OMG! Is This Actually My Life? Hattie Moore's Unbelievable Year!
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6.49 p.m.
Matfield threw TEAM GOOSE out of the dress rehearsal because we clapped after every line that Goose sang.
ERR – MRS MATFIELD – THAT’S WHAT THEY DO ON THE X-FACTOR and SIMON COWELL LOVES IT.
Matfield was going mental anyway because someone had painted a camel smoking a spliff on her scenery.
Goose was … just honestly amazing.
SUNDAY 22ND NOVEMBER
2.17 p.m.
Team Goose is going to every performance of Joseph. Jen has made a special spell using locks of Goose’s hair and threads from his multi-coloured coat. She is going to burn them just before he goes on stage. Dimple has also prepared something special for him.
10.37 p.m.
Went to see Goose earlier and he just burst into tears and blurted out, “I can’t do it, Hattie.” I said, “OMG, you SO can, Goose – I have been listening to you for months. You are FANTASTIC. You’re just nervous. You know what Simon says – ‘You HAVE to conquer your nerves’.”
Goose usually hates Simon Cowell because he’s ruined proper music, but he had to agree.
MONDAY 23RD NOVEMBER
9.54 p.m.
OMG! GOOSE WAS UNBELIEVABLE! You could not take your eyes off him! He got 2 standing ovations. Even Matfield was smiling!
I think it was my Dr Phil-style talk. Jen thinks it was her spell. Dimple thinks it was her “super hard” foot rub.
Mum and Gran came with us too. Mum says Goose reminds her of a young Phillip Schofield. That’s a worry – Mum has fancied Phillip Schofield for about 20 years.
TUESDAY 24TH NOVEMBER
4.32 p.m.
The whole school is talking about Goose. Some people are trying to be friends with him just because he is almost guaranteed to be rich and famous. Even a dinner lady gave him free chips today. And not just Dimple wants to give him a rub. I will be glad when it’s all over.
WEDNESDAY 25TH NOVEMBER
11.34 p.m.
The final school play performance turned into a disaster.
When it came to the bit when a load of people have to hold up letters spelling out Jacob and Sons, Wayne Casgill and Nick McCartney got their boards the wrong way round and it spelt
instead.
Then one of Bitchface Matfield’s prison walls fell down on top of Pharaoh’s head. Goose was still brilliant though, and at the end Dr Richards came on to say he had never worked with such a talented group of pupils, and that Goose was an exceptional talent.
Then Goose did a speech where he thanked all the backstage cast and his friends and ESPECIALLY HATTIE.
ESPECIALLY HATTIE.
THURSDAY 26TH NOVEMBER
9.35 p.m.
I feel really weird about Goose. I can’t actually remember what he looks like half the time and I just feel I want to TALK TO HIM and CONNECT.
Our actual bedrooms are attached – we could chisel through.
FRIDAY 27TH NOVEMBER
8.35 p.m.
I can’t get Goose out of my head at the moment – we grew up together. We used to play Toy Story together. He was Buzz. I was Jessie. And now he is basically one step away from the West End. Or The X-Factor.
Goose. Goose. Goose.
I feel too weird about everything at the moment.
SATURDAY 28TH NOVEMBER
7.12 p.m.
Why did I read Mum’s diaries?! I NEVER should have done it. I am messed up in the head now. Perhaps I should confess to Gran and ask her what to do.
7.54 p.m.
No, that’s a MENTAL idea. Gran would TOTALLY tell Mum. My punishment could be Mum asking Gran to make me a dress. Mum would be THAT angry that she would like to torture me with fashion.
I need to sleep.
SUNDAY 29TH NOVEMBER
4.12 p.m.
RUMOUR HORROR!!!
Miss Gorgeous Knickers is after Goose. NO NO NO NO. She says next year the school is doing Grease and she is already down to play Sandy and Goose is down to play Danny.
NO NO NO NO!!! They snog at the end and everything. I have to stop it. I have to go round there and talk to him.
10.24 p.m.
Just been to see Goose. He was a bit gutted I hadn’t been to see him earlier. I told him that I thought he needed rest. Then I tried to get everything from Goose I could.
ME: I think you could be professional and that you should save your voice for the next TV thing they do with Andrew Lloyd Webber.
GOOSE: Well apparently next year the school is doing Grease.
ME: Yes. Don’t do it. Seriously I’ve heard that if you use your voice too much you grow big lumps on your vocal chords and can never sing again.
GOOSE: Hattie – that’s not going to happen to me now. I love being in shows.
ME: Yes, but I think you’re forgetting your old real friends like me and you’ve changed.
GOOSE: I have NOT changed, Hattie. Who did I thank at the end of the show?
ME: Me.
GOOSE: Totally shut up then. I didn’t mention any other girls did I?
ME: No. Talking of girls, now that you’re Mr Celebrity at school have any girls … you know?
GOOSE: No! Well – a few might have tried but I’m … I’m tired after being Joseph.
LOL! Yes, MGK. Goose is too tired to see you!!!
MONDAY 30TH NOVEMBER
6.12 p.m.
There is now a rumour going round that Goose is gay. Goose says this is because he is good at theatre, which other boys think makes him gay. In reality they are actually mentally 2 years old.
I asked Goose. He said, “No, I am not gay – I like girls. Well, some girls.”
And then he smiled at me.
And then it all went a bit weird.
OMG!!!
TUESDAY 1ST DECEMBER
4.55 p.m.
Miss Gorgeous Knickers is going out with Goose.
I feel sick.
No, Mum, I can’t eat tea. One of my best friends is going out with the world’s most horrible woman. Yes, I know we’ve all got our problems, but actually what problems have you got compared to mine? NONE. Has Rob run off with someone totally hot and sexy that you HATE?! NO.
WEDNESDAY 2ND DECEMBER
8.12 p.m.
I’m not stalking but MGK has just left Goose’s house after spending 2 hours 27 minutes and 16 seconds there. I just happened to catch her arriving and leaving as I was getting up from my desk. She was wearing a black top and short skirt and I could hear them talking through the wall. I whacked on the wall and told them to shut up as I was trying to learn about the Muslim pilgrimage of the Hajj. Where women should be veiled.
I wish I could veil Miss Gorgeous Knickers FOR EVER.
THURSDAY 3RD DECEMBER
7.13 p.m.
Apparently Goose’s mum Donna isn’t keen on MGK as she is far too “forward” for her son. I have always liked Goose’s mum and she has always liked me. MGK stands no chance against me and Goose’s mum. We are like … a very powerful thing that’s feeling very powerful indeed.
FRIDAY 4TH DECEMBER
6.12 p.m.
YES!!!
I think I can hear through the wall that Goose is trying to finish with MGK as he wants to concentrate on his GCSEs. LOL!!!
Everyone knows this is the biggest lie ever. No one wants to concentrate on their GCSEs except for total nerds and geeks.
7.12 p.m.
MGK just came out of Goose’s house. She looked really upset so I smiled and waved (I was in my room at the window and safe!). THEN she yelled something really weird: “You won’t be smiling for long. I can only keep my mouth shut for so long and THEN you’ll be crying, chavvy!”
I AM NOT CHAVVY!
And what does she know that I don’t?
7.43 p.m.
Spoke to Dimple and Jen. They swear on their lives they have heard no rumours about me except for the fact (and Dimple said she was really sorry for telling me this) I once pretended that Daniel Radcliffe was my actual boyfriend and stalked him like a m
ental outside his house.
I hate my brother.
8.01 p.m.
Jen just remembered that there was a rumour going around a few months ago that my brace was fake and I was wearing it to get attention.
Who makes this stuff up?
8.12 p.m.
MGK obviously.
I think EVERYBODY is talking about me now.
8.54 p.m.
Just rang Goose – his mum answered. He is doing his Chemistry homework and does not want to be disturbed.
Goose is mahoosively lovely but mahoosively geeky.
SATURDAY 5TH DECEMBER
4.32 p.m.
Goose came round. He is doing a huge car boot tomorrow with all the things he couldn’t sell on eBay – including some fake Prada bags marked PRAGA. He asked me if I wanted one – and I just burst into tears. He gave me a massive cuddle and said it would be all right – MGK was only winding me up. I had a snot full of nose so I couldn’t say anything.
4.58 p.m.
“Snot full of nose”! Nearly true – as there was hardly any nose left under all the snot.
I’ll go round to talk to Gran tomorrow. She’ll know what to do about MGK.
SUNDAY 6TH DECEMBER
9.23 p.m.
I told Gran I needed her advice and she just started saying stuff like “the course of true love never runs smooth”, and “all the best relationships start from just being great friends”.
She also said, “Hattie, do we need to have a special chat right now about sex?”
I shouted at her, “NO, GRAN, NO!!! I have had that chat at school. I know all about everything—” Gran just interrupted me with: “Just promise me one thing – never sell all the stock in your shop the first day you are open.”
I don’t even want to THINK what this means!
Anyway I said, “Gran, it’s nothing to do with boys. MGK says she can only keep her mouth shut for so long and that she would wipe the smile off my face. I’m really worried she’s going to make up craptacular rumours about me that people will actually believe.”
There was a massive pause then Gran just pursed her lips and said, “Don’t worry about it, Hattie. She’s just confused. It’s her age.”
What help is that?!
MONDAY 7TH DECEMBER
6.23 a.m.
Bizarre!
Gran just called Mum. I thought she was ill because it’s so early.
I could hear Mum saying stuff to her like: “Don’t be silly – why should she say anything now?” and “I don’t care if you’ve been awake all night – it’s not going to happen”. Then she really got pissy and said, “Look – I’ll talk to her mother. I’ll get her to warn her off. Yes, I know Hattie is a pretty, funny, clever girl. She is MY daughter, you know.”
4.34 p.m.
Told Dimple that behind my back my mum actually thinks I am pretty, funny and clever. Why doesn’t she ever say that to my ACTUAL face? Dimple reminded me that she has – OCCASIONALLY. Dimple was more interested in what my gran was going on about anyway. Who knows?!
I am sick of only getting half the story and not being officially told what the hell is going on.
7.23 p.m.
Weirdest conversation with my mum in history tonight. This PROVES I cannot win:
MUM: Hattie, have you heard anything … odd recently that you want to talk to me about?
ME: Er … Danielle Lance says that if you put an egg in your hair when you dye it the dye stays in for a year.
MUM: I don’t mean that. I mean, has anyone upset you?
ME: Well, MGK called Gran a dog and me a chav about a month ago and then the other night she also said that she was going to wipe the smile off my face.
MUM: Oh?
ME: Yes. She says she can only keep her mouth shut for so long. Just forget about it. Please don’t call school. She can get to me in loads of ways you don’t even know about. That’s what being bullied is like these days.
(All of a sudden her forehead developed massive wrinkles – hope I don’t get them.)
MUM: It will be all right.
ME: No, it won’t, Mum, as she is actually evil and hates me.
Then there was a massive pause, and Mum just said, “Hattie, tonight we’ll have a special dinner. Your favourite.”
9.34 p.m.
Mum has been on the phone ALL night. I don’t know who to. And dinner was not special. It was Rob’s spicy pasta. Which is just random stuff from the cupboard. With chilli.
I’ve just been chatting with Jen on Facebook. She thinks my mum is just trying to treat me differently as I have shown “increasing emotional maturity”.
10.11 p.m.
I can hear Nathan crying. Bet he has been dumped AGAIN.
TUESDAY 8TH DECEMBER
11.53 a.m.
OMG!!!
OMACTUALG!!!
I … don’t know what to write. Seriously. I… It’s … OMG – it’s like … WHERE DO I START?
OMG!!!
12.34 p.m.
I can’t actually write today. Trust me.
4.35 p.m.
Dimple and Jen want to know why I wasn’t at school. What can I say? Just having to ignore it.
WEDNESDAY 9TH DECEMBER
11.39 a.m.
Got up yesterday morning to find my mum, Rob, Gran and Nathan all waiting for me in the front room. My mum said, “Hattie, sit down. You are not going to school today. We need to talk, sweetheart.”
And when she calls me “sweetheart” I KNOW I’m in trouble.
I sat down, and then – I still think I might be dreaming – she said, “Hattie, there are some things about your life we haven’t told you because there has never really been a right time to tell you. But now we have to tell you. And I hope you’ll understand why we haven’t told you before, and … that … you will…”
She was really struggling, so I said, “Mum, I know. I’m sorry – I read your diaries. I know about my dad, and I know about my half-brother or sister. And I know that Nathan wanted to dress like a girl.”
And then it all went MENTAL.
Mum shouted, “WHAT?” Nathan screamed, “I NEVER wanted to wear dresses!” and Gran said, “I knew you’d been sneaking round my house!”
Then Rob yelled, “CAN WE ALL REMEMBER WHAT’S REALLY IMPORTANT HERE?”
Then my mum said, “Hattie – you have got a half-sister … And it’s Ruby Slack.”
I could see her mouth moving, but it wasn’t actually making sense. It was like the time I came off my BMX when I was 8. It all went in slow motion. And I said, “Ruby Slack?”
“Yes, darling,” Mum said. “Ruby Slack is your half-sister. She’s known for a while. That’s what she was threatening to tell you. That’s why we told you first.”
Ruby Slack.
Ruby Slack.
AKA
MGK
And all I could think of to say was: “Well, if I need a kidney transplant that’s a good thing because she could give me one of hers.”
This made Gran cry, and she started shouting, “The poor girl is in shock. Give her a brandy.” But Mum just came over and hugged me and kept saying sorry.
So MGK, the most evil disgusting torturer of my actual soul for years and years is my actual half-sister.
It hasn’t sunk in yet.
4.34 p.m.
Perhaps that’s why she’s always been so evil to me.
Perhaps she was jealous. Or just hated me because she didn’t want to be related to a chav.
Not that I am actually a chav.
Why am I so calm?
4.44 p.m.
Just asked my mum why Nathan knew before me. She said, “We told Nath first because we thought he could be a support for you and help you through all this. He is older.”
Could my life get any more mental? Nathan tortures me nearly as much as MGK! Haven’t they noticed?!
5.55 p.m.
Text from Dimple:
We are so worried about you, Hats. Please tell us what the matter is.
7.02 p.m.
Goose just came in.
He said, “Hattie – Mum just told me.”
I just looked at him. “But what do I do now?”
Goose looked at me and said, “Well, at least you have a sister you can gang up against Nathan with.”
OMG – that and the kidney thing are good but WHY DIDN’T THEY TELL ME?! WHY DID SHE KNOW BEFORE ME?!!
I NEED ANSWERS.
Everyone is acting so odd with me. Mum keeps asking me how I am. I tell her fine but the truth is, I don’t know.
7.48 p.m.
OMG – Goose’s mum knew before me. Who else knows? I am NOT calm.
I am also officially NOT going back to school till Monday. Even Mum agrees I need time to get over the shock.