

  By Friday afternoon I’m lying on the beach in the sand wondering if people imagine their life to be this perfect. I never have until now. It’s unseasonably warm; the sun is shining, making me never want to leave. Adam flops down next to me shaking his wet hair out, covering me with tiny droplets of cold water. I squeal and roll away from him. He grabs a hold of me, pinning me flat on my back and covering me with his body. The coolness of his skin against mine makes it impossible not to be turned on by him. His muscular body heavy against me as I can feel every line of his stomach, the curve of his well-developed chest pressing me deeper into the sand. Resting my lips on his neck, I taste the salt of the ocean water; I pull away and lick my lips.

  Seconds later he’s kissing me furiously. My hands slide down his back and grip the waist of his swim trunks. Feeling his skin against mine makes me shiver as his fingers run down my arms and back up. They glide over my collarbone and he slips his fingers under the string of my bikini top making me moan. When our eyes meet I can see the intensity in his and it makes my heart stop. He looks at me like there’s no one else in the world he’d rather be with and it makes me unbelievably happy.

  I can’t remember the last time I was this happy. The last time I laughed so much, enjoyed being with someone like this, and felt this free and relaxed. Everything about the time I have spent with Adam has been utterly perfect. For the first time in a long time, I want to make every day with Adam last. I want to live and be happy and love him with everything I have in me.

  I hold him tighter, pressing my lips to his bare skin. I need to show him exactly how I feel and even though I can’t tell him with words, I’m hoping he can see how I feel. Adam picks me up and I wrap my legs around him. Pressing myself further into him as he grabs my ass with his hand. I giggle against his mouth, pushing my tongue in. He makes his way up the boardwalk back to the house.

  He steps into the house and nearly drops me on the floor. My feet slip and I lock my arms around his neck.

  “What the hell, Adam?” I ask as I gain my footing. I run my hands down his chest and into the front of his swim trunks. My lips are parted and I moan when I find what I’m looking for, wrapping my hand around him.

  He’s silent and when I finally look up at him, he’s staring into the kitchen with a shocked expression on his face. I turn around to find a beautiful older woman in a caftan standing at the kitchen counter holding a garlic press.

  “Oh, Adam, darling, I’m so sorry,” she says with a heavy New York accent. That’s when it hits me. It’s Adam’s mom. I’m standing in a bikini with an ass full of sand in front of Adam’s mother. “I knocked, but no one answered, so I came in.” She begins to ramble. “I’m staying down at Joyce’s, you know, Mrs. Cooper? The one with the pink shutters on her house? I knew you were here and I didn’t want to bother you…” She trails off as Adam cuts her short.

  “Okay, Mom,” Adam says sounding far more annoyed than he should be. We are the ones who are staying in his mother’s house. I can’t even look at the woman. I feel like a complete idiot. I shoved my damn hand down her son’s shorts in front of her. My face feels impossibly hot, like it’s on fire. I’m having this ridiculous compulsion to flee. Haul ass right out the door. My mind is struggling to deal with this; I swear it’s screaming “This isn’t happening!” I am not supposed to meet Adam’s mom this way.

  “I just needed this,” she says, holding up the garlic press with a shaky, nervous hand. When I look up, she makes eye contact with me and smiles, making me feel even worse. I should say something rather than stand here like a fool.

  “I’m Leah,” I blurt out quickly, wrapping my arms around my waist trying to cover up the fact that I’m covered in sand and half naked.

  She seems to calm after I speak. Adam is still standing completely motionless, his mouth set in a firm line. I walk toward her and give an awkward half wave. I’m not about to shake her hand; it was just around her son’s dick. She gives me a smile and responds simply with, “It’s nice to meet you.” I nod my head in response.

  “I guess my son has lost his manners,” she says glaring at him. “I’m Anne, Adam’s mother.”

  Adam shakes his head and joins me in the kitchen. “I haven’t lost my manners,” he says sternly. “I just didn’t expect to see my mother standing in the kitchen. Forgive me if I’m shocked.”

  She steps in front of him, putting her hand on the side of his face, she kisses his cheek. “You’re forgiven, darling,” she says with a smirk on her face. “I’m sorry I embarrassed you. I’ll be going.” She looks at me and winks, taking the garlic press with her; she leaves quietly out the front door.

  Both of us stand in silence for what feels like forever. I’m the first to speak. “I can’t believe you,” I say huffing. “That was really fucking embarrassing.”

  “Totally,” he says. “I can’t believe her. She just barges in here.”

  “It’s her house Adam. You could have at least introduced me. You left me standing there with my fucking hand in your shorts.” Adam laughs and I push my hands against his chest. “Don’t you dare laugh!” I shout. “I’m mortified!”

  “I’m sorry, sweets,” he says still smiling coyly. “I didn’t know she was going to be here. Trust me that was just as uncomfortable for me as it was for you.” He runs his hand through his hair. “If it makes you feel better, we can have dinner with her and I promise I’ll introduce you like I should have.”

  “That makes it a little better,” I say as I start walking toward the outdoor shower.

  “Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?” he asks catching up to me.

  “Hmm, let me think,” I say, stopping and turning around as Adam begins to untie the sides of my bikini bottom. His fingers graze my hip and my skin ignites. Any previous thoughts I had dissipate after he moves my hand back into his shorts.

  Now that I basically demanded Adam allow me to meet his mother under better circumstances, I’m terrified. I can only imagine what the woman thinks of me. All I can hope for is that her impression of me isn’t set in stone.

  I glance nervously over at Adam as he pulls into the parking lot of the rest
aurant. I begin chewing at my lip obsessively as he parks the car and exits without me. He comes around to the passenger’s side of the car, opening my door, he holds out his hand. I step out without taking it.

  “I didn’t realize you wanted me to be chivalrous. I’ll start opening the car door for you,” he says, but his tone takes on a humorous quality.

  “I don’t,” I answer quickly with a shaky voice. “I actually hate that. Don’t open my door for me.” My nervousness is taking over and I’m short with Adam when I shouldn’t be.

  “Noted,” he says, taking my hand and leading me toward the restaurant. “Relax, Leah. Everything’s going to be fine.” He wraps his arm around my waist and presses a kiss to my head. “She’s going to love you.”

  I take a deep breath just before we enter and Adam laces his fingers with mine, leading me to the table. His mother is sitting looking over her menu with a glass of wine in front of her. Score one for me that she drinks because I’m going to need a few to get through this night.

  Adam stops at the table and smiles down at his mom. Her face lights up when she sees him, standing, she leans over and places a quick kiss on his cheek. She’s a beautiful woman. Her eyes are an amazing shade of gray, even grayer than Adam’s, which I didn’t think was possible. When she turns to me her face is welcoming and kind.

  “Hello, Leah,” she says, stepping closer and hugging me. The way she hugs me gives me a sense of relief. It isn’t one of those hugs that leaves air between the two people, quick and pointless. She wants me to know it means something and somehow she’s able to convey more meaning in that hug than a thousand words could.

  She pulls away after a few seconds and this time Adam introduces me properly, “Leah, this is my mom, Anne Shiller.”

  I smile softly. “It’s really wonderful to meet you,” I say as she takes my hands in hers.

  “Oh, darling, I’m so sorry for the way things happened earlier. I am just so embarrassed for interrupting the both of you today.” She smiles at Adam quickly before pulling me in for another hug.

  During all the parties and holidays I spent with Ellis and his family, I can’t remember his mother ever hugging me. And when I think about it more, I don’t even remember her coming close enough to touch me. To already be accepted by Adam’s mom sends my emotions into a tailspin. But really, my mom was completely accepting of Adam the day she met him, but it was far different with Ellis. There’s a lot to be said for a mother’s intuition.

  “Please,” I say, “I should be the one apologizing.”

  Anne interrupts me before I can continue. “No apology necessary. I’m just glad to see Adam so happy.” Again she smiles at him and he chuckles a little. Adam sits and we all follow. The waiter takes our drink order and the tension that I felt at the beginning is now lost.

  “So tell me, Adam,” Anne says, grinning at him. “How did you and Leah meet?”

  We both laugh and she smiles waiting for the story.

  “I hit on her in a bar,” he says and looks over at me. “But she wouldn’t agree to go on a date with me.” He slips his hand under the table and gives my thigh a squeeze. “And even after she agreed to go out with me, she still wouldn’t call it a date.”

  “Good girl,” Anne says winking at me. “Classy girls don’t date boys they meet in bars.”

  “I caved pretty quickly,” I respond. “He can be very persistent.”

  Anne laughs and begins to tell me how Adam is used to getting what he wants. “He’s been like that since before preschool,” she says. “Just look at that face. How can you say no?”

  “Obviously I couldn’t. He’s pretty great,” I say looking up at Adam. He leans over and kisses me quickly.

  “So what’s new with you, Mom?” Adam asks taking some of the pressure off of me.

  “The usual, darling,” she says waving her hand around. “Your father, he’s been working so much. I just can’t sit around and wait for him to come home at night. And your brothers, they are just like your father, working all the time. I rarely see them. So I headed down here, but then I got the call from you,” she stops a second and grins at Adam. “And I knew I couldn’t stay at the house. Luckily, Joyce was here.” She stops again, sucks down a large drink of her wine before beginning again.

  “Oh, the weather in New York is already turning cold. I just couldn’t bear to think about it.” Anne pauses, smiles at me and continues. “You see, darling, I’m a snow bird. Can’t stand the winters. We have a place in the Keys too. It’s just beautiful. You must get Adam to take you there. Right, Adam?” she asks and he nods in agreement.

  “So Leah, are you from Chicago?”

  “Yes,” I answer and before I can elaborate, Anne is talking again.

  “We visited once when Adam was ten. Went to the zoo and this goat crapped all over his coat at the petting zoo. I was just appalled.” She shakes her head and takes another drink of her wine.

  This is not the direction I expect the conversation to take and when I glance over at Adam, his hands are over his face.

  Anne then proceeds to tell me all about their family vacations, including a story about a trip to Yellowstone where a six year old Adam cried in the backseat of their station wagon because he was terrified of getting trampled by a buffalo. Yet they hadn’t seen one the entire trip. All the while his brothers were making fun of him only adding to his incessant wailing. Her words not mine.

  Adam laughs, but I can tell it’s forced. The more Anne speaks the more annoyed Adam seems to get. I feel the opposite. I feel a connection to her and throughout every story, I grow to like her even more.

  After two and a half hours of reminiscing with Anne, our evening comes to an end. And even though there were points when I could tell Adam was bothered by her stories, he never said a word to her about it. I can tell he has a tremendous amount of respect for her, but I’m guessing there’s a reason he lives in Chicago.

  “We must do this again,” Anne says as we stand to leave. “Leah, it was an absolute pleasure meeting you. You’re just adorable and you make Adam so happy.”

  The way she says I make Adam so happy makes my heart flutter. Looking at him I can tell he’s happy, but to hear someone else acknowledge it just reaffirms that what we have is real.

  “Thank you for meeting us for dinner. I really enjoyed it,” I respond smiling.

  Anne hugs me tightly before doing the same to Adam.

  “Good night, darling,” she says to Adam, placing a kiss on his cheek.

  “It was nice seeing you, Mom.”

  As soon as we close the car doors, Adam apologizes to me.

  “I’m sorry,” he says. “She can be a little hard to handle. She’s fine in small doses.”

  “No,” I say sincerely. “Don’t apologize. I love her. I had a great time.”

  He takes my hand and brings it to his lips, kissing each one of my fingertips. “Has anyone ever told you you’re perfect?”

  I shake my head and smile.

  “Well, you are. Thanks for doing this. It really meant a lot to my mom.”

  “No problem,” I respond, holding his hand a little tighter.

  When we climb into bed together, I curl myself around Adam’s body. Everything is so different than I have ever experienced. I have never felt so comfortable with someone and looking back on it, I have no idea how I ended up with Ellis. Unlike Adam, Ellis could never accept me for who I am. Always feeling the need to be someone I’m not became exhausting and after tonight, I know not only was he not right for me, but I would never fit in with his family. I would never be enough for him.

  I feel Adam breathing as his chest rises and falls. I find comfort in just being near him. The windows are open and the ocean breeze sends a chill through the room. The sound of the waves hitting the shore creates a beautiful sound that lulls me to sleep. And as I drift off, I can’t imagine how something so perfect could ever go wrong.

  Chapter Sixteen

  It’s been exactly three months to the day
since I met Adam when I wake up feeling like I ate razorblades. I can’t swallow and my entire body aches like I’ve been left to run on a treadmill for days. I roll over and pull the covers up over my head. I can’t even think about going into work today, let alone leaving my bed.

  When I wake up two hours later, I’m pretty sure I feel worse than I did before. Grabbing my phone from my nightstand, I have my usual good morning text from Adam and even in my state of utter sickness; he can still make me smile. When I don’t stay at his house, I always wake up to a text from him. Last night I went back to Cari’s because I forgot my black shoes that I was planning to wear today. But now I’m wishing I would’ve stayed at Adam’s. The thought of being in his bed with his smell to soothe me seems like a much better idea.

  Adam: Good morning my beautiful girl. I’ll see you tonight.

  I groan out loud as I try to sit up, my head throbs and I flop back down. Adam cannot come over after work. Just thinking about him being here with me like this makes me think of Ellis.

  Back when I first moved in with him, I got Mono. Caught it from Cari who caught it from Jimmy. It was kinda this really gross incestuous passing of germs. We later determined that Jimmy caught it from his ex-girlfriend. Turns out that shit has an incubation period of six to nine months. Cari was constantly eating off my plate, drinking out of my glasses and it probably didn’t help that when we were in the bar with Jimmy one night he told the bartender we’d make out if he comped our bar tab.

  Ellis avoided me like I had the plague. He slept in our extra bedroom, refused to shower in our master bathroom for fear he might come in contact with a towel I used and ate dinner out every night until the doctor cleared me to return to work. At one point I begged him to get me a box of popsicles because my throat was so swollen. He ordered them from Peapod and had them delivered the next day. I was the one who answered the door when the deliveryman showed up. He also came home one night to find me watching TV on the couch wrapped in a blanket and totally miserable. He took one look at me and asked me if I planned to shower in the next few days. His lack of sympathy for my illness was astounding.