Free Spirit

by Andi Bremner

  Using they key Noah had given her Juliette let herself into the house later that day, taking a moment to greet Loops, who bounded out to meet her when she did. She waited patiently as Loops ran out to do her business before coming back inside.

  Noah wasn’t home yet, and Juliette was planning to attempt to cook for him again. This time she’d consulted with Ava and was making something far easier than her last attempt. Spaghetti, and she had Ava’s foolproof recipe to help her.

  Lighting a few candles she got busy in the kitchen, turning the radio on and concentrating carefully on every step. It was a good distraction, stopping her from thinking too much.

  Four days ago she’d gone to the local doctor’s clinic. There, she’d met with a very nice older man and explained her history to him and then her recent symptoms. Even saying them out loud terrified her, and the look which came over his face, which God love him, he tried desperately to hide, scared her even more. The night sweats, the weight loss, the bruises, the lethargy, the fainting. On their own they could indicate a multitude of illnesses that were of no consequence. Together they were a little worrying, but coupled with her medical history, they were frightening. Juliette didn’t need Dr. Google to tell her that.

  He’d ordered some tests and told her to wait and see what the blood results were. To go straight to the hospital if she got sicker and to phone her family for support. Juliette didn’t bother telling him she had no family although she did think briefly about phoning maybe Harry or Bethany. They knew about her medical history, and she knew Bethany would be great even though she’d run away in the middle of the night without so much as a goodbye. But this was her life, right here in Myrtle Beach, and besides, she reasoned, there was probably nothing to worry about.

  A little while later she heard the front door open and close and then Noah’s warm greeting of Loops. She smiled to herself and then looked up as he made his way into the kitchen, leaning against the door frame. His presence seemed to fill the small space, and she was acutely aware of every inch of him. His arms were crossed over his chest, and his eyes were dark as they assessed her, his mouth drawn in a straight line.

  “What are you doing?”

  She grinned. “I’m cooking dinner. And this time I promise it won’t be a disaster.”

  “You don’t have to do that.”

  “I know. But I wanted to.” She glanced at him, and her smile faltered somewhat. He wasn’t smiling. In fact, he looked like he was trying to restrain his anger and not doing a very good job of it.

  His brows were drawn together tightly and his jaw set stiff and rigid. His arms, folded over his chest, bulged and a vivid energy radiated from every pore of his body

  “Is everything okay, Noah?”

  He straightened, coming to his full height. “You tell me. Why are you making dinner?”

  “I told you … I just thought it might be nice…” Her voice trailed off, confused. Why was he in such a foul mood? It wasn’t a mood she’d ever seen before on him, and it made her wary. Had something happened? Was he okay?

  “How did you even get in my fucking house?” he asked, and she jumped at his use of the expletive. She’d heard Noah swear plenty of times, but she’d never heard him swear at her. And she’d never heard him speak to her so furiously before either.

  “You gave me a key,” she said, her voice soft. “Remember? Noah, what’s going on?”

  “I know about you and Doug.”

  She blinked. “Me and Doug?”

  “Yeah. Today. In the car.”

  “You mean you know I went for a drive in his car?”

  “Yep. I know.”

  She stared at him, still not understanding. “Okay. Well, you know I’m a mechanic and that he has a car. We just went for a drive so I could see how his car is traveling.”

  “Except you aren’t a mechanic, are you, Juliette?” he said, his voice hard and cutting. “You never even finished fucking high school, did you? You never stay anywhere long enough to do anything.”

  Juliette stared at him. She had no clue what this was all about. Was he jealous of Doug? She knew they had history, but she’d never given Noah any reason to doubt her faithfulness. She couldn’t believe that this was just because she had gone for drive with Doug Houghton.

  “Noah, why don’t you go and have a shower,” she suggested, “and calm down. I’ll make dinner…”

  “I don’t want you making my fucking dinner!” He suddenly shouted making her jump. “I don’t want you in my fucking house!”

  Immediately tears sprang to her eyes, and she swallowed, hating that she was going to cry. “Okay.”

  He swore and turned away when something caught his eye. Pausing he turned back, pulling something off the refrigerator as he did. Juliette recognized it as the picture of them Ava had taken when they’d been Jet Skiing. Noah was in swim shorts, his chest bare, and Juliette in her bikini, was pressed against his side, their arms wound around one another, their faces open and smiling. Juliette loved that picture and had printed a copy, framed it in a magnetic frame she bought that read “I Love Myrtle Beach” and had pinned it to the fridge.

  “What is this?” Noah asked slowly.

  “Just a picture… Ava took it…”

  He turned to her. “What the fuck do you think is going on here, Juliette? Do you think this is more than what it is? I warned you, I told you, I was honest with you from the start.”

  “I know.”

  “And yet here you are in my fucking house, cooking in my kitchen, pretending you are my wife…”

  “No! I’m not pretending that!” she cried.

  “No? Well it sure as hell looks like it to me. And what is this?” He flung the frame on the ground. “You’re trying to infiltrate yourself into my house. Into my home. Into Charlotte’s home.”

  “No, it’s just a picture.”

  “And you are just a girl I’m fucking,” he snarled, “so I don’t need your pictures in my house, and I don’t need you cooking in my kitchen.”

  Juliette stared at him, her eyes going wide with every emotion that was coursing through her veins and making her heart beat erratically. Shock. Horror. Humiliation. Hurt. Anger. Tears clouded her vision as she tried to make sense of the Noah before her. It was a Noah she’d never seen before.

  “I’m just a girl,” she repeated, “you’re fucking?”

  “I told you from the start,” he continued. “It was never anything serious. I’m sorry if you thought it was. I’m sorry if I wasn’t clear enough.”

  “Oh, you were clear,” she said through her tears as she turned her back on him and began turning off the stove and throwing pots and pans into the sink. “You’ve been nothing but clear. And right now, you’re being very clear.”

  Silence met her statement, and she wiped her cheeks on the back of her hand. Then she drew in a deep breath and tried again. “Noah, I don’t know what has happened, but I never meant to …”

  “What happened? Nothing happened. I just realized that you’re hoping for more,” he told her, “more than I can give. But you know who can give it to you? Doug Houghton.”

  “I don’t want Doug Houghton.”

  “No? Not what I heard. Not that it matters,” he spat. “I get what kind of girl you are, Juliette, which is what made it easier to start something up with you. I get that you aren’t in things for the long haul, that you will move on to better things when they come along.”

  “I have no idea what you are talking about.”

  “I knew you weren’t a girl like Charlotte,” he said quietly, his eyes narrowing and boring into hers, “and you could never be her.”

  Juliette recoiled as if he had had just slapped her. “I never tried to be Charlotte.”

  “No? And yet here you are trying to replace her in her own fucking house!”

  Juliette jumped at his voice and then rounded on him, her own voice rising. Confusion, hurt and anger mingled together. “You’re here, too, Noah. It takes two to tango, and I ha
ve no idea what’s gotten into you but I get it. I get what you’re telling me. What you’ve been telling me from day one. I get it. I’ll leave, and you don’t have to worry about seeing me again. I’ve got it, okay?”

  “Good.”

  Juliette stared at him a long moment, hardly believing that this was it. Her chest ached, and tears ran unheeded down her cheeks now as she stared at Noah, at a Noah she barely recognized. Gone was the sweet, caring, sensitive guy she’d come to love over the past weeks, and in his place was a mean, angry, snarling, hurtful man. She had no idea what had come over him, and she no longer cared. He’d said some hurtful things, some things that had cut her quick to the bone, and she was done.

  Pushing past him she grabbed her bag off the floor, mumbling something to Loops, who bounded around her feet with excitement. Flinging the front door open she was down the path and in her car not daring to look back at him. It was only when she was halfway down the street, far enough away from Noah that she let the tears and sobs wrack her body.

  It was over. It had ended as she always knew it would, only it had ended in a way she didn’t understand. She hadn’t been expecting it. It had come out of left field and blindsided her. And it hurt, it fucking hurt, way more than she’d ever expected it would.

  ****

  Juliette contemplated running again. She thought about going back to Renee’s packing her stuff up and jumping in car and heading … where she wasn’t quite sure, but somewhere. Somewhere far away where she could try to forget all about Noah.

  After leaving his house she drove down to the beach parking in the spot she had parked in the first day she’d arrived in Myrtle Beach all those weeks ago. It was a similar evening, the air brisk, thick with the briny sea air, the tide washing in and out over the white sand. In the distance she saw a dark head bobbing in the water, and despite the tears coursing down her cheeks she smiled when she recognized Merve.

  How much had changed in those weeks. Who would have thought that when she’d packed up and left Lexington she’d find Noah and a whole town of people who she was falling in love with? Wiping at her eyes she tried to make sense of what had just happened. Something had spooked him, something had spooked him bad, bad enough to say hurtful, mean and cruel things to Juliette. Spooked him bad enough to chase her away from him for good.

  Leaning back in her seat, staring out over the ocean Juliette let the scene replay over and over in her head. She wasn’t trying to replace Charlotte. She had never wanted to replace Charlotte, had never even pretended it was possible. She knew how much Noah had loved her, and Juliette understood that his heart was closed off to her because of that. But that didn’t mean that they weren’t good together. That didn’t mean that he didn’t make her laugh, that they didn’t have fun hanging out together, that when he kissed her she didn’t feel those butterflies flutter in her stomach and that when he took her to his bed and worshipped her body with his that it wasn’t special. It was. Juliette knew that, but it just wasn’t special enough.

  She wasn’t special enough.

  Suddenly Juliette hated Charlotte, the girl she’d never met and the girl who now stood between her and happiness. The girl that Noah worshipped above all else and the girl she would never, ever live up to. Not that she had been trying to. She had never tried to replace Charlotte—she hadn’t said one word about the pictures in his room, she’d never asked him to spend the night with her. In fact, she’d never asked for anything from him beyond the here and now. Noah was being unfair, she decided, to make out that she was pushing him when she was anything but.

  Switching on the engine she made her way back through the streets, driving extra slowly as she made her way to Renee’s. She couldn’t leave, Juliette knew that. She had a doctor’s appointment and she had her job. She couldn’t leave Myrtle Beach just yet, not until she’d settled things first. She’d just have to try to avoid Noah as best as she could in the meantime.

  Chapter Twenty

  Juliette

  Someone was crying, and they were crying loudly. Sitting up in her bed Juliette rubbed her eyes, chasing the sleep from them as she tried to ascertain where the incessant sobs were coming from. Something tugged on her arm and she looked down to see an intravenous drip travelling from her hand, the clear fluid linked to a saline bag by her bedside. Oh no…

  She touched her head feeling the short, stubbly strands of hair and knew the cancer was back. Not only was it back but it had come back fighting with a vengeance, having taken seven long years to regroup and come up with a devious plan to win the next battle. While she had been happily going along with her life the cancer had been preparing strategies on the best way to take her down. It was an enemy that never gave up, but that didn’t mean Juliette planned on ever surrendering to it. Well, not yet anyhow.

  The crying was getting louder, and she climbed out of the bed, wheeling the IV line alone with her as she went in search of the crier. She found them in the room next door and paused in the doorway, hardly believing her eyes.

  “Claudia?” she whispered.

  The girl looked up her, her eyes big and wide and red and her face tearstained. “Go back to sleep, Jules.”

  Juliette moved into the room, her chest turning over at the familiar moniker. Claudia was the only one who’d ever called her Jules. “I can’t, you’re crying too loudly.”

  Claudia managed a little chuckle, which combined with her tears made her snort. “I’ll try and stop. I promise.”

  Juliette sat at the end of the bed and regarded her friend. Claudia was two years younger than Juliette but had been battling her cancer for a lot longer. It had come when she was little, barely three years old, and Claudia didn’t even remember a time in her life when cancer hadn’t been with her. It was her old friend, she used to sometimes joke, her best friend really. She’d had gone into remission several times over the years, but the cancer always came back. Juliette had met Claudia on her first day in the hospital, and they had formed a fast friendship. Juliette liked Claudia’s straightforward, tell it like it is manner, and Claudia liked Juliette’s sickening optimism, especially when there was little to be found within the confines of the pediatric oncology ward.

  “What’s going on, Claw?” Juliette asked her quietly now.

  “Not much. I’m going home tomorrow,” she told her, “no more treatment.”

  Juliette immediately brightened, a huge grin stretching across her face. “That’s great! Now you can eat decent food and wear something other than hospital gowns.”

  Claudia stared at her, long and hard. So long and hard that as Juliette slowly grasped her meaning fear immediately ran like the cold sting of the chemo through her veins. “God Claudia … no.”

  “They said there is nothing more they can do,” she whispered, wiping at her face, “that they’ve run out of options. I can have more chemo—”

  “Then have more chemo,” Juliette insisted.

  “But that is only delaying the inevitable. It will buy me time but not much. And not very good time either.”

  Juliette squeezed her friend, her only friend’s, hand. “They’re wrong. They’ve been wrong about these things before.”

  “No, Jules. They aren’t wrong. I knew. I knew it before they did.”

  “No…”

  “And it’s okay,” she told her friend in a calm, reassuring voice. “It’s my time. And I’m okay with it. Sure, I’m a little sad to lose out to you, but I’m okay. I get to go home and hang out with my mom, dad, and little brother. I get to spend time with them before I go.”

  Juliette started to cry, her fingers cutting tightly into her friend’s hand.

  “You’ll know what I mean when the time comes, Jules… When the time comes you’ll be fine … it’s just not your time just yet. Not yet.”

  Juliette woke from the dream with a cry, calling out no into the darkness. Lying there in her bed in Renee’s house with the sound of the perpetual ocean moving beyond her window she had to tell herself over and over ag
ain that it was just a dream, just a memory. She was a long way away from those dark days in hospital, from the sickness that had seen her lose her hair, her dignity, her zest for life, and her best friend. She was safe. It wasn’t her time.

  Pushing the covers back she went to sit at the window seat, staring out into the darkness. She hadn’t thought about Claudia in a long time, had spent quite a lot of time trying not to think about Claudia, not wanting to dwell on the past, feel the pain of the past. Claudia had been fourteen when she died, but she was really the bravest, wisest person Juliette had ever met. She remembered the last time she had seen her. Juliette had gone to Claudia’s house, having been released from hospital and returned to her foster home. One of her brothers had been kind enough to drive her across town to where her friend lived in the more affluent areas. Claudia’s family were quite well off, and they’d spent thousands over the years on treatments for their daughter, even traveling the world searching for a compatible bone marrow donor to no avail. When she was discharged from hospital the doctors had given Claudia mere weeks, but the sprightly girl had pushed the limits again, hanging on for nearly another twelve months. When Juliette visited her that last day she’d come away convinced that the doctors had it wrong, that Claudia wasn’t going to die. She looked too healthy. Her hair had grown back and she had it cut into a trendy pixie cut and her face had filled out, her pallor darkening from her look in the hospital. She’d moved slower, as if she was tired or in pain, but otherwise she chatted and laughed with Juliette like they always had. When they said goodbye she’d held Juliette a little longer than usual, told her she loved her and told her she’d see her when it was her time to go—in eighty years.

  Juliette had learned later that Claudia had died only days later.

  Why was she thinking about Claudia now? She wondered. Why had Claudia come back to her dreams? Why was Claudia haunting her? Was it because she was scared? Because Juliette admitted to herself quite easily that she was terrified. That she had never been terrified in her whole life. In just a few hours she was meeting with the doctor who had asked her to come in because he had her blood results.